illuminarcy
danny dorito
odie - uk - he/they
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ニットとコーヒーと暮らしと
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GIRL THIS BIG ASS RAT WALKED UP TO ME AND STARTED SNIFFING ME I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEONES DOG AT FIRST BUT I LOOKEE AND STUART LITTLE WAS LOOKING BACK AT ME I HATE NEW YORK
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me: so ive been having a really bad week do you have any advice
my therapist burn gorman:
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This is the kind of gay jokes that we, as a community, deserve
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me walking into a mcdonalds in 2037: i’d like the 5 for .0000005 meal please :)
cashier: sure thing! that’ll just be .0000005 bitcoins. would you like to pay with wifi or take out a McLoan?
me: comcastie-kins can i pwease use the intewnet to twansfew some bitcoins to mcdonawds? ówò
comcast: uh oh pumpkin, you didn’t upgrade to the new premium money exchange package yet :(
me: guess i’ll take out another McLoan then!
cashier: sir it looks like you’ve actually exceeded your limit, you currently owe .13 bitcoins to mcdonald’s and im legally required to arrest you
me: not if i kill myself first
cashier, chasing me with a net: mcdonald’s owns the rights to your life so you’re not allowed to die
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i shittily inked robert smith like a few weeks ago
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virgin mary inspired lightbox shite (this is not me its some kid ik)
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im rlly whatever the opposite of a manic pixie dream girl is.,. depressed goblin nightmare man . thatsa me
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So in lore, vampires have this trait that I’ve almost never seen used, and that’s the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore.
Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorstep–poppy and mustard seeds were particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them.
If they didn’t immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire. However, if they WERE a vampire, they’d be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn’t counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn’t be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it’s possible to make them lose count and start over.
Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires.
Vampire accountants who are an honest company’s best asset and a corrupt company’s bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO scamming money because fuck you for making the numbers wrong.
Vampire cashiers that don’t need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest.
Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them.
MATH NERD VAMPIRES
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Please boost and support her via this link: http://durhamsolidaritycenter.org/bondfund/
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never let people forget that the main target of nazis are jews.
Lgbt people are targets, black people are targets, other poc are targets.
but their main targets are always Jews. don’t forget about us. Don’t forget that they’re targeting jews.
because everyone seems to be doing so, and its not fair. We’re real people, being targeted. our death, our elimination, is being Claimed as a main goal publicly on television by these neo-nazis.
You don’t get to leave us out of your solidarity posts about the victims and targets of these white supremacists.
To do so is to perpetuate the very antisemitism that these people are spreading. To do so is to be complicit in these neo-nazis goals.
I know most people making posts in solidarity with the targets of these people mean well, but you can’t leave out their main target, for any reason.
Please, if you’re not jewish, reblog this.
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fox emoji review
apple: a good boy! i like the gradient on his muzzle and the black tips on his ears. 8/10
google: the orange outline is a nice touch, i think. i’m a fan of the eyes, this fox looks clever and ready for anything. 10/10
microsoft: bad. looks like an orange wolf. the thick outline is not good and the curve of the muzzle looks strange when compared to the points of the rest of the emoji. 1/10 because he is still a fox and i still love him
samsung: soft and dainty! this is a fox that knows her talents. she does kind of look like a tanuki because of the round snout, but she’s still great! 9/10
emojipedia: ehhh… i’m not a fan of the brown, it makes this fox look more like a mouse. i do like the fur though, it has lots of texture. 3/10
facebook: a soft and chubby boy!!! i want to give him twenty cuddles a day and feed him and love him. 1000000/10
twitter: bringing back microsoft’s awkward half-wolf look, but he almost makes it work? the lack of heavy outline makes it less jarring, i think. 3/10
emojione: a cute baby! this little fox is clever and daring, if a bit bland. 6/10
emojidex: -1/10 because it looks exactly like that taxidermy of the fox sitting on the chair, and i didn’t think that was possible, but somehow the artist managed to turn that taxidermy fox into a horrifying emoji.
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