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Did you create Empty Spaces
I sure hope not and now my blog name hits different
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source
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Felt
she would do numbers on tumblr.com
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Hey anyone reading this! What are some things you can point to and credit for your moral development? Specifically what are some things I can grind to become a more virtuous person? Books I can read? Meditation or hypnosis? Volunteering? I'm personally pretty indebted to certain people I look up to, a childhood, seeing the good and bad of a moral community (church), my sociology degree and Tumblr education in ~2011, as well as just Life Experiences, but I'm wondering if I can take actionable steps?
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Emotional tunnel vision is the first confounding factor, but the second is that the urge to document my life at all, as some act of testimony before the divine watchers, seems to fade (for selves identical to me) around the ages of 27 and 28.
This is the narrative arc: maybe at the age of let's say fifteen the future lays across the sea a great unconquered landmass waiting for you. By the age of 23 you've crashed this great ship and stumbled your way into more than a few dead ends, and these have relieved you of the notion of a Future as the solution to the Present. But up until your late twenties, amidst your talk of cosmic insignificance and transience there's a sort of fire that still burns and makes you proud of your mess of a life. In your smallness, you feel even plucky and blasphemously proud, staring down heaven's eyes like some mouse caught in a clean kitchen. You think, I'd like to create some great and perfect singularity of everything that it means to be human, everything that it means to be me, and then You'd understand, You speaking from Your whirlwind.
By thirty, this fades too. And why is that? Maybe it's that there's a timer that begins counting down when you first take responsibility for yourself as a Real Person and it burns out at the ten-year mark. You've seen too many iterations of yourself, lived too many contradictory moments, followed too many threads to their end. The empty space that allows for romantic speculation has been filled up. At thirty you'd really just like to tell God about burnt out fuses, soft beds and warm meals waiting. The forty years you may still have left to travel signal weight rather than promise, and the most you can hope for is that you've settled into your own flaws and failures enough, bolstered by the love of those around you, to know that you're up for the task of weathering at least a few more decades. (If not, then I hope you find these people and their warmth, sincerely.)
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I set out tonight to write a yearly review, but it's difficult to remember further back than a month. One thing about living which seems to confound attempts to document it is a sort of emotional tunnel vision, whereby each emotional chapter seems to operate on its own logic. From the inside it's all you can see. The love you have for someone that makes you want to speak in forevers and meetings across lives seems as eternal and self-evident as the pain of the breakup, the simple joys of a successful routine you've fallen into as eternal as the fatigue and heaviness and entropy of depressive slumps. Whatever worlds exist outside seem invisible and alien to us.
Journaling can be helpful in combating this, to some small degree--rereading journals from even a year ago, I'm reminded of how different I was then, and yet what parts of my worldview carry over. The difficulty is forcing myself to reread them periodically. The past can seem so irrelevant to the present, even as the present is eternally reaching out to salvation in its future.
In the absence of these moments of deliberate touching base with the past, the self can feel unmoored and isolated to moments. Lessons get forgotten in the intensity of the now. I haven't really gotten better at this, even after a decade of practice. Crushes are still destabilizing and life-consuming. Being challenged still hurts. Work is still hard and boring, defeatism ever tempting. My way of working around this these days is just to not rely so much on experiential wisdom to impart change, but instead to Be Less Dumb, to watch carefully for what things trip me up, to plan against them. To build routines, use my laziness in my favor, space my physical environment in ways conducive to productivity and virtue. Emotional tunnels are powerful, powerful things that confound all rational attempts to meta them through their own internal logic. You aren't going to change--maybe this is the key to changing.
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One more month of military service
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Curiosity
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candle girls ancestor
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this is an animation i did for a song by ivy hollivana! you can listen to it on bandcamp!
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wat if we were two porcelain cats drinking milk together
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The Symbolic Alphabet [December 2015]
The object is to think of a symbol that looks like each letter and also corresponds to the letter’s meaning. Of the 26 letters, 19 correspond visually to symbols which can be described by a word containing that letter.
A - STAR [Time, Beginning, Masculine Principle Aleph/Alpha] The Star is the progenitor of planetary life, and acts as a clock by which we orient ourselves in Time. This includes Earth’s star, the Sun, which forms the basis for all patriarchal belief systems.
KEYWORDS: Astral, Father, Law, Day, Year, Eagle, Dawn, Angel, Monarch, Ancient, Atom, Yang, Action, Hand, Archetype, Annual, Age, Halo, Yahweh, Allah, Hallelujah, Amun-Ra
B - HEART [Choice, Duality, Multiplicity] As the second letter, B represents the first situation in which there is more than one of something. Since the quality of being alone distinguishes 0 and 1 from all other values, this marks a significant turn of events. Two gateposts mark the entrance to a new level of reality in which two become four, four become sixteen, and so on ad infinitum. The reflective symmetry may represent two options which appear identical. A choice must be made with the help of intuition.
KEYWORDS: Bid, Bet, Better, Best, Bosom, Blossom, Berry, Body, Baby, Birth, Biology, Both, Abundance, Between, Binary, Bind, Blind, Chamber, Member, Ambiguous, Obscure
C - CRESCENT [Creation, Synthesis, Emergence] A more dynamic form of U [Light] in which the vessel is overturned, spilling its contents to represent a birth. As Unity becomes Duality, it creates conflict, which generates energy. This energy fuels the fire for organic evolutionary processes.
KEYWORDS: Cook, Cradle, Crucible, Alchemy, Chemistry, Cauldron, Clay, Collage, Collect, Accrete, Cancer, Cornucopia, Cocoon
D - DOOR [Possibility, Opening, Potential] Represents a gateway between realities, or an open-ended state in which more than one outcome is possible. The door is unlocked, but the invitation may or may not be accepted.
KEYWORDS: Dream, Death, Seed, Cloud, DNA, Threshold, Window, Mind, Hand, Danger, Dread, Destiny, Doubt, Dormant, Demon, Divine, Word, Sound, Duality, Differ, Bridge, Amend
E - TEETH [Will, Purpose, Intention] A tool for overcoming obstacles and translating desire into action. The analytical quality of sharpness creates fine distinctions which improve focus and decision-making.
KEYWORDS: Metal, Sever, Etch, Laser, Beam, Dental, Dagger, Key, Clear, Precise, Ego, Seal, Dissect, Permit, Separate, Mean, Elect
F - FLOWER [Manifestation, Materialization, Fulfillment] The potential represented by the seed reaches its highest material expression.
KEYWORDS: Fruit, Farm, Fertility, Flesh, Form, Unfold, Unfurl, Fame, Fortune, Perfect, Fantasy, Prophecy, Effect
G - SKULL [Negation, Entropy, Decay] Encourages the dissolution of established structures to make way for new development.
KEYWORDS: Grave, Aging, Grim, Gory, Ugly, Egg, Growth, Agony, Beg, Hag, Denigrate, Gun
H - THRONE [Breath, Life, Vitality] The universal animating force which uplifts matter into the realm of consciousness. Confers an elevating and spiritualizing quality.
KEYWORDS: Health, Hail, Happy, High, Holy, Halo, Hello, Honor, Speech, Horizon, Hair, Heart, Hearth
I - PILLAR [Connective Energy - Linear or Masculine] Like a power line or umbilical cord. Represents a stable, linear connection allowing for energy transfer between Point A and Point B. Governs cognitive processes involving cause-and-effect type logic.
KEYWORDS: Life, Light, Revive, Simple, Primary, Direct, Link, Line, Aisle, Tie, Straight, Vital, Unify, Logic, Idea, Instrument, Inherit, Intent
J - FISHHOOK [Connective Energy - Non-Linear or Feminine] A more complex form of connection which involves intuition, association, or chance. Centered around the idea of casting into the unknown, or subconscious (symbolized by water), which leaves room for the influence of divine intervention.
KEYWORDS: Journey, Judgement, Jump, Jot, Jab, Jolt, Jaunt, Ouija, Sage, Justice, Jewel, Agility, Generate, Agency, Bridge, Conjunction, Generalization
K - BOOK [Causation, Catalysis, Command] A Masculine form of C wherein the process of transformation is initiated from the top down by a higher authority, rather than unfolding organically from the ground up.
KEYWORDS: Think, Speak, Kill, Key, Choke, Code, Codex, Sect, Commandment, Constitution, Cause/Effect, Action/Reaction, Actor, Work, Technology, Hierarchy, Hijack, Attack
L - LEG [Primacy, Victory, Distinction] The leg is the vehicle through which one sets oneself apart or “stands out” from the rest. Legs elevate a torso or a table, distancing it from the ground. Associated with the Star.
KEYWORDS: Climb, Elevate, Lift, Law, Lord, Laud, Laurel, Royal, Elite, Stellar, Primal, Glory, Elder, Angel, Fly, Special, Individual, Ability, Battle, Light, Lamp, Candle
M - MOUNTAINS [Knowledge, Wisdom, Attainment] The mystic 13th letter resembles two peaks on either side of a mountain pass, representing the extremes of Alpha and Omega. To ascend one or the other is a great achievement, but the true path lies between them. Passing through the gateway requires humility.
KEYWORDS: Middle, Medium, Moment, Mind, Master, Mystery, Magic, Mother, Matrix, Hermit, Mason, Shaman, Human, Music, Math, Medicine, Illuminate
N - DWELLING [Interiority, Selfhood, Protection] Like S, N often appears in Feminizing suffixes. It embodies the protective and introspective qualities of the Feminine element of Earth.
KEYWORDS: Mine, Within, Contain, Fence, Winter, Nest, Naked, Land, Domain, Enter, Planet, Moon, Nature, Nurture, Night, Virgin, Underground, Defend
O - HOLE [Being, Eternity, Nothingness, Feminine Principle Ayin/Omega] The Feminine complement and progenitor of Aleph [Star/Sun], Ayin manifests on the physical plane as dark matter, antimatter, and black holes, which correspond to a state of pure Unconsciousness. The ultimate source and destination of All That Is.
KEYWORDS: Mother, Woman, Womb, Tomb, Loop, Void, Zero, None, Open, Closed, On, Off, Alone, Ovum, Ocean, Origin, Power, Flow, Source, Paradox, Primordial, Soul, God
P - PENNANT [Place, Position, Establishment] A marker associating an object or concept with a specific location or group of people, often reflecting an aspect of ideology which distinguishes a faction from its rivals. May represent the influence of an entity in lieu of its physical presence.
KEYWORDS: Step, Put, Spot, Post, Plant, Piece, Pinpoint, Appear, Part, Party, Politics, Empire, Diplomat, Capital, Impose, Appoint, Priest, Apple, Sport, Competition, Camp, Corporation
Q - LOCK AND KEY [Union of Opposites] A combination of I and O, or 1 and 0, as seen in the word “Union.” Represents the magnetic attraction between Masculine and Feminine, which draws things together across great distances. Encompasses the biological process of conception as well as the conception of an idea.
KEYWORDS: Quest, Question, Quarry, Quarrel, Quell, Quickening, Queen, Quantum, Equate, Unique, Sequin, Consequence, Acquiesce
R - RIVERBEND [Movement, Progression, Change] Represents the universal tendency toward variability and change, which mitigates against stagnation.
KEYWORDS: Rhythm, Current, Curve, Grade, Ladder, Railroad, Stair, Chapter, Arrow, Rise, Run, Roll, Radical, Radiate, Car, Cart, Chariot, Transit, Forward, Reverse, Revolution
S - SERPENT [Possession, Accumulation, Instinct] Its elongated shape and full contact with Earth link it to the Root chakra, the lowest level of consciousness, which is responsible for keeping us alive and grounded in physical reality. Although the intensely Feminine power of the Serpent is often demonized in patriarchal ideologies, Root and Crown are both closest to Divinity.
KEYWORDS: Safety, Survival, Source, Base, Essence, Desire, Passion, Goddess, Jealous, Sin, Taste, Smell, Sense, Physical, Sanity, Necessity
T - SCALES [Balance, Temperance, Truth] A central aspect of the Egyptian concept of MA'AT, meaning Universal Order. As a quality that humans strive for but can never fully attain, it carries strong idealistic overtones.
KEYWORDS: Tongue, Talk, Teach, Court, Justice, Deliberate, Tax, Tenet, Test, Tie, Settle, Match, Spirit, Heart, Torso, Float, Flat, Eternal, Perfect, Right, Pristine, Crystal, Triangle, Tetragrammaton
U - CUP [Light, Enlightenment, Universal Power Source] The infinite light of Heaven or the Mind of God, the first substance created from nothingness. This primordial substrate gives rise to all the dimensions of material reality.
KEYWORDS: Pool, Fountain, Youth, Fool, Full, Moon, Summer, June, Bloom, Source, Beauty, Unity, Sun, Abundance, Truth, Aura, Rune, Jewel, Illumination
V - RAVINE [Darkness, Obscurity, Illusion] Symbolizes a potential pitfall which the traveler may not see coming. As the ruler of Desire, Venus is associated with Love in Western astrology, but is also recognized in some traditions to represent conflict and the lower impulses.
KEYWORDS: Evil, Veil, Vice, Love, Value, Avarice, Valley, Vast, Crevasse, Vile, Villain, Violence, Virgin, Cover, Vacillate, Vacuum, Vampire, Raven, Vulture, Vine, Slave, Solve, Salvation
W - WAVES [Assimilation, Immersion, Flow] Water is the universal solvent. Indicates a proliferation of either U [Light] or V [Darkness], to the point where all differentiation is dissolved into a single, tremendous totality.
KEYWORDS: Wet, Water, White, Wash, Wade, Wilderness, Wind, Weather, Wither, Woman, We, Well, Wine, Wish, Awe, Wonder, Wow, Power, Wisdom, Way, Swallow, Persuade
X - CRUCIFIX [Restriction, Limitation, Decrease] The Feminine counterpart of Y [Growth], as in X axis or X chromosome. If the vertical Y axis represents the Sun’s path, the X axis is the horizon which limits the duration of daylight. The figure of Christ on the crucifix takes the shape of a Y, indicating an expansive force which has been restricted by the limiting influence of society.
KEYWORDS: Axe, Nix, Sex, Fixed, Accept, Axis, Extreme, Execute, Expel, Exterminate, Index, Tax, Hex, Text, Next
Y - TREE [Growth, Expansion, Increase] The lowercase form of the Greek letter Gamma [G / Decay] resembles the Roman letter Y in both appearance and pronunciation, illustrating the close relationship between Growth and Decay. Y represents the process by which One splits into Two, initiating a chain of self-proliferation which will continue until reaching the boundary imposed by X.
KEYWORDS: Youth, Boy, Try, Day, Play, Cycle, Meiosis, Way, Hey, You, Yew, Yule, Yes, Why, Sky, Yoga, Yarn, Yard, Buy, Bye, Fly, Tributary, Highway
Z - LIGHTNING BOLT [Division, Separation, Conflict] Lightning occurs when areas of opposite charge come into proximity, causing a violent release of energy. Z can be interpreted as a jagged fracture or tear. Its frequent use in words related to sleep is likely onomatopoetic, but can also be seen as indicating a separation from reality.
KEYWORDS: Zeal, Blaze, Dazzle, Buzz, Schism, Zap, Zoo, Prison, Chasm, Crazy, Razor, Faze, Daze, Zone, Size, Freeze, Ozone, Horizon, Xenophobia, Schizophrenia
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Masao Yamamoto
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