Ang unfair nyo naman kung huhusgahan ninyo iyong mga writer na hindi nakikisali sa mga palaro. Ang unfair nyo naman kung iisipin nyo kaagad na mga suplado’t suplada sila dahil lang sa hindi sila masyadong nakikipag-interact sa mga tao. I became a writer to write, not to be the center of attention.

Pasensya na kung hindi ako kagaya ng iba na game na game makipag-selfie, mag-wacky, sumali sa mga laro, mag-video greet, umakyat sa stage at gustuhing tiliin ng mga fans.

Hindi ako ganoong klaseng tao. Mahiyain ako. MAHIYAIN TALAGA AKO. It will take a lot of effort for me to open up and a lot of confidence para masabayan ko ang taas ng energy nyo. Mabilis akong mapagod dahil hindi ako extrovert. Hindi ako kagaya nila na the more makipag-interact, the more na tumataas ang energy. Sa akin baliktad. Mabilis akong ma-lowbatt kasi sa sarili ko lamang ako kumukuha ng enerhiya.

I deal with things in my own quiet way. Imbes na maramihan, mas gusto kong kakaunti ang kausap ko. Para matandaan ko kung sino sila at para mapakinggan kong mabuti ang mga sinasabi nila. I like intimate settings and small gatherings. Ayokong sinasamba, tinitilian, niluluhuran, o iniiyakan. 

When I started writing, my notion of being a writer is to hide behind a pen name, remain unseen and anonymous. Palibahasa ngayon, mukha na ang labanan. Okay lang na subpar ang gawa, basta maganda o gwapo ka. Okay lang na walang puso ang isinusulat mo, basta bibo ka at palakaibigan sa readers mo.

Ganoon na lang ba palagi? Paano naman kaming hindi nabiyayaan ng ganda ng mukha at kabibohan? 

I give my all to writing. I try to give more to my readers. Sana naman isipin nyo rin na magkakaiba kami ng personalidad. Just because they handle things well, doesn’t mean that I can. We’re built differently. Kung ganoon sila, hindi ibig sabihin na ganoon din ako at huwag ninyong ipilit na maging ganoon ako kasi iba ako!

Okay na po? Salamat naman kung maiintindihan ninyo.

Love. #sixdegreesofseparation #jhingbautista #wattpadreads

Sometimes the worst place in the world is inside your own head..

psych0tic-lullabies (via psych0tic-lullabies)

no chasing nakakatamad and pagod haha just sit tight and wait xD #wattpad #jhingbautista #miprimeramor

Super relate. 😭😫😞 #Tshirtgirl #jhingbautista (at Bagumbayan,Sta. Cruz Laguna)

Depression

I saw this video uploaded on Facebook by a page named Upworthy and although its aim is to raise awareness about what depression is like, it didn’t really get what I was going through. It didn’t connect to me. For one, I’m not taking any anti-depressant because I hate medicine and I have a different way of telling my depression.

So I thought of sharing what depression is from my perspective and hopes that anyone who’s going through the same thing right now would know that they’re not alone. 

Anyway, here are some of the things that I go through during a depressing time:

1. I’m not just sad. I also feel empty. But at the same time, I feel like there’s so much inside me that needs to come out. Like I want to explode. But I keep them in because I fear that no one will understand. A friend once told me that I complain a lot and she said it in a way that made me think that I shouldn’t complain because everyone is going through something and some probably have had it worse. So if you have a friend who you know gets depressed a lot, please lend an ear and listen. Sometimes they just need someone to confide in.

2. I feel like the world is against me. I find something wrong in everything when I’m depressed. Things that don’t usually mean anything to me will make me really sad. Some things taunt me. Some things haunt me. Some things, I feel, were made just to make fun of me. People just don’t get it. People don’t get me. They just don’t care. When someone asks me what’s wrong, it’s not because they want to help, it’s just because they’re curious. Others are probably thinking about what’s wrong with me. Why am I like this? Why am I always like this? They just don’t understand. While they’re busy living their lives, I’m here, thinking of ending mine. But did they even think about that? I bet they don’t even think about me.

3. I feel so alone. I want to reach out to people, but I don’t know whom to reach out to. Who can help? Who can come to my rescue? Some people say that I’m depressed because I don’t go out. Try to have some fun! Go out! Meet new people! What their happy minds don’t get is that no amount of laughter and good company can take it away. It’s my own personal demon and it won’t stop torturing me if I ignore it. My depression lingers. It wraps around me like an invisible bubble, detaching me from the world. 

4. I want to die. I feel like I’m the problem. I feel like this only happens to me because of who I am. Dying seems to be the easiest way out. Dying is my only escape. And maybe if I die, I’ll stop being a burden to everyone. One less lonely person on earth. One less crybaby.

5. Crying helps, but not always. I bawl like a baby when I’m depressed. I imagine my depression seeping out of my system as tears, that when I’m done crying, I’m done being depressed. But you can cry your heart out and it would still be there, latching on to you like a parasite. I sleep too, so that when I wake up later, I’d feel refreshed, like it’s a brand new day. A clean slate. Sometimes, it works... but then everything will come crashing down, like a landslide of feelings trying to bury you under. And then you’re back to square one.

To everyone who thinks that depression isn’t real, I hope you don’t experience it. I hope you don’t feel it suck out all the happiness in your body. I hope it doesn’t affect the ones you love. I hope you won’t have to see them waste away.

This is real. It’s not a one-time thing and it doesn’t go away just like that. You need to step in and help, in any way that you can. A simple smile will do. Just let us know that even if you don’t really get what we’re going through, we can rely on you to try. 

To the people out there who gets depressed, hang in there. No matter how tough or difficult it gets, just remember that like everything in this world, this too shall pass. It won’t be easy... but it’s not permanent. One of these days, it will go away and you will be able to smile. Know that it will come back again, but it wouldn’t stay for good. And if you can, ask for help. Some people do understand.

Sunsets are the best. They’re like God’s way of saying, “You’ve had a long day. Now, rest. Tomorrow is another day.”

Sometimes you just want to die to stop being a problem.

This is so true.

Can you really blame me for thinking that there's something wrong with me? People always make me feel that way.

Mother: How are you? What are you doing? Me: I'm dying here, Ma.

I’m calling for help but nobody seems to hear. Don’t worry then. I’ll deal with this the way I always do. Let’s hope it works out again.

"The truth is, I'm about to lose it."

Just give me a heart attack so I can go.

I'm slowly but surely losing my space in this world. Someday, I might have the courage to end it all, for good. To finally escape. To finally be at peace. I don't want to leave just yet, but someday, I might have to.