i’m moving blogs: an update

okay my new blog is pretty much set up!!! i’ve followed a few people already and the @ is lovekilling. like i said i’m gonna try and keep it small, so i’m not gonna promise to be following everyone i am right now. i’ve loved having this blog, it really was such a good place for me in the beginning of 2020, after my first big breakup and when i found the person i believe to be my soulmate. i’ve made a lot of new friends on this blog and moving always makes me a little sad, but i’m excited too!

i’m gonna also probably collect a few drafts but overall i think i want mostly new things? idk, we’ll see. 

i’ll reblog this a couple times and queue it so people will see it. 

i’m moving blogs: an update

okay my new blog is pretty much set up!!! i’ve followed a few people already and the @ is lovekilling. like i said i’m gonna try and keep it small, so i’m not gonna promise to be following everyone i am right now. i’ve loved having this blog, it really was such a good place for me in the beginning of 2020, after my first big breakup and when i found the person i believe to be my soulmate. i’ve made a lot of new friends on this blog and moving always makes me a little sad, but i’m excited too!

i’m gonna also probably collect a few drafts but overall i think i want mostly new things? idk, we’ll see. 

i’ll reblog this a couple times and queue it so people will see it. 

i’m moving blogs: an update

okay my new blog is pretty much set up!!! i’ve followed a few people already and the @ is lovekilling. like i said i’m gonna try and keep it small, so i’m not gonna promise to be following everyone i am right now. i’ve loved having this blog, it really was such a good place for me in the beginning of 2020, after my first big breakup and when i found the person i believe to be my soulmate. i’ve made a lot of new friends on this blog and moving always makes me a little sad, but i’m excited too!

i’m gonna also probably collect a few drafts but overall i think i want mostly new things? idk, we’ll see. 

i’ll reblog this a couple times and queue it so people will see it. 

i started working as a teacher for the first time this week and honestly, i’m friggen tired. that being said, i think part of the reason i’m not getting on and writing (aside from starting my new job, essentially) is because there is a lot on this blog that’s unfinished and i think it may be time to start over new. it’ll likely be a much smaller blog, but if we’re friends/consistent writing partners, obviously i’ll be following you over there. if you’re not sure you can always like this if you want me to follow you there. i’m gonna be figuring out setting that up. 

thinking about monstrosities and tenderness

i return from the dead (aka a week of celebrating my first anniversary with my bf) to request a plot or a verse inspired by this... pls give me lady spy/assassin organisation and ridiculousness 

“And your eyes too. Somehow it’s … it’s something about these lights.”

Black Sails (2014 - 2017) Season 1, Episode 1 Jessica Parker Kennedy as Max and Hannah New as Eleanor Guthrie

the angst, the betrayal, the late night texts / closed starter for @violetleaves​

     it’s not until twenty minutes without wes passed that lottie actually began to believe he wasn’t going back. jordan noticed quickly, despite his lack of perceptiveness usually, that she was a little off as the minutes wore on and offered to go downstairs and look for him, suggesting that maybe he’d just gotten caught up with someone talking his ear off, but she struggled to imagine that. considering the typical scowl that he often offered to people on set who weren’t her, she couldn’t picture him suddenly having the patience to listen to someone for a little too long. even with the aid of alcohol and the good mood they were both in. still, she let her kind co-star go off to check. he came back five minutes later with nothing to offer but an apologetic look. out of embarrassment, lottie pretended that he’d sent her a text two minutes later, explaining that something came up and he’d call later. in reality, she was left with questions and disappointment. did this somehow mean he’d changed his mind about even being ‘casual’ with her? she couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed, though some part of her was ready to hold out for some perfect explanation. she knew that wes came with complications, but she wasn’t aware that it was as bad as him playing cinderella, disappearing without a trace at the stroke of midnight. the spell was up and lottie was no longer living in that hazy dream where they were alone and couldn’t stop touching. 

     at the very least, she had jordan. he isn’t the worst second choice in the world, with his curly hair styled from the day on set and the fun shirt she couldn’t help but compliment. his smile was dazzling and he had a habit of saying the most ridiculous things just to make her laugh, even if he wasn’t who she wanted. they spent another forty minutes up there on the rooftop balcony alone and it was a decent bandaid for the wound of abandonment she was sporting. when they came back down to the rest of the party, his jacket was on her shoulders and they spent a couple more hours dancing and playing games with everyone who was still there. when emilia asked her where wes went, she made something up, knowing her roommates would judge big time if they knew the truth. as the party winds down, jordan sticks around to help with the clean up and by the time he’s finally leaving, she has to jog to his car to give him his jacket back. some part of her wonders if he’d forgotten it on purpose, but she supposes she doesn’t mind. it’s a salve for her ego to think of herself as wanted. 

     lottie pours herself into her bed, exhausted at two a.m., after saying goodnight to her equally tired and tipsy roommates. wes, of course, is on her mind as she pulls her blankets tight up over her shoulders. her phone sits on the bed beside her and though she wishes she was the kind of person who could stubbornly ignore her feelings, she reaches out to it. for a moment, she holds it to her chest as she thinks about what she wants to say, but she still spends another three minutes trying to figure out the perfect way to word it before she can send it. she knows she has every reason to be upset, but she still sometimes feels like she has to walk on eggshells with wes. he’s been so much better, but having feelings for him seems to run a risk of getting hurt. she doesn’t know him well enough to trust he won’t flip the switch on her again out of the blue. pressing send, she doesn’t wait to see if he responds, she just places her phone on the bedside table and pulls the blanket over her head, groaning. she’d rather sleep and see in the morning if he responds. either way, it’s not like he’ll be able to avoid her for long. their next day of filming looms in the distance and she’s sure he knows it. 

     charlotte [2:04 AM]:: hey, not sure why you dipped early but i hope you’re okay. figure it must have been pretty big since you didn’t say goodbye. i’d really appreciate like.. an apology or an explanation or both. i think i deserve that much. 

“i kiss you-- across hundreds of separating years”

- marina tsvetayeva, poem for parted lovers

shadow and bone

HUNTER SCHAFER for Prada

Be careful, she’ll hit ya.

A STAR IS BORN (2018) dir. Bradley Cooper

violetleaves​:

        no. he doesn’t care that his mother is calling him right now to ruin their fun. he doesn’t care that she’s going to continue calling him until he picks up – he will not comply for once in his miserable life. he’s got an astounding woman in his arms, she has his heart pounding in a way he never thought could happen, and nothing is going to fuck up their moment. he focuses solely on her, allowing the thoughts of his mother to disappear into background noise, a feeling of exhilaration rushing through him as she guides his hand to touch her further, and he doesn’t hesitate to gently cup her breast in his hand, sighing deeply into their kisses. wes is fully prepared to completely ignore the vibration happening on his wrist, but as soon as charlotte’s addressing it, it becomes rather difficult. tenderly, he touches her cheek, a vulnerable look in his eyes as he confesses: “i don’t want to.” but charlotte is right, the calls will go on, and the tension will grow no matter how well wes can avoid it. disappointed, wes shimmies a little so that charlotte can move off of his lap. his eyes glance to their half finished, now watered down cocktails on the coffee table, and he’s determined to not let his mother micromanage him tonight, and he’ll return to her after his phone call, so he says: “i’ll get us fresh drinks.” before he leaves her with one more charming kiss, grabs their drinks, and rushes to get this over with. 

he’s instantly bitter as soon as his back is turned away from her, a grimace flashed across his face that’s of a type charlotte has never seen before. angsty, irritated, sure – she’s even seen him at his cruelest, tearing apart extras on set, but never has she seen him in a type of fury that could leave her questioning their relationship, as casual as it may now be. one hand is carrying their drinks, cups pressed together between thumb and forefinger, and in the other, his phone lays in his palm, his mothers contact information shining brightly at him as a reminder of the control she holds over every aspect of his life, and he hesitates to answer until he knows he’s alone. stopping briefly at the door that leads to the stairs, he looks back, trying to mask the ferocious look, and he stares at her. this moment must be committed to memory, every single word, every single feeling – because as much as he’s going to protest his mother the second she gets him on the line, he knows he’ll be leaving the party and their moment will vanish, just as all of their others have in the past. 

finally shuffling down the stairs, he still waits to answer his phone, pushing the door to the hallway open to find himself face to face with someone on set he has extremely mixed feelings about. he only grunts at jordan as he’s exiting the bathroom, a half-assed excuse for a hello, and then makes a beeline for charlotte’s room, aware that this may be the only place he can be alone with the townhome full of people. “what?” he barks into his phone as soon as he’s by himself, the door to her room shut behind him. part of him feels odd being here without charlotte accompanying him, and he’s forced to ignore the urge to look through her things as he paces around her room on the phone. without really thinking about it, he sets their cups down on her dresser. “why are you at a party right now?” his mother instantly counters, her usual antagonizing tone present. “i’m outside with danny right now. get in the car.” his heart stops, part of him in disbelief that she’s actually gone out of her way to come out here to get him. “no you’re not.” he attempts to call her bluff, but he’s already quit pacing to head for charlotte’s door to rush out and obey her. “oh, do you want me to come inside and get you? i’m sure that will look great in front of your castmates who already dislike you. you know, –” he interrupts her with i’m coming, and a quick end of the call before he’s abandoned their drinks and is rushing out of charlotte’s room, and down the stairs to the front door. he probably looks odd, pushing past a bustling party to escape out the front door without an explanation. if anyone had noticed himself and charlotte heading upstairs together earlier, they’ll probably think he’s running away from her, which may actually work in his favor if keeping them a secret is truly a top priority. 

the second he steps outside, he’s met with a gust of wind, and he wonders how he’d ignored the chill when he’d been up on the roof with charlotte. perhaps having her wrapped up in his arms had been keeping him warm. ahead of him is the black escalade, just as his mother has promised, and he sighs, walking slowly towards it. maybe she was actually telling the truth, and she is sitting in the backseat waiting to interrogate him once the doors open. but the door does open, wes begrudgingly pulling it towards him, and the backseat is empty, along with the passengers seat. “fuck. that fucking bitch.” he doesn’t bother to whisper despite knowing danny will likely report back to her upon arrival, pulling at shaggy dark hair in defeat, the mild discomfort a punishment for falling for it. “she seriously isn’t here?” he’s talking to danny now, sticking his head inside but not committing fully to entering. if she’s not here, he’s not disappearing yet. “danny. go park the car. i’m not leaving.” he asserts, but the look on danny’s face when he turns to look back at him is clear otherwise. wes is in fact, leaving. right now. “i’m out a job if i don’t have you back in twenty minutes.” danny chides, and wes knows that this is absolute bullshit. “oh come on, you know she’s not serious.” danny shrugs, clicking his tongue. “not gonna find out. get in the car.” throwing a thumb over his shoulder, wes takes one step backwards. “we have twenty minutes. the hotel is five minutes away. let me have fifteen inside.” wes attempts to bargain, but of course that’s shot down as well. “i have to get gas. get in the car.” if wes hears someone say get in the car one more time, he thinks he might scream, but there’s still one last chance to not leave charlotte up on that roof without at least a shallow explanation. “okay. that’s ten minutes. give me five –” he looks over his shoulder, wondering if he could possibly speak to her without even having to go back inside… if maybe he could just shout up to her on the roof. “no, give me two minutes. i just have to say goodbye to someone.” taking another step back like he’s not going to take no for an answer, wes raises his eyebrows, and finally, danny gives in. “fine. two minutes. go.” and with the approval, wes is speed walking towards the side of the townhome to call out to her. sure, he has to leave… but maybe this could still be romantic. 

    charlotte wants nothing more than to cup wes’ cheeks and pull him in to kiss again, because he’s wearing the most adorable expression she’s ever seen on that handsome face of his. this interruption has been persistent, though and she’s not the type of person that can easily ignore the buzzing of a phone call if it’s going to keep happening. hopefully he can just deal with it and come straight back to her so they can spend a few more hours together, enjoying the sparkling fairy lights and the moonlight. shifting off of his lap and back onto the couch, she pulls her knees up behind her so she can lean on her legs and press up easily to meet his parting kiss. it leaves her breathless, pink cheeked and smiling, watching him go. “don’t take too long.” she warns and then watches him for another couple moments as he walks to the door, until she feels creepy doing it. then, she turns so she can lean up on the couch and rest her arms on the balcony, overlooking the view from the roof. lottie’s always been a city girl, since she stayed in a hotel in one for an audition for the first time. she’s always loved twinkling skyscrapers and endless possibility. there’s so much to unearth. she wants to ask wes if he’ll spend a day with her, when they have one free. the idea of having his hand in hers, incognito with hats and sunglasses as they explore little stores and cafes sounds incredible, but she wants to know if he’d like it.

    five minutes have passed when she hears the door creak open. “i know i said not to take too long, but...” she turns her head and spots not the boy who has captured her heart, but someone else. jordan, in a floral button down, a bomber jacket and sporting a curious look. “oh.” her cheeks warm and she peers down awkwardly, wiping her palms against her pants. “sorry, i thought you were someone else. what are you doing up here?” she asks, friendly and amicable despite the fact that she’s a little concerned about how wes will react if he comes up here and sees their co-star that isn’t the two who are ‘in the know’. “sorry to disappoint.” jordan responds and it’s the kind of charming that makes lottie feel uncertain. on one hand, he’s probably just being nice, on the other, sometimes the nice guy thing can be a little much, especially from the wrong person. she’s fairly sure he really is nice, but she can’t help but have her guard up. she has something to hide now, too. “no, you’re fine...” she laughes. “are you enjoying the party? you found my secret hideaway.” the cheeriness is a little put on, but she doesn’t want to indicate anything other than very normal behaviour. “i know, this is so cool... was wes up here with you? i saw him go into one of the rooms. i probably shouldn’t have gone up the stairs, guess i was just nosy and wanted to see what was up here.” at the mere mention of wes, lottie tenses up just a little bit, but it’s not like she can lie. “yeah, we were hanging out up here. he’s not really a party guy, but he agreed to come so... i figured this would be a little more his style.” she explains casually, not indicating anything other than the bond she’s made with her co-star that everyone on set is basically already aware of.

    “you guys are close, huh?” jordan seems to infer and charlotte shrugs, smiling softly. “makes for good chemistry to get along.” it’s true, though she’s sure plenty of on screen romantic couples have been made up of people who hate each other. he doesn’t need a cue to come closer, he just does it and sits down beside her. “well, how about i keep you company until he comes back?” at the very least, he’s not trying to hang out with both of them, so lottie can’t see any reason to deny him. exhaling, she nods. it’s not like sitting up there cold and alone is exactly pleasant, not now that the warmth of wes’ body is far from her. she wonders idly who on earth was calling him. would he tell her if she asked? the fact that she’s truly not sure isn’t exactly reassuring. “how’s everything downstairs? is jack white girl wasted yet?” she asks cheekily, remembering the last time she drank with her roommates and the aforementioned one danced until he literally dropped. “not yet, but i think he’s getting close. he was flirting with that one p.a., the one who is always power walking around and has the swoopy hair?” lottie narrows her eyes, completely unsure about who he’s referencing. “another new crush, i so cannot keep up with him.” she laughs and now it’s more genuine. she’s not just being nice, jordan is decent company and she genuinely likes him, even if right now he’s just a seat filler. “i don’t think anyone can... y’know...” apparently unable to stand still, jordan walks over to the railing of the rooftop balcony, leaning against it and tipping his head back to look up at the sky. “you’d think you’d be able to see more stars than this. probably all the light pollution from living in a city. i’m a country guy, myself.” he tells her matter of factly. “you lived in the country?” now her brows are furrowed in confusion. “oh, no, i just think i would like it.” again, the laughter leaves her and this time a little louder than before. she’s completely unaware that jordan is visible from the ground where wes is standing and so is the top of her head as she throws it back and laughs at his stupid joke. inside she’s still waiting, peeking over to the door and thinking that surely the guy who has her heart is about to come through it, with no idea that he won’t.

covered in blood for sexy reasons