Ransom laughs at the string of goofy and endearing messages Adam sends him, and guesses he doesn’t have to worry about double texting anymore.

ur cute

k add me on snap

Ransom literally just sits refreshing the page until he gets Adam’s friend request, and then takes three different snaps before he’s satisfied with one to send to Adam. The first is a simple selfie with the dog filter on, then one of him being strangled by his O-Chem textbook, both of which he deletes. He finally settles on a video, him pointing the camera inside his freezer at a tub of Cherry Garcia and then turning the front facing camera on, grinning like a fool while he says ‘miss me with that mint chocolate chip shit, Adam.”

Just when Holster thinks he’s ruined everything he gets back a two word message that makes him drop his phone. It clatters to the hardwoods and bounces under the couch. “Ken, I’m only doing this because he said he loved you,” Holster says, gently pushing his dog off his legs so he can get off the couch to reach for his phone. The message is followed by one that makes him fist pump with a joyful whoop. Kenneth perks up, smiling up at him, and Holster quickly adds Justin to his contacts on Snapchat. 

He waits, swaying from side to side as he stands in his living room, hoping he isn’t being too desperate. The message comes in just when Holster thinks he’s going to be able to play it cool, and he survives until the video shifts from the inside of a freezer to Justin’s actual, real life human face, and Holster almost drops his phone again. Hearing a stranger say his name shouldn’t shake him to his very core, but this guy’s somehow managed to wreck him with a couple messages and a single video. 

He sits back down on the couch, quickly checking his teeth in the camera before filming. “Okay, okay.” Holster begins. “You got me. It looks like - ” He’s cut off when Kenneth  bounces onto his lap and begins licking his cheek and neck, and he can’t help but laugh. “We owe you ice cream!”

Ransom makes an audible cooing noise. Kenneth is a really cute name for a dog and Ransom can’t get the image of her goofy little smile out of his head. Would he date this guy just for his dog? Hm. Maybe. He’s cute too though. If only Rans can convince him he’s an actual person.

tell her i love her

He pauses, because even though they’ve been running with this double text things it’s really hard for Ransom to double text someone he just met without the anxiety bomb going off. He manages it, though. For Kenneth. And maybe for Adam, 22, Samwell University too.

if i prove u wrong and im not a catfish u have to buy ME ice cream

“Oh, fuck.” Holster whispers, his heart hammering in his chest. He’s ridiculous when it comes to his dog, he knows, but when a gorgeous guy (even a potentially fake one) says he loves her? It’s too much for him to handle. He sets his phone down and cups Kenneth’s face. “He says he loves you, and I love you, too.” He says seriously, bending down to kiss her on the nose. 

I told her. she licked my face and i’m assuming she wants me to pass it on to you

wait no

i didn’t mean it

i’m not going to lick your face

Holster’s just sent the series of increasingly embarrassing messages when Justin’s second one comes through, clearly sent before the clusterfuck Adam send his way could arrive. 

deal. now prove it, premed justin

Ransom opens the chat almost embarrassingly fast and then groans and tries really hard not to flop face first into a pillow. He needs to put some ugly pictures on his profile, this was happening way too much for his own liking. He usually pretty immediately unmatches since he doesn’t have the patience to convince them, but… this guy put his dog in a three piece. Rans is willing to give him a couple more tries.

not a catfish lol

ur dog is rlly cute whats his name

Holster yelps when the catfish immediately responds, because that’s not what catfish do. Kenneth immediately comes to his aid, licking his face and getting dog-spit all over his glasses. “Ken!” He sputters, unable to keep from laughing. “C’mon, you have to help me figure out what to say!” Kenneth settles down and Holster has to take a moment to clean his glasses before replying. He shows Kenneth what he’s typed, and he can only assume the snuffle he gets in response is a good sign.

that’s exactly what a catfish would say

her name is kenneth and she’s the light of my life

It’s not that Holster’s lonely, it’s just that he’s...more alone than he’d like to be. That’s all. He’s not desperate in any sense of the word. That’s what he tells himself as he swipes through profile after profile as he watches the Reaganing episode of 30 Rock for the twentieth time. He’s beginning to feel like he’s seeing the same five people over and over until he happens upon one of the most beautiful people he’s ever seen in his life, and he knows Jack Zimmermann for God’s sake. He grins, looking over at Kenneth, who’s laying on his dog bed, peacefully gnawing on his favorite penguin. 

“Kenneth, c’mere. You’ve gotta see this guy.” His dog stands and dutifully pads over, by now accustomed to his owner’s outbursts. “Seriously,” Holster continues when Kenneth settles against his side with a sigh. “Honestly, it’s not like he’s even trying to be a real person. Premed and I’ll buy you ice cream. If this guy’s not a catfish I’ll buy you that giant cow bone you were eyeing at Petsmart yesterday.”

Kenneth’s only response is to lick Holster’s cheek, and he swipes right before tossing his phone onto the couch to haul his dog onto his lap. Just when he’s found the perfect spot on Kenneth’s belly he hears the familiar chime. A match - it’s the catfish. With one hand still petting behind Kenneth’s ears, he types out a message: 

hey if you’re gonna catfish me at least give me a good story out of it. 

Ransom is spending his Thursday night how he’s spent every Thursday night for the past week - swiping for love. He’s honestly barely even paying attention at this point, his thumb acting on autopilot as he scrolls through a bunch of profiles of white girls smoking weed, white guys holding fish, and gym selfies from really weird angles that give him… more than a little pause. He’s broken out of his stupor when he comes across a profile of a guy completely naked in the fucking snow except for a snapback and a guitar slung around his waist to cover his…you know. The laugh that punches out of Ransom takes him completely by surprise. 

nice Jewish boy but I fuck with goy

There’s a few more pics of him in dorky sweaters, with his family, with biceps that have little veins popping out on them, and finally a picture of a dog in a three piece and the hat from his first picture. Ransom’s smile doesn’t falter as he swipes right. He thumbs through a few more profiles but can’t get quite get that guy out of his head. Huh.

Hey, I didn't even know it was going to happen! I'm just glad they'retakinf a chance on me.

You know it. They want me to live with someone in the organization for the first season, so living with you would be perfect.

holtzygotback:

I can’t imagine. My negotiations were probably quick and painless compared to yours. But it’s done now and you just have to worry about moving and shit.

The news, my dude, is that we’re officially coworkers. See you at the water cooler.

duuuuude, yes! i knew it was gonna happen but i’m psyched to hear that it’s official :)

so…you still looking for a roomie? :)

I can't imagine. My negotiations were probably quick and painless compared to yours. But it's done now and you just have to worry about moving and shit.

The news, my dude, is that we're officially coworkers. See you at the water cooler.

holtzygotback:

Bro!! This!! Is!!! The!! Best!!!! Fucking!!!!!!!!!! News!!!!!!!

I KNOWWWW!!!!!

i’m so fucking glad it’s all official now. jesus. negotiating this shit takes waaaay longer than it should, my man.

so what’s the news with you???

Bro!! This!! Is!!! The!! Best!!!! Fucking!!!!!!!!!! News!!!!!!!

Kent Parson signs 3-year contract with Bruins

“I’ll miss my boys in Vegas, but I’m ready to be home again. It’s been too long since I’ve lived back East and Bruins management have welcomed me with open arms.”

lots of folks have been asking about the move since the news dropped this morning. i just want to say that i’m excited to work with my new team and i’m looking forward to hanging with my buddies in the land of four-seasons-per-year.

(i am not looking forward to the actual moving, though. packing is the worst. where the fuck are my teammates when i need them!?)

aceparson:

[text] awesome! how long are you staying? i need to start planning lol :)

[text] bro, she is going to LOVE you.

[Text] Friday to Sunday! Planning?? Bro, what are we getting up to?

[Text] Well, I already love her. I might die on impact.

[Text] suh, dude!! do you happen to have some time next week to show a loser tourist around las vegas?

[text] brah! always! you coming to talk to management finally?

[text] i know all the best places, man, i’ve got your back.

[Text] Yeah, they’re flying me out to look at the facilities and meet the team.

[Text] Excellent!! I can’t wait to meet Kit.

[Text] suh, dude!! do you happen to have some time next week to show a loser tourist around las vegas?

[text] brah! always! you coming to talk to management finally?

[text] i know all the best places, man, i’ve got your back.

speedypeachglitter:

I’m really glad it’s you coming along on this trip. A lesser man might not be able to wrangle the tumbleweeds for me!

I think you mean a shorter man. A tumbleweed wrangler has to be above 6′3. 

alexei-potato-mashkov:

I thought some of you would like to meet Flea! 

And she is always looking for new places to run and play! :) 

Nice! Samwell has some ‘swawsome green spaces and it might be warm enough for Flea to play in the lake! 

speedypeachglitter:

We can use cactus juice to flavor our pies. Maybe you can make flour out of tumbleweeds.

I will harvest them for you, bro. I’m stoked for our hermitage. 

speedypeachglitter:

Honestly I hadn’t even considered how to make money. I’m glad you’re coming along for this trip.

We gotta make it somehow, dude. Just you and me, living in the desert, not thinking about homework.