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jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse · 2 days

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The Wayne kids aren’t mafia, but individually they’re scary enough for people to assume they are. Everyone knows Brucie Wayne is the biggest himbo ever and his kids are running everything from the shadows. It’s like…a given. Seriously have you seen his kids? Tim’s even the CEO at 18.

Dick is beloved. Everywhere he goes kids practically flock to him, but people have seen him slam one too many possible child predators into a wall with the most threatening smile for them to think he’s all sunshine and rainbows.

One time, a mother asked for his help because his daughter was missing and the police wouldn’t help. Dick made one call (to Tim or Oracle), and the child was back by the end of the day and an entire trafficking ring was taken down. When asked he simply smiled and denied any involvement but said he was over joyed that one more trafficking ring was out of their city.

Jason Todd is Crime Alley’s hero. More so than anyone else, he has directed funds to help the area he called home before being taken in by Wayne. He died, but no one actually believes that. The Wayne children’s “mafia” had him doing something under cover. And while dick is all threat with a smile, Jason is Threaten with a frown. He can send people running with just a look.

someone noticed that Jason is always strapped. Man has no less than 5 weapons and one is always a gun. He doesn’t hide it, kids always ask him question and Jason always stops to answer them if he has the time. Even shows kids a few moves if they need to defend themselves. For whatever reason people don’t connect hood to Jason, but they definitely think Jason is funding hood.

Tim is the most relatable. Certified genius and always down to help kids with homework. Sometimes he’ll camp out in a cafe for the day. Without fail his location gets leaked and by mid afternoon he’s put away his WE work to tutor any students who have walked in.

He’s always tired, always has coffee, and always gives people a smile, but he knows too much. Rumor is that nothing happens in this town without Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne knowing. One time he was taking a break at the park, scrolling through his phone when a group approached him clearly intent on kidnapping him. Before they even got close Tim was reciting their social security number, their cell phones, the names of their loved ones, and their address.

When Tim looked up it was with a tired smirk that clearly came across as a warning. He then stood, slipped a business card onto the bench, and told them if they need work to call this number and their reps will help them find something regardless of their past record.

Rumor has it the downfall of the most recent corrupt socialite was completely orchestrated by Tim.

Damian is a little gremlin that has the family wrapped around his finger. At first their were rumors of infighting between the two youngest (Tim and Damian), but then how could that be possible when at the first sign of trouble Timothy materializes out of the shadows wearing his mother’s smile that promised social and financial ruin if you so much as looked at his baby brother wrong.

Dick flat out punched a man in the face for calling Damian a terrorist. The “victim” was high society and swore up and down that their would be a law suit, but Tim took care of it with a few photos and screen shots of an affair that would have ruined the man in question.

Damian has scary dog privilege on his own, but it’s a whole new ballpark when Jason is out with him. Apparently someone tried to kidnap Damian on the way to meet up with Jason and the bats didn’t even need to be called. Jason took care of it before they even got the kid in the van.

Damian is a violent little thing. Everyone knows, even if it was never announced, that he got it from where ever he had been living before, so they always gave him a little leeway, especially since his violent tendencies were decreasing…at least physically. Damian can, will, and regularly verbally eviscerates anyone who wrongs him. It’s impressive as it is scary. This kid looks at you like he can read every insecurity you’ve ever had and is not afraid to air it to the world while also insulting you into the grave.

Individually they’re terrifying, but the reason that they’re still Gotham’s golden family is because together the goofiest fucking people you have ever seen in your life (also the endless amount of charity work they do together as a family). When all four siblings are together they always end up trending and it’s always the funniest shit you’ve ever seen.

During the first major snow when all of the streets were shut down the Wayne Boys were out in all terrain jeeps shredding it up dragging someone behind them on ski’s or a snowboard

Somehow, all four boys were spotted trekking across town covered in a rainbow of colored powder. When someone enquired they admitted to getting into a rather harmless prank war with the currently reformed Ivy and Harleen Quiznel. If asked they totally won, but the fact that no part of any of the boys was uncovered said otherwise.

Dick once asked social media to help him track down Tim because he hadn’t slept in 3 days and was not supposed to leave the house. He’d been spotted at a cafe he doesn’t usually frequent and anyone around to witness the retrieval would later say it was the cleanest covert op they’d ever witnessed from the Wayne boys. Jason was the get away driver, dick was on retrieval duty, and Damian was there to make sure their route in and out was clear (hold open the door). Tim was recorded yelling every creative non curse (because no cursing in front of Damian, Alfred said so) under the sky, struggling in the arms of Dick Grayson who was smiling bright enough to rival the sun. 3 minutes in and out. The video screen shots are still used as a meme template to this day.

Brucie Wayne gets asked about his boys in interviews a lot. There are a lot of times where he’s only finding out about their shenanigans due to the interview question, but he just smiles and says he’s happy they’re all getting along while mentally planning out how to deal with them later.

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jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse · 2 days

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A really random Batfamily HC I like to think about is Dick winning the Olympics a few years ago, never telling anyone, and all hell breaking loose when they find out.

Jason: You did not win gold in the Olympics.... Say sike, right now.

Dick: I'm not saying sike. I did win.

Tim: How? You're too famous, you'd be recognized!

Bruce: And more importantly, what about your secret identity?!

Dick: I wore a prosthetic nose, and entered under a fake name.

Stephanie: Do you have proof of that? And maybe a picture of that nose by any chance?

Dick: It was broadcast on television in over two hundred countries, I'm sure you could find it pretty easy.

Bruce: Back to the fake name-

Dick: It wasn't hard to make an alias, I just did what we do for undercover jobs.

Tim: You used my program without telling me!

Dick: I asked! You said I could.

Tim: I did? Ohhh...yeah, now that you mention it I think I vaguely remember you saying something about going to England and needing a new ID a few years ago.

Jason: You did all of that, just to...perform? Just...just because you wanted to?

Dick: ...Yeah, pretty much. I still have the medal sitting on a shelf in my apartment and a picture of me with some other competitors hanging on the wall.

Alfred: I for one, appreciated finally getting to see the Olympics from the front row. And in my own country, no less.

Bruce: What- what does that mean? Tell me you did not go with him to the Olympics...

Alfred: I was his accompaniment for the event. It was quite a good time.

Bruce: Dick...

Dick: What? He said he always wanted to go!

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jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse · 2 days

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Bruce is constantly asking the kids what they like to eat so he can freeze dry their favorites into oblivion as apocalypse rations

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Officer Grayson: *arrests Jason for whatever, probably annoying him on the job.* *He leads him away in handcuffs*

Jason: wait. Is that Tim?

Dick: omg it's Timmy!

Tim, on a date with Bernard:

Bernard: ... Why are that cop and the guy he arrested banging on the window and waving at us?

Tim: *dead inside*

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jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse · 2 days

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I'm golden-child!Jason and not-even-a-silver-egg!Dick truther for life, and that's so funny.

Bruce is used to the chaos he calls his son, so when Jason actually behave, Bruce is soooo confused.

Like, what do you mean Bruce can tell him to not do something and Jason will??? Obey??? The order??? Dick would never.

Bruce, fully prepared for scandal: You are not allowed to jump from one wardrobe to another, it's dangerous for you.

Little Jason, who has no idea why he should: Ok? I wasn't planning to anyway.

Confused Bruce: You wasn't?

Little Jason who are scared to touch anything here, because it probably costs more than his life: I don't want to ruin the mansion...

More Confused Bruce: You don't?!

Or

Bruce: so, you are saying that if I tell you to sit in your room and read books, you will really sit in your room and read books?

Little Jason, who has no idea why he shouldn't: Yeah?

Bruce, whispering to Alfred: I didn't know they could do that.

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Psst! Maybe doodle a Bruce and young Dick spotted by paparazzi!

Heartwarming! Bruce Wayne spotted walking with young ward Dick Grayson!

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jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse · 2 days

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Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.

Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.

He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.

He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.

Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"

"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.

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jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse · 2 days

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I think it’d be funny if Dick and Jason, due to wearing bright yellow capes on the job for years, are capable of stealth to a frankly unhinged degree. They barely have to try anymore it’s so second nature. Dick can just completely disappear while in the loudest neon clothes imaginable. Jason is constantly startling people who don’t understand how they missed a guy the size of a fridge standing right there. Bruce is extremely grateful for his unbreakable poker face because they have both startled him by accident and would never ever let him live it down if they knew.

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jasontoddsreanimatedcorpse · 2 days

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