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januarymoreau · 29 days

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IM IN TEARS WTF 😭😭 /pos

bonfire night! sounds so cozy 🥹🥹

Gonna warn right out of the gate that I teared up writing this one. Jury is out on whether or not it counts as cozy

I Bet On Losing Dogs

CW references to animal abuse

I bet on losing dogs

I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place

By the ring

Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down

I'll be there on their side

I'm losing by their side

- Mitski

He shouldn’t have done that. He really shouldn’t have done that.

Fuck

Despite the fact that the thud of the slamming door had long faded, it felt like he could still hear it thundering in his ears. So he’d lost his temper? So what? You were just being so fucking chipper about the whole thing. Trying to involve him in the “spirit of the season.” It made him want to choke with suppressed rage. All his fucking life he’d dreamed of having a domestic life to come home to. He’d dreamed of the white picket fence and building jack o’ lanterns with his kids, even before he knew he could have them. But even in his most self indulgent fantasies, he was still him. He had the suit and the strength. He was Homelander.

Now he had chance at domesticity but he definitely didn’t feel like it was worth the trade. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He should have been able to mindlessly split the wood for the fire with nothing but his bare hands. But no, he had to bear the shame of you watching him struggle with the ax for ages before he managed one uneven split. He had to swallow down the bile when you offered to chop the wood instead. He should have been able to bring you any supplies you needed in the blink of an eye. Instead, he watched you pull out of the driveway in the blinding rain, to pick up the marshmallows you’d accidentally left off of your shopping list. You never complained because for you it was normal. He was supposed to give you better than normal.

So yeah, when you’d practically forced all this indignity on him, he was going to snap. He wasn’t going to be magically fixed because he tried a fucking s’more for the first time. He wasn’t going to wake up a new man because he mangled a pumpkin. All this insistence on providing this life he hadn’t been able to live felt more like a slap in the face than a kindness. He was never going to be good enough like this. None of this fucking mattered when he was forced to realize that the most isolated he’d ever felt from humanity, was when he got the chance to truly be part of it.

He hadn’t laid a hand on you, but the ruthlessly cruel things he said likely hurt just as much. If he was forced to feel inadequate every day, it had seemed more than fair to make you feel lesser as well. He wanted you to bleed so his own dripping wounds would no longer be the focus. It wasn’t until the tears came and the door slammed that he realized what he’d done. He used to have his powers to ensure that people couldn’t just get away with leaving him. But you could abandon him in the cold and he’d be forced to stay behind knowing that he did it to himself. He couldn’t hide anymore.

His attention was tugged away from his thoughts by the soft sound of pawsteps in dirt. He might not have super hearing any more but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still attentive to noise. Sometimes he almost fooled you into thinking he kept his hearing simply from how much he was still able to pick up.

His eyes stung from the smoke as he watched the grumpy dog slowly make itself a place to rest by his boot. The dog looked like he’d spent his entire life in hell and from what you’d mentioned about his past, it sounded like he actually had. He’d been locked in a cage since puppyhood. Homelander could relate.

It was a Shiba Inu, lifted from a raid on a nearby puppy mill and quickly deemed unadoptable due to aggression. He’d never be fit for a home and it wasn’t even his fault. How was the feral thing supposed to go from near complete isolation to getting bombarded with human attention without getting a little bitey? Goodness knows Homelander hadn’t. He supposed that he wasn’t exactly adoptable either.

Homelander took a closer look at the grizzled pup curled up beside him. The dog's ear was still tagged from the puppy mill. He was nippy and rude and you’d had to fight to save him when the pound wanted to put him down. According to the vet, the dog had an unprecedented number of bite reports from shelter staff. Homelander wondered how many “bite reports” had been in his file. After what he just said to you, he mentally added another one to the tally.

The dog seemed to sense the attention and fixed Homelander with a glare. He scoffed but his heart went out to the mangy thing. He reached out to give him a pat and was rewarded with a low warning growl. He removed his hand, respecting a boundary he’d never had the chance to have.

“Guess we’re both a couple of bad dogs. They were gonna put me down too”

His chest ached as he remembered.

They’d put him back in the bad room. After all those years he hadn’t escaped it.

All he could hear were voices in his past ringing around in his head.

“The thing about cross-breeding dogs, you get the right genes, you can get a perfect creation. But it doesn’t matter how perfect they are. It’s not enough.”

“You cannot be bad”

“Just bad product”

“You’re my greatest failure”

“Gaping pit of insecurity”

“From the start, I hated you”

“You’re a fucking disappointment.”

He laughed mirthlessly, which caused the dog to lift his head in surprise. Damn thing didn’t even have a name yet. He knew he was losing it if he was getting worked up over a fucking dog.

Homelander reached out again, letting the dog sniff his fingers first. It was a handsome dog underneath all the wear and tear. Your tender attention had some some of its fur growing in again. You risked your life every time you applied the medicine for its mange but you never hesitated. Just like you’d never hesitated to take care of him.

The dog didn’t growl and Homelander pushed his luck and carefully stroked the dog’s forehead. Miraculously, the dog stayed calm. The only response was a half-hearted wag of its tail. So he tried again and got the same response. Homelander didn’t know if it was because the dog was too drowsy from the fire to care or if it somehow sensed a kindred spirit. He avoided the tender patches that were still in the process of healing.

“I don’t think you’re a bad dog.” Homelander whispered, words tight in his throat. Unwanted tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he continued petting. “You’re just scared.”

The old Shiba closed its eyes.

The sound of the door had his head whipping around towards the cabin. Your head was held high as you marched down towards the fire with a plate loaded high with goodies. Your jaw was set and you had that firm look in your eye that you always got when he was being difficult. You were still angry, that much was very clear. But you hadn’t left him.

You sat on the log beside him, body drawn tight, back ramrod straight. The plate balanced in your lap was piled with chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers. It was the s’mores that you’d been so excited to share with him before he’d lashed out. You’d just wanted to help him feel better.

He knew he should apologize but the words caught in his throat. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks, even if the old dog no longer existed.

“I love you,” is what he said instead.

You sighed heavily, fingers clenching and unclenching as you gripped the rim of the plate.

A tense silence filled the air as he waited for your response.

“If something I’m doing is causing you any kind of distress, you have to tell me. I thought you’d like it. I wouldn’t have suggested making them otherwise.” You didn’t look at him as you talked, wanting to make sure you said your peace before emotions took over. You knew you’d crumble if you saw his sad eyes now. “I know things are hard right now. I don’t want to diminish that. But I’m not the enemy here.”

He stayed quiet, focused on petting the dog to calm the urge to get defensive. He wanted you to hurry up and get to the part where you said you loved him back. You must still love him if you hadn’t left.

When he didn't respond, you finally turned to look at him but your eyes grew wide with shock when you saw the dog. It had shifted to rest its head on Homelander’s knee for better petting access and if you hadn’t seen what the dog was capable of, you’d have mistaken it for a normal house pet. Homelander swallowed thickly as you stared.

“He’s not a bad dog.” He stated, finally breaking the silence. Your gaze flitted between back and forth between the two of them as though you couldn’t make yourself believe what you were seeing.

“I know he isn’t” You replied, voice heavy with surprise and confusion. You reached out to lay your hand over Homelander’s free one. You didn’t know what his point was but you could always tell when he needed help saying something.

“He gets overwhelmed and lashes out but he doesn’t mean it.” Homelander’s voice cracked. “He’s very sorry.”

Your eyes glistened wetly in the firelight as understanding dawned on you.

“I know.” you whispered shakily. You squeezed his hand tighter.

“He appreciates everything you do for him. Please don’t take him back.” A tear escaped the corner of his eye only to end up caught in the rough scraggle of scruff that he hadn’t had the energy to shave. He tried to turn his head so you wouldn’t see but his voice would have given it away regardless.

Something in you shattered and you pulled him into a hug as tight as you could manage, carefully placing the plate to the side. You could count on one hand the number of times that you’d seen Homelander cry but he was sobbing into your chest the moment he felt your arms around him. His shoulders heaved and it was all you could do to keep your composure so you could comfort him.

The Shiba whimpered as though in sympathy and rested a paw on Homelander’s thigh.

“Don’t worry, he’s found his forever home with us. He’s not going anywhere. I’ll fight for him every time.” You pressed fervent kisses to his temple as he shook in your arms. You both knew you weren’t talking about the dog anymore.

Homelander didn’t know how long he clung to you but his tears gradually began to ease and his head throbbed from the force of his sorrow. He thought he would hate it but there was something cathartic about having his hurt mirrored physically. It made it feel real. It made it feel valid. You held him firmly but tenderly, strong in a way he could never be, strong in a way that Vogelbaum would have never been able to understand.

“I’m going to take care of you both but I need you to trust me.” You made him look you in the eyes. He nodded, sniffling just a bit. He did trust you. It was himself that he didn’t trust.

You reached out to give the dog a pet too but quickly drew your hand back at the flash of teeth.

Homelander winced sheepishly.

“C’mon Champ, you’re embarrassing me.” He chastised the dog as it cocked its head. “After all those nice things I just said about you. Did you even look at your talking points?”

You couldn’t help but let out a shaky laugh as he gave the dog his signature point, something the Shiba was thoroughly unimpressed by. For a split second he sounded like himself again. Something about this angry dog reached him in a way you couldn’t and you would forever be grateful to your past self for taking it in.

The two of you never ate the s’mores but Homelander had no problem sacrificing the marshmallows into the ravenous jaws of his new buddy.

“We should put some names in a hat and have him pick one” He grinned as another marshmallow disappeared. “He deserves to choose his own name.”

For the first time, he sounded excited for the future.

#no tags just homelander with a dog

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januarymoreau · 29 days

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every day I become more and more of a homelander fan and it makes me insane /neg

#pls help #this show is ruining my life #he is ruining my life #antony starr ur too sexy #i’m insane #I’m insane about him

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januarymoreau · 29 days

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Sure, Gert

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januarymoreau · 29 days

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pls dm me I’m cool I promise

"can mutuals DM you?" Is this a joke, I'd rub up on some of them like a cat.

#like fr #I’m cool #jk I’m a loser

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januarymoreau · 29 days

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deep sigh this kiss picrew is really cute I had to do it…

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januarymoreau · 30 days

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you’re not…wrong

dick van dyke and pussy von faggot

#billy butcher #hughie campbell #the boys

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januarymoreau · 30 days

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Passe på meg, Onsdag 14.12.16 kl 16.01

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januarymoreau · 30 days

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is this not what happened?

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januarymoreau · 30 days

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looking to be more active on here! so hi, I’m rose or ro, I’m 20 years old, I’m a film major so I love analyzing TV shows and movies. my pronouns are they/them. I currently have a special interest in the boys on Amazon prime. specifically, I love annie or starlight, hughie x annie, and homelander x annie, but I love everyone tbh and it changes all the time. my favorite characters in the boys are annie, hughie, kimiko, maeve, and m.m. I have complicated feelings about homelander and I haven’t read the comics. I’ve seen gen v and my favs in that are marie, emma, jordan, sam, and andre. I love the cast, specifically jack and erin and the entirety of the gen v cast. I’m hoping to have a safe space to post about homelander x annie bc most people hate them i fear. like and repost and follow me :) im super friendly so feel free to dm

#starlander #the boys #the boys amazon #hughie campbell #homelander #the homelander #starlight the boys #annie january #kimiko miyashiro #i’m too lazy to tag

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januarymoreau · 30 days

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like or reblog ♡

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januarymoreau · 1 month

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We're the same, You and I, we're the same. STARLIGHT AND HOMELANDER PARALLELS THE BOYS 3.01 | 3.03 | 2.07 | 1.06

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januarymoreau · 4 months

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Erin Moriarty icons

× like or reblog if you save, please ↓

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januarymoreau · 5 months

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bringing this back since I know with the reboot announcement there’s gonna be a ton of justin slander

alright so I know literally no one cares about this but it’s my social media I’m doing what I want /lh

I’ve been seeing a lot of slander about justin russo on the internet lately and I’m currently hyperfixated on wizards of waverly place so here’s why justin is an awesome character/doesn’t deserve the hate he gets

He’s kind and treats those he loves well. Justin is canonically really good at comforting people. Although he argues with Alex a lot, at the end of the day, he’s also her older brother and genuinely cares about her. When Professor Crumbs threatens to take Alex’s magic away because she doesn’t turn her report card in, Justin says that Crumbs will also have to take his magic away. Justin is ultimately selfless. We see again and again the sacrifices he makes for Alex and I think we mainly see his kindness in that relationship. Despite that, I think he’s also notably kind to Juliet. When he finds out that he made the mistake of reporting Juliet and her parents, he instantly tries to fix it. Not only does he try to fix it, but he puts his job as Monster Hunter in jeopardy for Juliet and her parents - her parents haven’t even been that nice to him. Justin is ultimately selfless and at the end of the day, he sacrifices himself or what he wants for others. When Rosie turns back into a good angel, instead of selfishly continuing to date her and keeping her in the mortal world (which he could have done - she literally offers to stay with him), he gives her up because he realizes the world needs a guardian angel more than he needs a girlfriend. Even though it hurts because he loved her, he gives her up. There’s no “award” for doing this - he won’t move up a level in the wizard competition, he really won’t get any recognition for giving Rosie up. He doesn’t even get any recognition for turning the moral compass back to good. He does it because it’s the right thing to do. Although later I’ll argue that Justin is constantly seeking validation, I also think that the heroic/good things he does are often done with no expectation of being praised for it. He does them because he has a strong sense of morals. He’s also kind to Harper, Zeke, his parents, and even Max, who people rarely ever show kindness to in the show.

He’s in touch with his emotions. When the show starts, Justin is very against anything that will show him as feminine or emotional. In fact, he even says he’s allergic to emotions (or something like that) to cover for the fact that he’s crying over his missing dog. As the show goes on, we see Justin start to embrace and accept his emotions more and to lose touch with his toxic masculinity. I think dating Juliet changed him in a lot of ways (making him more relaxed, etc), and I think one was encouraging him to be more emotional. After Wizards vs. Vampires, Justin is pretty emotional and open about his emotions in the show. He’s even open with talking about them. In the movie, he opens up to Alex about how he feels like Jerry & Theresa wouldn’t love him as much if he were less “perfect,” which brings me to my next point.

At the end of the day, Justin is a sad character. I know it’s a kid’s show but they really do cover a lot of issues so bear w me. I’m hyperfixated and I like to over analyze shows so I’ve thought about this a lot. Justin is the oldest, which means he already deals with pressure to be perfect. Then, add in the fact that his parents are constantly describing him as the “perfect child” and putting him on a pedestal, while pitting the kids against each other as a result of the wizard culture bc of the family competition (I love Jerry & Theresa but they’re not perfect). He’s also a high achiever and we know he puts extreme pressure on himself to do well - they always make a joke about it but it’s actually quite sad. He literally feels poorly about himself when he gets a B and bases his entire self worth on his grades and skills as a wizard. In fact, in the movie he voices doubt about whether or not he’s good at anything other than magic. I have a few things I want to say about all of this. First of all, I think Justin is constantly seeking validation. I think as the oldest and “best” child, he feels the need to be perfect all the time, but he also does many of the things he does because he just wants validation. When Harper decides to run a marathon, Justin does too, and sadly his accomplishment of finishing it is overshadowed by Harper “winning.” I also think Justin feels threatened by the success of others because he thinks it invalidates his. When he opens up to Alex in the movie, he says that he’s jealous of her because it seems like everything comes naturally to her. Justin feels as if his parents loving his siblings takes away from their love from his. It’s irrational, but very real. Which brings me to my next point - Justin has generalized anxiety disorder. It makes sense - the overthinking, the outbursts he has (Alex refers to it as a conniption once) of panic or frustration, the overachieving, etc. As someone who probably has autism, I also think he’s autistic (which would explain his troubles with tone, struggle making friends, obsessions with things like Captain Jim Bob Sherwood and science, being better w robots than people, and so much more).

Ultimately, Justin has a strong moral backbone. Although he’s a stickler for the rules and this oftentimes leads him to do bad things initially, he always does the right thing in the end. For example, when Justin and Alex go to court and Justin duplicates himself to be his lawyer, his lawyer ultimately proves that Justin is guilty; he even says something along the lines of “We’re Justin Russo. We always do what’s moral and just.” Justin has a strong sense of justice (which could also be from being autistic but I could do a whole other post about neurodivergency coding in WOWP and Disney & Nick shows overall bc there’s a ton of coding) and does what he thinks is right, most of the time. Sure, sometimes he does bad things, but he’s also a teenager at the end of the day and he’s highly competitive.

Finally, Justin Russo is super progressive - in fact, he’s probably the most progressive characters of the show. He acknowledges climate change and actively tries to create a solution for it. In fact, for his science fair project he makes a water powered engine, which would reduce carbon emissions. He also wears a shirt at one point that says “Make art not war.” I will admit that his biases against the werewolf he dated were problematic, but he clearly grew from that because he never held any of that against Mason. He’s also into science and is a nerd and although this is a stereotype, most young people who are into science and are nerds are progressive. I’m pretty sure he also is well aware of current events and would probably read the newspaper. Also I myself headcanon Justin as trans and bi (again could make another post about characters in wowp that are queer)

Little note even tho probably no one will see this - this is all just for fun. If you disagree with anything I said, just say it politely hahsh. Also please don’t make fun of me for this WOWP is a huge hyperfixation and comfort thing for me rn and I just wanted to make a silly little post where I analyze one of my comfort characters. Also I kin Justin so pls don’t like hate on him in the comments.

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januarymoreau · 6 months

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aubri ibrag like/reblog if you use them

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januarymoreau · 1 year

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dedicated to @sabetha and @confidentandindecisive

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januarymoreau · 1 year

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Neurodivergency Coding in Disney and Nick Shows

Okay this was requested by @gstone97. I'd like to talk about neurodivergency coding in Disney Channel and Nickelodeon shows. Disney and Nick shows have A LOT of neurodivergent coding, and whether they give neurodivergent traits to characters unintentionally or intentionally to mock neurodivergency is something I've considered but have not come to an answer on. Personally, I believe the neurodivergency coding is unintentional, but I'd have to research it more. Seeing as I'm autistic and have ADHD, most of these characters will be characters I believe to have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or ADHD, but if you'd like to add any characters that have any other neurodivergency I'd love that.

Let's start this post off by talking about Cat Valentine from Victorious.

Although many have said that Cat may just have trauma (and I'm not arguing with that, she definitely has trauma), I'd like to argue that Cat also has Autism Spectrum Disorder. She says inappropriate things during inappropriate times. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=246172576497297 If you watch this video you can see multiple times where she says inappropriate things. This could lend to my next point which is that Cat doesn't understand social cues. I can't find the exact example, but I believe there's a scene where Cat doesn't understand an expression. Cat also frequently uses self stimulatory behavior, also known as stimming. Additionally, Cat collects stuffed animals, which could be considered a hyperfixation.

The next character I want to talk about is Max Russo from Wizards of Waverly Place.

I'd argue that Max has ADHD. He struggles with his grades, as we see through most of the show. However, he is smart, he just needs a different learning style. One of my favorite episodes with Max in the show is the episode where the school gets a new principal and he starts doing really well in school. Despite common beliefs, Max is NOT stupid. Additionally, Max has a hard time picking up sarcasm. There are a lot of episodes where he takes things literally, which could be a symptom of autism but can also be a symptom of ADHD. He seems to go through brief phases where he's obsessed with things, such as when he gets obsessed with the idea of being Family Wizard.

Another character I believe to be autistic coded is Spencer Shay from iCarly.

Spencer's Wiki page even refers to him as "weird, eccentric." A lot of autistic people can come across as weird. Plus, Spencer's interest in art could easily be considered a hyperfixation or special interest. Plus, Spencer doesn't understand social cues. He brings home an ostrich and doesn't seem to understand why it's a problem. I definitely view him as autistic.

Another character I headcanon as autistic is Skylar Storm from "Mighty Med."

Although I could write a whole other post about the autistic coding of alien or other-worldly characters, this isn't that post. Skylar shows a lack of understanding of social cues, likely because she's from another planet, but even as time goes on Earth she fails to grasp them. She frequently says inappropriate things. She often fails to understand that Oliver is flirting with her. I would definitely argue that many of these could be due to not being from Earth, but I would definitely say she's autistic-coded regardless. Many alien characters that find their way to Earth are autistic-coded, and she definitely fits in there.

Finally, I'll talk about what to me is the most obvious autistic-coding of a character on Disney Channel: Dez Wade from Austin & Ally.

Dez fails to understand common phrases, a reoccurring joke in the show. He also fails to understand tone and doesn't seem to comprehend when people are mad at him. He seems to have a special interest in film and has a very almost obsessive relationship with Austin. He struggles socially and has difficulty making friends. I could go on and on about why he's autistic, but I won't.

Overall, I don't know why so many Disney and Nickelodeon characters are neurodivergent coded. It could be an attempt to mock neurodivergency, or it could be a completely innocent accident. I'd like to believe it's not on purpose or if it is it's not an attempt to mock autism or neurodivergency, but it's definitely possible. Also, if you're a Disney or Nickelodeon fan who's neurodivergent please watch "The Proud Family." They have a character who gets diagnosed with autism.

#disney channel #nickelodeon #cat valentine #dez wade #victorious #austin and ally #wizards of waverly place #max russo #icarly #spencer shay #skylar storm #personal essay

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