Inshallah one fine day. Instead of red it will be blue. May my road to license be a smooth journey. So that it will be easier for my family transportation and comfort. Amin.

The Feels Is Real

A new beginning is just around the corner tho. The feels and dugaan are already starting, whether we realize it or not. What I'm facing right now im trying to share with you but insist in knowing instead you keep stating husb and wife thingy. I guess you didnt foresee what will happen if you were the first owner of the house. I know your intention is good to get a house asap tho but the things is beyond than just being a 1st owner. Hope you do have time to read this sayang. 

1st ownership

Being the first owner is not just CPF payment more or deduction. Is more than just that, insurance coverage comes in with it, settlement as well. Currently, HLE is approved due to why?? Is bcs HDB GOV know that you're a single parent, so automatically is approved. Once we are married it will change and the cost of changes as i heard will be costly tho and i don't want us to fork out money unnecessarily tho. You got to look beyond 5 to 10 years ahead, in future time will you still be working if you going to be the first owner?? If you gonna stop working is gonna hit you hard. The reason i stated that is my responsibility as a husband is base on nafkah and hukum. If im the first owner also insurance will 100% cover and cpf will continue to deduct as im the main breadwinner for the family. Let say if i were to pass on the house will be 100% paid for you, kakak and inshaallah our future children have a roof to stay. Is not just a matter of getting things approved asap sayang, I hope you able to think through on all this matter. If im the 2nd onwer let say i were to pass on you will still need to pay and i dont want that burden to fall to you sayang. I hope once again you understand what im trying to explain to you. Sorry if there is any word that hurt your feelings, emotion put aside please we need to discuss things no matter how small it is. Dont keep saying husb or wife thing to let go of the problem and problem wont be solve if thats the way you want it to be. I bet i taught you better to handle situation sayang. 

2nd ownership

2nd ownership basically youre the half of everything. Insurance wise 50% coverage and cpf deduction most prolly 30%. If the person owner pass on the house is fully paid tho. There's no need to worry your responsible you have is lesser. Nothing much to say for being a 2nd ownership. Let me just input some details as for the occupier that will be our daughter. Once we have a grab on a house we can put her name in asap no worries on that. All i want to say and lay this out is because you dont bother to know or me share to you personally. Why?? I know your period mood is here already so this is the only way that i can spread the info to you. Plus you love to read dont you so read this please. I dont need for you to expert in everything. Inshaallah i can be the best in your life, the provider, leader, breadwinner and all you want to be. I know your weakness and therefore your weakness you always fail to realize it by yourself but is okay any of your flaws is been long time i accept it from the bottom of my heart.

Tomorrow will be the day that you will be my wife officially. Cant wait for that to happen. See you tomorrow sayang. Rest well sayang and ILOVEYOU IT HAS BEEN AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE.

Stay blessed. Keep moving forward. Justmeinstead.

@iikaawi

Wow!

Wow! Thats in my mind right now. Counting days like damn is just around the corner bruh. Wow! At times i myself couldnt believe what a life ive been thru to make it where i am right now. Wow! Since day 1 i was born all the way to a fully grown man with a dick and hairy balls 😅 well a lil bit of humour wont go wrong aint it. Sometimes it makes me realise were those days ive been thru is learning process or is just written. I still couldnt from where i lost my mom, putting my siblings and myself places to places just to have a roof above our heads. Sacrifices tht my dad go thru ensure to put food on the table. You see lifes is just the way how you look it thru, you wanna it to be bad or good but life tht you go thru teaches you things tht dont fuck up once again. Wow! So i did ans my own question earlier 😅 thing is nobody can take away what youve been or had before. In few weeks or may i say days im gonna someones husband. How am i gonna face a new whole problems towards me?? Ntg aint easy in this world cause this place call earth is a curse for sure. The only places that is perfect with no crap or bullshit to deal with is heaven. Well lets not go into details on that. Let just stick it to the topic aight.

ALL THINGS PREPARED??

Well all i can say is not in a thin line emotionally, financally, physically. Wow! I guess im just gonna go thru it w/o hesitation. This is what i want to settle down, have a family, a home etc... at times makes me think is my other half ready for this bumpy ride. Knowing how you are emotionally no matter how mny times you deny tht youre strong by yourself, physically maybe. What i can say inner me is my enemy. If this does relates to you guys out there. Well lets just put on a good show during the big day and hopes things goes as plan, am i prepared yet? I hve to even if i dont. Heads up lets rock and roll.

Stay blessed. Keep moving forward. Justmeintead.

As'salamualaikum.

From a baby kitty now turning to 4months old. From looking so pure black, now your fur is glowing ash brown. Hope to see you grow into a majestic and beautiful cat.

Stay blessed. Keep moving forward. Justmeinstead.

As'salamualaikum.

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Well there it goes again. Im stressing out alrd. Boom! Straight to my brain. Countless of thought running thru my mind. What are you thinking?? Gosh!gosh!gosh! Take a breather my thoughts take a breather. My oh my, few more weeks alrd forsee such things could possibly hppn any problems will be facing at this point of time. Grant be the patience please oh please. My god, just only past one problem antoher problem im facing. Thats a lot of question tho? Why? We should be praying and doa more to ensure tht evrytg goes smoothly to plan. Asking for his help, instead going to such places. What could possibly go wrong. Seriously, i dont knkw wht to say. I know the urge of you wanting to go but please anytg could go wrong at this precious moments. Im sorry if i dont let you go to such places, if seriously do go then i fail to guide you to the right path. I will take the blame for myself. Gosh wht am i thinking, arent there any other way to hve fun. Im sorry but i hve to say this. Im happy finally your heart is open to cover up and i wont fgt the date when you start to put on full time but this kinda stuff leads you to take it out. Ask yourself is it worth it?? Just for a night hvg fun with your buddies you take it off. If it really hppn im for sure a failure.

What could posssibly go wrong??

Gosh theres so much tht i could think of man. Here i thought it wouldnt be up for a talk once again. Man, what am i suppose to do bruh?? Should i even be angry about it?? As much im trying to put myself to calm mode, i wouldnt know whats there for me in the upcoming future. Trying to write this down, keep telling myself am i a failure to guide you to the right path?? As old folks says " darah manis" does this still applys to tdy generations?? I believe tht wtv is behind the meaning of " darah manis" i cant rebel to the words of my parents if they say so. I keep reminding myself is a test from Allah swt. As much as i know is a test from him, im afraid of the outcome. It doesnt hppn alhamdulillah, it does what is the step tht i need to take in order to accept the situation. How strong i am infront of your eyes, the weakness of me is easy to be told. Say is next week. If it does will i be able to face you the week aftr. Ladies be on the 6/11. Weekends will be 9/11-10/11. On this date i knw tht your mom will be overseas, therefore you hve your free time. 9/11 is also our daughters orientation. Whr you gonna let her stay if you gonna enjoy yourself syg?? Must i beg and kneel infront of you tho?? Truth be told idk whats in store for me this coming week. It seems like a heads up, i guess just prepare myself and stand firm om my grown. Grant me strentgh, patience and will to go thru this situations.

Stay blessed. Keep moving forward. Justmeinstead.

As'salamualaikum.

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Hi.

Is been awhile since my last doing a blog. I guess it has reach the point. Where should i start? What should i talk about? Does it matter?

Wow. Is been alot going lately, from point A to point B and the list goes on. Is there any issue tht needs to be address at this moment. Should i be worried?? Well hold up for a sec, worries tht got me send to hospital every single time. A sickness tht only i myself can get a control out of it. Is it true? Then why should i be worry. There a say stop overstressing yourself and worrying so much dont put such stress in you. Instead put your faith and trust in Allah swt for wtv reason im going thru this phase of life he knows bttr then i do. Need a pad on my shoulder?? Tell me is okay?? Theres alot in my mind, well thts btwn me and him. Evrytg i do is for a reason on why or why. This journey tht im about to step into is an entire whole new level. Am i ready?? Whats in store for me?? Roles and responsibility?? Thats a whole new chapter bruh. Yes is true whats been written is been written. How we overcome matters thats the solution. How deep can this connection btwn you and me go?? Whats the commitment we need to keep it going?? Shld i talk about it?? Yes or No?? Lets just ask on why i work extra job for?? Yes!tht shld leads me to my nxt story.

What im about to talk here is the life that im stepping my foot in few weeks times. Am i happy?? Are you happy?? Things doesnt seem right aint it?? Who are we at this moment?? As we both knows all this hppns only when we are not tgtr. Speaking of our r/s theres alot of kinks. Ive alrd foresee as the day is getting nearer problems will be much heavier for us to go thru. As for instant is alrd started. Explanation doesnt seems to work anymore. Bcs why ego is higher then a rocky mountain. Why am i even talking about it?? Why am i working hard to earn an income?? Theres no how, when, where or what. The life tht im in right nw to me is comfortable and flexible enof to either run errands or attend occasions. If i dont give a damn about people around me and go for my dream job tht i hve always wanted since i was a kid, is been long gone out of reach. Is that call sacrifice?? Damn right it is aint it. Sooner or later i will be the provider to the fmly tht im gonna lead. Not only a provider, a leader, a dad, a husband, etc... if this way of life tht im in is to busy for you hve and ego chck. All this is result to the past. Theres no need for me to talk about it. Both are grown adult, can do self reflections, look back on the kinks tht put us in this position. Is all this bottled up feelings?? Ha. Psych. Im gonna do my part to ensure tht i can provide. Theres a say behind evry successful man theres a strong women and you bttr be that women standing behind me. I let you follow your dreams and support you to who you are now. I aint gonna give up on you tht easily. Like how you make guys comeback and wnna take you away from me Hell naah over my dead body. What we hve right nw is tough love. Im giving you your space if thats what you need. I mark your words and i qoute"my choice". So i let you be, just so yknow when youre ready i'll be here. Within this time and space im giving yaa and your stubborness leads to meet other people, i dont need to say who or whom it might be. All this i lay out my words if it hurts im sorry. I got no time playing around no more. Period!

Im just gonna let this story sink in to anybody reads it. This my life Allah give me and this is my blog. Stay blessed, keep moving forward, this is Justmeinstead.

As'salamualaikum.

Hari pernuh dgn rahmat adalah waktu bagiku utk berdoa kepada mu ya Allah. Selamatkn laa hubungan kami, lindungi kami, berilaa penuh kebahagian buat kami ya allah. Aku rindu sgt dgn hamba mu Hartika Bte Awi ya Allah. Selamatkn laa dia dimana dia berada. Amin ya rabbal alamin.

Hartika Bte Awi & Nur Damia Batrisya

What could i simply ask for more from him when he bring you both into my life. Both of you hve taught me a valueble lesson in life which is patience. I didnt hve so much patience handling stuff before i met you girls. Being with you both not only you taught me tht but also being a responsible person. Yes, we hve our bad days and disagreements but that doesnt make any changes about my love twrds you both, is been the same since day 1. I certainly wouldnt know what my life would be if i didnt go out and met you on the the day where we wtch Beauty And The Beast at jp tgtr. From that day onwards life changes bit by bit till this day. I may not be the perfect creation from him but i know tht he bring us tgtr, from wtchg movie just go out afew dates, being in a r/s and now engage. Sooner or later inshallah next year were getting married, speaking of married i wouldnt possibly say is gonna be easy building it. There will be time when it goes raining cats and dog, emotion be flying all around, misunderstanding, disagreement, financial issue etc...abi just dk where to start. First of all yet again and again i do realise my mistake and i surely know tht is just not gonna vanish. Look, were building a family tgtr ummi thts wht weve been planning for eversince, the milestone tht we have to achieve and once we achieve them, one day we gonna sit bck and reflect tgtr have a lil talk give a quick glance from the past memories and inshallah we certainly be happy. I certainly cant give anytg or evrytg you want, im certain tht im able to support you on your downside and give tons of motivation to keep you going till my very last breath inshallah. I myself bergantung to him inshallah to guide us and show us the proper way to a good husbamd and wife one day. I will do my very best to ensure tht both of your happiness is fufill till my very last breath and guide you both to the best of my knowledge in islam. Please forgive me ummi, lets put emotions aside and be happy like we used to ummi please. Hartika bte awi & Nur Damia Batrisya papa loveyou both so much and i damn sure missyou both alot. Thats all i have to say at this moment. If you hate me im sorry 😔 it seems like whenever i try to make things right, shit hppns. Please dont leave me ummi 😔

-justmeinstead

Tue, 21 Aug

Tdy marks the day of arafah. Guess what?? Ummi and me fasting tdy tgtr. Few hours left and we are done for tdy fasting. Well as it says fasting on the day of Arafah inshallah the sins that we hve done 1year before and 1 year to come will be forgiven. It says the day of arafah is also the day where our Nabi Muhammad s.a.w give his last khutbah. Nothing more special then our Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. There is more about this day. What i do know is im happy, on this day itself not only ummi and me are fasting but is actually also ummi first time doing it. Inshallah your sins will be forgiven ummi. Amin ya rabal alamin. From time to time inshallah with all my knowledge of our religion in islam. Abi will guide you more slowly inshallah. Till nxt time guys.

-justmeinstead

Sun, 19 Aug On this ummi buy for me shoe laa hehehe so happy. Thank you so much ummi. Iloveyou ummi, well now all we gotto wait for end of the month so that we are able to use it tgtr with our gendut. Right nw we hve our family shoe, same brand diff design. 😗😙😚😍😘🤗 Till next time. -justmeinstead

Overthinking strikes. Feel useless and worthless. Hand injury more looks like im cripple. Gonna hve plenty of sleepless night and day. Overthinking day in day out. Seriously useless rn with this injury. :|

Thu, 9 aug

Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah 😭 just cant stop crying ya allah 😭 alhamdulillah ya allah

At the hosp rn jys gret

Just freeking dislocated my knuckle just great

Feeling worried

Where are you ummi??reply my ws asap or call me bck asap..im worried for you ummi. If youre tired, stress out or angry. Talk to me ummi. Im here for you. Abi tk tau whr you at nw, give me and update please. Im sorry if i spam you alot is bcs im worried ummi. Reply me asap alright. Imissyou ummi i really do ws abi please.

@iikaawi