incorrect-sorted-quotes
incorrect sorted quotes
they didn't say these things, but we can pretend they did
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Conversation
Jamie: How did James get so muscular anyway?
Ben: When he was 14, he found out that exercise could alleviate stress. So he started doing push-ups and just never stopped.
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Barry: Let me explain something to you, James. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, Barry. Act."
James: So, you weren't thinking.
Barry: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.
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Mike: Barry has one brain cell and it bounces around his head like a Windows screen saver.
Jamie: When it reaches a corner he has one coherent thought.
Mike: That hasn’t happened since 2013.
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Jamie: Hey Barry, you look beautiful today!
Barry: Aww, thanks!
Jamie: April Fools!
Barry: :(
Jamie: You look beautiful every day.
Barry: :)
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Barry: Hey babe, you up yet?
James: *yawning* yeah, I woke up like 10 minutes ago
Barry: Then where the hell is my good morning text?
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Barry: Hey, are you guys into ass?
Barry: Well then you should kiss mine you frickin’ haters
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Conversation
Ben: If you had 5 apples and gave 3 to a friend, what would you have?
Mike: [tearing up] A... a friend.
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Conversation
Mike: *playing the Barry & Ben song*
Barry: Do you take requests?
Mike: Sure!
Barry: Stop.
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Conversation
Jamie, to the banana he's peeling: Please, may I take your jacket?
Mike: Do you think other people can't hear you?
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Conversation
James: Gotta love knitting needles. I can make a scarf. I can make a hat. I can stab your eyes out. I can make mittens.
Ben: What was that middle part?
James: I can make a hat.
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Conversation
James: Where are you two??
Mike: At the hospital. Barry swallowed a watermelon seed.
James: Why? It's not like the watermelon is going to grow inside him.
Mike: ...
Mike: We'll be back in 10 minutes.
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Conversation
Jamie: Mike!!
Mike: Oh, no. Mike in b-flat. You’re disappointed.
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James: My memory is excellent. Name one thing I've forgotten.
Mike: You forgot me at the bar last week.
James: That was intentional. Try again.
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Conversation
Barry: Can we talk? One ten to another?
James: I'm an eleven, Barry, but continue.
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Conversation
James: If you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do with it?
Jamie: Say goodbye and mend my relationships.
Barry: Something illegal.
Ben: Accept my fate.
Mike: I would message ten people saying that if they don't forward the message to ten other people, I would die tomorrow.
James: What?
Jamie: That's fucking awesome. Can I change my answer?
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Conversation
Jamie: What’s the name of the restaurant's owner?
Barry: His dog’s name is Doug.
Jamie: That’s not… what I asked.
Barry: That’s the information I have.
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