iamfoldediamalie
Where I Am Folded, I Am A Lie
We need, in love, to practice only this; letting each other go. for holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it. - Rainer Maria Rilke
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relationships & BPD
#tip 1; Educate your partner about the illness.
#tip 2; Be honest and open with your feelings.
#tip 3; Let them know what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable.
#tip 4; Communication is VERY important.
#tip 5; Expect that sometimes some of their actions won´t meet your expectations, but don’t forget that they are trying they´re best and they love you.
#tip 6; If you feel like your partner is overstepping a boundary or moving too fast, let them know!! If they truly, truuly love you they will respect your space and give you the time you need.
#tip 7; When in an abusive situation, do not be afraid to call the person out on it or ask for help from a third party. Even if they are kind and caring towards you sometimes, all the abuse isn´t worth those times of pain and torment.
#tip 8; Learn to recognize that sometimes you might go too far. It isn´t our fault that sometimes we can be REALLY mean and nasty towards our significant other, but that doesn´t completely absolve us from the responsibility of said action. So do not be afraid to, once you´ve calmed down and/or feel more stable, approach them and apologize. Explain to them that you didn´t mean it, and it was just your brain being an asshole again.
#tip 9; that also applies to when we are being manipulative.
(( if you reblog this, feel free to add more tips! It would be nice to have a big list floating around on Tumblr with tips for everyone to make the most off
Good luck on your battles , Soldier.))
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I’m scared you’re not going to stay mine forever when I’ll always be yours
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For anyone who suffers from constant, sever, panic attacks.
The first time I experience a panic attack I was almost positive I was dying. No where in my mind did I realize that what was happening to me was almost entirely, if not entirely, self-inflicted. I have always been a fighter, even when I know I’m wrong, tooth and nail I will fight.
Fighting is the absolute WORST possible thing you can do to yourself when experiencing a panic attack. The harder you resist and the more you fight to maintain some illusion of control, the more fucked you will be.
I am speaking only from personal experience. When a panic attack lasts for 30-60mins, it’s because you have been torturing yourself. They should not last for more than a matter of minutes.
Accepting what is happening and “feeling it out,” is the best ward for a panic attack. It is entirely fine that you are having these incredibly uncontrollable, intense emotions. It will pass as it always does. DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR FEELING SHITTY! Guess what!? You’ll feel even worse.
As always, this is easier said than done. But we have it rough already, so why kick ourselves when we’re already down? Try to breathe through it and don’t worry about “being in control” for a moment.
I’ve found essential oils to be an incredibly helpful way to aide in pulling me out of panic attack. Put a drop on your hands and breath it in. Rub some on your temples. Use a vaporizer if you have one.
Lavender, Cedar-wood, Ylang Ylang, Chamomile, Sandalwood, Spruce, Frankincense, Eucalyptus, Peppermint (if you can handle it), Cardamom
All have calming effects, and there are many others, these are ones I use. Mix and match… have fun with your panic attack… lol?
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Borderline personality is being called a flirt when you have no idea how to make people like you without seducing them.
Borderline personality is being called a drama queen for having bigger than life emotions and not being able to restrain them.
Borderline personality is not recognizing a photograph of yourself a week after taking it.
Borderline personality is fully understanding you’re being irrational, clingy, or overbearing, and watching yourself fall further instead of fixing it.
Borderline personality is refusing every kind offer because it could possibly be insincere and you won’t let yourself fall for that again.
Borderline personality is being constantly cautious of what you say so you don’t come off as manipulative, and being a pushover when you don’t want to so no one will think of you in that way.
Borderline personality is not being able to love yourself unless someone else loves you, but never fully believing that they could love you.
Borderline personality is thinking of all the ways you could die, today, at this moment, on a loop every waking moment.
Borderline personality is hard. It’s hard to cope. It exhausts you. Treat people with BPD like normal human beings, please. We’re not monsters. We’re tired of our shit, too. Be patient, and i know constant need for reassurance gets annoying, but it’s sometimes so necessary.
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so a bit back, i spent a few hours researching on the topic of borderline personality disorder for someone but now i don’t know what to do with the all the writing I have put into it so i thought i’d share it, hoping that this wasn’t all for nothing ❤️
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Anyone: *says literally anything to me*
My brain despite hearing them clearly:
Me after long awkward silence: haha wait what
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helping your bpd pals
if you’re reading this post you’re already off to a wonderful start with helping your borderline friends! it can be hard for us to admit we need specialized attention, and you going out of your way to learn how to help us is amazing. here are some simple things you can do for us (and the reasoning behind them)
•enthusiasm! borderlines have very black & white thinking, meaning if we aren’t positive you’re happy with us we will assume you are angry. really simple things like exclamation points and smiles can go a long way!
•let us know when you’re going to be hard to reach! this one is pretty self explanatory, and if you’ve read any other post of this sort i’m sure you’ve seen this, but it’s important! we are terribly scared of you abandoning us so let us know that you aren’t and that you’re just busy. (we’re kinda like those dogs that freak out and destroy the house when their owner leaves because they think they’ve been abandoned)
•reassurance! we will rarely come out and ask for this one out of fear of being labeled a “manipulative borderline,,” but if you take anything from this post it’s that your bpd friends need to be reassured that you care about us as much as possible. we usually lack emotional permanance which makes it hard for us to believe you still love us, even if you told us a few days- or hours- before.
•don’t get angry over our impulsive behavior! if we aren’t getting the attention that we’re desperate for, us borderlines will most likely do an “attention seeking” and often self destructive action in order to gain attention. you should definetly express your concerns and etc. over the behavior, but please don’t act angry. that will often lead to more impulsive thoughts on our part
•don’t show annoyance over us apologizing a lot! we constantly feel like a burden since we can’t handle things “"normally”“ this will lead us to apologize constantly (and apologize for apologizing) please just tell us it’s alright or that we don’t need to worry about it.
•if we start acting cold, don’t stress about it! this one is more for the friends or fps of us borderlines. a lot of us do what is called “splitting” where we will swap from idolizing you to hating you very abruptly. it is completely temporary!! we still love you!!
•compliment our appearance! complimenting our personalities can be tricky, since we have such a hard time thinking for ourselves. a lot of people with bpd are obsessed with their appearance and changing it, so compliment us occasionally!
•random affection! people with bpd are usually so worried that they are manipulating affection out of people. you telling us sweet or reassuring things without us initiating it is appreciated beyond belief. keep in mind we frequently don’t know how to react to things, but i promise we will be so happy.
disclaimers:
~i don’t speak for the entire bpd community!! you should ask your borderline pal if these things apply to them if you aren’t sure.
~i’m not trying to tell you that we need a certain high level of attention or nothing, we know that you have problems to deal with too. just knowing you care and recognize our illness enough to read this post is amazing and relieving.
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how to avoid guilt-tripping people accidentally (will be updated as i think of examples)
don’t insult yourself. it seems like you’re looking to make them feel bad for you. it also makes it look like you’re playing victim. (ex: “i’m a shitty person.” “i should just die.” “i’m just stupid.”)
say, for example, “i feel like you dislike me” instead of “you dislike me.” you don’t actually know how they feel and being accusatory like that is a huge turn off.
when apologizing, make it genuine. don’t bring up how you feel and instead apologize for how you made the other person feel. how you feel can be brought up later.
remind people that you genuinely want to get better and tell them to call you out when you exhibit problematic behavior.
it’s perfectly okay to be angry that your trauma left you with these symptoms, but that doesn’t make it okay to continue problematic behavior and make no effort to fix it. you can do it with some effort. i believe in you. and feel free to add on.
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bpd tip:
Do you struggle with separation from your fp? Of course you do. It really sucks!! And it’s really hard!! But here’s something I have learned to help you cope with their absence:
Engulf as many senses as you can with something you associate with them. For example: my fp is also my boyfriend. I have one of his hoodies with his cologne on it, and pictures of us together. So there I have touch, smell, and sight that I can fix on him. Snuggling up with these items for a nap is really nice. Even carrying them around with me is effective.
This kind of method really helps calm me down and put me in a safe, warm, happy place, when usually in his absence, I feel uneasy, scared, meaningless, and sometimes downright awful.
Share to help a borderline! Indulge your senses!
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“[Albert Mehrabian’s] research showed that we convey a puny 7 percent of our attitudes and beliefs through the actual words we speak. The rest—a whopping 93 percent—comes from our tone of voice (38 percent) and our facial expressions (55 percent). Furthermore, if our words and body language disagree, listeners will believe the nonverbal communication, not our words. Without nonverbal cues, all we’re left with, essentially, is e-mail—a method so fraught with the possibility of miscommunication that we had to invent the ‘language’ of emoticons to make sure we’re not misunderstood.”
— Randi Kreger, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder
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bpd tip: don’t ever associate anyone with anything because inevitably when you split on them/they leave or turn into a giant asshole, that thing will be ruined for you forever. even if you don’t care about it, whenever you see it mentioned you will feel nauseous and upset and angry. and then if you say anything about how you feel, you’ll get made fun of for “overreacting.”
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“Instead of getting rid of your issues, have you considered seeing the beauty in them and using them as a catalyst to be your most authentic, aware, passionate, creative self?”
— intuitivefish.com
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Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
by Darian Rehder (someone who has BPD)
Things to Understand:
1. Their moods change a lot. This is not your fault most of the time. They just feel a lot, and when they’re attached to someone it can make their feelings stronger. It doesn’t mean that they feel all those things about you all the time.
2. They probably think you’re going to leave them about every day, sometimes more often. If they ask you if you still like them, it’s because they honestly don’t know if you still do. They need to hear it often.
3. If they get randomly angry in the middle of something that you don’t think needs that kind of response, it is usually because something has triggered them. Learn what triggers the person you’re with, so you can both work to prevent it.
4. Because they feel intense emotions, they also feel love and happiness at large proportions. This is great, because it means they really appreciate their relationships!
5. Their minds are often on the most emotionally simulating things in their lives, because emotions this strong are hard to ignore. This means you’re probably on their mind a lot.
6. They do not want to hurt you, if they truly love you. Sometimes when they get angry or depressed or anxious they feel like they need to hurt you or run away or that they don’t love you. This isn’t true, and they often regret or don’t stand by their emotional breakdowns after awhile. Sometimes immediately.
Things You Can Do:
1. Validate their emotions. Never call them too emotional, needy, dramatic, intense, etc. even if they call themselves that.
2. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Chances are, they really do hold onto your words.
3. If you are uncomfortable or need a break from them, which is okay, explain it in a way that makes them sure you aren’t going to leave and that you still love them or care about them.
4. Do something that makes them feel loved and cared for.
5. If they’re in the midst of some negative emotion, don’t say anything judgmental, don’t tell them what to do, and don’t fight with them. This would be a good time to say something reassuring and kind with no judgmental or controlling undertones. If this doesn’t work and it seems to be going in a loop, refer to number three or continue to tell them how important they are to you.
6. Remember that there are truths to everyone. Your person might feel like something is very sad, and it may not affect you at all. It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong to feel that way.
7. Spend lots of time with them! Spending time and using your actions is a good way to reassure someone of your love.
8. Learn what they love and learn what really upsets them. It’s always good to know someone and work to avoid hurting them. They can do this for you too!
9. Don’t take things to heart. I know this is hard, but when someone with BPD has a breakdown, they often say things that they don’t truly stand by in the end. When they apologize, they often mean it with their whole heart.
10. NEVER ignore them, unless you absolutely have to. If you can’t talk or don’t want to talk, explain this to them instead of ignoring their messages. When you ignore them, they assume you are going to leave them or that something is wrong.
Reasons Why Being with Someone Who Has BPD is NOT Bad
1. Their intense emotions are biological, in most cases. It’s the same thing as having less emotions. It is not a bad thing to feel deeply.
2. They, most likely, love you with all their heart. BPD people have the biggest hearts and really will work to do nice things for you and make you feel loved.
3. They are most likely loyal as hell, and will put a lot of time and energy into you.
4. Like any mental illness, BPD is something people do not want to have. This fact will help you remember that they are not deliberately trying to hurt you in any way and really do wish they didn’t have BPD. This is why they ARE NOT ABUSIVE
5. All relationships need work. Communicating and working together can actually strengthen the bond you two have.
6. It can be helpful for someone with BPD to have a relationship so they can practice ways to manage their emotions and actions. Chances are, the longer you’re with them, the more comfortable they will be with you.
7. They’re always there for you too! All people with BPD that I know, including myself, are very good at talking about issues and helping others with problems. If you want to talk, you can count on them to give you all of their effort to help.
8. Imagine dating someone with no emotions. That’d be probably a lot harder! Appreciate the deepness of your person’s feelings. It can make life a lot easier!
9. If they are in a relationship with you, it’s probably because they want to be with you. Keep this in mind when they start feeling negatively.
10. It’s a relationship! That’s always fun. It will have challenges like all relationships, but remembering that you are with someone you love will always make it easier.
-Darian
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06.09
Plans down the drain.
Zero affection.
How long has it been since you've said you love me?
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