inthebackgroundscreaming - Tumblr blog

inthebackgroundscreaming · 5 months

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tw: sa, abuse

sometimes when i talk about my sa stories (or read/hear about other people’s sa stories), people will reply back saying i/the victim is “strong”.

i know they mean well but…

where is the strength?

i was told i was strong for putting up with abuse but i was also told i was strong for leaving and not putting up with it anymore.

it feels empty.

i didn’t choose to be abused (although sometimes i feel like i am to blame when I shouldn’t) as if it was some sort of workout or marathon or boot camp, it was just a shitty thing that happened.

i think of it like someone getting pushed down a flight of stairs. they’re not brave or strong for getting pushed down the stairs, but they might be considered brave or strong for not crying about it.

that was not me.

i cried about it. i talked about it. i got medicated for it. i continued talking about it. i self-medicated for it. i stopped in the middle of what were seemingly happy moments with my loved ones because i was left in silence for just a little too long.

and it still fucking happens.

every story is different. people are different. recovery timelines are different. pain tolerances are different. crying isn’t bad and healing isn’t linear.

but i refuse to accept any compliment along these lines because of the things i’ve been through that were out of my control.

“being brave is not being unafraid but feeling the fear and doing it anyway.”

unfortunately the bravest thing i’ve ever done is continue living. it’s not that i find it bad that i’m alive (debatable), but that literally everyone still alive right now is doing the same thing every day even under worse circumstances.

i feel sad. i feel angry. broken. used. confused. annoyed. stupid. naive. violated. ugly. disgusted. embarrassed. ashamed. useless. pathetic. scared. sick.

and weak.

so.

fucking.

weak.

…

please don’t call me strong.

…

i am so far from it.

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inthebackgroundscreaming · 11 months

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I can’t believe I keep seeing people say “why can POC cosplay white characters but not the other way around????”

1. I don’t trust y’all to not fucking change your skin color or something else stupid.

and 2. Y’all have so many fucking white characters. Take your fucking pick.

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inthebackgroundscreaming · 11 months

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I HATE HEARTBURN I FEEL LIKE MY INSIDES ARE ON FUCKING FIRE

#also I have one of those eyeball headaches #I hate being alive!!!!!

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inthebackgroundscreaming · 11 months

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I don’t feel safe posting this anywhere else because so many people like her (and are like her) but GOD I fucking hate valeriesvoice on TikTok/Twitter. Like why does she speak about stuff like it’s SO important? No one fucking cares.

Also oooo you think you’re so high and mighty for calling out and making fun of every single thing All Time Low does? Bitch, you’re a fucking Swiftie. Get it together.

#all of her fans are so fucking predictable too #you probably think 18+ by scenequeen is ‘an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!’#get fucked

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