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ham103me · 13 hours
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ham103me · 13 hours
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well i’d love to show u guys the full image of this but tumblr shot me down.  So here’s a smaller version of  what I created for my patreon last november! (full pic is up on twitter for now, here)
click here to check out my patreon! 😘
 much love!
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ham103me · 2 days
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Listen yall I’m desperate here, drop your fav spirk fics below PLEASE AND THANKS I need some recs up in here asap help a gal out
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ham103me · 2 days
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It puzzles me when people cite LOTR as the standard of “simple” or “predictable” or “black and white” fantasy. Because in my copy, the hero fails. Frodo chooses the Ring, and it’s only Gollum’s own desperation for it that inadvertently saves the day. The fate of the world, this whole blood-soaked war, all the millennia-old machinations of elves and gods, comes down to two addicts squabbling over their Precious, and that is precisely and powerfully Tolkien’s point. 
And then the hero goes home, and finds home a smoking desolation, his neighbors turned on one another, that secondary villain no one finished off having destroyed Frodo’s last oasis not even out of evil so much as spite, and then that villain dies pointlessly, and then his killer dies pointlessly. The hero is left not with a cathartic homecoming, the story come full circle in another party; he is left to pick up the pieces of what was and what shall never be again. 
And it’s not enough. The hero cannot heal, and so departs for the fabled western shores in what remains a blunt and bracing metaphor for death (especially given his aged companions). When Sam tells his family, “Well, I’m back” at the very end, it is an earned triumph, but the very fact that someone making it back qualifies as a triumph tells you what kind of story this is: one that is too honest to allow its characters to claim a clean victory over entropy, let alone evil. 
“I can’t recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. I’m naked in the dark. There’s nothing–no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes.”
So where’s this silly shallow hippie fever-dream I’ve heard so much about? It sounds like a much lesser story than the one that actually exists.
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ham103me · 2 days
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why is the metal community so pressed abt this it’s literally hilarious. 10/10. love it. i want it.
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ham103me · 2 days
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I have been waiting all year to post this.
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ham103me · 2 days
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ham103me · 3 days
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*Spock, McCoy, and Kirk are sitting next to a small body of water on shore leave.*
Spock: Oh. This is unfortunate.
McCoy: What is it, Spock?
Spock: *dramatically* I think it is…PON FARR.
Kirk: No, Spock, the pond’s right here. Can’t you see it?
McCoy: Jim -
Kirk: Pond near, Spock. Pond very near.
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ham103me · 3 days
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Spock: Doctor, I take issue with the language in your latest mission report concerning the creature on planet M-113. It is inappropriate.
McCoy: Why, Mr. Spock, I’ll have you know I was perfectly professional in my description of events and my part in them, despite the involvement of my ex. Or what looked like her.
Spock: That is not my concern. Your actions were admirable. I refer to page sixteen, where you describe the incident with the captain. Would it not be more expedient to write, “Captain Kirk was attacked by the ‘salt vampire,’ which attempted to drain his body of that substance?”
McCoy: My way was actually fewer words, you realize.
Spock: You wrote, “The captain was a-salt-ed.”
McCoy: Ah, yes. Sodium I did.
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ham103me · 3 days
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STAR TREK BEYOND: POST CREDIT SCENE
scotty: speaking of soulmates... have the four of you figured out what you're going to do yet?
jim: the four of us? what do you mean?
scotty: jim, it's us - keenser and i... we know the truth
jim: ???
scotty: but if you want, we're happy to keep up the ruse - that you're only dating spock and not the others
jim: the others...?
scotty: come on, don't tell me you've suddenly forgotten that you, spock, nyota, and bones have been in a quad this entire last year
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ham103me · 3 days
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Bones: Hold on. I'm getting a feeling of Jimpending doom.
Spock: Don't you mean impending doom, Doctor?
(a distant crash is heard, followed by a distinctly Kirk-sounding "ow")
Bones: No.
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ham103me · 3 days
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why do you think it's so common for writers to insert themselves into their stories?
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I don't know.
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ham103me · 3 days
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a diplomatic incident
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ham103me · 3 days
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(gordon ramsay on star trek) oh what the hell? the gagh is fucking dead! look at this! it’s not moving. it’s feasting with its fucking ancestors in sto’vo’kor! excuse me, darling, how fresh is this gagh? they’re what? fucking hell. thank you. my god, it’s fucking replicated. wow, fuck me.
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ham103me · 3 days
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Little cute kinda prompt: Kirk loves coming up with the silliest sappiest nicknames to get his Vulcan to blush hehe 💜💜💜
"Babe," Jim says to the ceiling.
"No."
"Darling?" At the affronted silence, Jim tries: "Baby doll?"
Spock huffs. "I believe you are intentionally making them worse."
Jim rolls over to his stomach, flopping an arm over Spock's bare chest with a groan. "You're the one intentionally vetoing every endearment I come up with."
"Then I suggest," Spock kisses the tip of Jim's nose, so close to his face, "that you find a suitable one."
"A suitable one?"
"One that encompasses our relationship."
Jim thinks on it for a moment. Grins in the wake of a complicated puzzle, one that he can turn over in his hand like a Rubik's cube. "Challenge accepted, then."
The first attempt: on the bridge. "Thank you, gorgeous," Jim says to Spock as he hands him a PADD, smiling beatifically. Spock's glare makes his smile drop.
Second: as Spock comes out of the shower, Jim throwing a towel on his wet hair and murmuring, "Hello, sexy," to which he receives a "Absolutely not."
Third: in the rec room, as him and Spock play chess while Bones reads in the corner. "Checkmate, sugar," he purrs, to which Spock simply stands and walks away from.
"The hell are you doing?" Bones asks over his book.
Jim sighs as he sets the pieces back on the board. "Trying to find something more romantic to say in bed rather than 'Spock'."
Bones stares into the middle distance for a moment. Looks back down at his book. "I don't know why I ask."
"He's shooting down every one," Jim protests. "I don't know what to do."
"You stop dicking around and find one he actually likes," Bones snaps. "And leave me out of it while you do."
Jim hums. Considers. "What do you think about—"
Raising a hand, not looking up from his book, Bones says, "Leave. Me. Out of it."
Jim tries a few more over the next few days ("Sweetheart", which was close; "Honey", which was worse; "Bae," to try what the kids are into). None worked. Each one made Jim more and more convinced that Spock may just break up with him to get Jim to stop trying.
Shore leave came, and Jim rents them a modest little cabin in the middle of a field of wildflowers and wood to apologize. A lake spreads far and clear a few miles from the cabin, with a little overgrown path leading to it. Jim finds Spock there one morning, taking notes in his PADD as he observes a few errant wildflowers growing in the crack of a boulder.
"This planet is fascinating," he says as Jim approaches, knowing it's Jim by his footsteps alone. "The flora grows where you wouldn't think it to be. The soil is fertile, and yet these wildflowers chose the sandy cracks of this boulder. Almost in spite of the conditions."
Jim grins, sticking his hands in his pockets, observing Spock's crouched position, the curve of his shoulders. He knows them like old friends by now; could draw his lines by memory.
"Beloved," he says, too soft for human ears to hear, but perfect for a Vulcan's.
Spock turns his head, mouth slightly agape. His cheeks are getting that adorable green tint that Jim loves to be the cause of.
Jim smiles. The sun is warm on his back as he holds out a hand to Spock, helping him up, running a finger down Spock's flushed cheek. "Is this suitable, Mr. Spock?"
Spock's kiss comes fierce and surprising. It takes Jim's breath away as Spock pulls back, his hand folding into Jim's. "Quite acceptable," he breathes.
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ham103me · 3 days
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Oh no, I tripped on a blanket and reblogged this again! Dont mind me, I’ll let myself out, you two stay there…
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I love you for sentimental reasons I hope you do believe me I'll give you my heart
This is my second entry to @ksadvent!!! Happy holidays to all of you!
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ham103me · 4 days
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i really like looking at google image searches for “firemen rescuing cats” or something because you get super cute pictures like
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AND THEN THERE’S THIS ONE
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