ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“   I really do hate thinking. ”

“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“   You look so biteable today. ”

“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐒 & 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒.

First part of these quotes have been taken from the clips and trailers of bridgerton season three while the other part are taken from books with similar protagonists as penelope as well energy, meaning, some of this quotes are a bit suggestive and spicy on the realm of regency/period drama so beware. Change names, pronouns, and locations as you see fit.

I cannot live at home any longer.

I must take a husband.

Does my lady have a suitor in mind?

Brother, under what foreign sun did you apparently get so sturdy?

It seems as though every Bridgerton was born to attract notice.

For some of us the notice is very slight.

If a husband is what you seek, let me help you. Are we not friends?

I should like to see your skills as they are first.

How delightful to see you all.

I would not be angry if you found me to be a lost cause.

You must not say such things.

She's not seeking a husband in you, I hope.

No, I'm merely helping her find one.

Since when are you worried about Penelope?

That diamonds are not the only gems that sparkle.

Lord Debling. He is eager to take a wife this season.

You have done very well, Penelope. What more could you want?

Mother, do you believe the best foundation for love is friendship?

It is rare, but you must follow your heart.

What is the primary force that guides us along our paths? Is it our minds or our hearts?

Do you not need a chaperone?

I am in my third year on the marriage mart with no prospects to show for it. What would you call that?

Something wrong, Pen? Between us, I mean.

If you are going to make me say it out loud...I miss you.

You miss me, but you would never court me, is that correct?

I... -I overheard you...at my Mama's ball last season… telling everyone how you would never, ever court Penelope Featherington.

Perhaps we should go where there's somewhere more private.

Of course, you would never court me.

I am the laughingstock of the ton, even when I change my entire wardrobe.

Your eyes…A most remarkable shade of blue. And yet somehow, they shine even brighter when you are kind.

I'd m-- I might say something like that if you were a suitor.

Well, that was rather direct.

Brother, I should like a moment alone.

Oh. Dear, is Francesca quite well?

Well, she simply needed a moment. As do I.

I should like to use that moment to dance with my beautiful wife.

Please. Enjoy yourselves.

What is the delay?

You deserve better than a man who requires reforming.

It was much less frustrating being the pursued rather than the pursuer.

Kisses should not leave you satisfied. They should leave you wanting.

I've spent twenty-eight years doing what everyone around me expected me to do...being what everyone around me has expected me to be. And it's horrid to be someone else's vision of yourself.

Shall I tell you what I would do if I discovered I'd been a royal ass and had lost the only woman I'd ever really wanted?

You just impugned the honor of my future marchioness. Choose your seconds. I will see you at dawn.

If you intend to keep me from her, you had better have an army at your side.

What if I want the rogue, Gabriel?

Take me to bed, Gabriel. Give me a taste of scandal.

I think it's time to try riding astride.

If I am an empress, he is the only man worthy of being my emperor.

She must be a very talented courtesan.

How very fascinating. I’ve never met a courtesan, you know.

My choices are rather limited.

Shall we seal it with a kiss, then?

You see, when I agree to something, I do it wholeheartedly. That was not the kiss for which you came, little mouse.

The same cage as hers merely a different gilt.

For your beauty has quite ruined me for all others.

This gown is sinful.

So passionate, So eager. Open for me.

You know, Empress, men do not appreciate laughter at this particular moment. It's devastating to the self-confidence.

I agreed to remain, my lord. Not to remain silent.

Look at me, Empress. I want to see you come undone. I want to watch you go over the edge with me.

I'm not lovely.

There is nothing plain about you.

You're enjoying my discomfort.

How am I different?

Selene is not the happiest of stories. After all, she is doomed to love a mortal in eternal sleep.

You are my gift. I shall unwrap you.

Are you aching for me here?

You know exactly what you want, despite never having had it before.

That is the thing about monsters, Pettypeace. They are monsters because they can delude people into believing they aren’t.

She is not plain. She is extraordinary.

You are clearly suffering a visual disorder of some kind. Perhaps you and Jane should wear matching spectacles.

Sentimental novels are my favorite, though I’m not supposed to say so.

wednesday starters

❝ i’ve learned so much from you. part of it is admittedly criminal behavior. ❞ ❝ use the words  ‘little’  and  ‘girl’  to address me again and i can’t guarantee your safety. ❞ ❝ i knew you didn’t have what it takes to be a murderer. ❞ ❝ i promise that whoever did this to you will suffer. ❞ ❝ you really suck at this. cheering people up. ❞ ❝ are you feeling okay? you look a little pale. ❞ ❝ there’s nothing quite like the feeling of being proven right. ❞ ❝ your secret’s safe with me. ❞ ❝ why should i bother telling you anything? you’ve already decided i’m lying. ❞ ❝ to tell you the truth, i’ve never really fit in anywhere. ❞ ❝ how i missed those accusing eyes and youthful sneer. ❞ ❝ i’ll be keeping my eye on you. ❞ ❝ you’re hurt. can you walk? ❞ ❝ try anything and you’ll lose limbs. ❞ ❝ i should have known you were behind this. ❞ ❝ do you always speak in riddles? ❞ ❝ for someone who claims to have no friends, you certainly protect them. ❞ ❝ i refuse to play the role of a pawn in someone else’s corrupt game. ❞ ❝ any plans you have of running away end right now. ❞ ❝ or you can just glare uncomfortably. whatever works for you. ❞ ❝ i don’t have time to explain, but you’re in danger. ❞ ❝ i didn’t realize we were back on speaking terms. ❞ ❝ no man chooses evil because it is evil. he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. ❞ ❝ emotion equals weakness. pull yourself together. ❞ ❝ there’s a monster out there, but everyone believes i made it up. ❞ ❝ how long do you intend on giving me the cold shoulder? ❞ ❝ if you die, i will kill you. ❞ ❝ whoever you are, show yourself. ❞ ❝ how long have you been lurking? ❞ ❝ believe nothing you hear and half of what you see. ❞ ❝ as usual, you underestimate me. ❞ ❝ i don’t believe that i’m better than everyone else. just that i’m better than you. ❞ ❝ i hope that one day, you’ll finally be able to accept me for who i am. ❞ ❝ i don’t want you to be a stranger in my life. ❞ ❝ i don’t plan on staying here long. ❞ ❝ not a hugger. got it. ❞ ❝ you’re soft and weak. you’ll never survive without me. ❞ ❝ do you make a habit of scaring the hell out of everybody? ❞ ❝ if he breaks your heart, i’ll nail-gun his. ❞ ❝ you are a brilliant person, but sometimes you get in your own way. ❞ ❝ my personal philosophy is kill or be killed. ❞ ❝ breathe a word of this to anyone and i will end you. ❞ ❝ have you ever shot a bow and arrow before? ❞ ❝ i don’t bury hatchets. i sharpen them. ❞ ❝ you can’t get rid of me that easily. ❞ ❝ i act as if i don’t care if people dislike me. deep down…i secretly enjoy it. ❞ ❝ there’s just something wrong about this place. ❞ ❝ i want to assure you i remain as cold and heartless as the first day we met. ❞ ❝ i have no interest in following in your footsteps. ❞ ❝ you used to love my killer instinct. ❞ ❝ sometimes the monsters we least expect are the most dangerous. ❞ ❝ would it kill you to not think the worst of me for once? ❞ ❝ is that your professional opinion as the child of a murderer? ❞ ❝ you always had a unique perspective on the world. ❞ ❝ i don’t know what kind of sick joke you’re playing, but i’m out of here. ❞ ❝ at least it’s turning into a beautiful day. ❞ ❝ being your friend should come with a warning label. ❞ ❝ there’s no time. leave me. save yourself. ❞ ❝ we were good together. ❞ ❝ oh, great. i guess you can add ‘thief’ to your resume. ❞ ❝ whatever did this wasn’t human. ❞ ❝ the last thing i remember i was walking outside feeling a mixture of rage, pity and self-disgust. ❞ ❝ i’m not above breaking a few fingers. ❞ ❝ once again, you have underestimated the situation. ❞ ❝ i see the world as a place that must be endured. ❞ ❝ this will not end well for you. ❞ ❝ stop making enemies and start making friends. you’re going to need them. ❞ ❝ it’s been a long night. i’m tired of your games. ❞ ❝ never lose that. the ability to not let others define you. ❞ ❝ i make one mistake, and you can’t forgive me. ❞ ❝ my deviousness has finally rubbed off on you. ❞ ❝ you could have been seriously hurt or worse. ❞ ❝ my vengeance will be swift and true. ❞ ❝ no matter how hard i try, there will always be people who look down on me. ❞ ❝ danger is on its way. no time to delay. ❞ ❝ please, flattery will get you nowhere. ❞ ❝ do you have a death wish or something? ❞ ❝ i’m the villain in your fantasy. ❞ ❝ i just want you to know all i want is the very best for you. ❞ ❝ you know what your problem is? you don’t know who your real friends are. ❞ ❝ i did a terrible a thing, but i swear i’m not a terrible person. ❞ ❝ the world isn’t always black and white. there are shades of grey. ❞ ❝ where you see doom, i see opportunity. ❞ ❝ friends are a liability and can be exploited. that makes them weaknesses. ❞ ❝ i’m just gonna come out and say it. i want us to be more than friends. ❞ ❝ that’s so sweet. you didn’t have to get me anything. ❞ ❝ think you skipped where you apologize for acting like a jerk last weekend. ❞ ❝ you’ll use everyone to get what you want, even if it means putting them in danger. ❞ ❝ every time you get involved, people get hurt. ❞ ❝ there’s a biting sense of humor that i always adored. ❞ ❝ what does it feel like? to lose. ❞ ❝ i  have  great  admiration  for  well  executed  revenge  plots  but  yours  was  a  bit  extreme. ❞ ❝ what’s your excuse from creeping around in the middle of the night? ❞ ❝ i’ll survive alone. i always have. ❞ ❝ when you give me that death stare of disapproval, you remind me of your mother. ❞ ❝ are you all right? i can’t imagine witnessing something like that. ❞ ❝ i’m tougher than you think. ❞ ❝ the more you listen to them, the more their claws sink into you. ❞ ❝ people like me and you, we’re different. ❞ ❝ i would rather dye my hair pink than ask my mother for advice. ❞ ❝ i’ve never seen someone so blinded by rage. ❞ ❝ could we please do without the overt display of emotion? ❞

I keep thinking about Zasha's hyperflexibility and ability to like pop bones out of socket as something akin to a contortionist. Like that is a heightened way of looking at the host's EDS, especially with Zasha purposefully putting themselves in pain to scare people, and when its done, they'd be in absolute agony after.

It's very much coded to me specifically of the horror dance of certain contortionists, most specifically this video

(the video itself goes to 4:25. After that it's more or less response. There's a lot of bone crunchy noises in the video so beware if that squicks you out)

Idk do with this what you will

Morning After Prompts (NSFW-ish)

1. "I'm never drinking again." "People always say that, but they never honor it."

2. "Why are you in my bed? And why are we both naked?"

3. "Relax. I didn't touch you. You were drunk and I, contrary to what you may think, have self-control."

4. "I have no idea what happened last night. I just remember not hating it."

5. "That was fun. We should do that again sometime." "It's called a one night stand because it only happens once."

6. "Please tell me we used protection."

7. "This didn't happen. Got it?"

8. "Is this how the world does things these days? By getting shitfaced and having sex with strangers?"

9. "I feel like death." "It's called a hangover, sweetheart. It's what happens you spend the night making bad choices."

10. "Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

11. "So are we ever gonna go out on a real date or are we just gonna keep doing this?"

12. "There's a problem." "What is it?" "I don't want this to just be a one night stand."

13. "Weirdly enough, I don't regret what happened last night."

14. "Can we just...not tell anyone about this?"

15. "Did you really have to leave a giant hickey on my neck?!"

16. "Don't kid yourself. You wanted it as much as I did."

17. "I get that accidents happen...but was this really an accident?"

18. "I don't remember what happened last night. I think I need a reminder. A physical reminder." "Shut the fuck up."

19. "I made you breakfast. You need to eat something to help your hangover."

20. "Why is it that the best sex you could ever have is always with someone you either barely know at the time or just fucking despise?"

21. "Why did we do this? I don't like you." "The way you were screaming my name last night says otherwise."

22. "Y'know, you're kinda cute when you wake up all dazed and confused in my shirt."

23. "I'm up for morning sex if you are."

24. "I don't want to get out of bed."

25. "What's your name again?"

F/F NSFW Image Redux

1A     1B     1C     1D

2A     2B     2C     2D

3A     3B     3C     3D

4A     4B     4C     4D

5A     5B     5C     5D

6A     6B     6C     6D

7A     7B     7C     7D

8A     8B     8C     8D

9A     9B     9C     9D

10A   10B   10C   10D

11A   11B   11C   11D

12A   12B   12C   12D

13A   13B   13C   13D

14A   14B   14C   14D

15A   15B   15C   15D

send me 💬, and i’ll use a line from a sentence meme i’ve reblogged to make a starter for you.

Zasha did think for a moment that a house like this would typically be full of life, with the man of the house having a wife and children, bit it was good for him that this man did not, meaning that Ernest would then perhaps turn to him for companionship. That could help him greatly in keeping his place here or make the move to drain the man of energy and take his soul. They breathed deeply next to the fire, feeling an almost unbearable heat on their fingers and loving every moment of it. This was the closest they could get to what they would call the comforts of Hell, at least so long as they were here eyes darted to the cane that Ernest slid towards it, and it gave a nod of appreciation. It’d try to use the cane while it was here to appease the man, but it wondered if this would do anything for its rigor mortis.

“Thank you, thank you so much. I’ll never be able to repay you,” they began, glancing up at the man now, one hand now moving to grab at his robe. Turned towards him, the demon on their knees was more or less at crotch height, but at the moment, Zasha was just trying to look pitiable. Time to look sultry and enticing would come later. “Yes. I would be happy to take anything you are willing to give. It’s been some time since I could partake in food and drink, and I would be incredibly grateful.” He nodded his head, brow furrowed, mock surprise at the kindness he was being given. “You’ve been so very kind, sir.”

@w-o-r-d-s--f-a-i-l

A large home in Geneva, one where a solitary man lived after the death of his entire family. It was almost too good to be true, especially for a being such as Zaharis'ban. They were bound to a human body, sigils of the Eastern Orthodox tattooed onto the host's flesh, some poor Italian-Balkan man whose soul had died while he and they were sharing the body. It didn't fit right anymore, Zasha thought, as the body wanted to shut down, but it willed the body to keep going. Especially when it seemed like this was his big break. From the rumors of the lonely man in this house, it seemed like he would be set for years feasting upon the energy and eventually the soul.

Wrapped in scavenged layers to keep himself warm, Zasha approached the house. The clothes were rather ratty, being just about anything that they could really find as they'd been searching for some souls to manipulate. Since then as well, the body had deteriorated, making them appear sick, eyes under their eyes darker and veins appearing greenish-blue under olive skin. Well, fortunate for it, seeming destitute and impoverished would likely help its chances of getting into the home and staying there for some time; through the guilt of a rich man or true kindness, the young man would likely board it for some time. Knocking upon the door, it called out and added a tremor to its voice, "Hello? Is anyone home?"

Their long, chestnut hair hung tin their face, rather than being kept back like what would be proper for a man; after all, they knew that male was more than likely what the recluse would believe him to be, and he did have the parts to go along with that, even if not fully subscribing to a sense of masculinity. Hearing the man on the other side, he briefly smiled to himself, now knowing his assumptions were tending towards correct. Likely, this man would be a perfect target.

When the door was opened, its smile was gone, and it pulled the scraggly coat tighter around its body. "Thank you, thank you very much. I'm sorry to intrude, but I need a place to stay, at least for the night," he said shakily, dark brown eyes wide as he looked at Ernest. It probably wasn't accurate to say the face had doe eyes, but their eyes still worked well enough to well with emotion and seem pitiful. Zasha did use that trick to escape his capture, after all. "You're kind, sir, very kind." With that soft comment, he stepped into the house, stumbling his way in as leg joints truly began to ache. ...it at least made the whole thing more believable as they made their way into the parlor, falling to their knees by the fire, reaching out to warm their hands. The cold hadn't been too bothersome to them just yet, but all the same, the warmth was nice. Proximity to a fire was almost nostalgic, warming beyond the skin to the entity inside, one that missed the flames of the Hells.

@w-o-r-d-s--f-a-i-l

A large home in Geneva, one where a solitary man lived after the death of his entire family. It was almost too good to be true, especially for a being such as Zaharis'ban. They were bound to a human body, sigils of the Eastern Orthodox tattooed onto the host's flesh, some poor Italian-Balkan man whose soul had died while he and they were sharing the body. It didn't fit right anymore, Zasha thought, as the body wanted to shut down, but it willed the body to keep going. Especially when it seemed like this was his big break. From the rumors of the lonely man in this house, it seemed like he would be set for years feasting upon the energy and eventually the soul.

Wrapped in scavenged layers to keep himself warm, Zasha approached the house. The clothes were rather ratty, being just about anything that they could really find as they'd been searching for some souls to manipulate. Since then as well, the body had deteriorated, making them appear sick, eyes under their eyes darker and veins appearing greenish-blue under olive skin. Well, fortunate for it, seeming destitute and impoverished would likely help its chances of getting into the home and staying there for some time; through the guilt of a rich man or true kindness, the young man would likely board it for some time. Knocking upon the door, it called out and added a tremor to its voice, "Hello? Is anyone home?"

@w-o-r-d-s--f-a-i-l

A large home in Geneva, one where a solitary man lived after the death of his entire family. It was almost too good to be true, especially for a being such as Zaharis'ban. They were bound to a human body, sigils of the Eastern Orthodox tattooed onto the host's flesh, some poor Italian-Balkan man whose soul had died while he and they were sharing the body. It didn't fit right anymore, Zasha thought, as the body wanted to shut down, but it willed the body to keep going. Especially when it seemed like this was his big break. From the rumors of the lonely man in this house, it seemed like he would be set for years feasting upon the energy and eventually the soul.

Wrapped in scavenged layers to keep himself warm, Zasha approached the house. The clothes were rather ratty, being just about anything that they could really find as they'd been searching for some souls to manipulate. Since then as well, the body had deteriorated, making them appear sick, eyes under their eyes darker and veins appearing greenish-blue under olive skin. Well, fortunate for it, seeming destitute and impoverished would likely help its chances of getting into the home and staying there for some time; through the guilt of a rich man or true kindness, the young man would likely board it for some time. Knocking upon the door, it called out and added a tremor to its voice, "Hello? Is anyone home?"

valentine’s prompts; tropes ˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🍊 ꒱

ੈ✩‧₊˚ friends to lovers

¹⁾ “you really planned this?! remind me how you’re single, again?”

²⁾ “thanks for making today a little less depressing.”

³⁾ “has it occurred to you that we’ve spent more valentine’s days with each other than with people we’ve actually been dating?”

⁴⁾ “c’mon, like i need an excuse to spend time with you.”

⁵⁾ “i can’t help but think that this is a little more effort than someone would normally put in for their friend.”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ coworkers to lovers

¹⁾ “if you’re still wondering who left those flowers at your desk, i think i’m ready to put your mind at ease.”

²⁾ “you’re telling me you really have nowhere better to be than here today?”

³⁾ “c’mon, it’s not like haven’t shared a dinner whilst working late before. it doesn’t have to mean anything different just because of the day that’s in it.”

⁴⁾ “someone’s been leaving valentines for me all over the building today, and i’m pretty sure i know who.”

⁵⁾ “i don’t have any plans after work, and i know you haven’t either. how about we keep each other company instead of spending it alone?”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ roommates to lovers

¹⁾ “before you say anything about me being at home tonight, i want to remind you that you are too.”

²⁾ “i thought that since we both had nowhere to be today, we could make a day of it. just ourselves.”

³⁾ “i’m guessing that the fact you’re already home will tell me everything i need to know about how your date went.”

⁴⁾ “wow, someone’s looking good. hot date, or what?”

⁵⁾ “i’m happy i got to spend the day with someone i actually care about.”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ exes to lovers

¹⁾ “don’t tell me; you had so much fun with me last year, that you just couldn’t resist spending it with me again.”

²⁾ “wow, you really don’t have anyone special in your life at the minute.”

³⁾ “ i wanted to treat you how i should’ve before.”

⁴⁾ “you really thought i wouldn’t remember what you like? please, give me a little credit.”

⁵⁾ “maybe if things had gone like this every year, we wouldn’t have ended up the way we did.”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ secret relationship

¹⁾ “are you telling me we can’t do anything to mark the day?”

²⁾ “i understand if you don’t want to, but i wanted to tell you that i planned a few things for us today.”

³⁾ “it’s so much less than what you deserve, but it’s all i could think to do given the circumstances.”

⁴⁾ “and here i was, expecting just an anonymous bunch of flowers.”

⁵⁾ “i couldn’t think of a better night to show everyone how in love with you i am.”

"You know... as much as I'd like to remove my tits, I'm not sure I'd trust him to do that"

𝐁𝐆𝟑 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

a selection of lines from the various companions' banter quotes (not cut scene dialogues!) from baldur's gate 3. these are generally spoiler free and non context specific so they can apply to different settings and dynamics! feel free to change names and the like to customize the prompts.

“Death can't have me. Not yet…”

“Calm yourself. There is plenty of me to go around.”

“Realmspace is vast. Countless worlds to be mapped, kingdoms to be conquered.”

“I have missed this. The adventure. The danger. The kicking of butts!

“Let me guess - you need something.”

“Such attention.. I never realised I was so popular.”

“Let's cook with fire, baby.”

“Do you intend to vocalise every thought?. Or just the most obvious ones?”

“Wherever we go, ye gods let there be something green.”

“Careful, or I will take your toy away from you.”

“Watch your elders and learn.”

“Perhaps try attacking the enemy?”

“So much we don't know, lingering in the furthest reaches of existence.”

“All the world's my stage and you're just a player in it.”

“The shadows are my friend.”

“Yes, yes, have your fun. It isn't you they're trying to kill.”

“Feet planted firmly on Faerûn, please.”

“Admirable stamina, yet terrible priorities.”

“Well you certainly have the 'omnipresent' part down, don't you?”

“I am ready, whatever may come.”

“My faith protects me.”

“Need a throat slitting?”

“Death greets us all - but not today.”

“You need my expertise?”

“Can you feel death's cold grip?”

“So many stars, so many mysteries yet to be discovered.”

“Death comes quietly.”

“And I thought we were going to be friends.”

“Locked tight, but there must be some way to open it.”

“No, you can't die. Get up, damn you!

“You had my attention, now you have my fury.”

“From silence to suffering.”

“So many worlds out there. You'd need a thousand lifetimes to see them all - more.”

“I hope this is important. For your sake.”

“Let them gaze deep into their own abyss, and wonder just what it is they are trying to achieve.”

“I ought to just burn this whole thing down.”

“We have slightly more pressing matters to attend to.”

“You have still have time to surrender.”

“Every kicked buttock, another step on the path.”

“Weave save me. I can't take much more…

“You are right to fear me.”

“Let me look around. Might be something that'll help me crack this thing.”

“Incredible, to think how many worlds exist beyond this tiny speck within a speck I call home.”

“I really wish I could cast a Hold spell on you.”

“I can fawn over my face later.”

“Ready for another round?”

“Keep your blade close.”

“I can't unlock it from here, but there must be a switch or a button somewhere…”

“No, that's not moving. There must be a way to open it somewhere.”

“Battle favours the fearless.”

“Sleep with one eye open, evil. Maybe both.”

“Gotta be something around here to unlock this thing.”

“Why do beautiful people taste better?. It hardly seems fair on the ugly - they have such wonderful personalities.”

“Oh, calm down. I'm happy to see you too.”

“Just go for the Magic Missile and fire away. Never fails.”

“Still standing, no matter what you heard.”

“Enough waiting. I crave blood.”

“Hang on - I won't allow this. You aren't dead, go it?”

“GODS, it's HOT in here!”

“No rest for the wicked, I see.”

“Better to hide than fight, sometimes.”

“Would that I could hide from you, too.”

“Are you feeling lonely, perhaps?”

“There is no right or wrong, only truth.”

“Battle is afoot - you can poke me once we are safe.”

“What good all this ethereal eladrin blood if I can still get pimples?”

“I should've been a drow. They have such stylish armour.”

“I am armed! Armoured! And entirely sick of your foolishness.”

“Let's have some fun.”

“War is an old woman's game.”

“No rest, be you wicked or wise.”

“I'm getting too old for this nonsense.”

“I would poke you back, but I fear that's what you want.”

“You have my attention - now do something with it.”

“You are insistent, are you not?”

“Do what must be done.”

“Your suffering will be spectacular.”

“Lest I sit down for a rest and not rise again.”

“Better to look evil in the eye. Even if it be very small.”

“I'm not built to crouch.”

“I think I could go another round.”

“Always the same old song.”

“Is perfection too much to ask?”

“Eyes on victory, tummy on dinner.”

“So many places to be.. and I chose Baldur's Gate.”

“I'm not opening that. Not from here, at any rate.”

“What is the point, if not victory?”

“Won't last much longer like this.”

“Let's hope the locals are friendly.”

“Let us show them how it's done.”

“Weapons high. Standards higher.”

“Must everyone be so exhausting?”

“What I would not give for a chunk of fresh honeycomb…”

“Which way to the nearest library?”

“Now this is my happy place.”

“Who shall I silence?”

“Stop, or die.”

“Wear your scars proudly.”

𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   ♡   𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄

    send the corresponding symbol(s) for headcanons surrounding the given topic(s)!

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body?  how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them?   🍅  :    how does my muse feel about plastic  /  cosmetic surgeries   &   procedures?  is it something they have done or would do?  do they mind if others do it?   🍏  :    how stable is my muse’s physical health?  do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician?  do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication?  how often do they get sick? 🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy?   🍑  :    how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance?  do they spend a lot of time on their hair,  makeup,  grooming,  and clothing?  is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?   🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship?  do they constantly keep people around them,  or do they prefer to be alone often?  do they have or desire to have many friends?  do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?   🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?   🍐  :    how intelligent is my muse overall?  are they smarter than the average person,  or less than?  are they primarily self-taught,  or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school?  are they more street smart or book smart?   🍉  :    which of the four seasons suits my muse best,  and why?   🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?  🍊  :    does my muse desire romance?  is it something they would actively seek out,  or prefer to happen more  ‘  naturally?  ’  what is their love life like?  do they have any exes or past flings,  or crushes?   🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them?  🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits,  interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it?   🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?   🥭  :    how important to my muse is their hometown,  or where they’re from?  are they proud of it,  or considered a hometown hero?  did they move away,  or do they wish to?

hades (supergiant games) starters - pt.1 - olympians edit as you see fit

athena “i offer you my friendship, not a loan to be repaid” “my, how very generous of you, to offer me this gift” “are you testing the limits of my patience with you?” “i would very much prefer to think we both know better than to let old grudges stew forever” “yours is a brazen plan of action and i admire it”

demeter “i’ll aid your plight, why not?” “you’re in the winter of your current stretch of life, aren’t you” “surely you feel the warmth within you giving way?” “offend me, and i’ll drain the last traces of color from those cheeks of yours” “you are entirely too young to have had meaningful experiences with loss, pray that you never have to learn”

zeus “your lapse in judgement here is not so easy to forgive, yet easily punished” “commendable of you to live through that” “you seem in dire need of some assistance, so of course i dropped what i was doing and then sought you out as quickly as i could” “such strange alliances we forge these days” “you honour me, as you well should”

poseidon “hoh you look positively in atrocious shape, there” “why, you’re bleeding everywhere! here, let me try and do something for that” “you think that you’ve a chance in hell without my help, am i to understand?!” “it seems to me your strength outweighs your smarts, there” “ah, i can’t stay angry! let us call all that unpleasantness back there water under the bridge, what say you”

aphrodite “if you lavish me with gifts, why, what am i to do but give you something in return” “ah, dearest, but it stirs my heart to know you care so deeply for our wonderful relationship” “dearest, why, your heart rate’s fluctuating wildly, has it really been that bad up to this point?” “now, dearest, surely there’s no way that could have been one of the wiser choices that you’ve lately made?” “do not anger me again, or i might come down and kill you there myself!”

ares “i trust, from time to time, you stop to ask yourself how come you choose to fight” “the hunt is but a prelude to a war, is that not so? “you interrupt me once again, you know i do not care for that, i warn you to stay out of my affairs” “a successfully conducted war is certainly a cause for celebration, is it not?” “i trust the violence i have wrought on your behalf has been quite satisfactory?”

dionysus “hey, cheers for picking up the tab, there, now, i cannot exactly pay you back, though i could give you this!” “did i do something to deserve this, man, because i thought that we were getting on just fine, better than fine, but this?” “really, man? after everything we’ve been through together, this is the gratitude i get?” “know what, man, i’m not even angry after that, what was i even going off about, do you recall…?” “let’s say we’re settled up now, and go on being best mates just like before, yeah?”

hermes “whoa you’re a hot mess, there, what happened getting here?” “you ever get the feeling life’s been moving all too quickly for you? “out of all special delivery recipients i’ve had over the ages, here, i’ve got to say, you’re the most interesting one!” “a little awkward, having to pretend we just met” “you’re rather slow, if only somebody could help you out with that”

artemis “you’re being very nice to me, and that makes me suspicious, understand?” “if you’re quite done with shopping, what say we cut straight to the chase from here?” “hey how’d you get your hands on a nice bow like that?” “don’t be messing with my feelings, my loyalty’s hard-won and quickly lost” “fine, i’m not angry anymore, not really anyway, but you just watch yourself with me, you got it?”

—  ❛❛  //   𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙿𝙿𝙸𝙽𝙶  𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙿𝙴  𝚂𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙴𝚂  ://  𝙰  𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴  𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷  𝙲𝙰𝙽  𝚃𝙾𝚄𝙲𝙷.        (  please  substitute  pronouns  as  needed. )  

❛ i’d be so lost without you. ❜ ❛ i don’t know what i would have done if i’d lost you. ❜ ❛ i want you to remember me exactly like this. ❜ ❛ forever isn’t meant for people like us. ❜ ❛ do you think i’m just going to move on without you ? ❜ ❛ i almost lost you. ❜ ❛ i get too busy trying to make all these memories with you that i forget to live in the present. ❜ ❛ why can’t you see how much you mean to me ? ❜ ❛ i wish you’d stop being so reckless with your life. ❜ ❛ you could have died ! what were you thinking ?! ❜ ❛ if the price is losing you then i wouldn’t dare pay it. ❜ ❛ i think if you love someone enough they’ll live forever. ❜ ❛ i’m never going to let you go. ❜ ❛ you still don’t realize it, do you ? your death is mine. ❜ ❛ please - don’t do this. ❜ ❛ they say when you die your life flashes before you eyes and i hope they’re right - i’d get to see you one last time. ❜ ❛ i’ll always be with you. ❜ ❛ you’re the last thing i thought of before the world went dark. ❜ ❛ our love is epic. a fairytale. nothing can keep us apart. ❜ ❛ i am going to apologize in advance for what i’ll do to keep you safe. ❜ ❛ don’t scare me like that again ! ❜ ❛ none of this matters without you ! ❜ ❛ without you there’s nothing left to fight for. ❜ ❛ i know we’ll meet again. we always find each other. ❜ ❛ i don’t know how to say goodbye to you. ❜ ❛ you’re the only good i’ve ever known. ❜ ❛ stay with me ! come on -  ❜ ❛ never forget how much i love you. ❜ ❛ do me a favour. promise me that you’ll live well. ❜ ❛ don’t cry. we still have so much life to live yet. ❜ ❛ i wish i could keep you. ❜

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