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infiniteanalemma · 4 months

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So, I'm working on the Astarion piece. I'm pretty pleased with how it's shaping up so far, but I'll maybe make a post about that another time. Instead, I want to talk about two programs I've tried while working on it. (I seem to be on a "trying new things kick.") Both were recommended to me: Magic Poser (a 3D model pose reference app) and PhotoPea (a free alternative to Photoshop).

I have good things to say about both of them, and also some not so good things. I'll put the long explanation under a cut, but for those who just want to see the tl;dr recs:

Magic Poser gets 4.5/5 stars -- it's good, and I'd recommend it, with some caveats.

PhotoPea gets 3/5 stars -- which really sucks to say, because I really liked it a lot on it's good points. Again, that's with some caveats, but I'll get into that more in the longer bit.

First, Magic Poser. It's an app that lets you pose a pretty detailed 3D model, with a light, and it includes some pre-made poses for a quick start. Overall, I like it. It's fairly easy to use, and it's got a lot of control over the pose and model movement. You can even fine-tune the finger positions. It's meant to be used on a smartphone, which is sort of eh, but it is convenient. Best of all, it has a free download. It's pretty helpful, and I'd recommend it.

That said, I do think you need some prior knowledge to get the most out of it. Which ... brings me to some of its downsides.

Obviously, as a 3D model, you don't get an entirely accurate representation of the human body. Even the best 3D model is still somewhat abstracted and simplified, and the "movement" of the muscles is just computer-generated distortion. The model's joints and muscles don't bend or twist quite like actual muscles, and definitely don't account for gravity or the way fleshy bits sag when not flexed. There's no collision mechanics, so you can't see how the body acts when it encounters a surface. Instead, the model clips through the surface -- including other parts of the body and the floor.

Although they did a pretty good job of limiting the amount of joint rotation and flexion, and having attached body parts move with the joints in realistic ways, you can still maneuver the model into some rather strange and unrealistic positions. It's a good and above all convenient approximation of how the body works, but do you kind of need some anatomical knowledge or you might end up with something ... uncanny without knowing why it looks uncanny. I'd also say it helps if you have some knowledge of how to use 3D software, but there is a tutorial video that sort of explains how to move things around. As a reference, it's best used in addition to photos of real people. That's pretty true of any sort of 3D thing, honestly, not just Magic Poser.

In regards to Magic Poser itself, the free version is pretty good but obviously it has its limitations. (Most of those limitations are ... well, by design, so that you buy the paid versions.) The free version only has a male model, with a single body type -- the "generic, athletic dude". You can move the single light in the scene and brighten/dim it, but you can't add more lights, and it's limited to "area" lighting. (Think "sunlight on a cloudy day": there's a general shadow direction, but everything more or less lit the same amount.) You can't create dramatic lighting or lights from multiple directions. There also aren't many free "props" -- mostly just basic shapes like cubes or cylinders. The paid versions have a more extensive library, both in poses and other objects. The paid versions also allow you to use other models -- male and female, with weight sliders (skinny, fat and muscular) and different model types. You can add hair or weapons, furniture, etc. The "Pro" version is relatively cheap, a $9.99 one-time payment that gets you a lot of stuff and also lets you import (but not export) models into the scene. You can also try the Pro version for free for 7 days. The "Master" version, which allows you to access all the stuff, is subscription, though, at just shy of $15 a month.

And, on the one hand, I have to admit that this makes business sense. They have to make money somehow. I just find it a little annoying. I personally hate subscription-based software and avoid it wherever I can. That's a me thing, though, so others may find it worth it. Of course, I'm also somewhat biased in this regard. I've downloaded Blender (a 3D modeling software that's both free and open-source) and can do everything Magic Poser can do and lots more. I also have MakeHuman, which is also free and open source, and creates customizable human models to your liking -- both in body and face, including skin textures, weight, muscles and even some limited hair options. (That said, I do some ... grievances with MakeHuman too, mostly nit-picky ones. Still, it's free and also imports into Blender with a plugin.)

Of course, if all you want is a quick, visual reference, Magic Poser is a lot easier to learn and use than either Blender or MakeHuman, and you don't have to create your own models. Magic Poser is also run on your phone. That's nice if you're doing a sketch or drawing on paper, away from your PC/laptop. So, the free version is definitely worth a download. If you can afford it, the Pro version might be worth it too. I'd skip the Master version personally, but again, I don't like subscription software -- especially when there are free alternatives.

Okay, on to PhotoPea.

I really hate giving it such a mid score, because there's a lot about it I really love. First of all, it does practically everything Photoshop does, and does it for free. That's incredible, full stop. If for no other reason, I'd want to give it five stars just for that. It also recognizes and exports into a variety of file formats, including PSD (Photoshop) files, so you can work on it in multiple programs and it saves the layers. The versatility is honestly quite impressive; it's capable of a LOT, and does stuff all in one application that I used to have to switch between multiple programs to do.

The UI is ... a little meh, though, although a lot is also being asked of it. There are a lot of tools, which can be a little intimidating, and the set up is a little confusing. It takes a little experimenting and exploring to figure out where the thing you need is at. A lot of the tool buttons have multiple options, so you have to use either keyboard shortcuts or the dropdown list to access things, and if it's not fullscreen, it bunches up even more options. For example, when not fullscreen, the brush/pencil tool and eraser get lumped under the same button. Some of the icons also look similar - I was constantly clicking on the spot healing brush when I mean to click the eraser, especially when I had the brush tool selected (which "hides" the eraser, because they're in the same toolset). That's ... kinda annoying, but not a dealbreaker -- maybe half a star off for me. The UI has some room for improvement, but it's not too bad.

But ... here's where it starts losing points with me quite rapidly. PhotoPea is a browser tool, which is ... okay, but I found it a little laggy, especially after I started adding multiple layers. I live in a rural area, so my internet connection is meh at best. You can use PhotoPea offline, assuming you already have it open. Still, I have like a dozen tabs (at least) open at any given time, and that means lag when using browser apps. PhotoPea does have a downloadable version ... which isn't available to Firefox users. That's not great, but okay, I could avoid that. I used one of the browsers that it accepts (I think it's Microsoft Edge, Google, Opera and ... I think Safari?). I downloaded the app, opened it up and ... it loaded ads into the app! Advertisements! In my art program?! (It also gated the "magic wand" selector behind a once-per-time limit that could be skipped by ... watching an ad. Maybe other things too, but that was one I encountered.) Ding another half star off.

Ads in an app like this is an insane choice, for a number of reasons. First of all, an art program is not a good avenue for advertisements. If you're paying attention to your work like you should be, you're not going to be looking at the ads. At best, they're going to be ignored. Most people are going to be like me and simply ... move the window partially to the side so the ad is hidden off-screen. However, beyond just annoyance, the issue is that bright, moving, eye-catching ads are a distraction from the reason you're using the software in the first place. It's hard to work when there's something competing for your attention right by what you're supposed to be focused on. I've got Attention Deficit Disorder -- I can't constantly have something flashing and moving in my line of sight and stay on task! I have to minimize distractions if I want to get anything done. I don't need a built-in distraction!

Again, I get wanting to make money, especially for an otherwise free software. This, though, is NOT the way to do it. If there must be ads, put them somewhere they don't interfere with the work. Maybe after saving, or when first opening the program. I can even see gating some tools like magic wand behind a reasonably short time-limit that's skippable with a short ad. I don't like it, but I understand that. Constant, circulating ads on the side of your workspace, though, is not understandable for someone who needs to focus.

Even more damning -- and the thing that made me close PhotoPea altogether and load up in another program -- is that the ads caused the program to lag. A whole star off for that alone. (I'd have taken two off, but I'll get to that in a bit.) The whole reason I downloaded the app was so I wouldn't have lag. Instead, it made the lag worse. You should get more stability in a downloaded version, not less! This quickly made the program unworkable for me because it caused my tool to lag for a split second every time it changed the ad. Not only did this cause my lines to jitter and skip when I tried to draw, but it completely destroyed the responsiveness of the tool. That, in turn, ensured I couldn't enter a flow state by making every stroke frustrating, aggravating me instead of allowing me to work smoothly.

At first, I was stubborn. I wanted to finish the picture before I said definitively whether I thought it was a good program. Unfortunately, I was only about 15 layers in (including color swatches, perspective grid, grey background and mask layers) when the lag got so bad and frustrating to use that I rage quit and went back to my old drawing program so I could work without frustration. The jittery, stuttery strokes didn't start out too bad, but got worse and worse the more memory the program started to use.

Now, here's a sort of catch, and why I didn't score PhotoPea any lower than a 3. After cooling off a bit, I went back and sort of poked at the program to see if there was anything I could do about the ads. I didn't find any setting to turn them off, but I did find you can still effectively negate the ads -- IF you turn off your internet connection. (Doing that doesn't remove the ads, by the way, it just freezes them so they don't load a new one. Essentially, it goes from video ads to an image ad.) I don't like having to do that, because I use the internet to look up references as I work. Technically I could do that on my phone, but that's an extra hassle. Again, Attention Deficit. If I pick up my phone to look something up, the chance of my getting distracted goes up exponentially.

All that to say that I was able to find workarounds to the problems, but the annoyances grated. What PhotoPea does, it does well, but you can't need to fight a program to make it usable and still call it good. Added up, it was enough to knock what should be a great program down to an "okay, I guess, if you don't already have a decent art program" tier.

That makes me sad, because I genuinely liked using PhotoPea -- when it worked. Unfortunately, the ads and lag broke me. The frustration of having to undo and redo my lines every second wasn't worth the other benefits, and setting up all the workarounds was more work than just using what I already had. For people with reliable internet, a good adblocker and a decent computer, the browser option may be the way to go if you need a different art program.

#ia personal #about art #my art #software review #my recs #ia rambles about...

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infiniteanalemma · 5 months

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Ding, ding! The poll results are in and we have a winner! It's daffodils for Astarion! 🥳

To be honest, I was a little surprised by this result. I sort of expected a foxglove sweep, but daffodils are so fitting. I kind of love the imagery for this idea. The symbolism is delicious! 😙👌 Great choice, everybody!

Before I get into my thoughts on that symbolism, though, I've been thinking about the next possible piece. I think I'd like to do Wyll next. He deserves more art, and I'd like to stretch my artistic muscles a little. (I may regret saying that by the time I get finished with Astarion's, though.) It's surprisingly difficult to find flowers that fit Wyll both symbolically and aesthetically ... I'm still looking into it a bit, but you can look for that poll in the next few days. I'd love to hear suggestions, of course!

Also, would anyone want to see WIP sketches, or should I just post the finished product (such as it may be)? I've always been a little hesitant to post "unpolished" work like sketches, but after working on NaNo this past month, it seems public accountability does motivate me to get off my rump and do the thing. I just don't know that anyone is actually interested. Well, anyway, just a thought...

I'mma ramble a little bit about daffodil symbolism and why I like it for Astarion, but naturally I'm putting that bit beneath a cut for length.

So, let me start by saying flower symbolism is an absolute mess. Obviously I couldn't fit all of the potential meanings in the poll description, but a lot of times, flower meanings are contradictory. No matter where you look, you'll find another source that says something different. I tried to get the general gist, but that meant leaving a lot of things out.

That said, daffodils are interesting because their meanings are in such opposition to each other. They're symbols of hope and despair. They're both for renewal and being backward-looking. It's contradictory, and that push and pull is interesting.

Also, as I sort of implied in the poll, daffodils are a group of flowers that fall under the group called Narcissus -- named after the Greek myth of Echo and Narcissus, from which we derive the term narcissist. For those who don't know the basic story, the nymph Echo falls in love with Narcissus, who is beautiful but vain. She approaches him, but he spurns her because he is too arrogant. Depending on which version of the myth you go by, either she curses him herself or he is punished by the gods for breaking her heart. Either way, he winds up falling in love with his own reflection and pining away, with the Narcissus flower blooming where he dies, entranced into immobility and unable to look away from himself.

A fitting irony for Astarion -- someone who was vain and dismissive of others, who ended up cursed for his arrogance. It's ironic, in that Astarion's curse denies him the ability to see his own reflection. Instead of death, he is transformed by unlife. He is a sort of inverted Narcissus, punished for his vanity, not allowed to ever see his own reflection again and not allowed to die but, in an ironic sort of way, this is the thing that allows him the opportunity to change and grow -- a renewal, a transformation.

Astarion is a Narcissus who was forcibly humbled, denied his reflection, forced to use his once greatest asset as a weapon against himself, then given a chance to repent, to change. Unlike the actual Narcissus, who was forced to drown in his own folly and arrogance without ever realizing his punishment, denied the chance to change or redeem himself, Astarion gets a second chance. Of course, the player can give him a push to transform into a better version of himself, or to embrace his worst aspects. The player is his mirror, symbolically and even in-game (the mirror scene), allowing him to become whatever they reflect back to him.

There's something pleasing about the parallels, but the inversions are even more pleasing, in my personal opinion. Anyway, it's all very tasty and giving me a lot of ideas.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 meta #fandom stuff #astarion #astarion ancunin #ia rambles about...

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infiniteanalemma · 5 months

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It looks like we're going to have a pretty clear winner here, so I'm already working on some sketches. 👀 There's still a little time left, though!

All right. So, November is over, NaNo is done. Since I've been 100% focused on writing for the past month, I haven't done any art. What better way to motivate myself than to do some fan art for my current hyperfixation?

So, I'm thinking I'll do the BG3 companions. I'm not foolish enough to promise to do all of them. I'm notoriously bad about finishing series. But, fingers crossed I don't run out of steam, I'd like to do them all.

Astarion's my baby boy, so naturally he goes first. But, for the idea I have in mind, I want to include flowers for all the companions. So, I put it to you, BG3 tumblr: pick my flower motif! (Look below the poll's read more to see the example photos.)

Daffodil:

Dianthus flower (carnation):

White Foxglove:

White Hyacinth:

Petunia:

White Rose:

All images are free stock taken from pixabay, none of which are my photos. Each photo has a link to the page I got it from.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #fandom stuff #astarion #astarion ancunin #my polls #fan art #srb #one day left #last chance to vote

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infiniteanalemma · 5 months

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Daffodil:

Dianthus flower (carnation):

White Foxglove:

White Hyacinth:

Petunia:

White Rose:

All images are free stock taken from pixabay, none of which are my photos. Each photo has a link to the page I got it from.

#srb #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #fandom stuff #astarion #astarion ancunin #my polls #fan art #I'm sort of surprised with the results so far #no one loves the poor dianthus flower #there's still four days left though so it's early days yet #I forgot to add a 'just want to see results option' but I'll assume the 'other' option works just fine for that #ia rambles about...

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infiniteanalemma · 5 months

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Daffodil:

Dianthus flower (carnation):

White Foxglove:

White Hyacinth:

Petunia:

White Rose:

All images are free stock taken from pixabay, none of which are my photos. Each photo has a link to the page I got it from.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #fandom stuff #astarion #astarion ancunin #my polls #fan art

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infiniteanalemma · 5 months

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So, I said I'd do a NaNo 2023 retrospective on the things I've learned over the past month. Here this bad boy is. It took me a little longer than expected, because it's a long, long post. (Y'all know I can't help but write an essay for every little thing!) Admittedly, it's somewhat self-indulgent, but it (hopefully) has some useful information about writing strategies. As per my usual policy, under the cut so it doesn't clog anyone's dash.

Okay, so, to start ... I've been doing NaNoWriMo since 2016, but this is only my second time winning. I also won last year's NaNo, using the same project. I don't want to get too deep into what the project is, as I don't want to kill my forward movement by talking about it before I'm far enough along to get feedback. What I'll say is that it's a visual novel/game script, and I already had a pretty good chunk of content before I used it as my NaNo project.

I'll get more into why that is important later, but for now, I'll just say that I've been writing for a long time and have a long trail of unfinished projects stretched out behind me.

First, though, let me just start with some background information, to lay the foundation of some of both the problems and solutions I've discovered. If you don't care about the background stuff, and are just interested in potential strategies, look for the ** down below.

Okay, I can reasonably say that this November was a whole mess, as per usual. It seems like something insane happens to me every November, and this year was no exception in that regard. Even so, I managed to write every single day of the month except one, which was the day I wound up in the ER. Long story short, my doctor had me try out a new medicine this month and I had a bad reaction to it. (I'm fine, for the record. It took about a week to get out of my system, but I'm okay now.) That one day aside, I wrote every day and on most days, managed to write more than my necessary minimum.

Personally, I'm really proud of myself for pulling that off. As someone with Attention Deficit Disorder (inattentive variant, not hyperactive), it's remarkably difficult for me to form habits and stick with them. I have a huge problem with sticking to something every day, and there's a tendency for me to quit doing something completely if I miss even one day.

I'm also really bad about rewarding myself for success, and I don't get that natural hit of dopamine for finishing my tasks. (Thanks, brain!) This means that even when I succeed, it's hard for me to even appreciate it. Between that and my executive dysfunction, it's hard to stick to doing anything consistently for 30 days. I've had to figure out ways to make myself acknowledge and reward myself for reaching my goals, something I've struggled with for a long time.

Now, part of the problems I've had in the past with completing NaNo was that, in addition to having crazy things happen during November, I've never really had much support in my writing endeavors. I was surrounded by people who thought writing was a waste of time, and didn't understand (or, frankly, care to understand) why I wanted to do it.

As someone who both writes and creates visual art, it's hard to create when people discourage you from creating unless you're actively making money on it. Now, these people weren't trying to be malicious. On the contrary, they were trying to be helpful. They just see things like writing and art as fanciful and unnecessary, a distraction from real things that you should be doing instead. This seems to be a common problem for creatives. Believe me, I've tried relating it back to their hobbies and how they enjoy spending time on doing those things without financial compensation, but somehow my writing and art are different to them.

After a while, I quit trying to explain it to them and attempted to do all my work in (effectively) secret. Combine that with my other problems, and what you get is inconsistent output that lasts only as long as I could force myself to keep going only for myself. As you might imagine, that typically didn't work out well. If I gave up on a project, no one knew except for me, and no one cared except me. Hence, several dead projects and WIPs. It did not help to have other people encouraging me to stop writing and try it next year, only for the same thing to happen again that next year of telling me to quit and put it off again for another year.

Fast forward to last year.

It was a bad year for me in a lot of respects, but somehow, I managed to win NaNo for the first time ever. How did I manage that? It was a combination of things, honestly, but I think it boils down to three main reasons: one, instead of a new project (like I'd tried in previous years), I started NaNo on a project I'd already been working on for quite a while, something which already had a decent chunk of words. (This is the game I mentioned before.) Two, I allowed myself to "cheat" my word count by including things that were related but not directly in the manuscript (working on background lore, codex entries, and such). And three, I told a small handful of others about it who weren't in my well-meaning-but-discouraging immediate circle.

I still did my writing largely "in secret," as I didn't confide in those few other people the idea of what I was doing, only that it was "a writing thing" and explained the concept of NaNo to them. Still, having others know I was trying to reach a word count and being supportive instead of critical did wonders for having me hold myself accountable for not skipping days. Maybe that seems like common sense, but I was so used to having to hide what I was doing or be met with concerned disapproval or condescending amusement at my "fancy" that it was a whole sort of whiplash to meet people who simply thought it was incredible that I could write so many words.

Plus, by allowing myself to "cheat," I did an end-run around my perfectionism, which tells me that if I don't do the task exactly right, I shouldn't even bother to do it at all. Perfectionism (at least for me) isn't just the enemy that tells me every word has to be perfect, but also that the way I do it also has to be perfect. I "cheated" a fair bit that November, and it was incredibly freeing.

This NaNo, I decided to springboard off of last year's revelations. If merely telling others helped me hold myself accountable for my days, this year I decided I would do at least one in-person write-in and meet with other NaNo-ers. (Is that the word? What do we even call ourselves? Oh, it's WriMos, isn't it? ... Honestly, that word doesn't look much better.) I also gave myself permission again to "cheat", and while I did end up doing it one time, I actually didn't really need to this go-round. Merely knowing that I could do it was enough that it took the pressure off for having to get it perfect.

But that wasn't enough. I decided I'd try to push myself even more this go around. (Yes, I know ... some of you can possibly feel the hubris rearing its head, the pride awaiting the fall. We're getting there.) I decided I'd try out a whole bunch of strategies I'd heard or considered, but not yet given a go.

This is where it becomes somewhat relevant that I'd recently been put on a new medication. Unbeknownst to me at the time, the medicine contained a fairly powerful stimulant that is commonly used for weight loss. (That's not why I was taking it, but that information is relevant for what comes next.)

For the first time in a long time, I was feeling good. I had more energy than I'd had in years, along with a brand new ability to focus. On one particular day in my first week, I knocked out over 3,000 words. I was pretty consistently hitting above par, racking up my word count. I was getting those words in, buddy. Things were going amazingly well. It was not to last, however.

Warning: medical stuff ahead, for those who'd like to skip it!

To its credit, the medicine worked. It accomplished what it was supposed to do, which was to help my body use the energy I had and not feel so lethargic, and increase my focus. Unfortunately, it also did some things it really didn't need to do to my body alongside that. I realized in short order that I was having side effects from the medicine, and quit taking it as soon as I realized.

I am an inherently stubborn person when I want to be, though, so I suffered for three days before having someone take me to the ER. Even then, I didn't want to go because I had convinced myself there was nothing they were going to be able to do except tell me I had to wait for the medicine to work out of my system. I told myself I could sit and suffer at home just as well as I could sit and suffer at the ER. It took my doctor telling me to go before I reluctantly gave in.

It's a good thing I did, though, as among its other side effects, the medicine left me severely dehydrated even after the copious amounts of water I'd been drinking. My veins were so shriveled up that even one of the hospital's phlebotomists couldn't find a vein in my elbow or wrist to put my IV in, so they ended up sticking it in my bicep. I was partially correct that they couldn't do anything to get the medicine out of my system any faster, but they did make sure I was at least somewhat hydrated before they let me go.

Okay, hospital stuff over!

After I went home, my body had to crash out and recover. I had to go the rest of November without that extra pep, while also recovering from the side effects. That put me at a low, while trying to keep up writing. I'd built myself a nice little buffer at the beginning of the month, but my jaunt to the ER ate a decent-sized chunk out of it.

Here's where those strategies came into play. I'd discovered a few things I felt were helpful, but I'd been pumped full of energy when I started. Now that I was working from a deficit, the true effectiveness of those strategies would show themselves. Would they still work when I was struggling to accomplish anything, or was my ease at writing purely from the stimulant?

** Here's the list of strategies that ended up sticking with me through the month:

Music - I've tried writing with music before, but I always felt it was a distraction. However, this time around, I tried writing to video game soundtracks -- and this actually worked for me. I think part of the reason it worked for me is that most music in video games doesn't have lyrics, and I think lyrics are a large part of why other music distracts me. However, listening to classical or modern classical music didn't work well to me, either. I think what made the soundtracks work for me is that I largely used music from games that I've played: as a gamer, I've been essentially conditioned to focus on in-game tasks while those tracks play on loop. That translates into writing without becoming distracted. Notably, it doesn't work with video game tracks from games I haven't played. Familiarity seems key, at least for me. This might not work for everyone, but it might work for other gamers.

Writing Sprints - I've also tried these before, and they didn't seem to work in the past. However, I think what made them work this time is a combination of two things: shorter lengths, and consistent rewards. My ideal sprint time seems to be between 10 and 20 minutes. Longer sprints become tiresome, and my attention starts to drift. Shorter sprints make me feel pressured as I try to think what to write, which causes a sort of mini-writer's block. 10 to 20 minutes seems to be my golden mean; long enough to think without feeling the pressure of the countdown, short enough not to strain my focus. Then, regardless of words written, the sprint is followed by a break with a reward. My word counts during these little sprints tend to be somewhat small, usually between 50 to 200 words at a pop, but those add up. Anything that adds words to the count works.

In-person writing events - I'm an extreme introvert, so I don't think I could do a daily or even weekly meet-up, at least not consistently. That said, I do think this helped motivate me. Sometimes it's a struggle for me to socialize, so an in-person event was an excuse to get out of the house and be around people. At the same time, the goal wasn't to have to interact, but for each of us to focus on our writing -- a "social" event, but one where each of us doing our own thing. Plus, everyone at our write-in was very nice, and also pretty small-scale. It might have been a whole different story if I'd shown up and there were a hundred people there. Ours ranged from three to about seven people. Small, low-key, informal -- and with snacks! That worked for me tremendously well.

4thewords - Now, I'm 100% committed to this one yet, as I didn't start it until over halfway through November, but so far, it seems to be working pretty well. I actually found this one in NaNo's resources. Basically, it's a RPG-like "game" where you fight monsters by doing timed writing sprints. I actually wrote this post in 4thewords. You can line up a row of monsters of your choice to "fight" in an uninterrupted stream. As of typing this right now, I'm "battling" a monster called a Kai, which has a 75 word count with a 10 minute timer. Different monsters have different word counts and time limits. As soon as you defeat a monster, it goes on to the next one in your queue until you've reached the end of the total word count. When you win, you get experience and items, which can be used for future battles and/or to customize your in-game avatar. I haven't delved deep into the more gamey aspects yet. There's in-game story lore, quests to complete, and different locations to visit. It also counts your daily writing streak, but only gives you credit for your streak if you've written at least 444 words. I know there are other timed sprint apps out there, but this one does have a whole host of features, all of which are optional. You aren't in any way punished if you break your streak, for example, and there are in-game items you can use to "repair" a broken streak if that's something that bothers you. I don't know for sure that it's something I'll stick with long term, but it does seem to be working for the moment. It is paid, though. There's a 30 day free trial, which I'm still in, and a $4 monthly membership.

Small Rewards - As I mentioned above in Writing Sprints, I made sure to reward myself for meeting my goals, whether it was reaching my daily word count or finishing a sprint. I'm bad about not keeping track of my successes, let alone reward myself for them. As a side effect, it can be hard to see the progress I make. For me, it's easy to only look at the big goals and try to come up with a reward that matches that, but that has historically never worked for me. Forcing myself to stop and acknowledge small successes has been very helpful. I've experimented with a few different types of reward. The small, consistent rewards seem to work better -- giving myself a short dose of social media/discord time for finishing a sprint, looking at video game stuff (new games I'd like to try, game mods, etc.), a little snack for hitting a thousand words. I'm trying to be careful about using food as a reward, especially sweets, because that can be a bad habit to get into. Still, it does seem work pretty well.

"Cheats" - Last year's NaNo, I gave myself permission to cheat a little, and as I said, that helped take a lot of that perfectionism pressure off. So this year, I decided to sort of bake that into my writing strategy. It doesn't have to be perfect. I know that. I've heard so many writing advice gurus talk again and again about "shitty first drafts" and I acknowledge what they say makes sense. (For everyone except me, my brain says.) My "cheats" are really just another way of doing that. I made liberal use of my *Unfinished* tag, allowing myself to skip over things that I just didn't feel like writing and move on. I gave myself permission to leave things "ugly" and repetitive. I allowed myself to just strike out things I was no longer happy with and rewrite it, while still letting that old stuff count as words written. (After all, I did write it. Why shouldn't I give myself credit for it and let it go toward my word count?) Sure, this made my manuscript look ugly, but by doing that intentionally, I managed to sort of shut down the part of my brain that criticizes me for not being "good" enough. I did it on purpose, brain. It's supposed to look that way, so shut it and let me get back to work. And it did.

There are a few other things I'm still on the fence about. I'll keep giving those a try and see how it works for me. In the meanwhile, here's some things that didn't work for me (and why they didn't work for me), but others may find useful:

Scrivener - Wait! Don't pick up your pitchfork just yet! I love Scrivener, and I use it all the time. It's super helpful for me, but -- and here's the key part -- not for writing in. It's a great little tool for planning, background lore, keeping track of important details ... just not so great for me at being a manuscript. If you're on the fence about buying it, I do recommend it. It's got a bunch of useful features, and it makes for a great story bible. But as both a "traditional" story writer and a budding game dev, I don't recommend it as a word processor.

Music - I mentioned music in my strategies that worked, but I'm also putting it here, because I tried new musical things that didn't work, too. I already mentioned lyrics and unfamiliar instrumentals in the previous bit, but another thing I noticed didn't work well for me were instrumental covers of popular songs. I found them in a lot of "study focus" type playlists and gave it a go. While I do find some of them pretty relaxing to listen to, I think the main reason they didn't work for me is that I recognized the songs and still wound up "singing along" with where I knew the lyrics were supposed to be. Apparently, my brain latches on to that familiarity and becomes distracted in the same way songs with lyrics distract me. If you have a similar brand of neuro-spiciness, this may not be the way to go for you either.

Ambient Chaos and white noise generators - Ambient Chaos is such a cool app, and I really wish it had worked for me. To give a little explanation, it's basically a sound mixer for random background noises, each with its own volume slider. Some are ones you might expect, like rain, waves or a coffee shop. Some are weird: beehive, zombie invasion, nuclear siren, alien ship. Others seem pretty counterproductive, like couple arguing, fireworks, marching band or construction site. Still, you can mix and match as you like, and some combinations are actually pretty pleasing to listen to. Like the study focus music, I found both Ambient Chaos and some white noise videos very relaxing, but on this one I'm not entirely sure why it didn't work for me. Maybe it's because I don't really like repetitive noise, but it wound up making me blank out when I was trying to think about what to write next. I guess white noise fills up the space in my brain? Who knows. Sometimes the brain just says no.

"Big" Rewards - This is probably going to seem counterintuitive, but in addition to smaller rewards for meeting smaller goals, I tried to give myself bigger rewards for bigger accomplishments. Going out to dinner for writing a certain number of days in a row, buying something I didn't really need but wanted as a treat, that sort of thing. And while I really enjoyed those things, I don't feel like they did much to actually motivate me. Again, this may be the Attention Deficit problem rearing its ugly head once more, but my sense is that those things aren't immediate enough to trigger that reward "conditioning". The smaller rewards were things I could do right away -- immediate gratification. The bigger things took a little more time to set up, and in that time, the effect was lost on me. I still knew why I did it, but that didn't make me want to do it again to any appreciable degree. It didn't hurt, mind you. It just wasn't effective. My motivation level was the same as it had been before the reward, and the monetary cost wasn't really worth it to be a viable system to continue using to motivate myself.

As always, I don't think any of the strategies that didn't work are actually bad, for what it's worth. They just didn't work for me.

If there's anything I've learned in my now years of writing, it's that writing isn't so different from the other skills we have to hone with time. When we first start out, we try all kinds of things, hoping there's some magic method or tool that will make everything work. Unfortunately, the one and only method that works above all others is doing the thing, repeatedly. Everything else is just polishing and refining that. In one way, that sucks because it never really feels much easier. In another, it's sort of reassuring that, if you keep at it, you will get better.

Anyway, this is probably long enough. It's late here, and I'm tired. This post was as much for my own benefit as anyone else, as it helps me to write things out so I can really examine it, but I do hope it proves helpful to someone out there.

#nanowrimo #nano 2023 #about writing #writer stuff #ia personal #ia rambles about...

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infiniteanalemma · 5 months

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1. Yes they have to fight, 2. Tell me who’s fighting who in the tags! (I’ll add the most ridiculous combos in a reblog)

#I have so many favorites that this is hard to answer #When in my childhood? That makes a difference #For maximum hilarity I'll go with the earliest childhood favorites I can remember versus current hyperfixation fave #That puts Shaggy and Scooby (they are a pair you cannot separate) up against BG3's Raphael 🤣#RIP Mystery Gang #This is one bad guy those meddling kids ought to stay away from #ia rambles about...#fandom stuff

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infiniteanalemma · 5 months

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I've finished NaNo! *falling to my knees, sobbing in relief* Total count for the month: 50,722❗😀

What a month... it's been a hell of a ride. I've learned some new things, found some new strategies that seem to be working pretty well. I also found out some issues about my writing that are causing me problems.

I may do a retrospective tomorrow, but for now, I'm ready for a break. 😴

#nano 2023 #nanowrimo #ia personal #about writing

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infiniteanalemma · 6 months

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Here is the list of Baldurian nobility and patriars I've found so far, under a cut for those who want to see it.

You can assume anyone on this list is human unless otherwise stated. This isn't a comprehensive list, by any means. There's ... a lot of lore I haven't looked at. Many of these are found mentioned in the in-game texts, so if you see "mentioned", that's probably where I found it. If I've missed anyone egregious, let me know and I'll add them to the list.

Patriars, alphabetically:

Belts:

Duke Belt (historic figure, former Grand Duke)

Lady Ailis Belt - BG3

Bormuls:

Baron Callem Bormul - BG3

Gormund Bormul (chaotic evil wraith, killed 65 years before) - Baldur's Gate: City Encounters

Durinbolds:

Lady Alia Durinbold (wood elf) - BG3

Eltans:

Duke Eltan (historic figure, Grand Duke and founder of the Flaming Fists)

Eomanes:

Nysene Eomane (lawful evil) - Baldur's Gate: Descent into Avernus

Lord Sarken Eomane - BG3

Gist:

Lord Haverford Gist (mentioned in To Lord Haverford Gist) - BG3

Guthmeres:

Lady Eshvelt Guthmere - BG3

Hullhollyns:

Admiral Peil Hullhollyn - BG3

Lady Winstra Hullhollyn - BG3

Hhunes:

Blaise & Gheris Hhune (werewolf brothers) - BG3

Fridrik Hhune (mentioned on Dolor's hit list) - BG3

Hurlbut Hhune (mentioned in dialogue) - BG3

Henrietta Hhune (mentioned in dialogue) - BG3

Hlaths:

Lord Orthagon Hlath (nominal head of family, mentioned in The Patriar Blackmail Files) - BG3

Merrigold Hlath (practical head of family, mentioned in The Patriar Blackmail Files) - BG3

Holiday Hlath (Orthagon's grand-neice and heir, mentioned in The Patriar Blackmail Files) - BG3

Jannaths:

Duchess Liia Jannath (historic, former Grand Duchess)

Lady Jannath (Oskar's wife) - BG3

Lord Raylen Jannath - BG3

Lady Wisteria Jannath (had affair with Gortash, mentioned in Perfumed Days, Passionate Nights) - BG3

Linnackers:

Lady Ruth Linnacker - BG3

Fariza Linnacker (Ruth's granddaughter, mentioned in Political Influence Plan) - BG3

Oberons:

Lady Freida Oberon - BG3

Portyrs:

Duke Dillard Portyr - BG3

Liara Portyr (lawful evil) - Baldur's Gate: Descent into Avernus, BG3 (mentioned in Flaming Fist New Recruit Booklet, Investigation Priorities, Letter of complaint, Political Influence Plan, Skeletons in Patriar Closets, White Bishop - Orders, White Knight - Orders, and White Pawn - Orders)

Provosses:

Lady Beatrice Provoss - BG3

Ravenshades:

Lord Myer Ravenshade (dwarf?) - BG3

Rillyns:

Derque Rillyn (mentioned in dialogue) - BG3

Duver Rillyn (werewolf) - BG3

Gothric Rillyn (buried thief) - BG3

Lord Hir Rillyn (Committee Chair of "The Committee of Concerned Patriars", mentioned in Vulnerable Patriars and Invitation to Lord Gortash) - BG3

Sashenstars:

Lady Silifrey Sashenstar - BG3

Shattershields:

Lord Rugger Shattershield (gold dwarf) - BG3

Silvershields:

Duke Entar Silvershield (historic, former Grand Duke)

Tillerturns:

Lord Milon Tillerturn - BG3

Vammases:

Lord Randolph Vammas - BG3

Vanthampurs:

Carnelia Vantampur (Peer at Guild) - BG3

Lady Haeril Vanthampur (mentioned in Vulnerable Patriars) - BG3

Duke Thalamra Vanthampur (lawful evil) - Baldur's Gate: Descent into Avernus, BG3 (mentioned in The Dukes of Baldur's Gate, deceased)

Thurstwell Vanthampur (mentioned in Post House Delivery Complaints) - BG3

Varri Vanthampur (mentioned on Dolor's hit list, deceased) - BG3

Whitburns:

Lady Madeline Whitburn - BG3

Non-patriars

Lord Petric Amber (wood elf)

Lady Haeril Birch (high elf)

Duke Ulder Ravengard / Wyll Ravengard - BG3

Duke Brelynne Stelmane (deceased, mentioned in dialogue) - BG3

Gov't Officials:

Osmurl Havanack, High Constable and Master of Walls (lawful neutral shield dwarf) - Baldur's Gate: Descent into Avernus, BG3 (mentioned on Orders (Wyrm's Crossing))

Nobility in Baldur's Gate

Edited to add: I never expected my silly, niche post to get as much attention as it has! I'm giving you all forehead smooches! 😚💋 I've gone through to clean up some things up as I've found new information. I also added a list of nobility that I've found in game and other sources to the end of the post. Thanks, y'all! I'm glad I'm not the only one to wonder about this stuff. Good stuff in the reblogs, too!

Baldur's Gate has dug itself deep in my brain, so I apologize to my poor mutuals who didn't follow me for BG3 content getting this onslaught of posts. Please bear with me until my hyperfixation wears off. 🙏

Now, I'll admit up front that I'm no expert in DnD lore*, so if I get things wrong, please feel free to correct me or just add in stuff I may have missed. I'm going off of what I've found in-game and my Google Fu skills.

That said, I do know enough about DnD to remember that Baldur's Gate nobility are called patriars, and that there are only a relative handful of actual patriar families. I was thinking about my "canon" Tav, Velassa, and her background in BG3. She's a modified OC that I plunked in-game during Early Access, so I made her a noble. It was just part of her existing character that I didn't think too deeply about. It was only after I starting playing that it occurred to me to wonder what exactly "a noble" is to a native Baldurian.

That got me digging a little more into the current state of the Baldurian nobility as of BG3. I don't know who--if anyone--needs or wants this, but I put this together for myself and decided to share it for anyone else who might be interested. I realize that this is probably pretty niche and it's rambly and long af, so I'll put it under a cut.

So, for starters, here's a list of all the patriar families, including "fallen" houses that are barely hanging on: Belt, Bormul, Caldwell, Dlusker, Durinbold, Eltan, Eomane, Exeltis, Gist, Guthmere, Hhune, Hlath, Hullhollyn, Irlentree, Jannath, Jhasso, Linnacker, Miyar, Nurthammas, Oathoon, Oberon, Portyr, Provoss, Ravenshade, Rillyn, Sashenstar, Shattershield, Silvershield, Tillerturn, Vammas, Vannath, Vanthampur, and Whitburn

From what I've gathered, Exeltis, Provoss and Ravenshade are all more-or-less destitute. Also, the Szarr family (Cazador's family) were patriars, but were believed to be entirely wiped out. No living descendants makes them a dead house, rather literally. 😏 (No, I'm not sorry.)

Now, we learn that Wyll's father is Ulder Ravengard, the Grand Duke. This brings us to the first point: There are four Dukes, known as the Council of Four, and the Grand Duke's job is to be the tie-breaker.

Traditionally, one of the Dukes is also the highest ranked officer of the Flaming Fist--that's Ravengard, who was a Fist promoted up through the ranks. Wyll tells us that his father was born lower class, and quite a few of the patriars seem to scorn him for that. The other Dukes are Belynne Stelmane, Dillard Portyr (more on him later) and Thalamra Vanthampur (more on her later, too). Of the four, two are patriars: Portyr and Vanthampur. We don't know much about Stelmane's past, except that she was a brilliant businesswoman, politician and--as we find out later--member of the Knights of the Shield. Apparently, you can't buy your way into the patriars, but maybe you can buy your way into being a Duke.

Skipping ahead a bit, when the player shows up to Gortash's coronation, there are a group of mostly patriars sitting in the boxes leading up to the front of the room. I'm listing them by seating arrangement, with box 1 and 2 being the left and right closest to Gortash, and 3 and 4 being farthest. (I don't know what, if anything, the seating arrangements imply. The second box has eight people, compared to four for all the rest.)

Lady Ailis Belt, Baron Callem Bormul, Lord Rugger Shattershield**, and Lady Alia Durinbold**

Lady Ruth Linnacker, Lord Sarken Eomane, Lady Freida Oberon, Lord Raylen Jannath, Lord Myer Ravenshade**, Lady Madeline Whitburn, Lady Beatrice Provoss, and Duke Dillard Portyr

Lady Winstra Hullhollyn, Admiral Peil Hullhollyn, Lord Randolph Vammas, and Lady Eshvelt Guthmere

Lord Milon Tillerturn, Lady Silifrey Sashenstar, Lord Petric Amber**, and Lady Haeril Birch**

Here's some pictures of the nobles sitting together. (Sorry for the terrible quality! I slapped it together for my own reference. 🙈)

The characters marked by ** aren't human, which is interesting because the information I found said all the patriar familes are human except the Shattershields. Myer Ravenshade is listed as human if you examine him, but he has a dwarf model. That might be a mistake, but I'm including him anyway. Alia Durinbold, from a presumably human patriar family, is a wood elf. Again, this could be a mistake, but unless Larian winds up changing it, it could mean that interracial marriages that once may have been looked down on are now becoming more acceptable. Petric Amber is also a wood elf, and Haeril Birch is a high elf.

Those last two are interesting because they are the only ones in the boxes who aren't patriars. If not for them, I'd have assumed the coronation was simply a demonstration for the patriars alone. Their inclusion means this is something else.

Digging around, my conclusion is that all the listed people are members of the Parliament of Peers--a 50 person advisory party to the Council of Four. However, what I found says that it's pretty rare for all 50 to attend meetings, and the usual group is between 20-30. There are exactly 20 named individuals listed, plus a group of unnamed "patriars" standing at the front.

Here they are, for what it's worth:

One thing I noticed here is that most of those listed here are Lord/Lady, but there are three other titles: Duke, Baron and Admiral. I've already talked about the Dukes. Looking into the patriars, the Hullhollyn family are notable for having a fleet of ships, so it makes sense that one of them would be an Admiral. That leaves the Baron.

I couldn't find anything about what it means to be a baron in Baldur's Gate. Going on real-world peerages, a baron/ess is generally the lowest "rank" of nobility. Basically, it's someone who was an official landowner (usually of an "important" bit of land) under the feudal system. Well and good, I suppose, but presumably all the Lords and Ladies of the patriars own land within the city. This particular Baron is also a patriar, but given that one doesn't need to be a patriar to become a Duke (normally a higher peer than a baron), that may not mean anything.

(Apparently, the term "Duke" was originally meant somewhat jokingly. That said, it still carries the weight of a title even if not the conventional one.) We don't see any other titles between Duke and Baron, so what does that mean?

This isn't canon, but my assumption is that it means the Baron owns important land outside of the city. This would make sense for Baron Bormul, given that the Bormul family apparently have investments in silver mines and vineyards. Assuming they own the mines/vineyards, that may make those lands "important" enough to the city for their owner to earn a title. Alternately, the Bormul family also has counterparts in Amn, so maybe baron is an Amnian title that got passed along. That's getting a bit far afield for me, though. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, among the group at the coronation, pretty much everyone supports Gortash becoming Archduke, with the exception of Lady Sashenstar (an old woman who really isn't too impressed with this commoner) and Duke Portyr, who expresses some hesitation at the whole thing.

Duke Portyr is interesting here. Except for Ravengard (who is thralled and conducting the ceremony), Portyr is the only Duke present. Now, Stelmane is already dead, so that explains her absence. Vanthampur is also missing, which is interesting. Portyr first, though: he was Grand Duke before Ravengard. He's the one who re-instituted (Edited: and originally created!) the Parliament of Peers to make the day-to-day decisions of running the city, and ceded the title of Grand Duke to Ravengard. He's described as being conflict-averse, so it makes sense that he'd go along with Gortash's coronation, even though he's clearly unhappy about it. Also, the current leader of the Fists is also a Portyr, likely still Liara Portyr, the Duke's niece and Ravengard's second-in-command.

Thalamra Vanthampur is an interesting character, too. She's the head of the Vanthampur family, and part of the Descent into Avernus story. Apparently, she's the one who got Ravengard to go to Elturel before it sank to the Hells, intending to take his place as Grand Duke. From what I read, she also conspired with the Dead Three's cults to murder people in a bid to discredit the Flaming Fist. (The murdery bits were undoubtedly left to Bhaal's cult.) We never do find out anything about Thalamra Vanthampur in this game (I assume that's probably cut content). (Edited: She is mentioned in one of the in-game texts as having been killed, which was one of the possible outcomes of Descent into Avernus. Larian chose that as their canon, just like the fate of Elturel and Zariel.)

The only Vanthampur we do meet is Carnelia Vanthampur, who is in the Guildhall and describes herself as "a peer of the Parliament". She's willing to work with either the Guild or the Zhentarim. Nervously of course. Also interesting is that, on the Bloodstained Parchment hit list, is a Varri Vanthampur, whose gravestone you can find in Candulhallow's Tombstones shop, reading: "Varri Vanthampur. Unwanted in life, welcomed in death."

Interesting, hm?

Also on that hit list is Fridrik Hhune. The Hhunes apparently have links to the Knights of the Shield, from what I looked up--the same group the Emperor led with Stelmane. The only Hhunes we meet in-game are Blaise and Gheris Hhune, two of the werewolves in Cazador's ballroom who are brothers according to the dev notes. With them is another werewolf of a different patriar family, Duver Rillyn. This suggests Cazador has been going after members of patriar families, which sort of fits with what we know about his plans. We really don't find anything else out about them except that they consider Cazador to be their master and Astarion says they're new.

We also can talk to a Flaming Fist who mentions that Hurlbut Hhune is the father of Henrietta Hhune, who used to be secretly engaged to the Fist in question, only for her father to decide to arrange her to marry fellow patriar Derque Rillyn, who the Fist describes as "a major arsehole."

That conversation is interesting for a few reasons. For one, it tells you that arranged marriages within the patriar are a thing. Also, this Fist is a Manip (essentially a Sergeant) who can't ask the other Fists for help because "the Fists don't mess with wealthy patriars, they've got the Watch to back them up." That's aligned with what Devella can also tell you: "There are patriars on the murder target list. I'm oathbound to secure them first, so I'll be heading to the Upper City next." If you say that the Fist should protect everyone: "Not from around here, are you? We're in Baldur's Gate - this is just how things work."

This brings me back to my original issue: what is a Baldurian noble? The patriars are canonically nobles, of course, and they're undoubtedly seen as the "most important" of the nobility. From there, it's not much of a stretch to say that anyone who has earned the title of Duke is now a noble, even if they aren't patriars. I'd go so far as to say anyone on the Parliament of Peers (and their family by association) is a noble^, given that non-patriars Petric Amber and Haeril Birch are considered Lord and Lady. The information I found about that is that there are approximately twelve non-patriar members. If Amber and Birch are two of them, that leaves another unnamed 10.

^Edited: Looking at the dates, I realized that the Parliament of Peers is a very recent change to Baldurian governance. Duke Portyr originally created it after the three other Dukes on the Council of Four were assassinated. It was clearly meant as a temporary measure, but my guess is that the patriars liked having more official say. Not to mention the non-patriars who managed to get a seat. This has all happened within even the youngest of Tav/Urges' lifetimes.

Personally, I'd also assume that branch families of the patriars probably also count as nobility. By branch family, I mean those that marry out of the main line but whose ancestry stems from a patriar family. From what I've seen by naming conventions, Baldur's Gate seems to use patronmyic lineage--ancestry is generally passed to the sons, and wives take their husband's surname. So, if a daughter marries out of the family, she'd no longer be a part of her father's family lineage, but still would be considered nobility. These branch families likely still maintain powerful influence and connections from marrying into wealth, which would make them a good political/financial choice of marriage alliance, despite no longer having the main branch patriar family name. These families are also probably the ones most likely to find a place on the Parliament, too, but likely have to jockey for position if their "representative" dies (or otherwise leaves) and a new opening in the Parliament is created.

If you've read this far, as a treat you can have some crappy close-up portraits of the nobles at Gortash's coronation, grouped together in their respective boxes. 😚

* For what it's worth, I'd count myself as a casual DnD player. I have some knowledge of DnD--I've played BG1 and 2, Planescape: Torment, along with some general cultural osmosis. I've had friends who played the tabletop version, but for one reason or another, I've never played it myself.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #bg3 meta #fandom stuff #patriars #baldur's gate nobility #srb #I added some stuff

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infiniteanalemma · 6 months

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NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow ... 😱🥴

I won last year for the first time, but I still didn't finish my project. I'm giving it another go this year. I chickened out on meeting up with my local chapter last year, so this year I'm going to try doing at least one write-in. Fingers crossed! 🤞

#ia personal #nano 2023 #nanowrimo

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infiniteanalemma · 6 months

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ok so, astarion girlie u say? tell us abt ur hcs for “missing scenes” between ur tav/urge and ur astarion.l. how they cared for each other on the road n in baldurs gate…. n if u think they had a lil date in baldurs gate, where would they go, etc!

Oh boy, do I ever have a lot of missing scene ideas! (Low key upset that they took out so many Early Access scenes that some of my hcs are based on, but oh well.)

Under a cut, because I ramble. Long, indulgent head-canon post ahoy.

So, to start with, my Astarion-mancer is Velassa, a half-elf noble who gave up her status to become a cleric of Ilmater. This immediately puts her and Astarion at odds -- Velassa's duty as a cleric is literally to stop and help anyone and everyone who needs it, and is a follower of the literal god of altruistic martyrs. It's practically her religious duty to get herself killed helping others, even for those who don't deserve it.

Astarion hates that so much, especially after he catches feelings. He would 100% confront her about it. They really should have had an argument about it -- how can she throw herself away, he needs her, "don't do this to me" sort of stuff. He's also absolutely the sort to hit below the belt -- why didn't your god help me, if He's so compassionate? He's a hypocrite, just like the rest of the gods, letting mortals do all the work and then taking the credit for it. And so on. It would be a good tie to the "bear blood" scene, where Tav can warn him against the corruption of power, especially when he says that "heroes" are a part of the problem.

Of course, an argument like that can't just happen and then be forgotten. I do think Astarion would feel bad about it, even as he tries to convince himself he has nothing to feel bad about. But you can't love a devout follower of a god without coming to terms with their faith. I'm not sure Astarion will ever forgive the gods, but I do think he'd eventually realize that Velassa became a follower of Ilmater because she was already compassionate. She didn't change herself to please a god, but followed a god who told her that she was already good for being who she was. He can respect that, even if he does still think the gods are hypocrites.

For her part, I think Velassa would understand that Astarion says cruel things as a defense mechanism. That doesn't make it hurt any less, but she gets it. She forgives him, but definitely gives him a stern talking to about better ways to deal with emotional pain. She is kind, sweet and altruistic, but she's not weak or emotionally-fragile. She follows He Who Endures, and you don't develop endurance by shrinking from pain, whether it's physical or emotional. She may be a bleeding-heart altruist but she's also a medic used to keeping pragmatic in volatile situations--she's dealt with people lashing out at her for trying to help, and takes no nonsense.

I also think, at some point, Astarion would decide that he's going to stick around and just stab the shit out of anyone who tries to take advantage of her kindness. He can't talk her out of it. She's firm in her convictions. So if she's so set on this self-sacrifice stuff, well, he'll just have to get in the way and make sure she survives it. The gods have already forsaken him, and her god can't be mad at her if he's the one doing the stabbing, right?

I see that playing out as a reminder to her about how easily he was able to get a knife to her throat, and she should keep him around to make sure no one else gets the chance. He won't stop her from helping others (because he can't), but if they try to cut her throat for it, why should he let that happen? He'll still complain about it, of course, in part just because I think he enjoys being bitchy, but he does mean to keep her safe regardless.

I also really think they (and all the romances, tbh) should have a scene for if they wear the matching warding bond rings. I think it would really freak Astarion out that someone is willing to literally take damage meant for him. It would scare him to think about (what if Cazador found out and tortured him to her death?), but also why would anyone be willing to do that for him?

I think he would initially refuse to wear the ring, and even after confessing his feelings, would rather wear the ring that absorbs the damage than the one that protects from the damage. Part of that is a desire for agency and autonomy, but also, I think even he realizes he's better at handling physical pain over emotional pain.

I think caring for others (in his own way) comes way before he's truly comfortable being cared for. He tries so hard to distance himself from others' pain because caring is what's hurt him the most in the past. Part of his growth is realizing both that it's okay to care and be cared for. Some part of his mind still keeps screaming that no one helps others without expecting something in return, and if you don't know the price, you can't prepare yourself for it. Getting over that mental hurdle is a long, slow process.

As to taking care of each other, the obvious thing Velassa does is let him feed from her, making sure he's not hungry. As a healer, she knows how badly starvation affects someone. In return, I imagine Astarion being fussy about making sure she's eating enough, keeping hydrated, not pushing herself too hard, and being a nuisance if she tries to push through it anyway. All for "practical" reasons, of course, not because he's worried or anything. (He's worried.)

Velassa, of course, is careful about monitoring herself for blood loss and its effects. That said, she's also Ilmatari, so in a certain sense, she overrelies on her own endurance. She can push herself farther and sacrifice more of herself than most, thanks to her god. Astarion sees that as reckless, though, and it irks him that she's so cavalier about her own health. So what if she can handle it? She shouldn't have to!

I think they should have included a scene where if you offer him blood, say, three times in a row, he declines the next time. Tasty as blood is, it takes time to replenish. The "bloodless" condition is literally someone suffering noticeable effects of blood loss. You can't just keep losing that much blood every night without it becoming dangerous. Even factoring in that blood seems to "intoxicate" him, he's pragmatic enough to realize (feelings aside) it would be a bad thing for him if she became too weak to function.

Beyond the obvious, though, one thing I head-canon is that Astarion starts to learn a lot about herbalism and plants. Velassa, as a life cleric of Ilmater, is trained in herbalism and is constantly collecting medicinal ingredients. Astarion starts out quite the city-dweller, but he has sharp eyes. I think he'd pick it up quickly. They're walking along and Astarion spots some rare plant, points it out to her. Despite himself, he starts learning about how to make medicines to the point that he scoffs at the prices merchants charge for things like healing potions. "Tell me you're joking. All our cleric needs to create these is three flowers and a mushroom you can find literally anywhere. Please." 🙄 And then everyone gives him crap about "our" cleric, Shadowheart pretending to be offended.

I really think there should have been a lot more friendly teasing of the ROs in this game. You cannot tell me that this group would not be (lovingly) roasting the shit out of each other, especially the two idiots in love.

I also think Astarion starts teaching Velassa about how to pick locks, disarm traps and recognize thieves' cant. "You don't have to steal to know how to pick a lock. What if you get locked up somewhere and need to escape? Are you going to pray the lock open?" (She might.) Velassa doesn't have great dexterity, but she is intelligent and perceptive, so I think she'd start to get the hang of it. "And who'd expect a cleric to know thieves' cant? You can listen in and learn all sorts of things with no one the wiser." That stuff is all still in his wheelhouse, but it's a handy skill to have in a pinch. In my playthrough at the goblin camp, Velassa freed Liam from the torture rack by picking the lock on the first try, and I imagine Astarion was sooo proud.

For a date, I think despite appearances, Astarion would like something low-key. He's tired of always having to put on a performance. For all he talks up enjoying it, hedonism and debauchery are old hat after two hundred years of being forced into it. I see him wanting something like going to some secluded place and star-gaze, just talking and watching the sun rise together. Safe, contemplative, no need for pretense. Something genuine, real.

The graveyard scene is sort of in that vein, but the focus is different. There he's recognizing that he's finally, actually free of Cazador, that he has a future. He's relieved, triumphant, ready to start reclaiming himself, starting with sex if possible. He hasn't yet had time to start thinking about the future or who he is now. But after that? After he's had time to start coming to grips with it?

It would make him nervous as hell. Sex is (comparatively) easy, but intimacy? Being vulnerable, not just for a moment before he puts the walls back up, but for a lifetime? He's on new ground for the first time in 200 years. To be seen, to be actually known, and to know someone else -- that's something he craves, and fears.

It's never really occurred to him because Astarion's not a naturally introspective person, but I think after Cazador's dealt with, he has a real "what now?" moment. All he's ever dreamed about was freedom. The future is a blank, and he doesn't even know himself well enough to really know what he wants. But now, there's this person by his side, someone he cares about, and he realizes just how little he actually knows about her. Now he wants to know everything.

Outside the whole tadpole thing, and her basically becoming the leader of their merry band of misfits, who is she? He doesn't understand her, despite being around her for so long. How is she like this? Why? What drives her to go so far for his sake, when he knows he doesn't deserve it? And she is so confident in who she is and her convictions.

I can see him asking lots of questions, in part because he's looking for guidance to figure himself out, but also because he's never really had a chance to care about anyone else. He's desperate, afraid, because now he's had a taste of happiness. Part of him still expects it to be ripped away. He wants reassurance that it's safe to care. Not because he thinks she'll reject him, but all he knows is the role of "sexy, cynical vampire". But if she believes he can be more than that, well, maybe he can be.

I also wish we were able to include our Tavs' family in-game. I'd have loved the opportunity to have Velassa introduce Astarion to her (noble) family. Her father would definitely be making Astarion sweat bullets, not least because Velassa's (retired assassin) father used to be her mother's bodyguard. 😁 History repeating, and all that.

I also think that, even after he starts becoming more genuine, he's still going to be a snarky bitch. Humor is a coping mechanism, but it's one of the healthiest. Velassa may be a sweet, kind-hearted healer, but she also has a streak of dark humor. You don't become a healer without seeing horrible things, and gallows humor is par for the course. It shocks people who don't know her well. Astarion thinks it's hilarious to see this ball of sunshine drop this incredibly dark joke and everyone around go 😱 I also think he enjoys making off-color jokes and making her laugh at inappropriate moments. Small victories.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #fandom stuff #indulgent head-canon time #astarion ancunin #astarion #bg3 tav #astarion/tav #oc: velassa fairhaven #ia rambles about...

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infiniteanalemma · 6 months

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This is fascinating stuff, and I definitely agree that the city is in for a complete shit-storm once everything comes out. Gortash had no problem bankrupting everyone -- if his plan had succeeded, well, there wouldn't have been any point in currency anyway. Throwing away the city's resources like it was going out of style would only ever have helped him, once he got far enough along. Ulder and/or Wyll will have a hell of a time bringing that situation under control.

As for Astarion and magistrates, my thought is that it's a relatively minor, mostly administrative job. Think things like suing for minor property damage or a contract dispute between members of the lower class -- not a high-powered judge or anyone with major political connections. It'd probably be more like a proving ground for who to promote to a position like that, though. Of course, if he could force people to pay fines, that would explain how he could've angered the Gur; he'd be some poncy noble unfairly targeting them while turning a blind eye to others doing the same stuff but having better connections.

@infiniteanalemma that post is so long and I didn't want to make it longer even with a readmore LMAO however it is VERY interesting that if u Google magister baldurs gate, ONLY astarion comes up. This, plus the fact that there aren't really supposed to be many cemeteries in the city means that the game took a few creative liberties with astarion lmao. (I have yet to look at the map of baldurs gate from bg1 and 2, I'm still on part one of watching a lets play of it rip)

But in general it also puts into perspective wyll and ulder---ulder became grand Duke only 7 years ago, 3 years after parliament was formed. All dukes positions are supposedly elected and he was elected based off of the general good will and like, ppl thinking he would help the lower city, according to the lorebooks and he failed to meet expectations bc he had to make certain deals with the patriars that made him hypocritical, in the way wyll thinks many politicians are hypocritical

(In general tho I like to think that ulder does TRY to be good. The system is just so broken. I think he and florrick are team lower city tho along with the twelve representatives from the lower city and I go back and forth on whether gortash also was or wasn't, tho it would make more sense if he was as he is also from poverty and not a patriar and it would add texture to both gortash and ulder if he was sometimes on their side, sometimes not.)

Gortash was a councilor who worked up the ranks, while ulder said at least ten years ago that he was a sycophant---as a slave himself with criminal connections (nine fingers has a jounral entry that mentions him even), he would've been able to rise up the ranks the old-fashioned baldurian way with wealth and crime. Plus u know he was sleeping with noble women

In general guild connections and connections between noble families are SUPER important and u never want to lose face. Also important to note that some patriar families aren't that popular or rich and there is a lack of funds for some of them

Which is even more interesting bc the steel watch is made if adamatium and infernal engines, and adamatium golems can take up to 100k gold to make

So right now baldurs gate could potentially have wasted like. Lit3ral millions of the patriars gold on these steel watch and the foundry,which no one knows is made with slave labor except the gondonians

(Which will have devastating effects when it is revealed as the gondonians are a huge part of the baldurs gate infrastructure, there's a whole two famous establishments in the city, the hall of the wonders and the high house of wonders, where trade workers can learn their crafts and make incredible inventions and sell them and help baldurs gate with it, like its a huge thing, some people come to baldurs gate JUST for that, and gortash decided to make gondonians slaves like yikes)

Two dukes are dead, no grand Duke, 20 patriars dead, we don't know how many of them were members of parliament, we don't know if they were ever ex proxies, we don't know how involved they were with the guild or if they were on "the side of the lower city" we don't know what happened to the ACTUAL watch, but now they can't use the steel watch, and the vanthampur plan to make the flaming fist look weak and bad worked because they're ALL ON GORTASHS SIDE. Now everyone knows the flaming fist are idiots. And there's thousands of flaming fist inside and outside the city.

There's also amn--- they hate baldurs gate and want them to be emerged from the council of lords, which gortash would have been added to, and which wyll would be added to, like his Father. The council of lords are extremely extremely powerful and everyone but especially amn is already like "WHY IS BALDURS GATE REPRESENTED AND NOT US? THEYRE PIRATE BASTARDS" etc, and this would only add more fuel to that fire

Not entirely sure what happens in the sewers bc its optional, but there's still the guild, and rebuilding, and all the crime thatd usually happening, the class tensions, etc

But before gortash reveals his evil hand, i genuinely think people liked him and thought he was saving him too just like he wanted, upper city AND lower city since baldurs mouth even likes him and in general they can be pretty anti-establishment

The flaming fist guy i randomly talked to was even like "I guess ill pour a drink out for him. I guess." When gortash was killed

The most well known politicians are known because they lead during times of great crisis and all that

But gortash severely fucked the patriars over, and especially like. How much coin the city has, and has for rebuilding

Gortash wouldn't have needed it if everything went the way he planned. But wyll/ulder will now that great googly moogly its all gone to shit lmao

(Or u know durgetash for the war crimes aus)

On the plus side, pretty good time to be a criminal. And a lot of folks in baldurs gate are criminals

Next game should be all about nine fingers nine and wyll and avernus tbh. If there is a next game LOL. And im not just saying that bc im. A wyll roleplay blog LMAO

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 meta #patriar politics #lore stuff #ia rambles about...#fandom stuff

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