I’ve returned from the depths of hell after two whole years wtf hello ?

“For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation”

— Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. — “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog”  (via zsrmx)

I think we all need to move past “don’t be mean to artists uwu” and recognize there’s a difference between telling a middle schooler that they should just stop making art altogether because they lack the skills developed after years of practice and telling a grown adult who graduated from a prestigious art school that they shouldn’t draw fanart of black characters that looks like literal Jim Crow propaganda and trans dudes with tits bigger than their heads

Oh to live life being comfortably set in your own identity

THIS RELATES TO ME RIGHT NOW!!

I’m going through such a weird time in the pandemic right now, and it’s weird. Before anything even happened, quarantine and people dying and everything, I started seeing one of the best therapists I have ever been to and I love her so much!!

But anyway, I told her about my concerns with ADD since one of my previous therapists said that’s what I might have and my new therapist said since I’m trans (ftm) it’s possible my mind is just super dysphoric and wonky from that... but she also said that Autism Spectrum Disorder is really common in a lot of trans people, they don’t know why that’s just kind of what the data shows, and like... fuck....

That would explain everything, that would explain why my whole life has felt like a game I’ve had to learn to win at everyday and if I didn’t I felt like a failure. THIS is why I immediately repeat things when someone says them, this is why I laugh so hard at such innapropriate times, this is why when I would try to read in a school setting the words wouldn’t even process in my brain even though I could probably read it out loud, my brain just wouldn’t know what it meant! THIS IS WHY I USED TO THINK I DIDNT LOVE MY OWN FAMILY. THIS IS WHY IT TOOK ME SO LONG... so long... to come to fucking terms with my own self.. and when it hit me that... god... this. THIS IS THIS ANSWER!!! FUCKING FINALLY! I broke down in tears from the anger of not ever knowing for 18 years, no one knew because the one symptom I was best at was masking and lying and taking someone else’s personality and making it my own because I wanted them to think I was normal and I wanted them to like me and THAT IS AUTISM AND WHY DIDNT I KNOW???

WHAT COULDVE POSSIBLY MADE ME MISS THE DAY IN HEALTH WHERE WE LEARNED ABOUT THIS??? WHY DID I HAVE TO BECOME AN ADULT BEFORE I FOUND THIS OUT?

I just feel like it’s my own fault.. and even now I’m like afraid to tell my family because even when I tried to tell them “oh my therapist thinks I might have ADD” they were like no you don’t haha and didn’t get me tested and now I’m afraid they won’t want to get me tested, like I guess I could do it myself I just don’t know how and I, I can barely even call into a dnd session without a little motivational push from my boyfriend.

It’s not like I don’t have hope for a future where I can go get myself tested and show my parents the results and there would be no way for them to deny it, but at the same time... I hate keeping this secret because now when ever my mom asks me “why do you do that” I ACTUALLY have an answer, but I’m afraid the answer won’t cut through.

What people think self-diagnosis is: “Wow that is sure one funny disorder, claiming to have that would surely give me a lot of attention on tumblr.”

What self-diagnosis actually is: “Wow, there’s a name for this… There are terms for the things I do and experience and a community of people with similar experiences. There are coping methods and advice written for people like me. Maybe I’m not exaggerating, maybe I’m not making stuff up, maybe I’m not a failure… Maybe my experiences are completely valid.”

Those who laugh the loudest about others and gossip about how they look and how they dress, are those who are hurting the most; trying to cover up the pain they feel by picking apart another soul that is just trying to heal. Someone who truly feels at peace with who they are does not feel the need to bash another being, another heart. So remember this when someone is judging you; they are probably broken and jealous and secretely desire to be real, to be true and to be as inspiring as you.

God I ain’t been on this hell site in a millenia. Welcome back

Does anyone else’s jizz ever like... get foamy?

ms. olive showing off her cheerio

Thought i’d make a lofi s a d s t e v e n playlist as a joke but it turned out to be a real mood

this is the funniest photo I'll ever be part of (they/them btw)

Discourage art theft in fandom in 2020. Don't fucking post other people's art to your social media without permission, or at the absolute least credit. Don't let other people do the same. 'I found it on Google', 'all art belongs to its respective owners', or 'I found it on pinterest' is not sufficient. It's 2020. Please do better.