I have for a very long,long time now allowed myself to be hurt and used by people whether it was financial,emotional or whatever else people figured they could do to me. I allowed so much and humiliated myself. I even hurt myself time and time again. It's time to awaken the things in me to protect myself. My peace. My energy. All of it. I always say this but i have no choice now.

There is no going back to the way things were.

Youll only know when you know and by then itll be too late for you.

It all will come full circle. What was lost will be found. Love,hate,love.

It's sometimes a curse and a blessing to be so attuned to ones own emotions and seeing things before they happen. If you ask ye' shall receive. I Iet my curiosity get the best of me today because my third eye was trying to show me something. It was something i really didn't want to see but had to see for closure. My feelings were heightened but safely tethered to so i didn't fall. Sometimes, the greatest thing you can do for yourself is let go fully. I learned that. I was kind of hurt and confused about my past. My past showed me plenty of times i wasn't a part of the plans for the present or future. It really was a true wake-up call for me. My thoughts were heavy on this person. They decided on no contact, but that didn't alleviate thoughts,feelings, or my connection to them. I see now they are engaged. Good for them! They deserve happiness and joy! I just was blinded by foolish love, and i thought i meant more to them than what i was shown. C'est La Vie. I now know what my purpose was to them. That bond was broken. I am now free! Hallelujah! Now hopefully the thoughts fade and i move on from this. Until next time buckaroos!

Bare minimum. That's all i ask. For life to just be kind to me. I know,i know... Look at what you have blah,blah,blah. I'm not speaking of that. I'm talking about inner peace. Some comfort. A bone every now and again. Would that be too much? Apparently. Oh well. Hopefully, someone is enjoying life because I'm not at the moment.

In the clouds, you will look down and see the people like ants scurrying about their day.

It was a lovely day to be vibrant.

Just doesn't matter as much anymore. This life. Whatever happens,happens and Whatever is,is. That's all.

It's cool today. Almost cold. We are paying for those nice days we had 2 weeks ago. I took this picture in a parking lot. I kinda dig it. I want to be able to do more photography this year. I have to make it happen. No excuses. My life feels like it's been that way. It's easier to say i can't rather than i can. Kind of funny because "can't" has one more letter so you are working harder to make an excuse by saying it. Work tonight. Made a really good decision yesterday. I sometimes need perspective on things and it becomes easier. Well...I need to start working on things so for now be blessed.

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All you need is a little opening sometimes to get to the other side.

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Fight the good fight. Whatever that may be. Fight the good fight. For all the world to see.Speak your truth loud. Say it without a word if you must. But show them.

Everyone has their tower moment. There are many interpretations of it. Mine for the purpose of this post is higher learning. I'm learning more and more about myself and other people everyday. Sometimes the lesson is obvious and sometimes the lesson is hidden. It eventually reveals itself but not always in the manner that you expect it to. I'll continue to pursue a better understanding of things until the day i die. Anyway have a blessed day and may you learn and grow.

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Haven't wrote much lately. Just been swimming in the void and trying to figure out stuff. It's slowly getting there. My mental health still isn't the best but I'm adjusting and constantly making improvements. I'm hoping for a full release of the negative energy by the end of this year. Small steps lead to big steps and soon ill be where I'm needed to be.

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These past few days have been really bad emotionally. I can't explain it but...I know like this picture the green shall come back. And it's all cycles. It just is hard sometimes. I'm pretty confident things will look up. Today is my Monday. Back at it tonight. Joy oh joy. I did a few things around the house which is a plus. On that note i say "later".

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Stuck inside my head. No escape. No walking away. Bone and grey matter keeping me locked in a state of constant loneliness. I want to fill a pool with my sadness and drown in it but a pool wouldn't hold what an ocean can. Sigh.....

I'll never pray to or worship a god who above all else allows his creation to suffer untold horrors both physical and mental. I'll never understand and it's never going to be understood. I am suffering greatly and no one hears my calls for a peaceful life. A calm life. A balanced life. I cannot find inner peace. Fuck it. Fuck it all. Mercy for no one or Mercy for all.

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The year of the rabbit.

The Rabbit:.....Makes sense.

For some time now, i have been mourning the living. It is vastly different than mourning the dead because you know the dead can't come back. In this lifetime, i have buried so many people in my heart. That is why my heart is heavy. I'm hoping to find peace in life rather than pray for it in death. Let's hope this works.

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