justjamesjournals
Just James: (Poetry)
(Words From A Lost Soul)
Poetry became my journal & journaling saved my life
62 posts
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Lithium
Lithium
coursing through
shutting the demon down
never
has anything worked like this
not a fucking sound
I accept it as my penance
the sorry just will not
be believed again
I deserve
so much worse than that
remember each woman and man
if I am granted a year, another
that and more shall pass
the shadow simply sitting in silence
sorry
so true
all else
in the hands of utter delusion
goodnight
or is that right
good morning
cannot be
whatever I may actually see
I wish you just goodness, wholly
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Down The Road
I have tear drops falling
they are coming from my eyes
I can hardly believe it myself
but this time I tell no lie
Remorse and guilt
Hope and joy
Pain and growth
Rebuild what I destroyed
I will now fight for lire
with kindness and respect
And see where that takes me
no longer shall I neglect
sorrY, so fucking sorry
to each human that I hurt
May for me you find forgiveness
If once to you I had emotional worth
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Just A Walk
A walk
With no fear
No looking behind
My shoulder
A thousand small steps
I once took for granted
Never have I had to walk around
In small circles
A place that I call home
So many things I never gave the time
When beauty shone through it all
When we were allowed outside
A walk
Just a walk
And now
I would give all of my treasures
For what you would call
A walk
Just a walk
By Just James
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Bloody Masks
You chose to stand upon the front-line
Directly in harm’s way
You did it for your country
For your family, for your name
So we thank you for your service
Whilst we are warm at home
I pray karma will be your blanket
That your righteousness is known
Let us hope this disaster soon comes to an end
A world goes more toward peace
A country with no more masks
Thank you just for that
By Just James
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Given
I wake up
In blankets, warm
When I could be again street-bound
Worn and torn
I maintain a sliver of sanity
Strength of will
Whilst I could be in a gutter, collecting swill
So I could be unhappy
For so much I do not have
Instead I fucking rejoice
For I have reason to be glad!
By Just James
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Flippancy
I am ready to change the things that I see
And how it is that I choose to see them
I am ready to move on a different path
Not just speaking my words but to become them
I am ready to allow the power of time
To no longer fucking torment me
Today, by luck, another somewhat clean
My reflection appears less daunting
I am ready to finally want to be seen
Not through self-prescribed advice given
Rather by integrity, morals a new
No longer am I the fruit forbidden
I have stepped out to find the way in
That much closer to a space of sanity
Each day I learn why I am actually here
Not for you, him, her or them, but for me
A spiritual journey, newly begun
Compared to a decade in ravaging addiction
I believe and know with all of my being
That in which I read, for all there is a season
I was loved, treated like a son
Not to give up in a state of mockery
So I shall move towards the knowledge of that
For only the truth shall let me become really free
By Just James
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Elementary
It could be simpler
If only we would see
How simply we could reach it
How fucking simple it would be
By Just James
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Our Adventure
I suppose what I have never had
Is something real in for which to fight
Someone, in fact, specifically
Who makes me seek my inner might
I once woke up empty
Filled with invasive fear
A constant self-reminder
That death was painfully near
If I had known all these years
That all it was that I sought
Was his smile, eyes locked with mine
Would have given that up for nought
That feeling was real happiness
A deep knot has been pulled
So I ask for the strength and love
For us to venture where willed
A toast to upcoming adventures
Paths shall be blessed upon the way
A toast to what is to become of us
So grateful, each and every day
By Just James
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Clear Vision
In silence, the most is heard
In black & white, the more one see’s
In war, more love is spread
In struggle, we have to know what that means
By Just James
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In Order
Restless
Rising
Raging
Somewhere beneath
Happiness
Flowing
Waves of the sea
Gazing
Admiring
All we have is art
Knowing
Seeking
Learning
Set me free
By Just James
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Pray. Prey.
I know the time is coming
When I will be tempted to go again
A daunting familiarity
Far beyond an ability to use a pen
When it is decided, that is has had enough
And has absolutely nothing left to do
And it decides that it is done with us
I pray for your people
Oh, I pray for you
By Just James
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It Could Be Different
If only I could hold her
Attempt to take it all back
Just to tell my mother that I love her
To say that I deserved a bloody good smack
To promise it could all be different
But I know that shall never be the ease
For I am too far gone to retract
I have left shattered memories, a sour taste
If only I could shake his hand
Look my father directly in the eyes
Tell him that I have become a man now
The old me, no longer needs to be disguised
To promise it could all be differnet
The truth of it here, though, seems to be clear
Our paths shan’t cross again, it seems
For their path away from me, should steer
If only I could say that I am sorry
That I could attempt again at brotherly love
Thank my boetjie for never judging me
Give a tight and meaningful hug
To promise it could all be different
That I accept the role of the big brother
But a thirteen year silence says it’s over
No more family, no more each other
If it could only be different
Imagine how different it could be
If I only had another chance to show them
Just how different, today, I could be
By Just James
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Hiding
I have it
I do not have it
Okay, we can hide the truth
Tell nobody
Not anyone
Then we justify beyond reproof
Sickening and worrying
These are the leaders of our land
May a god please help us
For our lives
Are in the hands
Of man
By Just James
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In A Dream
I am this, thoughts racing without rest
I am that, forced their hostage
Sometimes it’s me I then detest
Nightmare living until I sleep
Silently weep, internally
Together in a lonesome divide
For that they have not each other
Remember, both Romeo & Juliet, died
I am this, allow me peace
In a time when what they really need
I am that, show me how to release
With this found, I select sleep
By Just James
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If I Were A Chrsitian
I am who I am, as in whom I am meant to be
The virtue of destiny, from the womb, fate was to see
What was has skillfully sharpened, what will one day become
The ways in which were, by some force, undone
Yet still as is, is as how it shall always be
I fear not an evil, for out of fear I seek to be, free
And whilst walking so addictivly through the shadow of death
I was tested by the enemy, who yearned to swallow me last breath
Was it god, the one carried me, for not my footsteps on the ground
Placed upon the tablet of my own heart, something made me feel
Words in which through others intended harm, in reality were not real
For scripture without love, of each and every face
Simply will go wasted, knowledge ultimately disgraced
For my god loved the pauper, the broken and the blind
It was the Pharisee who longed for a perfectly perfumed mankind
To me, the bible, speaks of compassion, to only understand
Shame on any word or act that condemns another man
The way, the truth, the light that longs to lead the way
All the things I would have said, instead let us sing and pray
For those that harm you, aid them in release
For I believe when I hold my tongue, I get a little closer to that peace
In the eyes I may appear as such, due to how it is I look
I declare, my friend, if you cannot read, pass no judgement on a book
Love thy neighbour just as you love yourself, focus on that matter
Seeing what is called for me, the rest, I leave as the latter
I have to give up fighting, myself I am weak
Help and guide me to be true, kind, calm, and meek
Won’t you please then hear my prayer, lead me to that calling
Standing strong, the light may still come, eternally rewarding
Let the crowds speak their minds even if led by cruelty
To the ones that love and protect me, shall gain my loyalty
Father forgive them please, for they know not what they do
Thoughts put now to words, whilst I keep my eyes on you
Lead me not into temptation, deliver to us a greater day
Show me how to best serve, to live, to grow, to pray
It is said, David defeated Goliath, simply with a sling
I now call upon the choir, new word we are to sing
By Just James
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How We Came To Be
First it was raw
Just a naked pleasure
Then turned to friendship
A variety of time and weather
Then came the fighting
A brief separation
Then came true love
Pure amalgamation
By Just James
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