hopesandmountains
Hopefully Healing
Just someone trying to heal, pfp credit to @riverwindphotography
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˗ˏˋ Kōhai ˎˊ˗
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If someone you know experienced childhood neglect, they may not know things that you or other people consider “basic knowledge.”
Don’t shame them for not knowing. Making them feel bad because you had someone in your childhood who taught you things, while they didn’t, is not even a little bit helpful.
And yes, this post applies even if that person is you. Give yourself some patience and understanding. It’s not your fault.
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Reasons someone may not have replied that aren’t the bad reasons your brain suggests to you (they’re mad, stopped caring, you aren’t important, etc).
They’re asleep/resting.
They have no service.
They want to take time to form their reply.
They don’t have the energy to reply right now.
They’re working / don’t have access to their phone.
They accidentally opened the notification and meant to reply and got distracted (this doesn’t mean they don’t care either! I do this a lot and I love my loved ones dearly. My brain is just chaotic sometimes.)
They’re in a really bad place.
They’re in a situation where it’s rude to use their phone.
They really just want a break from talking to people.
They are enjoying a movie, game, activity, etc.
Something came up they had to deal with asap.
A lot of the time, to challenge irrational thoughts we need alternative explanations to combat them. Here are some for a situation when a loved one hasn’t replied to you. I encourage you to plan for other situations that come up for you as well.
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Reasons someone may not have replied that aren’t the bad reasons your brain suggests to you (they’re mad, stopped caring, you aren’t important, etc).
They’re asleep/resting.
They have no service.
They want to take time to form their reply.
They don’t have the energy to reply right now.
They’re working / don’t have access to their phone.
They accidentally opened the notification and meant to reply and got distracted (this doesn’t mean they don’t care either! I do this a lot and I love my loved ones dearly. My brain is just chaotic sometimes.)
They’re in a really bad place.
They’re in a situation where it’s rude to use their phone.
They really just want a break from talking to people.
They are enjoying a movie, game, activity, etc.
Something came up they had to deal with asap.
A lot of the time, to challenge irrational thoughts we need alternative explanations to combat them. Here are some for a situation when a loved one hasn’t replied to you. I encourage you to plan for other situations that come up for you as well.
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You will make mistakes, you will act irrationally. You will commit some wrongs that cannot be fully righted. People will dislike you and misunderstand you for all sorts of reasons. None of these things make you a bad person. All you can do is try your best to be kind, to learn and grow.
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youtube
"when we don't get support for how we feel, any amount of feeling can feel too much" (and it may make us feel attacked too especially if we were never allowed to feel our own emotions)
(people pleasing can be considered a form of manipulation as we try to make others feel good so that we feel good and relaxed -yeah)
I highly suggest you to listen to this video if you can and feel like, it's so well done and eye opening imo.
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The betrayal i felt when all i did is treat them right and understand no matter what the situation is for them to have an audacity to ignore and hurt me constantly.
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No matter what you've done in your life or what you think of yourself, you did not deserve your trauma. The universe is not punishing you. Bad things happen to people regardless of their morality. And you are no exception. You do not deserve to hurt
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challenge your feelings of hopelessness. treat them like they’re a different person trying to discourage you and then prove them wrong. prove to them that you can be happy and you can persevere through whatever is making you feel stuck right now
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My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.
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“Don’t throw away your logic for an emotion you will feel temporarily.”
— Malanda
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