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any pronouns // adult // deep in the bg3 trenches. gortash bootlicker and general Awful Man connoisseur I write, I draw, I clown around
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durgetash writing gripes below (tldr: much want to write. me no write much.)
i have so many ideas for fics and at this point im not sure if i need to be like combining them or not because i -really- want to but am not sure if i cant do them proper justice on their own. really been wanting to write a little bit more of a softer durgetash thing, or maybe not even soft just kind of ... less intense. like this one concept thats kinda vague is gortash and/or durge end up drunk at some party (durge is absolutely exhausted at this point from having to mingle with stuckup bastards like wow this was NOT on my agenda today but okay i guess. maybe one or two people end up dead as per a special request from someone..) and they end up alone in one of the rooms together and they kind of just. talk a little bit. and they end up cuddling. in the nonsexual way of course theyre just holding hands in the same bed for.. strategy reasons, yes
but THEN i have another idea in somewhat of a similar font except it's Durge whose sober and Gortash being the wasted one of the pair - he angrily (and drunkenly) questions durge on why he's putting on a mask of pleasantries for everyone -but- him, why isnt -he- getting any smiles? hints of jealousy, but no real ending/beginning comes to mind with that one which is why i think about mixing ideas (but, then comes the question for both scenarios, how and why would either of them let their guard down enough to even be in that position of intoxication? what would be the occasion to allow for such indulgence like.. idk cant put it all into words but U GET THE POINT.)
and then there's one that revolves around a masquerade ball that happens pre-absolute and they end up kissing. and THEN then there's one that involves them at a part- (are you seeing a theme here.) and the drinks there happen to be drugged and oops. woe be upon ye sex magic curse. that ones just pure smut like 9% plot and i just. dont know. i could do a lot of these in ~1k words, very little setup but im allergic to that, i find that writing the before-part is very satisfying, it adds meat to the bone!! but ive been sitting on two beds for like a month now, 90% done but its like 10k words and i dont even know if im very happy with it, i dont think this is sustainable! i think i just need to do what feels like the next most logical step/format but ugh. plot. development!!
i think the watersports fic will be the first real like.. short fic imake. i know 8-10k isnt very long in the grand scheme of things but its long to my standards. i also feel myself getting bit by the body horror bug again so maybe expect something .. That, adjacent soon (soon as in by next year maybe i dont know). i think i might actually be turning the flower disease fic into a little more bodyhorror-y than i was planning to satisfythat itch. two beds SOON like real. i promise this time!!
#this is just me rambling#“oh yeah expect this soon” (me talking to the void)#aye these posts get the needle moving again in the writing process im balling
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I haven't abandoned this story. I just put it on the back burner for now. The story is just on a small vacation. It is currently out of office. It can't come to the phone right now. It just fell under my bed to sleep with the monsters. It never left my head. It is everywhere - except on paper.
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When Wesker was on the ceiling aiming at Chris his finger wasn't on the trigger again...
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Enver " "Durge" shut the fuck up it is too early" Gortash
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How “smart” you believe someone to be depends a lot on what intellectual qualities you value, so there’s a lot of divisive opinions about how smart Gortash is. Some people think he’s a machiavellian genius, others think he’s fantasy elon musk. The evidence is just a little too scant for us to know definitively, but I find the concept of smarts to be fascinating so I’m gonna break down the evidence we do have as much as I can.
I’m gonna focus on his technical skills for now. Might do a part two later, re: social skills.
Gortash is not a particularly creative or original thinker, that’s not the yardstick by which his skills should be measured; his area of expertise lies in iteration / innovation and problem-solving. He’s an engineer more than an inventor. But is he a good engineer?
The Gondians do, in fact, deserve the lion’s share of the credit for the Steel Watch. Gortash’s role in their development was primarily in the realm of conceptualization and the acquisition of exotic/black market/fucked up materials. Zanner Toobin deserves the credit for making his concepts actually work together (see: How to Build a Watcher). We’re all pretty, reasonably skeptical of the ‘idea guy’, but Gortash arguably does deserve credit for the ‘out of the box’ thinking in bringing together Mechanical, Magical, and Psionic designs, from Gondian, Illithid, Githyanki, Necromantic, Infernal, and Netherese sources and having them actually, provably work together (tho with mixed results).
We also know the submersible was designed by Gondians. We don’t know who designed the Iron Throne lab (tho it was assembled by Sahuagin). The infernal power sources in the Steel Watchers and Karlach were most likely designed by infernal mechanics. Balthazar credits Gortash with the design of the slack-skinned head (which allows laymen to interface with preserved brains). Presumably the traps in Wyrm’s Rock were also designed by Gortash (but let’s be honest, they’re not very impressive). There’s also the malfunctioning trap in his office. The mad alhoon Blue Apex conceived of the suspended ceremorphosis concept, and it was probably the Elder Brain that implemented it. There are in-game books that point out that keeping all of the Steel Watch brains in one building is a huge oversight.
The picture painted by all of this evidence is not particularly flattering, but it’s also got just enough inconsistencies and exceptions to suggest a more complicated conclusion than that he’s an empty shirt. Here is a person who is very smart and who works incredibly hard but can never quite overcome the limitations of his background and personality; he’s entirely self-taught and he clearly has an attention disorder and unmanaged anger issues.
And that’s where I’ll need to segue into social skills (or lack thereof) in order to form a more comprehensive conclusion, but this post is already long enough.
#I think this deserves to go into a bible of some kind#this right here y'all *points* chefs kiss. OP your brain is so wrinkly#cause I've been thinking about it and it didn't feel.. right to use the term “intelligent” with Gortash in the traditional sense/use of the#word. close sure but not exact like it's in a different font. recognizable save for a few oddities that make you go 'hmm'
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an earnest goodnight to those who:
draw gortash without pasty white skin
do not use any ‘facial beautification’ mods on gortash
made/use the “burly gortash” mod
have a transmasc durge x gortash
have a fleshed out durgetash narrative they wrote
aren’t afraid to be a little cringe
to all of these folks whom of which these apply to: have dreams of wealth, love, and durgetash. ily <3
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This fandom may disagree on many things… But at least we all agree that Lord Enver Gortash loves piss, and I think that’s beautiful. Someone please give Bane’s golden boy the golden shower he deserves.
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USAmericans
Read the Project 2025 manifesto RIGHT NOW
It's MUCH worse than y'all have been hearing
There is so much here you'll have to look at it for yourself, but the climate policy alone is nightmare fuel.
The republican coalition wants to essentially end funding for green energy, dramatically promote and expand fossil fuel industries, and eliminate funding and regulations in all sectors promoting climate change mitigation. Task forces and offices related to clean energy and lowering carbon emissions will be eliminated and replaced with offices for promoting fossil fuels.
They want to LOG NATIONAL FORESTS TO "THIN" THE TREES TO STOP WILDFIRES.
THEY WANT TO FORCE OREGON AND CALIFORNIA TO LOG THEIR NATIONAL FORESTS AND TREAT THEM AS FOR TIMBER PRODUCTION
There are specific provisions in Project 2025 to essentially destroy the Endangered Species Act, causing it to defer to the rights of "economic development" and "private property." The plan includes delisting gray wolves, cutting the budget so that a "triage" system is used to determine which species will get protection, removing funding for research, removing experts and specialists from the decision-making process, and preventing "experimental" populations of animals from being established.
This is so much worse than I expected it to be and there's much more past that: They want to deregulate pesticides and remove much of the EPA's ability to regulate pollutants as well.
Also included in the manifesto is that we should
withdraw from nuclear weapons nonproliferation agreements, build more nuclear weapons, and resume nuclear weapons testing
The manifesto comprehensively outlines the scorched-earth elimination of abortion access, down to ensuring doctors aren't even trained to perform abortions. There are plans in here to disrupt abortion access GLOBALLY, not just domestically.
Not only that,the Republicans plan on reframing family planning programs around "fertility awareness" and "holistic family planning."
I can't even describe it all. I'm trying to give screenshots of the most important things but there's so much.
The foreign policy is a nightmare. They plan to push fossil fuels onto the Global South and promote the development of fossil fuel industry in the "developing world."
It is aggressive and antagonistic towards other nations, strongly pro-military, proposing that we INCREASE (!!!!!) defense spending, improve public opinion of the military and military recruitment, and increase the power to fund new weapons technology.
Just read the Department of Defense section. It's about greatly increasing and strengthening the military-industrial complex, collaborating more closely with weapons manufacturers, removing regulatory barriers to arming our allies and to inventing new military weapons, and recruiting more people into the military. They include provisions to develop AI technology for surveillance. And of course, continuing to support Israel is in there.
Elsewhere it proposes interfering in foreign countries with creepy pro-USA propaganda campaigns, even establishing international educational programs where faculty have to pledge to promote USA interests.
There's a line in here about getting rid of PBS because SESAME STREET is LEFTIST for God's sake.
HOW are people claiming democrats have the same policies. I feel like i'm losing my mind.
#Jesus christ#have we as a species gone mad because hooooly shit#oh no. the woke sesame street virus is coming for you ahh#If youre in the US#VOTE!!!!
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Reblog this picture of me holding a Family Size box of Honey Nut Cheerios? I’d really appreciate it.
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While I don't like Gortash, it is just so horrifying to know after his death he is immediately being tortured by Bane for his failure.
This man's whole life was horrible. It seems like everything was set up against him (yes i understand he tried an evil plot).
From his parents selling him, climbing his way to the top of Baldurs Gate politics, escaping Raphael, swearing fealthy to Bane, his (kinda) lover being a literal murder jesus then suddenly disappearing, with one timeline his ex returning a different person without any memory of him to a point they would betray him, to his biggest plot just collapsing slowly before his eyes. His whole life was a struggle to survive and pain.
The fact that even in death he isn't given the chance to have peace or just oblivion is saddening.
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the pace of my writing 📉📉
the amount of concepts/ideas/etc mysteriously popping up in my document 📈📈📈📈📈
i cannot keep up wit this
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more good news from tiktok: they’ve started blocking celebrities.
they’re calling it block party 2024. just blocking and ignoring countless celebrities who havent said shit about palestine. influencers, actors, anyone who went to the met gala, whatever, they’re getting blocked. and people keep talking about how cathartic it is, how good it feels, how they never realized they could DO that. there was some kind of subconscious law against blocking famous people, but it’s broken, and people are LOVING it. and it’s WORKING. a social media/digital advertising coordinator was talking about how ad companies are PANICKING, because they can’t accurately target anymore. so many big influencers, including fucking LIZZO started talking about palestine the MOMENT their follower counts started going down. and the best part? no one is forgiving them. lizzo posted a tiktok asking people to donate to palestinian families, and all the comments just said you’re a multimillionaire. put your money where your mouth is. blocked.
i feel like i’m witnessing the downfall of celebrity culture, right here right now. people are waking up.
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mommy?
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I’m currently writing a fic and writing for Raphael is a little infuriating if I’m being honest.
Mostly because he has such a way about him, and unlike the other characters where there’s some room for deviation, he’s quite rigid in his mannerisms. So I’ve literally been scraping through his dialogue and analysing his behaviour, and this is what I’ve ‘boggled’ it down to.
It’s obvious that Raphael, with all his charms and suave behaviour, clearly has a darkness or ulterior notice beneath it all. He constantly gives out subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) threats to our protagonists, reminding them of becoming an illithid, all in the pursuit of pressuring them to make a deal ofc.
“Come now, why playing hard to get when you're in deep over your tadpole head all those pretty little symptoms sundering skin dissolving guts they haven't manifested yet have they?"
I also think it’s funny because at the same time he also tries to portray himself as a saviour while he’s also just threatening us (it’s not a direct threat, ofc, he keeps it subtle mostly) and at times he just ends up being so contradictory.
[I forgot the quote but it’s when he says ‘he strides among the needy giving comfort where he can, also he literally calls himself a saviour too’]
Another thing, he’s so goddamn performative, and I mean to the extent that he sometimes borders on narrator territory. He has his little monologues as he talks about us as though we’re characters in a story and he’s just recounting our actions to some unseen audience.
[His speech before the Yurgir encounter is a good example of this]
"The Shadows grow long and the hour is late" - also wherever this quote is from works well too
Additionally, he’s just condescending/patronising. I think even in one of his dialogues, the devs noted he should come across that way. This also goes along with his more not so subtle threats, and also goes into his performative persona, he constantly wants to portray this cool and confident personality, that he’s accounted for every possible outcome (and in a lot of ways he has) and that even if he doesn’t get what he wants, it doesn’t faze him, and in fact he’ll try make it seem like either way it benefits him, and sure in some ways it might, but I do believe he’s just saying that to mask his failure to achieve his goal. (Also, he’s generally just snobbish at times, or at least comes across as such)
This goes into a main trait of his too, that being his constant longing to be seen as something a kin to a True or Full Devil (or arch devil). Since he is a cambion he is restricted a lot by his mortal half. He is held back by his human needs like sleep and presumably food too. I think he tries to cover for this through excess, as if you go to the HoH in act 3, you can see the food on the table is just filled to the brim of rotten food, basically all of it wasted. Also there are loads of scattered areas that have fruit or wine throughout his house. I believe he does this on purpose to try come across as though food is nothing but a pleasurable activity he indulges in now and again rather than a necessity.
At every opportunity he possibly can, he attempts to convey this facade of being omnipotent and powerful, as close as he can to an arch devil, as that’s what he strives to become, and to be seen as. And tbh he does it really well. At times he even comes across as this unbeatable force, that we can’t ever truly defeat. What I mean by that is, even though we can literally basically kill him, if we look in his logbook of previous visitors, it hints at him trying to find a way to cheat death through transferring his soul into a clone or something.
Now whether he ever managed to accomplish this by the time we attack him is uncertain, (though there is a non canon / cut content line where he begs for his fathers help as we fight him, kinda insinuating he never fully realised his backup plan in time and he’s actually afraid he’ll die, but that’s also not in game so who can say for sure)
Now another thing I find a little funny is another example of him losing but he’s still trying to play it off.
"My, the double counter Gambit. Vicious. Exactly what I would have done"
Of course, perhaps he lost on purpose, that could be a possibility, but id like to believe that even Raphael is fallible and can fail at times. Yet he still tries to play it off, oh yea that’s totally what I would’ve done, then why didn’t you stop her 😭. Like I said, he could’ve just let her win, he is a control freak after all.
Anyway, that moves me on to my other point (a very obvious one) that Raphael is a straight up narcissist. Now, not every narcissist is the same, there are many shared traits of course, there has to be, but not very narcissist operates the same way. Though it’s clear that Raphael is at least somewhat of a control freak, especially when it comes to us and the crown. Also on another quick note, he totally has a special interest (obsession) in karsus, like him seeing karsus accidentally kill thousands of people in the netherese cities became a core memory for him, one that he’s never let go, even now.
Back on track, he has Korilla literally stalk us throughout the game, he also knows personal facts about our companions (he’s done his homework), he’s literally planned and orchestrated events in the plot to help lean towards us giving him the crown in the end (it’s implied he helped vlaakith chain Orpheus or idk some other devil did with infernal chains, and he’s the one who help wipe Ketherics lil army to just one justiciar) he’s had a lot of time to plan and plan he has. He’s constantly aware of your movements since he picks very specific points to appear to you.
"[Laughter] The good thing is though there's only one little voice you really should listen to, Mine" - Total control freak behaviour
I’m gonna circle back specifically to his dialogue for a moment, because I love hearing it, but trying to emulate it, pain. He’s like an English teacher, he loves his little similes and metaphors, and just talking in a verbose manner, and it’s not just word vomit, nonono, he makes it sound interesting, he is performing for us after all. For me personally tho, it’s difficult to replicate, unlike other characters or companions where you can defiate their dialogue, like hearing astarion say ‘fuck you’ to Cazador, I don’t think you could get away with that for Raphael.
Now, he’s not entirely that restrictive, in his notes about his employees he literally calls one of them a little shit, soooo, but then again, those can be considered private thoughts, and he would never actually break the facade he’s crafted for us, unless, he’s enraged. Example being, if we break into his house. I find it very easy to write angry Raphael because it’s not as confining as when he’s ‘masking’ or being performative. He’s allowed to break his little charade and I can simplify his language, it’s honestly a nice reprieve, since he’s really is so complicated to write for.
As I said before he’s a total control freak, and that’s clearly fuelled (if not caused) by his narcissism and we can see that even outside of our protags. Look at Haarlep for instance, (there’s so much to dissect with these two) but Raphael strictly has Haarlep made to look like himself, and is the only form he’ll sleep with. There isn’t just one answer to why he’d do that, firstly, it just boils down to him being a narcissist sure, but on the other hand a point can be made that he’s doing it strategically.
Haarlep was sent to distract him, and presumably to spy and report back as well and presumably Raphael is clever enough to realise that. So why would he reveal anything about himself in such a vulnerable way, so why not just make the incubus be in one form and one form only. It also serves as a lil bit of a punishment I suppose, since Haarlep can be 1000 different people but is forced to stay as one. There’s also another angle to this, that narcissists generally find intimacy difficult, and being vulnerable with other people. So why be vulnerable when you can stick to the devil you know?
He’s knows himself better than anyone, so why would he bother with anyone else? It’s a bit of a defense mechanism, he’s not willing to be vulnerable or let his guard down (and to be fair, for good reason) so it’d be better for him to stick to what he knows, what he’s comfortable with. I’m just going to throw this out here but he comes across as a total hedgehog dilemma sorta guy, gives off real shinji Imari vibes tbh.
Raphael has this bloated sense of self importance, I think he mostly gets this from who he is in relation to his father, since he’s not just some cambion who was fathered by some incubus or whatever, No, his father is an arch devil, and not just any arch devil but Mephistopheles, who sits just under power of Asmodeus. This fact is probably why he has such an inflated ego, but at the same time, he’s not wrong. Unlike Mizora, he seems to have it quite good, as tbh I kinda initially thought he was his own free agent, and didn’t even have to serve under Zariel (but he does) he just has it really good, or at least better than most from what it seems.
It’s unclear if this was actually because of who he is, or through his own actions. Either way, he’s managed to accomplish a lot more than most cambions. Another thing I’ve read about cambions is their sense of entitlement, especially over mortals, and well Raphael certainly fits the bill. Which might contribute to why he wants what he wants. I mean, why does Raphael want to take over the hells? To end the blood war? Sure, almost all devils want to rise the ranks but Raphael’s goals are a lot more lofty than that, and why is that? Is it solely his ego? To be seen as something a kin to a god like Asmodeus, or is it to best and humiliate his father? Perhaps both, or perhaps neither, it’s somewhat unclear, but perhaps he just feels entitled to something greater.
A final point, is since he’s a narcissist, he’s obsessed with his image, yea I know, very obvious. And it’s been mentioned a few times that this is probably why him and Haarlep look so different, it’s either insecurity or a want to come across as something more mature, why he’d look older than Haarlep when they should be an exact copy. It’s the whole reason he’s being performing, curating this image to us, one that he barely even allows himself to break at home unless he’s enraged. If you look at it for what it is, it’s just insecurity and almost desperation. A desperate desire to be seen as something greater, something a kin to his father (daddy issues are making their appearance) and it honestly comes across as erratic, and extreme.
He’s so obsessed with his image that he either curates it in a way to come across as older and therefore more mature to seem a certain way, or he makes his incubus come across a certain way. Perhaps when Haarlep said they’re a perfect copy of Raphael they didn’t mean as an exact copy, they meant they’re are literally a perfect version of Raphael, a better version, most likely a result of insecurities. Who can say for sure what the reason is to why they look so different if they’re supposed to be mirrors of each other.
Like I know I said, this is what I’ve boggled it down to and well, it’s not very boggled, but that’s what I mean! There’s so much going on with this little guy, it’s almost hard to keep up with, you gotta write him as suave and mysterious but also somewhat threatening and intimidating, he has to be articulate and persuasive as well as theatrical, while also keeping in mind his manipulative and narcissistic tendencies, which doesn’t come easy to write for.
This isn’t a slight by any means either, he’s a complicated character and that’s why I like him, but my sorry ass struggles to replicate it 🥲 though I hope this post will be a good reference to circle back to when writing for him.
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Yeah! This, I dig. A type of, desolate vibe kinda feel? Sequestered away Gods know where, a secret in a way, because really what need does he have for something like that? It exists for the sake of existing or for another reason and in the grand scheme of things maybe such enjoyment is only a distraction. Horribly enough though he's still human.
I think that as a result of the whole upbringing fiasco, he'd have trouble grasping the concept of why people would subject themselves to such unimportant, temporary beauty (amongst other concepts, really he just has a warped view of most things), if you were indulging in something like that at all wouldn't you want to kind of do it with something that'd actually last and be worth your time?
And growing up, if you had a fancy garden that meant you were a rich, stuffy Patriar. Having a garden meant having privilege, it was a gaudy show of status, and of course it wasn't something he had Hells or not. So I think he'd have a bit of resentment that his peers, with all their wealth they couldn't buy sense and this was what they invested in and deemed important?? Something so, again, temporary. Idiots, all of them.
So him with his whole outdoing others thing or whatever it is with his ego, now that he's "one of them" he'd have a garden of his very own but in a way that's not fundamentally flawed. Maybe just to prove to himself that he could, maybe just to satisfy some desire deep down from years and years ago? Just to tick a box or something.
I could see it being a way for him to exert control over something to feel powerful when he felt particularly powerless, something that's hated more than anything. Perhaps early on in his career, a way of coping? But as you say, maybe its gone forgotten because he's outgrown the need for feeling "weak".
So while I think maybe Gortash wouldn't exactly have a natural garden (at least one he's actually enthused about keeping/is interested in himself, I think he'd have one in the sense of being able to say he does-- Like "I'm Balduran nobility, of course I have people tending to a garden." re: keeping up appearances) I DO think he'd instead have a "garden" made of metal and the like, somewhere. Why spend so much time, so much hard work on something that can be so easily ruined by weather out of one's control? Something that will wilt, that you cannot truly control and might not even fit your vision? It needs so much time to just keep things orderly, time which he doesn't really have to be spending on hobbies. So, over the course of many years, an hour spent here cutting and molding petals, an hour there making vines, eventually a picturesque work of art manifests.
A small field of delicately and intricately made metal flowers, thin and sharp blades of silvery grass, and like some sort of fucked up bonsai project the centerpiece of the garden would be a massive work-in-progress tree with twisted together metal to mimic the look of bark. You don't have to obsess over a disease plaguing plants, insects marring once-perfect leaves or other maintenance of the like, because everything is perfectly in place as it should be. Anything that changes in the garden is because Gortash made it so, it's like playing God on a budget. It's perfect for this control freak. He makes it thrive. He's solely responsible for all this beauty.
#gortash#..the bastard man you are#anyways maybe he'd also spend a lil time on it/in it as a way to de-stress#like in the rare times when he actually acknowledges that maybe.. just maybe..#he deserves a tiny break#totally not projecting on him because its springtime or anything. nopers#fingers crossed this makes sense & further commentary was alright ahaha
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