remy ratatouille would make a great web avatar

[ID: A box of cantaloupes with a handwritten sign that says "Can't elope 2 for 5$ or 2.50 each". End ID]

Jon in episode 154: Please, Martin. I want to leave this place with you. I think I know a way we can make it out but I don't want to do it alone. Just take my hand, please, I...

Martin:

celia themagnusprotocol and her beautiful son, jack the ripler

"people in real life: hey man how's it going" is a killer phrase. instantly neutralizes whatever insane discourse you find online. gonna start using that from now on

Also Sam keeps getting he/they'd and now Alice has referred to him as a woman I think perhaps Sam may be gender as fuck actually, like canonically

"breakfast" a tma s5 animation thing

dawg can't even fry me an egg in this eyeconomy

were back at it, my guys! finishing school while trying to save up for top surgery is hell but we're doing it anyways. check out my new and updated commission post and consider getting your own picture! :)

you can also subscribe to my patreon for hot men & monsters or tip me on my kofi if you enjoy my work!

Every letter addressed to Jonah Magnus just sounds like several men of good high standing who he’s tricked into giving him their knowledge money and affections realizing that they’ve fallen for a succubus but they can’t find it in them to hate him too hard- like do you know what I mean??? I know it’s just the old timey way of speaking but every statement just sounds like “please my evil twink, I beseech you!” Like this is why I can only imagine him as like very Dorian Gray-esque in my head. Please someone tell me I’m not crazy for thinking this that’s literally their evil bbg that’s sucked them for all they’re worth and thrown em away

ok. years have passed and we've had some distance, so i'm finally gonna take the leap of faith that tma fandom is finally ready to hear me on this. let's talk about tannins.

161 was the first tma episode i heard on early release, and i felt the bit where martin declines wine and cites tannins was pretty obvious in its implications. cool, got it, say no more.

imagine my surprise when i was one of maybe three people i saw read between the lines there, in a fandom famous for red stringing--a fandom that immediately caught the much less obvious thread of ignition sources in the same episode. i'll spell it out: alcohol is an issue for martin.

maybe it just felt obvious because addiction is a pet issue for me--as it is for jonny, who has said everything he writes is filtered through a lens of addiction. i don't know if that's due to his own experience or a loved one's, and i won't speculate; i also don't know if martin personally struggled with drinking or just avoids it for fear he would, but alcohol would fit what we know of his family. his dad walking out and his mum spiralling into bitter wallowing and verbal abuse? i'd bet one or both of them drank, yeah.

on a basic level martin tries to decline alcohol, and that alone should have raised eyebrows given what we know of martin and, again, a fandom that dissects everything. we already knew martin "K" blackwood lied about his personal life and his family in particular, especially pre-canon, which is when this flashback took place. i was shocked that everyone took his flimsy excuse at face value with no further questions.

and the excuse is flimsy. martin turns down wine by--nervously--exclaiming tannins are "a proven headache trigger!" which sounds like trivia from a magazine cover and not the words of someone who actually has headaches--and it hasn't come up before or since. jon, confused, points out that tea, a drink martin consumes to a degree that is memetic both in- and out-of-universe, also contains tannins, and martin squawks a panicked, "what?!"

if tannins are enough of a concern for martin that he knew they're in wine and so avoids it, why didn't he know they're in his drink of choice? why does he still drink tea at the time of canon, and why doesn't he struggle with constant headaches from consuming 'a proven headache trigger' day in and day out? why, indeed, would someone avoid wine and not tea?

when sasha insists martin drink he caves and agrees to 'just a drop'. i imagine him pouring it in a plant, which admittedly he could have done if tannins really were the issue. i will say that i, for one, would be less likely to falsely agree to something that makes me physically ill than to a private issue that i'd rather not be pressed on any further. this scene also establishes martin's birthday was an ice cream party instead of the more traditional visit to a pub.

also, this scene was in the first episode of the final season, as one of three flashbacks that could have been to any pre-canon event in the archives. prime narrative real estate. not really time one would waste on establishing the important character context that martin has... headaches. which never comes up before or after, even regarding the week he spent in spiral town. but you know what is pretty crucial character background...?

it felt like a no-brainer, and yet all i saw was h/c fluff about jon attending to martin's headaches. and i hate feeling bitter about disability representation. i want folks with chronic headaches to feel seen and have fluffy escapist fantasies. i don't want to be mad about people portraying a character with a disability. but, guys? you got the wrong disability. jonny sent a clear message, and it went over fandom's head.

reminder that coming up with some fake little dudes and creating intricate storylines in your head is a completely free and fun way to pass the time and the government can't stop you

you’re telling me Martin didn’t get to commit ANY violent murders… I’m more or less against violent murder but he really wanted to and I think he deserves it as a treat…

saint you have to stop you're gonna make him real

unironically have listened to mr bonzo more than once on purpose separate from the podcast and won’t apologise

curse be damned my boy can still fag it up

Pitcrawler digital is here!

Behold! The digital edition of Pitcrawler is here!

...if you backed it on IndieGoGo, at least. The rest of you will have to wait another month or two to Behold! it, I'm afraid.

It's been a real labour of love this last year to get it all ready for folks, and we're so happy to be sharing it. If you backed the campaign, you should have it in a Backerkit email that came through to you inbox (or your spam if your computer's suspicious) last week. If you haven't had it, let us know.

And for everybody else, here's a little tast of what's to come after we've sorted printing and it goes public.

OH FUCK THIS

there is LITERALLY A NEW DOOR in the converted schoolhouse where i clean at night. not today satan

this bit of back and forth interests me, because the emphasis on "accidentally" and martin's desire to keep an eye on jon while he's handling knives implies that martin thinks jon hurt himself that badly on purpose, but his tone isn't particularly soft and concerned, it's more casual and direct.

it's a good insight into their dynamic at this point: martin's definitely being caring but he's not soft about it, like how he almost threw jon out of the archives when he tried to come back to work early. he's stressed as hell, from jon's own words martin seems to care more about jon's recovery than anything else he's meant to be doing, but he's not just hovering in doorways anxiously offering tea like he does when he's worried about other interpersonal issues, he's deploying minor bastard tactics such as "I will deposit you outside of this building myself if you don't get more rest" and "I am attaching myself to your lunch breaks so I can supervise your access to sharp objects." and the bastard tactics seem to be what jon responds to; he brushes off any "calm down and relax" admonishments but if martin declares that they're going for lunch together then he will actually take a break and eat a meal.