I tired

The # of passive interactions i had during the week i was in texas is ridiculous and pushing me further and further away

It is 2019 folx !! If u wanna hang lmk dont expect me to initiate all the time !! Im literally so tired of putting in more than i receive

Friendship is two way. Ive given my all, and not feeling reciprocity is exhausting

That said, i only hung out with like 2 ppl in atx and 3 ppl in houston. Kinda startling to see how little ppl initiate with me

I think i need to go home soon

Is this really

All that I’m made for?

Hello again

A place for my thoughts Still hidden Never written Space.

twenty four.

here’s to my annual blogging update as i ring in a new year of birth! ( i have a lot of drafts maybe i’ll publish them one day )

skimming over last year’s post, 23 played out exactly how i expected it to in some ways. but 23 was. a lot. it was so much.

as hoped, 23 spent three months in boston working full time, (unsuccessfully) budgeted, became part of prayer team at church, became more bold,…

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so many ppl ask me how to stay friends with their ex 

i have so much i could say about this topic !! 

but also thinking about it makes me stressed so idk my d00ds

Home | Mixed Thoughts

Home | Mixed Thoughts

I go back to Houston in three days for fall break.

I haven’t been home since May. That’s also the last time I saw my mom’s face, took a whiff of my dad’s gasoline-stained polo shirt, and recorded my sister dance.

It’s also the last time I spent time in a largely Chinese-American space.

Normally, I would be ecstatic to go back to Texas–the land of efficient highway systems, fast wifi, A/C, parking…

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Every problem is seen as needing its own solution— unrelated to others. People are encouraged to take exercise, not to have unprotected sex, to say no to drugs, to try to relax, to sort out their work-life balance, and to give their children “quality” time. The only thing that many of these policies do have in common is that they often seem to be based on the belief that the poor need to be taught to be more sensible. The glaringly obvious fact that these problems have common roots in inequality and relative depravation disappears from view.

Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett, The Spirit Level, 2010

it’s like im screaming in a vacuum

and no one is taking me seriously enough to care

All my friends are dead

And by dead i mean dating So rly i guess im dead to them Even the friends i’ve made here in boston have all started to date one at a time the past month This is fine im fine Wow i love being made secondary time and time again ‼️ 🙃

i just feel so

incomplete

without my guitar.

not that im good at guitar,

but rather, 

i just miss the freedom to worship by myself--

just me and Dad.

You ever feel like you never fully belong anywhere?

No Longer Feeling ~22~!

No Longer Feeling ~22~!

22 was transitional. 22 felt transient. 22 felt homesick. It missed the things like migas, queso, breakfast tacos, having three Chick Fil A’s on campus and aesthetic coffee shops. Oh, and driving. 22 showed me the discomfort of cultural transitions in one of the hardest 6 weeks of my life in a place where I looked just like everyone else but never once felt I belonged. Later on, it showed me that…

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this summer might be the first time in my life that i dont live with any Christians. i wonder what that’ll be like.

there is something just so beautiful

about singing old, simple worship songs.

the simple truth of the Gospel, the naïveté of childlike faith. there’s no striving. just full embrace by love and grace. 

"Are you Chinese?"

“Are you Chinese?”

I haven’t faced blatant racism in a really long time. And by really long, I mean a good couple of weeks. In my naïveté and my inability show even slight disagreement with the most influential authority figures in my life, the prejudiced comments my parents would make conditioned me to accept racism as a norm, the lens that I viewed society. It’s all I ever knew growing up. And I’d like to say…

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