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Sunday - August 27, 2023
I felt extreme anger. Like I just want to destroy everything and anything. I gave into my emotions again. I hate this version of me. And I'm also aware that my environment is my trigger. They are inconsiderate, self-centered and over the top laid back.
But that's them and I can't change nor control it and I also have my own flaws. I do care for them and I'm sure I love them as my own family. I also have flaws that I'm confident that it annoys them but stuff are getting unbearable for me.
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Thursday - August 3, 2023
Its positive. We're having a baby in the family.
I think its only now that I realized more of how much I value my partner's family. My first thought was mom's gonna be really happy. A normal person's response should've been congratulating the parents first.
Our brother cried, it was a mild breakdown due to him realizing he's not sterile. God knows how long he's been keeping that burden to himself.
This is happening. I now have a new younger sister and a niece or nephew on the way. Happy thought, I don't want to call them in-laws as my partner and I are not married nor do I want to treat them that way.
It has been proven many times in my life that family isn't always blood-related. So she's not just what the society or the dictionary described as "my in-law", she's my sister now who's having a ball of happiness pretty soon.
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I don't know if anyone noticed it, but I feel that you are not okay.
I wish I can comfort you. I'm sorry I'm not capable enough and more sorry for being not in the right to do so.
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Love me in a way you can.
When you're happy,
sad,
angry,
anxious,
doutbful.
Love me in a way you can during those times, it doesn't have to be the same every time. I'll take the best love you can give at any forms wholeheartedly.
~Lines in my head / Jasj
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There are times I wish I'm dead. It felt like everything is a simulation and I'm failing it. Just yesterday I started from scratch. Where did I get my positivity when I was younger? Why is it becoming harder to convince myself that everything will fall into place?
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Right now, as bad as it is, I'm so inlove you. It's so effortless. You were effortless.
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How can I face you? Knowing what I know now. How can I genuinely smile without having to think of these things that will hurt you? I don't want to lie to you or hide things from you. You only deserve the best things in life...My end game.
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We are the end game. So please don't be inlove with someone else. 2/20/2023. 🦀
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Its killing me, FB is killing me. I should come up with anything to convince myself not to open it.
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