Until I know specifically which bugs burrow into your skin like on the Mummy I’ll pass on the touching thank you very much, mister backyard birthday party bug guy

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1403584449091014657

Seeking someone who’s kind, loyal, doesn’t talk too much, great hair, great smile, really excited to eat, licks me all over... *gets dog*

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1401210050333474816

Seeking someone who’s kind, loyal, doesn’t talk to much, great hair, great smile, really excited to eat, licks me all over... *gets dog*

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1401200405527154694

Me on the right on Tuesday after the long weekend Me on the left on Friday morning https://t.co/CrWh9pQZI4

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1400828581559734278

Oh, you like birds? Name every bird you’ve ever seen.

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1400815074273501188

My favorite show is on: Mulberries (it’s slow but ultimately quite satisfying) https://t.co/2l5JM2hmDi

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1400597869564882945

Follow up: I went with @inside_weather https://t.co/MGW7p3OI6Y

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1400097565912166406

I tore up my birth certificate yet I haven’t faded away, what gives?

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1399941861721001984

20s: Stretching is boring! 30s: Attends weekly yoga class 40s: Not moved for five minutes? Seizes up like the tin man

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1398493992891809795

Gravy sauce: redundant https://t.co/Np82LNP7qg

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1398310598350278661

Rose bush or extra slow land shark? Discuss.

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1398297180444663808

The high I'm forever chasing is the first time I slid on the safety patrol sash at Truman Elementary

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1397940717566128132

I’m leaning towards reverse yarmulke

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1397750624930861056

Is it a visor or is it chaps for your head? Discuss.

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1397750472031629313

People. It was Tuesday night. Oye vey! (I'll report back tonight)

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1395051653603086336

Is Wednesday night the new mid-week weekend preview? Or did I just level-up? 🍹 https://t.co/srnOUYMaJs

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1394882062063001601

This sugarhouse/pizzahouse /condohouse bungalow or wtfever is so small the only door in the house not shown in that photo is the front door, hand to god (this is all going in the listing someday)

http://twitter.com/jantzie/status/1394866197783482370