it’s been a fucking while since i’ve been on here but i must rant because i’m dying

megan is making me want to shank myself. she criticizes everyone and their relationship by saying they won’t last long or that they’re not right for each other. or for my friend courtney and i that they are pieces of shit and that we deserve better. but the both of us love our respective others and it hurts because we want all our friends to like our significant others and when she doesn’t “approve” it sucks.

but one thing i’ve learned is that she’s constantly talking to other guys and i never know one from the other and is always telling me about how they screwed up when in all honesty she texted to this guy “...if you don’t see how special i am and how lucky you would be to have me...” like i’m sorry but if a guy told me that i’d be like, nah fam i don’t need anybody who’s that self-conceited in my life thanks bye

and i’m planning on going on this date with a guy from tinder and he’s so sweet and adorable and kind of dorky and i don’t want to fuck things up and do things on my own and form my own opinions (like a normal person you know?) and meg’s like “what’s his last name?” and i’m like no you’re gonna follow him on social media and make things creepy, stop. 

i just need my like two week break from her 

i got a job. it starts tomorrow. i’m nervous as hell

i took a month off from fucking midnight because he asked me if i was on birth control and then wanted to have sex with me without a condom on. like no, put it on ya dingus. and then he took it off during sex and raw dogged me the rest of the time. that turned me off and i was like....yeah, no. but he kept texting me and whatnot so i was like, ok i’ll go back. 

when we started hooking up, i came on him and he was like “welcome back” and it was hot and what not but after a while, he was like “you’re never gonna leave me again” and i was like....hrmmmm don’t tell me that unless you’re putting a ring on my finger bitch.

yo, my timing is literally impeccable. so chicago told me weeks ago that if i was ever in the area that we should hang out and i’m like yeah, sure. i wasn’t planning on going down until homecoming weekend which is the first weekend in november. but i went down sunday because meg’s little got a little so i was like a ggbig and whatever. so i texted chicago saying i was in newport news and he was like, i’m seeing a show in richmond but i’ll be back at night i’ll let you know when i get back.

so we talked for a little bit and it was really funny because he remembered a lot from back when we were first talking. and we duh hooked up, but he told me beforehand that he was actually being deployed out to san diego. and he was leaving on TUESDAY. LIKE WHAT? and how long was he going to be staying out there for?? NINE MONTHS. like WHAT? i was so fucking surprised. but god damn that dick was way better than midnight jfc.

omg this daddy tumblr followed me and messaged me and the guy is actually kind of hot i’m weirded out but turned on at the same time

i am so fucking happy that i got the van back though because i liked driving the toyota but i felt so low to the ground i did not like it

my discover weekly playlist has been really shitty lately :((((((((

oh wow golfboy. the week i DON’T really have time to hang out is the week you might be free. that’s so great. amazing. well-thought out.

went out last night and now my body hurts. but it might be an accumulation of having sex and bowling and drinking. who knows

he also tried to get me to squirt which i applaud him for but i can't do that lol

midnight and i fucked in the daytime i'm proud of us lol

i'm feeling myself bye

if there is one thing i don't like about having sex with midnight it's that he's obsessed with like...spit? he spits in his hand to rub himself before he enters me. he sometimes spits on me to make me more wet. and one time he like...spit on my asshole but like dripped it on there it was kind of disgusting. and when i go down on him he wants it so messy and spitlike and ugh i don't really like it.

i also really want a wordy wine but it’s like almost $50 and i’m not about that lol

i started watching parenthood and it’s really good so far i’m excited to see where this netflix journey will take me. 

i have a friend that follows this blog, so she might see this if she still is active on it but i need to vent about it because it is still weighing heavily on my mind

but i had a really shitty falling out with her and i feel horrible about it. i’m not good with conflict and confrontation and i lied and i’ll be honest i hated it but i didn’t know what else to do. yes, telling the truth is what i should’ve done but i don’t want to be a bitch because of it. 

and now, she’s with this guy and i understand they love each other but this thing feels like it’s happening all over again. i had an old friend who ended up pushing me away because they were so infatuated with their significant other. i didn’t want to interrupt their time together. i didn’t want to hang out with her and have her texting him the whole time because i want their undivided attention. sometimes i just want it to be all about me and i know it’s selfish, but that’s just the way i think

regardless, i would like to get in touch with her, but i don’t know how and i don’t even know if she wants to talk to me anymore. if she doesn’t it’s fine, it’s just another friend lost in dozens i’ve had.

still talking to midnight. we’ve been hanging out for almost 2 months now. he doesn’t want anything romantic. which is fine, but i would like to try out a long term relationship if ya feel me.

got back in touch with golfboy. he’s doing fairly well. still alive. he got the help he needed and that’s all i wanted for him. he kissed me after we hung out and wants to do more. i didn’t think he wanted to…but i mean that’s fine.

met a guy on tinder who has the same name as golfboy but is from chicago. we were supposed to hang out but then he ghosted me so that’s fine lol.

accidentally got back in touch with chicago actually and that’s hilarious because i didn’t even mean to do that. but he told me that he wants to hang whenever i’m back in newport news. so i might take him up on that offer lol