イカ

Squid

2024.3.15

marrow bones

kera, vol. 38 (2001)

maybe wanting to explode out of embarrassment after every little thing isnt so normal after all…

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

Artworks by Mu Pan

please listen to albums someitmes youll be amazed at what an artists songs do when theyree in an order they made. for you to listen to. etc

Bolesław Biegas (Polish,1877-1954)

Grotto of the temple of secrets, c. 1924

oil on board

smoking does look cool and theres nothing anyone could do to change that

十字紋黒織部茶碗, cross kuro oribe chawan

the smallest artist i listen to? probably the bird outside my window