internetkaren
sad but alive
mentally ill, really chill or in it for the thrill?
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I’m just so mad at the world.
I’m so mad the world is such a shitty fucking place.
I’m pissed that women don’t have reproductive rights.
I’m mad that women are getting punished and criminalized for things that naturally happen.
I’m angry that I was pregnant and I didn’t even know until my body failed it. I’m so pissed that my body couldn’t even form a baby.
I’m so fucking angry that I have a miscarriage but I live in a state that won’t criminally punish me for it and that there are women who are so afraid.
I’m upset because it feels like is mad at me all the time. I feel like a failure.
I’m mad that my abusers are living a “happy” life but I’m still trying to process and work through things that happened 10 fucking years ago.
I’m SO angry that at 1am I decided to weigh myself and stayed up until the morning fillIng myself with self hatred and shame and regret.
I’m so fucking angry that I get upset when I see people having babies and pregnancy announcements.
I’m angry my dog might be sick and I won’t have the money to fix or help him, I’ve had him since he was 2 months old and I wanted him to be a protector for my children.
I’m so mad I let all my emotions build up and I lock them inside me because I’m afraid people won’t love me if I let my mental illness show.
I feel like a burden to everyone.
I’m angry that I turn to substances to self medicate.
I’m so upset that I’m mental to begin with and I’ve had my family suffer for 15 years with it.
I’m so ashamed I feel like I let down my dad.
I’m so pissed the world took him away from me.
I’m so mad I let things build up to the point where I can’t calm myself down.
I’m so angry that I feel fucking worthless.
I’m so angry I live in a house that doesn’t feel like home.
I’m so angry I let people have so much control over me.
I’m so angry that this past Mother’s Day I would’ve been carrying a baby.
I hate myself more than anyone ever could.
I just want to feel loved, wanted and respected.
I hate myself for being such an inconvenience to everyone else’s life.
I hate myself for ruining so many good things
I hate myself for being mentally ill.
I’m so angry. I’m so fucking angry. I am pissed. I could set a thousand worlds on fire and it wouldn’t even begin to measure my pain.
Im so angry I want to kill myself but I can’t because I don’t want my animals to be separated and not cared for.
I’m so mad that when I was SA I had two friends less than 5ft away that heard me scream and reach out to them yet they did nothing and then blamed me for drinking a couple days later.
Maybe I deserve it
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mfs say “i’m fine” then detach themselves from everyone in their lives for weeks. that’s me, i’m mfs
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Signs of Emotional Abuse:
Humiliating or embarrassing you.
Constant put-downs.
Hypercriticism.
Refusing to communicate.
Ignoring or excluding you.
Extramarital affairs.
Provocative behavior with opposite sex.
Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
Unreasonable jealousy.
Extreme moodiness.
Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.
Saying “I love you but…”
Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”
Domination and control.
Withdrawal of affection.
Guilt trips.
Making everything your fault.
Isolating you from friends and family.
Using money to control.
Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.
Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.
source
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21 Signs of Emotional Abuse You May Be Overlooking:
Emotional abuse is any kind of psychological abuse that traumatizes a person’s mind or their state of being, forcing them to feel weak, traumatized and helpless. You may feel moments of emotional abuse now and then in your own relationships with the people around you, be it with your parents, siblings, friends or even your romantic partner. The easiest way to realize if you’re being abused by someone is if you feel weak and stressed around them. Use these 21 subtle signs of emotional abuse to find out if you’ve been pushed to the wall by your spouse, partner or friend. If you do see these signs, perhaps it’s now time to walk away.
1. You’re scared. Your partner’s behavior scares you. You’re afraid to ask for things or tell them something because you just don’t know how they would react.
2. Incessant lectures. Your partner constantly tells you how you’re so flawed and how you still need to improve in so many ways. But instead of trying to help you, they point your flaws out and behave like you’re a lost cause who can’t be helped because you’re too weak or dumb.
3. Painful comparisons. Your partner constantly compares you, either with your more prettier or successful friends, and tells you how much better than you they are. Your partner may even be subtle and point out to celebrities and tell you how they’re so much more attractive than you.
4. Constant confusions. Your partner yells at you often. But when you try to argue back or prove that you’re right, they may even get down on their knees or humiliate themselves just to apologize to you and win your affection back.
5. You get blamed for no fault. Your partner blames you for no fault of yours. They blame you for your friend’s behavior, for the way the kids are, your friend’s divorce, or just about anything else. Sometimes, your partner may even hear about something on the television and yell at you because they’re pissed off!
6. Possessive jealousy. Your partner always has something negative to say about your friends, especially if they’re of the opposite sex. Your partner hates it when you get phone calls from your friends and sometimes even asks you to hang up the phone. They just don’t like it when you have an active social life. [Read: 15 subtle and shocking signs of a controlling boyfriend]
7. Your self esteem is crippled. Your partner constantly tells you how bad or worthless you are, and gets angry with you because you’re always relying on them. But even when you try to do something yourself, they tell you you’re not capable of making decisions and make you feel dumb all the time.
8. Two faced personality. Your partner’s behavior and attitude confuses you. At times, they may be extremely loving and caring. And at other times, they’re really mean and hurtful. You just can’t predict how they’ll react to anything you do.
9. The sadist inside. Your partner feels better about themselves when they point out your flaws or criticize you. They may be more jovial or happy on days when you’re overworking or stressed because of your own mistakes.
10. The humiliation. Your partner humiliates you or makes nasty remarks, especially around your friends or people who admire you.
11. Big demands. They set unreasonable expectations and make big demands from you, secretly hoping you’d fail so they can say ‘I told you so!’
12. Sexual manipulation. Your partner emotionally manipulates you into sexual activities you don’t like. They may even emotionally armtwist you by saying things like “Other girls/guys do it! Why can’t you?”
13. Big confessions. Your partner shares their problems with everyone who listens. But if you confess any of your problems, especially about the relationship, to your friends or family, your partner would get very upset with you.
14. Turning everyone against you. This is a sneaky trick that emotionally abusive partners use to gain advantage and leave you feeling helpless. Your partner may constantly crib about how difficult or dumb you are to everyone, including your friends, your family and even your kids. Your partner may even give biased examples just to convince everyone else and turn them against you so no one would take your side against theirs.
15. The silent treatment. If you stand up for something or try to take control of the situation, your partner may walk away in a huff and give you the silent treatment. An emotionally abusive partner works on guilt, and they hate giving power away in a relationship. Your partner may just ignore you until you apologize for opposing their decision!
16. Physically abusive. Sometimes, your partner may resort to physical abuse like a slap, a painful pinch or even a threatening gesture just to scare you into submission when you oppose them for anything.
17. You’re not allowed to think. Emotionally abusive lovers take pleasure in taking full control of the relationship. They’d manipulate you one step at a time until you lose all confidence in your judgment. You convince yourself that you are not capable of taking any decisions yourself, without your partner’s guidance.
18. Isolation and dependence. Initially, your partner may tell you they don’t like your friends or a particular family member. Soon, they may tell you to avoid that particular person. And before you realize it, your partner may carefully isolate you from everyone who was once close to you. And one fine day, you’d see that the only person you can go to for help or depend on is your partner.
19. Emotional memories. Your partner constantly reminds you of all the times you’ve screwed up each time there’s an argument or a discussion. They constantly bring up your failures or the mistakes you’ve made in your life to reinforce the idea that you depend on your partner and can’t survive by yourself without their help and guidance in life.
20. Your achievements don’t matter. Your partner glorifies even the smallest of their achievements and proudly brags about it. But on the other hand, no matter what you achieve or do, your partner always mocks your achievements and makes you feel silly for celebrating it.
21. Denial. Even when you point out their emotionally abusive ways, your partner doesn’t accept their emotionally abusive ways as a flaw. Instead, they convince themselves and try to convince you that they’re doing all this only to help you become a better person and stand on your own feet.
If you’re not sure what you’re going through is abuse, just look at yourself from another person’s perspective. Or ask yourself how you would feel if your sibling or your child was living your life. Would you be happy for them? Would you want them to be subjected to such poor treatment? If a relationship puts you constantly on the defense, drains you or makes you unsure of yourself thats a sign it’s time to walk away.
source
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PSA to anyone in an emotionally abusive relationship
• ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
• You didn’t do anything wrong
• You are loved by those around you
• Except your partner, love isn’t abusive
• Stonewalling and purposefully ignoring you to hurt you IS abuse
• Your feelings are valid
• You aren’t the abusive partner, for those of you whose abuser plays the victim
• There are no excuses for their behavior
• Your abuser does not have to yell or hit you to be abusive
• You’re beautiful
• I care about you
• You aren’t alone
I’ve been through this and I’m here if you need to talk
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If he won’t let you leave the house without informing him of your every move, he is abusing you.
If he threatens to abandon you every time you have even the slightest argument or misunderstanding, he is abusing you.
If he sees you with tears streaming down your face and doesn’t even care, he is abusing you.
If he tells you you can’t talk to your friends anymore, he is abusing you.
If he threatens to hurt you or your family or friends or himself if you leave him, he is abusing you.
If he tells you what you can and can’t wear, he is abusing you.
If he breaks things and punches walls and screams at you when he’s angry, he is abusing you.
If he calls you rude or demeaning names and puts you down, he is abusing you.
If he continues to do things that hurt you or make you uncomfortable after you’ve asked him to stop, he is abusing you.
If he cheats on you, he is abusing you.
If he touches you or violates you or has sex with you against your will, he is abusing you.
If he tells you that nobody else will ever love you, he is abusing you.
If he yells at you about things that are his fault, he is abusing you.
If he doesn’t want you to go to school or have a job, he is abusing you.
If he gets insanely jealous over even the slightest things, he is abusing you.
If he laughs at you when you cry, he is abusing you.
If he controls all of the money in the house, and won’t let you have your own, he is abusing you.
If he threatens to take or harm your children if you try to leave him, he is abusing you.
If he makes fun of you for the things you love, he is abusing you.
If he destroys or tampers with your personal belongings to get back at you for something, he is abusing you.
If he treats you like shit all day and then whispers sweet nothings in your ear when you’re going to sleep about how much he loves you and is going to change and make you happy, he is abusing you.
Abuse is not always cuts and bruises. It can be psychological. Abuse is a serious thing whether it is physical or emotional. However, the signs of emotional abuse can be subtle and sometimes even go unnoticed by the person being abused. The abuser will do everything in their power to convince the person they are abusing that this is normal and that all couples go through this. They will try to convince you that what they are doing to you is your fault and that you deserve it. Please, please, reblog this to help people recognize these red flags. Emotional abuse can easily lead to physical abuse in the future. Add your own signs to the list let people know this is not normal and they do not deserve to be treated this way.
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self care is getting so drunk that you forget you hate yourself
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we need to stop being so desperate about finding aliens. we need to play hard to get, pretend like we couldn’t care less. watch them come rushing into our atmosphere
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