hereliesmillie - Tumblr blog

hereliesmillie · 2 years

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I am angry #3

HereLiesMillie ~

I am angry. I am angry that i as a woman, that i as a carrier of life am having my rights as a human stripped away for something that it itself is dependent on ME for.

Anti-abortionists, you will never take away my ability to abortion all you will do is take away my right to a safe one.

I as a living breathing outside of its host human should have the ability to control the things inside my body, ESPECIALLY when the are as dependent on me as much as a ‘foetus’ is.

I am beyond disgusting, outraged, violated that Roe v Wade is being overturned, i am beyond scared that we are no longer progressing forwards all because something that needs me has more value than me.

So to those who are anti-abortion, those who think that taking away my rights is saving children, I as a person with the ability to carry child tell you to go fuck yourself.

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hereliesmillie · 2 years

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Boys, boys, boys #2

HereLiesMillie ~

Boys, they are both wonderful and disturbing creatures all at once. Whether you love them or hate them, they’re here to stay and stay they have.

My experience with boys has so far been... mixed? As a child a large majority of my friend group was boys, not that it was by choice as you’ll come to find in later blogs. But I didn’t mind, they were some of the best people I’ve ever gotten the pleasure of meeting and though we no longer talk I wouldn’t dare to wish a bad thing upon them.

Though my childhood memories with boys have been fond my teenage years is a different story. And no before your mind wanders, I didn’t get bullied, harassed or intimidated by them but my experiences have still been bumpy.

When I turned 17 I thought I had met a boy who liked me, I of course was ecstatic. He was on my mind 24/7 not a day of rest even though he was one of the dreaded men the internet has offered to me. We’ll call him Roma, you see Roma lived in a different part of the country from me and had often talked about coming up to visit, this continuously peaked my interest and we hit it off. Of course it didn’t take long until the conversations got slow and he asked the dreaded question...

“Do you send?”

The moment I read it I felt my heart sink, ‘Ah of course’ I probably thought to myself, I’d been played all along, played for my body and treated as if I was nothing more than a magazine made for pornographic material. We soon stopped talking although I’ll admit he was on my mind for over a year and a half more and when I was lonely, I’d use his face to make up the fake stories in my brain.

The next boy.. well man? I met when I was 19, we clicked instantly and if I’m being real, I might’ve been the happiest I had ever been once we started talking. He was sweet, charming, attractive, talented and most importantly not creepy. The not creepy emphasis is important as spoiler alert he was a TINDER BOY. God I know I should’ve known better, but hey, I was lonely and craving love I was desperate to feel someone want me. The day after we met on Tinder we hooked-up, although it wasn’t my original plan as I was well reminded that boys who do that on the first date want one thing and one thing only. I ignored the advice given to me by my seasoned flatmate and lost my virginity to him.

Now I’m unsure if it’s different for men but for women this is somewhat of a big deal, I was scared, nervous and excited. But those emotions were crushed in an instant when he afterwards told me to “Have sex with someone else and tell me how I compare”. This of course was stated after he had already compared me to his previous partners.

Crushed... I was crushed, in an instant I knew it. I’d just given something I had previously tried so hard to keep for the right person at the right time, away just like that.

I stayed over at his. In the morning not many words were spoken and he only walked me half way home, I knew the hug goodbye meant something along the lines of ‘Listen nice shag however, you’ll never see me again’.

I walked home heart heavy, where I stayed hooked on him for 4 following weeks, tracking his snapscore, checking his insta, following his band’s activities. I’d lost it, my sense of reality was destroyed and I wanted some form of confirmation I wouldn’t be abandoned.

Which of course happened. He stopped replying, left me on delivered for weeks and to be perfectly honest... it hurt. It hurt more than I let my best friend, more than I let other friends and more than I let myself believe. I felt like I was a tissue, used and then discarded without a mere second thought.

I haven’t seen him since then and to be honest if I did I think my healing process would’ve gone back to day one.

So to this I say, men, boys and the people who identify as such, please treat those you intend to use for sex like humans. Tell them that this is purely for a hook-up and don't leave them to believe that there a chance when you know that you’ll never reciprocate a feeling they’ve been dying to tell you.

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