Weeks 59, 60, & 61: Sometimes life is messy, I guess

I'M ALIVE!!!

Y'all thought you could get rid of me that easily.  Hah.  

It's been a very unique time, friends.  Unfortunately too much time has passed for me to be able to get out many of the little stories and details that I'd like to tell.  The better part of a transfer has gone by since I wrote a letter, and as much as I regret that it was necessary.  My time in Charlotte has been some of the most meaningful and some of the most brutal time I've had in the mission field.  I've experienced bouts of illness, had long held frustrations boil over, regressed in some habits I used to do well, and have spent some days relearning life lessons I thought I already learned.  I've also been given some beautiful beams of pure revelation and peace from the Holy Spirit, and have seen miracles come to pass right in front of me.  It has truly been a time where I know I have come to the place (both literally and spiritually) where the Lord intended me to come, and am now on a path that will be good for me, even if I am sometimes incapable of seeing the why of some of these things.  The repetition of some of these troubles really gets to me sometimes.  I don't know why I'm like this but I trust that this is simply part of the learning process that was always intended for my mortality.

One of the most precious spiritual experiences of my life to date came just a few days after I wrote my last letter.  Because of a few particularly bitter struggles I had been having I went to a zone conference in Jackson, MI with the intention to speak to my mission president afterwards. (He usually has office hours after these sort of events.)  I approached him, and he informed me that this time he had to return to Lansing immediately after the conference.  Of course.  I ended up staying longer after the event than I normally do, and the Spirit put it into my mind that I should speak with a particular member of the mission presidency, who happened to still be around.  I did, and my conversation with him quickly turned into a priesthood blessing.  For those unfamiliar, a priesthood blessing is something that authorized holders of the Melchizedek Priesthood in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can provide.  In this blessing, the priesthood holder places their hands on your head and, by listening to the Holy Spirit, can provide counsel, comfort, and/or healing.  It's a beautiful and powerful thing for those who have faith in its meaning.  This one was especially powerful...as this man talked, he addressed each and every concern that came to my mind, right as I thought it.  I did not say a word, and he spoke as though he was speaking the words of my Savior, straight to me.  I recorded the counsel I was given when I got home that night, and I believe it to be as much the words of Jesus Christ as my patriarchal blessing is.  Most of the things said are too personal to present in a letter like this, but one of the things was simply a reminder that discipleship is messy, and I would do well to trust that the Lord is seeing me through it.  

So alright then.  My life may feel very much like a mess right now, but maybe it's a necessary mess.  The Lord has shown His hand in my life plenty this month, so I know I'm not completely lost.  I trust in the promises my sweet, wise Creator made to me.  In good time I will inherit all that He has to give me.  When I'm ready for it.

Don't go getting all jelly though.  He has the same thing for you!  Go get it!

<3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

***My Current Location***

Charlotte, Michigan

***My Previous Locations***

Fremont, Michigan

North Muskegon, Michigan

Kalkaska, Michigan

Midland, Michigan

Provo, Utah

Saint George, Utah

***My Mission***

Michigan Lansing Mission

***My Mailing Address***

216 Legacy Park Drive #1

Charlotte, MI 48813

United States of America

Weeks 57, 58

Beren did not write an email for quite awhile. Dealing with his new companion took all his extra energy I think ;). To Beren's credit, he was very patient with this young man and was able to articulate his good points even though he found some of hisc haracteristics quite challenging.

Week 56: Oh, were you getting comfortable? LOL

Okay folks...we are picking back up RIGHT where we left off.

Whichever one of you prayed for us to be able to go see a doctor did a good job...we were told to go to a nearby walk-in clinic about an hour after I sent my letter.  It was 1 PM.  We anticipated this taking a while, so I brought about an hour's worth of stuff to do.  And an hour rolled by...and then another...and then just when I thought we were about to go for three, the doctor takes one look at Elder Baird's symptoms and kicks us over to the Emergency Room.  So at 4 PM we walk into the hospital ER and get checked in...and sit waiting for an additional three hours.  I'm now getting quite hungry, and Elder Baird's intestines are still very angry.  We get admitted into the ER and the first two hours involve shorter waits in between inconclusive examinations before a CT scan is ordered.  Everybody groans at this point because of the wait for a scan (2.5 hours) and the cost that will surely now incur.  Elder Baird had a hospital bed at this point and was feeling better, but I now struggle to describe the experience of staring at a wall for what has now become a 9 hour ordeal in this letter.  The doctor returns, declares that Elder Baird's gut is not perforated, and says there's nothing to do except eat the exact same diet that the mission health coordinator told Elder Baird to start eating 24 hours before this.  Oh, but don't leave yet because there's also a small chance that you have appendicitis.  Hold on while we ask the surgeon.  IT TAKES TWO MORE HOURS TO GET AN ANSWER FROM THE SURGEON...and his answer is "nah you're good, go home and come back if you feel like you're dying"

They booted us out at 12:30 at night.  Elder Baird was suffering for the want of unapproved food, and as much as I love him I couldn't take my own 11 hour hunger.  I drove to Burger King.  I do not regret driving to Burger King.

The rest of the working week was a fairly well rounded missionary week.  It felt pretty brutal at times (someday I hope to learn how to regulate my moods better) but multiple successful, spirit led lessons were had, as well as an opportunity to connect with my good buddy Elder Boe on an exchange that we both really needed and visits to Sister Spriggs and the Pletchers, all members who I've grown close to over my time here.

And I'm glad I did that, because Saturday night we got transfer news...and it was a trip.  We knew many things could happen, but we were confident that President wouldn't move us both at the same time because that would surely cripple the sapling of momentum that we had built in Fremont.

So anyway, we both leave on Wednesday.  I'm going to Charlotte (pronounced Char-LOT for some reason), a small town outside Lansing.  I will be leading a district that includes my new companion, Elder Taylor, and the missionaries in Jackson...who happen to be the zone and sister training leaders of the Lansing Zone.   It's going to be quite a weird dynamic, and I'm really hoping it turns out to be a good one.  For those curious Elder Baird is going to Harrison, a very little town on the border between the Midland and Traverse City Zones in the center of the state.

The Lord has a wise purpose in all things...there are many things about this move that have me a bit apprehensive, but none of my previous assignments have been anything less than inspired by Christ so I trust this will be also.

As always, I wish I could share more but know that I love you all!

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Week 55: "O Remember, remember"

You guys, this week was weird.  I'm still kinda trying to collect all my thoughts and make sure I'm remembering all of it, because this bad boy had MANY chapters.

It wasn't a bad week.  We reconnected with two friends we had lost contact with...one is very enthusiastic and wants to be baptized (yay for Dylan!) and the other is less gung ho but we had a really great impromptu Bible study and we were far closer to the same page than we were when we started, so we're making it a weekly thing now!  All of this was a tremendous blessing, because finding new people to teach has become extra difficult lately and we haven't had a lot of success.  Never underestimate the Lord's power to work miracles!

Wednesday I had another exchange with Elder Burrill, one I expect to be the last for a while.  We supported each other as always, and we were so spirit led!  Elder Burrill is amazing at listening to where God wants him to go...we were putzing around in Meijer and he suddenly felt prompted that we needed to go in the direction of the sporting goods...and immediately got distracted looking at the disc golf equipment.  We began to wander off, hoping we hadn't missed our moment when he decided we needed to go back, and 30 seconds later decided that "dang it, we don't need to be here anymore".  We were a bit disappointed, but I made a crack about how perhaps the Lord sent us over here just to delay us, knowing that our juvenile minds would get caught by the discs for just long enough to be in the right spot later.  We went to go find the car, and at exactly the right split second we ran into Austin, a super chill dude that was down to hear a scripture and ended up being pretty interested in the Book of Mormon!  It was such a rad testament to the need to sometimes follow the Spirit without knowing why, and I was pretty proud of myself for correctly guessing what was happening.  Later on our faith was tested again...we were prompted to go into a restaurant, and we found the person we think we were looking for but making our escape without buying any overpriced pizza was a challenge.

Also on Wednesday (now you can see how packed this week was) we had a district council, and I felt inspired to share a message about remembrance.  I've been pondering this a lot lately, and the need to remember is so critical to holding on to your relationship with Christ.  We are taught things in our lives by the Spirit, sometimes through a thought or feeling, or perhaps through an experience.  I know that there have been moments in my life where I felt like I could not be more joyful to be alive/more faithful in Jesus Christ/more loved/more confident.  We ALL are given the experiences we need to be faithful and happy...but how often do we handicap ourselves by forgetting them?  This is why we write things down and say them out loud.  This is why we must consciously choose to keep the joy and the confidence in spiritual things at the forefront of our minds always, because if we never forget we will never falter.  And I feel pretty confident in that being what the Lord wanted me to share, because once again (this happens a lot in the Big Rapids District) every person who shared at that council shared a very similar point despite there being no communication amongst us beforehand.  And then a member of our mission presidency did a missionwide devotional about remembrance two days later...again without knowing about anything we were talking about amongst ourselves.

Saturday we had a really epic opportunity to travel to Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo for an oratorio performance called The Lamb of God.  The Lamb of God is about the ministry and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and is designed to bring people of different faiths together.  It was written by a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but each Lamb of God performance is put on by over a hundred people from dozens of Christian denominations.  It was a powerful performance, and as part of a district goal from Elder Burrill I considered what the Lord may want to teach me as I listened.  Remembrance once again filled my mind, and temperance also.  I think the Lord is trying to tell me something.

About half the mission was invited to the performance, so it was also a very fun opportunity to see people I haven't seen for a while.  I really, really have such a great love for these missionaries.  I've been working hard to see people as Christ sees them, and I feel like I'm getting better at it.  I've also never been to Kalamazoo before (it is apparently a real place) so that was neat.

Since then, my life has mostly consisted of taking care of my dear companion...he seems to have gotten something stuck in his intestines, and has been in pretty brutal pain for the last few days.  We're trying to get approved to go see a doctor...pray for us pretty please.

Alright folks, I hope I got it all (I probably didn't, but when do I ever).

I love you all!  (Really!)

<3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Weeks 53 & 54: "That's baloney holmes, that's not true!"

The rollercoaster of life is MIGHTY, my dudes.  The past two weeks have contained some of the most blissful and some of the most frustrating days I've had in a long time.

As is customary, I am unable to share many of the little details of what's been going on, but as a mission we're putting a lot of focus into finding joy in the work.  Recently, President Peckham had the opportunity to meet with Elder Dieter Uchtdorf, an Apostle and a member of the Quorum of the Twelve that leads the Church.  Elder Uchtdorf shared many things that President Peckham relayed to us, but the one that stood out to me was his suggestion that in order to find joy and see miracles, we must have two prerequisites.  First, we must be humble (teachable and willing to accept God's will over ours), and we also must be grateful (for the things which God has already given and shown us).  Achieving both of these things is embarrassingly harder than it sounds, and I've been working hard to be in that mindset always.  

The result has been two days in particular where everything just worked out.  Genuinely, throughout the entire day we had ideas put into our mind that not only filled our time with meaningful work but that also lead us to meet certain people in exactly the right moment, say things that touched their hearts, and fill us with a contentment with what we were doing that we probably could have done it forever.  That's what living life united with Jesus Christ is like!  He has the power to make all things come together for our good, and to fill us with joy and purpose as we live.  I felt like myself again in those moments, and as someone that suffers from depression I can't describe how grateful I am for the reminder of these things from Him.

And like many things, being able to maintain that is a work in progress.  We've had many of our best efforts fall apart due to the decisions of others, and it is hard at times to love the people the way Jesus does.  It's hard to power through when we do run out of good ideas or when what we're trying doesn't seem to help anyone.  These moments require the sustaining power of faith the most, and sometimes I'm able to be diligent through these times and sometimes I'm just not.  I know I'm trying my hardest now though (something I didn't feel as comfortable believing for much of my time here) and thus my progress is now more in the hands of the Lord than ever.  I've got many months of work yet to work it all out...I know the Lord will prepare me for the next stage of life as perfectly as I'm willing to let Him, and you better believe I'm going to try.

I love you all <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Bonus title explanation: This is a line from a really funny sacrament talk given by one of my favorite members recently.  It accurately represents what I have to say to the adversary several times a day when he tries to convince me that my life is awful.

Week 52: "Beanie rationing"

Okie dokie, artichokies.  Another week of Michigan winter has passed me by.  It's actually been a solid week!  One of the things that tends to get me down is the constant need to find productive things to do, and that was no worry this week.  The beginning of the week was very preparatory, as we would be traveling a lot and teaching a handful of what we knew would be very key lessons.

Wednesday I went on an exchange to Grand Rapids, with my former companion Elder Lewit!  It was a great time reconnecting with him and seeing what difference a year in the field has made for each of us.  Our day serving in GR was also a wild ride...the snow is still everywhere and the City of Grand Rapids has never heard of snowplows so there was much sliding around all over the city.  We had a stack of lessons for the day, all of which were very spirit led and good for my soul...and then there was Marilyn.  We were on the phone with Marilyn and she was not a happy camper with us...mostly just shouting random things into the phone and not listening when we said the phone was about to die...which it immediately did.  Cue frantically pulling into a gas station and begging the employees for a charger...only to find out that we had missed our exit on the freeway while trying to help her calm down.  We showed up at her place 35 minutes late, having no idea what to expect, only to find her exactly how she was on the phone  She invited us in but did not talk directly to us for at least the first 10 minutes because she was still upset.  My hopes were not terribly high, but after she began to calm down she shared why she was upset and we were able to calm her worries a bit and the Spirit was with us by the end.  She's a loving soul, and she's still willing to give church a shot even if it's hard.  Sometimes people just need a little bit of love.

Thursday I stayed in Grand Rapids so that I could have my interview with President Peckham.  It's been a long time since I had an opportunity to do that so I was very grateful.  It was good to see him and hear his stories and counsel.  He gave me a little sneak peak of what will be shared at tomorrow's zone conference, but I'll save that for next week.

Friday one of our lessons that we spent so much time planning for cancelled, but the other one happened and it went really well!  We were able to share some really cool truths about our purpose in life and everything just seemed a little bit smoother with that particular friend.  Bit by bit hearts are softened!

Saturday presented an opportunity to go on exchange with Elder Hilton in Big Rapids.  Elder Hilton is a trainee that came out with Elder Baird, and he is being trained by my good friend Elder Burrill.  It was a pretty standard day, nothing too crazy in the work but I was able to really connect with Elder Hilton and we had some conversations that really needed to be had.  It's always nice to connect with someone you don't know quite as well, and I was happy to help.  Sometimes I feel that my service here in the mission field has just as much to do with supporting my fellow missionaries as it does the people of Michigan.

And on Sunday we had Dylan.  Dylan just showed up to church out of nowhere, and when I went to go introduce myself he shared that he had been talking to missionaries online and they told him to come to church with us!  He loved sacrament meeting and we're going to be doing a cooperative lesson with his other missionaries this week.  He's a great guy, really turning his life around, and we're so grateful for him.  Sometimes God really does send a straight up miracle if we're ready for one.  I'm glad the Lord trusted me enough to send Dylan my way.

This is one of those where there's so much left to say and I'm sure what's been said could have been more organized, but I hope there was something there that may have brought you some light today.  Until next time <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

You made it to the end!  Congratz, you get to know where the quote came from.  I left my beanie in Grand Rapids like a fool, and Elder Baird offered to implement "beanie rationing" with his one remaining beanie.  This is something we were inclined to consider, since door knocking at 9°F in the dark isn't exactly that fun of a time without a beanie.

Week 51: The end times are here, and they are heralded by white gloopy stuff

I just want to start off by saying I've had a very weird week and my email titles generally reflect that.  There will be no questions.

Anyway, hi!  I know the entire universe seems to have copious amounts of snow poured out upon their heads, so I'll refrain from too much commentary but MAN.  It is 8 degrees out and it took me like 30 minutes to excavate my car from the ice gloop.  My biggest takeaway is that snow makes just about everything take a lot longer.

Other than that, the week can best be divided in to two parts.

Part I consisted of a renewed effort on Elder Baird and I's behalf to start the transfer strong.  We spent about twice as long outside as we normally do and we did our best to always be out in public, even during some very dead hours.  Finding people to teach is hard for any missionary, and in a small town it can be very difficult to find any people in public at all.  So we are doing our best to figure out where the people are and be there, even if it's a place we can't directly proselytize.  We've also been taking better and better advantage of the evening hours when people are home and we can visit them before everyone starts hunkering down for the evening.  This week the work has been pretty unfruitful but we felt fairly satisfied with our effort.

The difficulty is that while we were pushing ourselves harder, we were wearing ourselves out just in time for crap to hit the fan.  Mid week we had a downturn in mental health for both of us, followed by me getting sick, followed by a very challenging lesson with a friend who is struggling to stay motivated, followed by one of our longtime friends dropping us, followed by snow making our vehicle unusable.  

So as a result Part II then consisted of taking it a little easier while we were stuck inside, and trying to recover and set up a productive week ahead.  We called people, made many plans, did some cleaning, made many foods that we seldom have time to make, and still did our best to bundle up and go proselytize to anyone we could walk to.  I'm honestly very grateful for the snow, because it broke things up a bit and allowed us to both take a beat and get properly prepared for what we want to do.  We probably needed to do that anyway, but making that determination as a missionary is hard so it was nice of the Lord to give us the external factor.

Tomorrow will be my halfway point as a missionary.  I've already reflected on this a lot over the last month, but it's neat that the official day is here.  Many things about this experience were not what I expected, both for better and for worse at times.  It has, however, been the most worthwhile thing I've ever done.  My Savior has always taken care of me, and this is how He is choosing to do it at this point in my life.  I'm proud of who I'm becoming, and I suppose that's enough to weather the bad days and put some extra shine on the good ones.

Stay warm, my friends. <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

48, 49 & 50: Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! (wow that's embarrassing...)

Woah.  I know some of you probably thought that West Michigan got hit by a tsunami or something given my lack of letters but I can assure you it's just because I'm a lazy and/or busy lump.

So yeah, ALL the holidays happened.  I have once again entered a season of pretty aggressive personal growth.  2023's Christmas and the New Year was certainly the least extravagant I've had in my life...there was some disappointment surrounding that, but honestly I can still count the wealth of blessings.  There were still presents to be opened, family to talk to, a big apartment to relax in, and a Christmas tree to look at.  It was very peaceful :)

I'm fairly glad the holidays are over as well, because now we can actually accomplish things!  Everyone gets real busy at the end of the year, which makes having people to talk to about Jesus become even harder than normal.  Since the new year, we've had an amazing growth in progress with many of our friends!  The week before the new year was pretty brutal for Elder Baird and I, and many prayers were said for the sake of finding new friends and helping our existing ones progress.  This week we had the God given privilege of reaping the answers to those prayers!  We have reconnected with one of our friends and have had amazingly powerful experiences teaching two new ones!  It felt SO AMAZING to be able to do the Lord's work and be busy this week, and I know if we can keep this going we will see more miracles and this increased light in our souls will be infectious.  

In other news, we got transfer calls.  My district will be remaining the same, which means I'll be remaining in Fremont.  I'm relieved...my life isn't perfect and neither is Fremont but I have zero desire to leave.  It was certainly a tossup for many other parts of the mission though...Elder Shaw and Elder Wilchek (my zone leaders) are being replaced by Elder Boe and Elder Lewit, two of my former companions!  I'm very much looking forward to seeing what they can do together for the Grand Rapids Zone.

Anyways, that's just a small slice of Elder Mowrer's life circus.  Honorable mentions include someone backing into my car, the experience of teaching a Primary class of 10 year olds, and the mood swings of the century, but my fingers are weary.  I'm figuring things out, and hopefully I can start writing more often so you can hear about more of the details.

<3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Week 47.5 (from Mom)

I am posting a few photos that have been sent to us casually and not in Elder Mowrer's letters, or that are from home, but related to his mission.

Week 47: Not sure what's going on, but at least there's eggnog

I GOT THE DANG WEEK NUMBERS MIXED UP....

I'm very disappointed in myself for that one.  Anyway, hi there.  I'm sick (again) and it's blowing snow outside and it occured to me that Christmas is a week away.  I have the distinct sensation of having no idea what's going on in my life, but I'm probably just sick.  My condition has been improved by the fact that I FINALLY found eggnog in this dang town.  It took me 3 weeks, but I did it.

I don't have a ton to say about the week to be honest.   I feel like the last couple weeks have been an exercise in trying to keep a normal pace...there have been really neat miracles and non-coincidences (there always are) and the standard troubles of missionary life continue to be troubling.  Elder Baird is still doing well, and I'm proud of him.  He's got some enthusiasm behind him that's good for me, and we have a great relationship.  The work in Fremont has slowly but surely picked up, and there is a much wider group of people that we're working with than there used to be.  It's really nice...every now and then we actually have stuff to do all day, which is a blissful break from the grind of trying to find something useful to do during the daytime while everyone's busy.  That's a blessing, since I'm starting to feel like that might be the hardest part of mission life for me at this point.

I wish a Merry Christmas to all of you, and I wish I could be with you to celebrate.  Soon enough, for sure.

Love you <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

p.s. The Michigan Lansing Mission is taking an extended break from Facebook, so if you put anything there I won't see it.

Week 44: I have NEVER seen a BENCH in a WALMART! ...whaaaat??

-Quote Elder Baird, my dear new companion

Greetings, my most esteemed guys and gals.  

This week is difficult to describe.  Much of it continued like the end of my last letter...soldiering on was very difficult but the Lord sent small victories, good companion bonding, a fun exchange, and some raw patience and endurance my way to help me through it.  Honestly, my biggest problem right now is simply finding enough stuff to do to fill the hours of the day.  As missionaries we tend to have an attitude of go, go, GO because the work we do is important and we're only here for so long!  Unfortunately, deciding what to do on a Thursday afternoon in a rural Michigan county while everyone's at work is not really a high energy task, and creativity is exhausting for me.  Elder Baird is adjusting really well though, so at the very least I'm less worried about supporting him than I used to be.  I find that the training and counsel he needs are the things I'm well equipped to provide, thus confirming President Peckham's recent response to one of my letters saying "Just listen to what the Lord wants you to do, you're the perfect trainer for this good Elder".  I'm so grateful for the Lord's direction in companion assignments...I have never failed to receive exactly the companion and the area I needed to continue growing and doing God's work.

Speaking of that blessing, let me tell you about the lesson I taught yesterday.  Actually, let me rewind to the beginning of the transfer 6 weeks ago.  My first time knocking with Elder Thornton after my emergency transfer to Fremont (while I was still questioning if an ET would have the same awesome inspired accuracy as a normal transfer) we met a nice young lady who said she'd be down to have us back sometime to talk about God!  We asked her for her name, and we were all delighted to discover that she had the same last name as me!  Friends....that never happens!  Seriously.  We happily went on our way, and then over the course of the next few weeks we were repeatedly thwarted in our attempts to meet with her.  Eventually contact was lost, and on Saturday night I called her in one last ditch effort to set something up before deactivating her record.  Lo and behold, she answered and eagerly agreed to come visit us after church!  We were joined by our Relief Society President and proceeded to have an amazingly spiritual lesson about the Holy Spirit, prophets, and the Book of Mormon.  When I asked what lead her to want to come visit us, she said that the day we knocked on her door she had been increasingly aware that something was missing spiritually, she had been laid off because of a medical issue, and here comes some random dude with her same name on her door wanting to talk about Jesus Christ!  There are no coincidences, folks.  There really aren't.  God sends us exactly where we need to be if we let Him.

So anyway.  Life is still hard, I'm still going to be here for a really long time and that's still a bit of an uncomfortable feeling (though I'm starting to accept that it may never go away), and I'm still watching a lot of people I care about move on with their lives.  I watched another mission homecoming this week, and this particular one bit a lot harder than the others.  If I've learned anything out here it's that God wasn't kidding when He promised me that I would be led to the people, experiences, and opportunities that I've always dreamed of.  Learning to truly trust that has been one of the biggest reasons I needed to come to Michigan I think.  Unfortunately, letting go of the past and trusting that God has a plan that is greater than whatever I envisioned once upon a time is not my strong suit.By the way my friend, if someone happens to show you this letter your song was REALLY good, and I am SO proud of you.

But hey, isn't this so great?  Isn't it great that I can whine all I want about my inability to predict the future all the while enjoying living a life that I know is sending me straight towards everything I've ever wanted?  I'm so blessed to be here you guys, I can't say it enough.  I'm being given an opportunity to go about doing good and in doing so fix all the flaws that would have otherwise dogged me forever.  I really do love my life, and I love my Savior for giving it to me.  And all of you, for everything that each and every one of you has done to get me here.

Until next time <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Week 43: Jesus take the wheel

Folks, I don't even know what to say.  I said my life was a blur last week and the universe took that as a personal challenge.

I guess I was too on top of things, because by Tuesday night (Transfers are on Wednesday morning) I was feeling good.  Then we got a call from the sisters in our district...they were in quite a state, as the assistants had just called them (AT 8:30 PM!) and told them their area was getting shut down and they both needed to vacate by like 7 AM the next morning.  We had made a big dinner that took way too long to cook, and Elder Thornton was struggling to stay focused packing so between dealing with that trifecta along with the brownies I frantically made for my trainee and the bag I needed to pack for the week, I lost my sanity for a few hours before finally crashing into bed at like 11:45 PM with the lights on while my companion was still packing.  

The next morning, I successfully got out the door for the transfer meet, only 15 minutes late! ...Only to discover that I had forgotten 1. my missionary name badge, 2. my suit, and 3. my food for the week.  I had no intention of going back home until the end of the week, and we couldn't turn back or we would miss the transfer van.  Cue panic insanity #3 of the weekend.

Once we made it to the Grand Rapids meet point, it was actually a pretty good day.  I had to wait in Grand Rapids for my temporary companion for about 6 hours, so a big group of us went to enjoy Chick-fil-A together.  We had a really nice time sharing stories and enjoying a preciously rare social activity, and while we were there the management of the restaurant came out to tell us how much they appreciate the work we do and offered to compensate us for our food!  They weren't even members, so it was such a cool experience to connect with others over our shared love of the Savior and it was really nice to be appreciated like that.

Eventually it was time for many more goodbyes, and I set off with my temporary companion (Elder Burrill for his area, Big Rapids, MI.  Elder Burrill is my new district leader as well.  Our district was not expanded after the sisters got kicked out so it is now literally just me, Elder Burrill, and our two trainees.  Serving in Big Rapids, even for just a few days, was awesome.  Elder Burrill is an incredible missionary, and we get along great.  Big Rapids is doing extremely well, and we had several very spirit filled and productive lessons with their friends even in the day and a half I was there.  It also presented Elder Burrill and I the opportunity to talk about how the district should be run this transfer and to share ideas for training.

On Friday, it was time to go to Lansing.  I want to take this opportunity to add that the mania of the week included constant scheduling changes that we would not be informed of until it was way too late to make reasonable preparation...there were too many instances of that to mention here so just keep that in mind as you imagine all this.  We arrived a healthy 20 minutes early to mission headquarters, very excited to see the other trainers and meet our trainees.  We got there at 11:40 or so.  We were ushered into a holding room, and we waited.  For an hour.  And then another one.  And then another.  And then we got to go meet the trainees and have lunch with them.  And then we waited to hear which trainer would be with which trainee...for ANOTHER 3 HOURS.  It took so insanely long that they had our beloved President Gentile (one of our counselors in the Presidency as well as the Institute director for Michigan State University) come in and do an off the cuff Institute class with us.  As all of this was going on, I talked myself hoarse getting to know the other people there.  One of the new missionaries I ended up talking to for quite a bit longer than the others...lo and behold, when President Peckham finally made the assignments he was mine.  Elder Baird is his name, and he's already doing great.  He's here for the right reasons, and I trust him.  It's a great blessing, because friends, the crazy did not stop after I left Lansing with him.  On the way home it was pitch black and it started snowing very abruptly...abruptly enough for me to not notice that the road was plastered in ice until it was time to slow down for a turn...and for me to discover that my brakes were almost useless.  We almost wiped out twice before making it back, and a little miracle was had after we said a prayer for safety...the snow almost immediately stopped and we had 300% better traction the rest of the way home.

As for how things are going now, it's a lot.  Leading the area as a trainer is stressful, and while I have a blessedly well adjusted and competent trainee it's still a lot of stress to be the only one who can be remembering and coming up with all the things we need to do.  I've been praying a lot, and the scriptures are indeed being fulfilled in that I've been given exactly enough each day to be willing to tackle another one.  I'm really hoping I can get into a new rhythm soon, but until then I'm not dead in the water yet, so ...

I'm sorry that this letter is utter chaos, but I feel like that really accurately represents how things are going right now so I'm letting it fly.  If I was to be more detailed this would quite literally take all day. Keeping a gratitude list still really helps, I've noticed.  The idea fits nicely in with the beginning of the Christmas season too!  Y'all should give it a shot.

Until next time <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Weeks 41 & 42: Buckle up, buttercup

(Runner up quote since it was too long: "It's got a talking donkey, that's straight legitness right there")

Helloooooo again.  My life is a BLUR.  I don't know what's going on, and to be honest I'm actually kinda liking that feeling for once. I (unfortunately, you will understand why by the end of this letter) do not have all day, so you're getting one miracle story and a life update.

The miracle story begins with Thanksgiving.  I enjoyed Thanksgiving.  I did have a pretty sludgy morning and had a migraine all day, but that honestly helped me appreciate the opportunity for gratitude even more.  When I actually sat down and thought about it, there is a dang long list of things I love about my life.  I love the people I'm with.  I love the town I live in.  I love spending my days doing something that frequently brings joy (and always brings personal growth and meaning).  I love my freedom to use the resources and blessings I've been given to help others receive them also.  I love that I have the time and support needed to tackle my personal flaws head on, and take this time out of my life to erode those barnacles from my soul properly so that I don't spend the rest of my life halfheartedly attempting to pick them off.

Anyway, the point is gratitude really does make dealing with life's crap easier.  Plus I got to see my whole family on a video call, which was rad.  It was comforting to hear the chaos of my family's Thanksgiving, just how I remember it.  

Anyway (pt. 2, electric boogaloo) midway through Thanksgiving we received a referral.  (A referral is the result of someone requesting to meet missionaries through an online ad.)  I initially intended to wait until the next day to call the number, but then remembered that I'm still a missionary regardless of what day it is so we called anyway.  The fellow immediately picked up, was very pleasant, and revealed that he was a new member who had moved here and didn't know there was a church in Fremont!  He kept talking and we weren't exactly sure what he was looking for, so we offered to come see him and he invited us over the next afternoon.  We had a long and deep conversation, and he eventually shared that there had been bizarrely peculier events that he could tell were God's way of pointing him in the right direction.  He had even been at a friend's house and Elder Thornton called his friend about something else months ago, thus alerting him to the fact that there were missionaries in Newaygo County.  We all marvelled at the intricacy and lengths the Lord will go to direct his children towards the right path, and our new friend took it as a sign that it was time to come back to church.  As we were talking, Elder Thornton and I simultaneously received a prompting to invite him to join us as we visited another struggling new member.  We don't know why the Lord wants us to do this, but we will surely find out soon.  

Alright folks, now that you should all be feeling nice and inspired to go do the will of the Lord, here's what happens next.

We got transfer news on Saturday.  Within a 2 hour period, I discovered that Elder Thornton will be going to Bay City, I will be staying in Fremont to train another new missionary, and I would also be speaking in Sacrament meeting the following morning.  We then found out that I would need to travel to Lansing twice this week, and that the entire week's worth of appointments would need to be moved.  Because Elder Thornton would be moving and I would be travelling all week, we needed to pack.  We had 48 hours to do all of that and more.  I chose to say a prayer and trust that the Lord would give me the mental tenacity to accomplish all of that, and so far that prayer has been gracefully answered.  I feel pretty okay about things.  It's all been stressful, and as always I'm losing dear friends and stability in the transfer but I feel prepared for what comes next for once, and I'm so grateful for that and everything else.  I'm almost surprising myself with how calm I am about it all right now.  Training is a massive task, one that will subsume the next 3 months of my life.  I'm wondering if that's going to hit me later, or if I've truly just reached a whole new level of chill-ness.  I guess we'll all find out later.

The good news for all of you is that I'll be staying put for a while, so no more losing your mail.  (A big thank you to all you precious souls that keep sending me mail, by the way :)

I love you friends <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Weeks 41 & 42: Time is a fickle master

Yeah, yeah, I missed a week.

(I'm sorry)

It's been an eventful time, but I'm really not sure how to describe it in the form of an email.  Simultaneously I often feel like time could not be going slower, but then I look up and weeks have passed.  Sometimes Michigan feels like home, and other times I look around and think that I have no idea where I am or how I got here.  Sometimes I'm thrilled to be out here feeling and thinking and seeing all the things that I do, and sometimes I feel like the emotional equivalent of needing to get off and puke after a fun rollercoaster.

You can tell I'm having a weird day, can't you...

Anyways, sufficeth to say I'm still living life.  Trying to solve problems, think objectively, get closer to God and become a stronger person, all by helping others do the same.  Today I feel like the blind leading the blind, but I know if I made it this far then something must have gone right and as I comb through the memories of the mindblowing experiences of the last 10 months, I realize that at few points did I ever feel like I knew what was going on, and yet here I am.  Nearly halfway through missionary service, and not dead in the water yet.  I've learned that the successes and failures of a single day often don't have lasting relevance, what does is the collective result of effort over time.  And I'm better, stronger, and happier than I was when I started.  By the sheer grace of the Lord my God.

Anyway, now that the philosophy is out of my system, let me tell you about the most recent miracle I got to observe.  On Saturday, I felt like garbage.  It was genuinely the worst day I've felt in weeks.  If left to my own devices I would have definitely just passed out somewhere, but the thing about missionary service (and the mature life it is meant to emulate) is that you're not the only decisionmaker.  You have a companion.  So, my dear companion said that we needed to find a door to knock.  I did not feel like I had time or energy for this, but I decided to just do what he said and start driving towards our dinner appointment.  I told him to tell me to stop at whatever house he felt inspired to stop at.

The first house he picked nobody was home.  So we kept driving.

The second house there was a nice enough atheist who was only moderately sober and very not interested in chatting.  So we kept driving.

The third house had a man standing out front.  (Friends, try to imagine how awkward it is to pull up into a stranger's driveway while he's standing there.)  We got out of the car and asked if he had a minute.  He curiously accepted, and we explained that we were missionaries for Jesus Christ and that we felt inspired by God to stop and invite him to church the next day.  To our great surprise, his face got brighter and he explained that he had just gotten out of jail and had been trying to find a way to reconnect with God.  He readily agreed to join us, and the next day lo and behold he walked into church.

So despite my pretty lousy attitude and lack of personal confidence in my ability to make inspired choices, the combined result of my companion's determination and my willingness to at least give it a shot was a blessing.  Not only for me, but for one of God's precious children who would have remained a wandering stranger if we hadn't done that.

And there have been other bright spots, really cool spiritual ones even, but those are a bit too personal to put into an email so I'll have to leave it there.

I love you my friends, thank you for being interested in my weird life.

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Week 40: RIP my new normal (Welcome to Fremont)

Heyyyyy there everybody...got some news for y'all...

I moved again.  Except it's even better than that, because I got a call at 12:00 on Tuesday saying that a missionary was departing the mission for medical treatment and that I needed to be able to take his place in the little community of Fremont, Michigan by 6:30 that night.  5 hours of notice to be packed and in the car.  I would not recommend it folks.  I went to my volunteering obligation immediately after receiving the call, and spent the rest of the day packing.  Elder Boe and Elder Larsen were very sad along with me, and insisted that we do something fun together before we left.  So, we went to a chicken restaurant that had been highly recommended by my old pal Elder Wilchek and enjoyed each other's company.

By that night I arrived in Fremont.  Fremont is a cute little town, I actually do like it a lot.  It's got a bustling little downtown area and has access to some very useful stores, both advantages compared to my last small town area.  I wasn't a happy camper to be going back to a rural area...serving in Kalkaska was quite an experience and while I am so grateful to have had it I did not feel ready to deal with the pressures of small town missionary work again quite so soon.  

Anyways, having been here for about a week now I've mostly accepted my situation.  There are several cool things about being in Fremont, and my new companion (Elder Thornton) and I do get along.  We've got one really awesome young new member and we've seen some little miracles already!

The work in Fremont is very slow at the moment (It's very frustrating to have finally built some momentum in N. Muskegon only to get dropped into another stalled area) but we do have Pam...

Let me tell you about Pam.  Pam is the nicest lady I've ever met.  She's respectful, insightful, and very ready to consider what we have to say.  We invited a member to my first lesson with her (we've set a goal to involve the members in our teaching) and that was very inspired...we discovered after inviting that member that he and Pam are neighbors!  As we studied that night, that member was able to bond with Pam over several shared life experiences and the spirit was felt very strongly in the room.  It's always so amazing to see what can happen when we apply ourselves to making our lessons the best they can be!  Missionary work is hard, but when I try my best I find that the Lord often paves the way to success in unexpected ways.

As always, more has happened but I think I'll leave it there for now.  I don't know what the next sideways thing to happen to me will be (pray for me please...) but I trust that it will be for the good of myself and others.

Sure love you all <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

***My Current Location***

Fremont, Michigan

***My Previous Locations***

North Muskegon, Michigan

Kalkaska, Michigan

Midland, Michigan

Provo, Utah

Saint George, Utah

***My Mission***

Michigan Lansing Mission

***My Mailing Address***

*YES I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD, BUT IT'S NOT A TYPO*

117 1/2 N Stone Road #4

Fremont, MI 49412

United States of America

Week 39: A new normal

Hello friends!  I don't have a whole lot to say today, it was a fairly standard week and it went by pretty fast.  That's a pretty fantastic accomplishment though, because I've really struggled to achieve the kind of positive routine where that can happen.  I tend to ping pong between struggling along and being really excited or happy about things.  That may or may not make sense, but just know that it's a happy thing for me.  

Being here is such a blessing.  With all the combined fruits of the last transfer, we're pretty busy (having planned things to do as a missionary makes life much easier) and while the companion trio has its challenges at times, I sure love these two good Elders that I work with.  We all needed each other right now.  Plus the blessings of having our house, and this town, and our awesome ward.   Merging my area with the other N. Muskegon one sounded really awful to me when I found out that was happening but I now realize that it was exactly what the Lord desired for me.  

A new missionary gave her farewell at church this week and shared her story.  She had been hoping to be accepted to a certain school for years, and the plan she had for her young life checked off all the boxes one would seek for a good launch to life.  She was devastated when she wasn't accepted to the school she expected, and she found herself at her minimally considered backup school.  She then tearfully told the story of how her experiences at that school led her to make lifelong friends, gain experience building faith for herself and others, and have the spirit led realization that she was needed in the mission field.

Sometimes we all do a good job of making a plan that we know is a good one.  And then it goes sideways.  Many of us are tempted to get pretty upset with God when that happens, especially if we felt inspired to choose that original path.  We forget to consider that sometimes, a little patience is required to see what He sees for us.  We have to accept on our faith that the Lord is always directing us towards better things.  Some of us will have to wait a lifetime to see it pay off, but it always does and always will.  I know I'm on the Lord's track now, even from time to time when I look around and wonder how the heck I ended up here.  

That sister is on her way to Salt Lake City, to serve in the Utah SLC West Mission...which will surely be a very different experience than mine here in Michigan.  Which is good, because her path is just for her.  Just like mine is for me.  And yours, for you. 

Don't forget that <3

Sure love you dear friends!

-Elder Beren Mowrer

Week 38: And then there were three

This week was weird.  The first day and last days were really awesome, and the other ones...weren't.

The first day was Elder Walker's last working day, and it was perfect.  We were busy all day, met some cool people, taught two awesome new friends about the Restoration, had a great study with some new members, and got him all set to travel.  He was visibly thrilled with how his last day went, and I'm really happy that I was able to do my part to help him end on a really good note.

And then things went a bit downhill.  After sending Elder Walker to Lansing, I began a trio with my housemates, Elder Boe and Elder Larsen.  Maintaining two areas as a single companionship is hard, doing any kind of missionary work as a trio is harder, and without Elder Walker to encourage me, keeping good habits became nigh impossible.  We struggled to accomplish much throughout the week, and then on Saturday we got a call from our President's assistants...informing us that (after just a single transfer) my area would be closed, my car and SIM card would be taken, and the trio would be permanent.

So much for just trying to limp into the next transfer.

Oh, and Elder Boe would become a district leader for the first time.  And just for giggles, his Facebook account got hacked while all this was happening.  So we mildly lost our minds for about 24 hours, before deciding that we needed to do something before we spent the next month of our precious lives in utter chaos.  So we spent two hours devising daily plans, discussing house policies, and being as open as we could with each other about what we could do to make things better.  It was the most productive two hours I've had all week, and I'm genuinely now excited for how it could go.  Part of our plan is to have daily inventories in which we offer advice and praise to the others in the group.  As we complimented each other, we noticed that the three of us each have a really valuable skill or talent that the other two lack, and that if we could truly be efficient, working together we could really get quite a lot done.

Amazing how in just a single day it's possible to go from bemoaning reality to seeing the hand of God in your life.

There's other good news too...many of the missionaries in my district who I like are staying around, my ol' companion Elder Wilchek is my new zone leader, and I get to stay in this area I love so much.

Blessings, blessings, everywhere.

For you all too, should you choose to see them. <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer