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V Vlad Vladi Vladimio Vladissimo
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you're not mating with me sunshine!
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Macam biasa, if something has been so upsetting to me, I would end up being here.
Macam biasa, family matter. Gaduh dengan parents.
Macam biasa, ending dia I am the bad guy.
Macam biasa, kalau tak express my feelings kena marah. Tapi bila dah express kita yang salah.
Macam biasa and dah biasa. Tapi masih bisa.
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17th of July; in which I feel jealous after a long time for the first time. I don’t remember when was the last time I have this feeling towards a human being.
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"I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together."
-Lisa Kleypas
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Covid?
Greeting to earthlings! Lol I look like some newbie in blogging world😂 Just want to announce that today is my 6th day of quarantine! Yeay to Covid-19 ugh…
My first simptom was having a weird sore throat when I woke up from my sleep. But I thought it was still normal so I continued my day like usual. Later in the evening, I was having a flu, my nose keep on berair and tak tahan dah so later I took some antihistamine.
Was calmly lying on my bed when one of my colleagues texted me saying, “Balqis, I was having sore throat and my body doesn’t feel good. So I made a quick self test and it was double line.” Oh shit, I told her that I felt the same way and gonna do the test too.
Shit went quicker cause mine was double too. The next day, I went for PCR for double confirmation and yeah positive. I was super worried about my parents and asked them to do the self test again for the next 2 days. Alhamdulillah, they were negative and got no symptoms at all. Mind you, my mother is in the high risk circle.
The night I knew that I was positive, I had a fever. Sometimes feeling cold, sometimes it was okay. My temperature wasn’t good. My nose blocked and my sore throat worsen. On the third day, I developed coughs with phlegm. Imagine, coughing while having your nose blocked. Damn, couldn’t sleep at all. Plus, I was feeling lethargic and couldn’t stand for too long.
Overall, I’m getting better but my cough is still here. Please, everyone be safe. I wore mask, I sanitised my hands all the time after each transactions or services but then sometimes you just couldn’t avoid it. My most important message is that if you feel uneasy or got any symptoms just quickly do a self test so that you could stop the virus from further spread.
Get your vaccination today! Your vaccines help reduce the severity of the symptoms. My family completely boosted so they weren’t infected from me.
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12.10 AM
Hi to anyone that gonna read this one day. Today is my 5th day of working, eh no- 6th actually because it’s already past midnight. And I am super drained; mental and physical. Super sleepy but this is the only time that I got to play with my phone.
And now, I am listening To the Bone by Pamungkas. A song that makes me wanna fall in love. To be happy and sad in the arms of my lover. To enjoy all the little things with my soulmate. Sadly, this 25 years old haven’t found hers.
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he hurts me
but this is only skin, darling
break my bones
if you must
tear my heart out of my chest
pluck my ribs, one by one
make me bleed, a slow savoury death
make me laugh, the tears of pain
love is violence
love is violence, darling
and I am begging you
to love me tonight
for the first and one last time
-Nidhi Bhasin
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And today, I am in the healing process again. I managed to keep myself from falling but I scratched my hand in the way. I become tired to repeat the same cycle over and over again. Like, whatever happens, happens. But I am also tired of being asked the same question every single time. I want to be happy.
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Tentang jodoh
Bila sampai masa yang dijanjikan, kita pasti akan bertemu dan bersama.. lambat atau cepat sahaja..
Jodoh boleh hadir ketika kita tidak memikirkannya, adakala ia juga tak kunjung tiba meski kita sangat menantikannya..
Kerna jodoh tak semestinya hadir pada saat yang kita inginkan, melainkan ia tiba pada waktu yang telah dijanjikan..
Lambat atau cepat bukan soal yang perlu kita terlalu risaukan, kerna itu rezeki dan rahsia yang ditetapkan sejak dilauh mahfuz, tugas kita hanyalah untuk tetap doa dan berusaha, selebihnya hanyalah tawaqal..
Hidup bukan hanya untuk focus memikirkan siapa pasangan dan bila saat kita akan diijab kabulkan, jodoh hanyalah sebahagian ujian dari tuhan untuk melihat ketaqwaan hambanya..
mula perbaiki diri.. jaga hubungan bersama keluarga dan tuhan, moga hati tetap kuat dan istiqomah dijalannya, terus berusaha dan berdoa sesungguhnya Allah maha mendengar doa-doa hambanya ❤️❤️🤗🤗
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on most days I can’t write
and then on rare occasions, such as today,
I can’t stop writing
“but what are you writing?”
nothing.
I am never writing
I am always thinking
somehow, always talking
with no ears to listen to all that I don’t say
I talk to the walls (because they have ears)
I avoid mirrors
naked, I make love to the darkness
I stare at the moon and long for the sun
but I run from light and hide in the mornings
I hide from eyes
and I scape the hands trying to hold me
.
all I wonder is
do these pages understand my language?
-Nidhi Bhasin
“conversations”
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And again, Balqis made a wrong choice. Let's move on. Because I am stronger than what people think.
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let me burn, oh lover
let me burn
alone and in peace
let me long for you
I cannot carry the weight of your murder tonight
(the flame and the moth)
-Nidhi Bhasin
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I am tired.
Hallo guys, so today I had an emotional breakdown. A great one after so long tahan. I cried a bucket. But not in front of my parents la obviously. So, my dad was forcing me to find another job (untuk kali yang keberapa tah). Dia nak aku kerja gomen, normal working hours.
The thing is, aku suka gila job aku yang sekarang. Even though ada pressure, but I love to learn about meds. It's like everyday ada je benda baru yang kau jumpa. Ada je perangai manusia yang kau tak pernah tengok. But then, my dad tak faham semua tu. My mom jadi middle person la. Like she supports je aku kerja ni. Tapi yelah, dalam hati dia yang paling dalam aku tau dia sokong ayah.
Sekarang 2021, but some people still think yang office work still better then other jobs. Office work je yang orang pandang. Okay, go ahead. I am 24 and my parents still decide for me. For what? And this thing put a lot of pressure on me. Sampai tadi aku macam tertinggi suara, "nanti orang apply la bila nak, boleh tak jangan paksa? Tak suka la kena paksa!"
And when a great pressure is being put on me, I will tend to overthink, blame myself, insecure, and my anxiety will climb up on the chart again. Aku sedih. Rasa pedih macam hati ni kena palu. Dia punya sakit tu tak boleh nak describe tahap mana. Aku nangis pun sorang sorang, nak bagitau kawan pun diaorang nak buat apa je?
Hm, aku harap other people won't have to face the same situation like me. Have a great future ahead and continue doing whatever you like.
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I am BROKEN.
So let's find out the reason why I am single
Im not pretty (more on the cute side).
Guys that liked me were asshole or not serious.
The reason of number two; they found me fun to talk to but already got their own girlfriend.
The guy that I like so 'jual mahal' like still attached to their past or something.
The boys i found were mostly pervert.
They felt so insecure because of the difference in education level.
Idk why I always stucked with guy in reason number four.
Well i think there's more but I always blame myself in the end; Why would you fall for someone like that? If only you were better.
Well love is blind. Give me few days or weeks to move on from my crush. Ugh. Things hurt like hell. I didn't even manage to start anything but dang my heart hurts like hell.
Oh yaa, the elders keep pestering me about not having a boyfriend. Now my anxiety level is on the critical level. I feel like I could cry any moment now.
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