You know, I’d pick you in a room full of every boy I’ve ever known.

I pick you now, in this world of 8 billion people.

Stay strong in spring.

Work hard in summer.

Ride high in autumn.

I think he just told me he likes me. And that my letter made him tear up.

I want his hands around my neck and his tip destroying me inside out lol

I had a dream about him last night for the first time in a while, I was visiting him and we kept talking real close to each other. Everything was an “almost”. We almost touched. We almost kissed. We almost did it all. Almost.

Dear You,

I just got past the place where Anakin and Padme got married. I saw myself standing with you under that tree. Although it was leafless, I saw a lush green future with a beautiful smile on your face. Dear You, do you think it’ll happen? Will we be able to have a happy life together if we get married there? There was so many times where I sat next to an empty seat and imagined you were in it. People talked about basketball with me on the boat. I didn’t know what to say. If only you were here, what a conversation that would’ve been. I think my heart would’ve clenched had you been beside me, and the pride in my eyes would shine into yours. Dear You, I hope one day we can experience the beauty of life and the world together. I love you.

How do I feel about it? For one I feel like the universe is telling me to move on from that person and for another I just feel sick. Like blech.

The nightmares about my ex won’t stop and this morning Texas had a new girlfriend who not only got his name tattooed onto him but they also made and posted a sex tape

I had the desire to write about how much I hate her earlier. I was really angry. Why are you taking my man away? I know he’s your boyfriend, but he’s MY soulmate. The audacity.

The shrimptoms are getting worse

This is very random. One thing happens like if someone just says a sentence like “calm down” or whatever I withdraw SO hard. Don’t let me exist. Don’t talk to me. Don’t touch me. Don’t joke around with me. Don’t acknowledge me. Even if it’s my best friend. Leave me alone. Just let me drown

Everyone thinks I’m cool… they rlly don’t know

I was thinking back to when he had a beer on his own, and sent me a little picture of where he was. Then we chatted for a little bit. To think he’d want to chat when he was having his alone time, to get me a gift from his boys trip, to share his account with me so I could watch my little shows and movies… this man, surely, even if it’s just a little bit, I know he loves me.

Nobody in this entire world can understand how much love I have to give to him.

In my latest dream, he held my hand tightly and kissed his girlfriend. I was behind him.

For the first time ever, I dreamed that way about Texas, too. I’d gone back, he kept thinking it was for him. I firmly kept saying no. I’m not back for you. He said.. don’t be like that… and it was a dark room.. we were alone. He said

“I missed you.”

And loomed over me like a shadow. I gave in.

I had another dream of THAT type about him again. We were on a train going to another city, somewhere far away from here.

It was at night, we were alone

And just in the middle of conversation he just.. hopped over me and started…!