Students who acquire large debts putting themselves through school are unlikely to think about changing society. When you trap people in a system of debt, they can’t afford the time to think.

Noam Chomsky (via quotemadness)

perhaps it’s time to finally let go.

I'm trying to tell this to myself but it's so hard. I'm really close to quitting.

If you get tired, learn to rest, not quit.

I wish someone would invite me over to their private island and have me stay for a month, without internet, without my phone. It doesn't even have to be a rich person's island. It can be just a simple, clean island with a clean, crystal-clear water beach. I'll stay in a nipa hut, for heaven's sake. I'll live there for a month with just my books. A notebook and a pen. I'll cook my own meals. I'll clean the place every day. Any one kind enough to do that?

Nothing is right with my life right now. There has not been for the last three years. I'm so tired na. I'm so fucking tired. I'm weak as hell for this shit.

This contrast between my want to die and my fear of death is so confusing. Ganahan na ko mo-give up pero mahadlok ko. It doesn't make sense.

Ganahan na ko mo-give up. I'm so tired.

Note to Self

Stop trusting people you don't really know, because you can hardly even trust a person you really know. People are people: they are out to hurt you--aware or unaware, intentional or unintentional. People are people: their minds work on complex patterns far too different from yours. You are you: you only have yourself to protect yourself. Do not give trust where it is undeserved. Remember, self. --Self

We never really got along when you were still alive. We treated each other as if we did not have the same blood running through our veins. I treated you as if you weren't my father, and you as if I wasn't your son. We stayed out of each other's way, avoiding those painful confrontations you so violently had engaged in with everyone. I hated you. I hate you still. You weren't a good father to me, to us. I did not expect you to be Atticus Finch but goddammit you should have asked me even fucking once if I was okay because most of the time I'm not. You were the topmost reason of my sleepess nights: that's how far you have stressed me out. My hatred of you grew over the years, it got bigger and hotter and redder, until I got to the point when I wished death upon you. I'm not proud but you can't blame me. You were an awful person. You beat us. You neglected us. You mentally and emotionally bullied us. I shouldn't even be writing this stupid letter to you. I should go on with my life and forget you ever existed. But I can't. The thought of you being dead drives me up the wall. I want to shake you awake. I want to scream at you to fucking wake up. You weren't the weak one in our family. You were the strongest. We feared you. To suddenly change that, to suddenly present yourself to me as a sad lump of vegetable--well, that took the wind out of my sails. I am horrified I am hysterical I am frightened out of my wits. I could do nothing except watch as you fade away from the world, from us. Why did you do this? How cruel of you to ask them to summon me only to die in front of me when I got to the hospital. You were supposed to survive and continue being the awful person you had always been. You weren't supposed to break my heart again. You have broken it too many times. Was that your last punishment for me? To burn the image of your last suffering into my mind. To burn guilt into my mind for the rest of my life. To remember you. You don't have to worry about it; I will remember you, all right. I will cry silently through the nights, with the image of you in that hospital bed, sprawled flat, glassy eyes staring at the ceiling, in my mind. I will never forget you. Your son

Once upon a time, there was a married couple. One day they got into a fight. As a breather, they decided to take a rest separately. A week later, they met again. The wife said, "I found someone else..." The husband nodded, suddenly incapable of speech. She asked for his forgiveness and he gave it to her without second thoughts. Every day he would remember his wife's sin. It would break his heart every morning when he woke. It would wash over him like cold water while out eating his lunch. It would leave him in tearful laughter, and before he knew it, he would break down into sobs. And they lived happily ever after.

I feel so tired. I just want to rest for a while.