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maybe we should take a trip to jupiter.
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ageing is a good thing actually
there is literally nothing wrong with being or looking old. older people do not have to “feel young” or have healthy and nondisabled bodies to have vibrant and full lives. older people do not have to “look younger than their age” or “be well-preserved” (gag) for others to see their beauty. and even so, fitting aesthetic ideals isn’t remotely necessary to love & be loved, to create, to add a unique perspective to the world!!
older people are essential to healthy communities! their presence, & their connections w other people, enrich everyone’s lives. being vulnerable and/or disabled does not diminish the goodness a person adds to the world just by existing as themselves. variety among people is a good and important and necessary thing in and of itself!!
even if you don’t have Some Great Wisdom to add to the world, even if you’ve had a quiet life and don’t have a lot of colourful stories, even if you never had children or grandchildren, even if you never got around to doing certain things you wish you had - existing as an elderly person is good and important actually, and I’m glad you are here!! elderly people deserve care and respect, and they shouldn’t have to be exceptional to receive it. your life is important right now! it will still be important when you are older!!
you do not have to try to freeze yourself into youth actually, it’s not only not possible but the attempt may cause you to miss - or fail to appreciate - important and wonderful experiences that only come with age. people who value you for your youth alone are thinking like predators, and you are worth more than being devoured.
the passage of time is not our enemy actually, it is the canvas upon which we paint our lives. to treat more canvas as a shame to be hidden away is to waste glorious opportunity.
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ph. Danko Maksimovic - Belgrade, Serbia (2024)
Film: Kodak Gold 200
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“she should be at the club” well i should be in the green house party paintings by salman toor
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One of the most memorable interactions was Saturday. Into our booth strolls a small family, tempted by free samples of freshly brewed tea. We chatter and give them the spiel, that the tea is character merch and we’re a cozy health-based app called Forage Friends.
The young girl zeroes in on our pride pins.
“They have my pin!” She says excitedly. “They have my flag!”
The dad blinks. He is surprised, but also calm and positive when he sees it’s the lesbian flag. “Oh. That’s… different from what you told me.”
“That was months ago, dad.” And she rolls her eyes. Definitely a teenager.
I turn to him and say, “Yeah, dad.” And we share a little laugh about it.
He says, “No, it’s great. That’s amazing, honey. It was just news to me.”
“Well, I guess I just decided to stop lying to myself. About liking guys. Like right now.”
A little lesbian just came out to her dad and he was super cool about it.
I’m standing there in my tie-dye mask and my cheery blue apron pouring tea and making small talk and I’m trying really hard not to cry or compare it to my experience, the fire & brimstone, the disgust, the conditional acceptance as long as I never bring it up.
So as this beautiful bonding is going on, the girl’s even younger brother turns his gaze around. He’s in a snorlax hoodie and bored and wants to go look at the swords across the hall. But on the other side of our booth….
“WHY DO PEOPLE DRAW THAT?” He asks loudly, and we all turn to our neighboring booth.
Our neighbors were extremely lovely people. Every time we had a break we would talk, and we became good friends over the weekend. They kept apologizing that their booth was next to ours and we kept repeating that it was totally fine. Their booth was great. I even bought their merchandise.
The thing that was so contentious, that they felt the need to apologize for, was that they were selling explicit titty hentai stickers of popular characters. They were censored with little yellow R18 labels but the content was very clear.
So back to the family: I freeze and immediately go somewhere else to let dad handle this question. With adult customers I’ve been loud and positive about our neighbors. (“Man, how has it been boothing next to them?” It’s been great! They bring a lot of foot traffic and they’re kind and wonderful professional neighbors. If anything it’s a fun juxtaposition. We believe in artistic freedom. I bought a sticker too!)
But this is a kid, it’s not my place to explain anything…. But I was extremely curious about what this chill dad would say.
“Well,” dad says with a long measured silence between each word. “Sometimes people are horny.”
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no rizz. just insane music taste & a peculiar amount of knowledge about very niche topics and historic events
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My brain: You have so many tight deadlines. So many things on your weekly schedule. So many important jobs. You have to get important work done!!!
My hands:
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a good sumerian inexplicably donated five packs of 500 temporary tattoos to the classroom, each pack featuring identical pictures of a different invasive species of bug
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to show how big my dog is: this is him compared to a full grown golden retriever and some others
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Healthy love is glad to be told what a loved one needs, healthy love is eager to take part in the work of loving. Healthy love is excited to see a loved one confident and happy, and has no desire to be the source or arbiter of a loved one’s self-esteem or confidence - healthy love is happy to reassure and eager to compliment, but not to be the only source of positive regard in a loved one’s life. Healthy love is glad when others show a loved one care and respect, and wants loved ones to have lots of sources of positive regard.
Healthy love wants to see a loved one accept love with gladness and confidence, not shame and feelings of unworthiness. Healthy love wants the loved one to truly know deep down that they are worthy of love and care and respect, and to respond with reciprocation, not gratitude.
The people who love you in a healthy way do not need or want for you to make yourself as small as possible. They don’t want or need you to minimize your own needs and desires, they don’t need or want you to act like they’re doing you a giant favour by treating you with love and respect. The people who love you in a healthy way will be so glad if you accept their love as something you deserve. They won’t think you’re being selfish or self-centred or full of yourself if you accept love with reciprocation and not self-effacing gratitude - in fact, they will be glad!
Because healthy love wants to see YOU healthy and happy, and you aren’t either while you’re letting poisonous self-hatred fester in you. Whoever planted those seeds, you aren’t obligated to tend the plant yourself. You do not have to be a shrine to those who have treated you badly. You can tear out self-hatred wherever you find it, and the people who love you will not only agree you are entitled to do so, they will rejoice with you with each victory!
You deserve care and respect. The people who love you in a healthy way believe you deserve care and respect, and their belief doesn’t hinge on you cowering and acting self-effacing and denying your needs. Instead, their belief that you deserve care and respect means they don’t want you to act like you’re less than them, they don’t want you to constantly defer to their needs and desires, they want to be total equals! They want to just be asked for reassurance when you need it - people who love you in a healthy way don’t need to be manipulated into giving you bits of reassurance!
The people who love you in a healthy way do not need power over you in order to love you fully - they can love you even better the more you participate in the process of sharing your true self, what you actually need and want, who you actually are. Love is work that has to be tended together - that includes letting the people who love you do kindnesses for you instead of you always being the giver.
Healthy love is respect and care and reciprocity.
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tumblr is the website you can’t find your own posts but someone else likes a post you made five years ago
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postcards say IM HERE. IM HERE AND I LOVE YOU. IN THIS SPACE AND TIME AND WHEREVER AND WHENEVER YOU ARE. THERE IS A SPACE BETWEEN THOSE SPACES THAT CONNECTS US AND ITS FULL OF LOVE. I’LL MEET YOU THERE.
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Kate Baer, from What Kind of Woman: Poems; “To take back a life”
[Text ID: “Pick up your heavy burdens and leave / them at the gate. I will hold the door for / you.”]
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I love butch toughness but I think I love butch softness even more. Soft hair, soft skin, soft eyes filled with the most gentle love when watching their partners do something goofy or sweet. Soft touches in the early morning to wake you up. Soft smiles and soft kisses. I love how soft butches can be 💗
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