What's wrong with grandpa??

he lied in bed for thirty years or whatever the fuck. while his daughter struggled to put food on the table. but then!!!! ohhh then! charlie gets a golden ticket and all the sudden that jackalope is hopping around the shack like he’s fuckin simone biles. i hate him i hate that free loader i hope he busts a hip and falls into the chocolate river

the bible said Adam and Eve not Ted and Robin

Men sleeping is just so adorable to me, idk why lol. It’s like y'all finally peaceful and not doing no dumb shit, I love it

i can never face my family again

tbh if i was given the chance i’d trade my uterus for a bag of Doritos and a cool looking rock

rihanna: abdasdbsadbjf weed nah nah nah sjdbfsbd cxcbxbvcxnv guh ner ner ner la da da

me:

(not so) Breaking News: I’m sad again and everyone’s tired of hearing about it

open rp

*kisses*

someone: i think the world of you and i appreciate you being in my life, you’re smart and talented and beautiful. i love you.

me, a person who is unable to respond well to compliments and has trouble expressing emotions: *finger guns* cool beans

someone: “you are what you eat”

me: