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like when we first met, i hate you and i love you | beomgyu

beomgyu x fem!reader | playlist

୨୧ word count: 6.8k ୨୧ genre: angst, slight smut ୨୧ warning: non-explicit sex (or so i think), unspecified mental disorders and illnesses, depressive thoughts, thoughts of death, thoughts of loneliness, verbal incitement to suicide, very mild violence (not dating violence), unstable and unhealthy relationship, emotional dependency, mild family strife, and lots and lots of anguish. i don't suggest reading to anyone under 18, in fact don't read it if you are under 18. ୨୧ a/n: writing this was a challenge, but i consider it to be one of the writings i put more of myself into. thank you in advance to the people who are encouraged to read, and i hope i will not disappoint you. my native language is not english, so i apologize for any errors or inconsistencies in the text. have a nice weekend!

It was easy for Beomgyu to feel trapped in his own mind, to mourn the days that were more than just lost; he swore that he remembered nothing of them, and yet they could bring him down at any moment.

He had spent nearly a quarter of his life living in hospital rooms, moving from one to another, but in the end remaining within the same four plain, pale walls. No matter how many times the morning came to him, or how long the night before, they meant nothing when all he could see was a ceiling that could only be distorted in the recesses of his mind.

On this particular morning, the ceiling he saw as he lay sprawled on his bed was not the usual one. The sun's rays struck him from a different direction, the comfort of the mattress was not what his body was accustomed to, and the gentle puff of your breath beside him sent his mind wandering to alternatives that would save him from his growing need to flee your uncomfortable presence.

Your situation was not entirely unfamiliar to you. You knew him too well to have any idea what was going through his mind. The guilt overflowed from the brown of his eyes and hit you almost as hard as the reality of waking up in the same situation again. As you felt the warmth of his body next to yours, you wished bitterly that he was a stranger, that way you could let him go without claiming the warmth you lost the moment nakedness stopped meaning anything.

"Beomgyu," you called him with an uncertain tone. You slid your head from the pillow to his chest and let his heartbeat against your ear flood your mind with fear. You wished you could control it and make it keep beating even if it wasn't for you. "Promise you won't let this happen again."

Beomgyu closed his eyes. The yellow color of your walls was too cheerful and always made him feel depressed.

"I'll visit you tomorrow," was his answer. He gently put your head back on the pillow and started to get up.

A lump in your throat kept you silent as the raw fragility of his nakedness escaped the sheets. Even as she finished dressing and turned to look at you, you kept your attention on the place farthest from her eyes, afraid to get too close and discover that there were demons lurking there.

You and Beomgyu met in seventh grade, in the fall of 2016, under the rays of a bright sun and the orange hue of the leaves of an old oak tree. He had just transferred to the same school as you, but with his bright and enthusiastic personality, he had no shortage of friends, attention, or the furtive glances your curiosity encouraged you to give him. The first time you spoke to each other was after an embarrassing skateboard fall at school, but a handshake and a few awkward smiles sparked a bond that made you inseparable.

Aside from similar musical tastes and an interest in hiking, you didn't have much in common and were constantly having not-so-serious discussions about your differences. It was this contrast that made Beomgyu so eager to spend time with you. You were the respite from his usual routine, the color that was missing from the memories in his mind; the shade that waited to protect him from the sun, even though you were completely unaware of his difficulties. And things should have stayed there, in an innocent and uncomplicated friendship, but your childish need for romance and his urge for compression turned you from friends to lovers in a matter of months.

It was an inevitable fact from the beginning. He was a young man full of life carrying a heavy secret, and you were a naive young woman who didn't know what she was getting into when he opened the doors of his heart and you walked right in. By now, after six years of relationship, both of your hearts were worn out and the constant barriers that Beomgyu's unstable mental health put between you widened a distance that even monotony could not close. Beomgyu felt his soul heavy and dirty even when he was near you, the color of your life itself made him feel like a gray stain, and the shadow that once comforted him now burned him every time he tried to cling to its coolness.

"If I don't come tomorrow, don't go to the hospital until you've finished your homework, okay?"

The pain hidden in your silence made Beomgyu feel miserable and almost made him give in to your earlier request. Promising you was the right thing to do, but with him being meaningless, purposeless and pretending, how could he control himself not to come back here?

"You'll be all right, won't you?" he heard you say in a weak, languid voice.

He couldn't do anything but look at your grieving body under the sheets. He felt terrible, like a piece of trash. Every time he looked at you, he realized how disgusting he was for coming here and making you do all those things. He wanted to get down on his knees and beg for your forgiveness and at the same time berate you for letting him do it, for giving him your body even though it made you both feel dirty.

"I love you."

He wasn't sure if those words came out of his mouth and reached you, maybe he had buried them, forgetting their meaning and now they were just a broken compass. What day was it, could he go on or back? Was this the end of the story or had it just begun?

He hated himself so much.

A small smile that didn't reach your eyes spread across your face, you pressed the sheet to your body and propped your knees up on the bed so you could touch him. "Will you be okay?" you repeated as you traced the softness of his cheek with your fingers.

In a losing battle against despair, Beomgyu leaned his face into your touch and closed his eyes. He could not stop pretending that you were not the vessel into which he poured his misery. Every word out of his mouth seemed to weigh tons and lying was the only way to be with you more than just physically.

"I'm trying."

"How long will you keep running away?"

Hearing you, Beomgyu opened his eyes and you sighed as the familiar feeling of fear and uncertainty washed over you as you looked into them. There was a heartbreaking fragility and desperation in them, the same one that was present every time he touched you and made love to you; the same one that remained when his lips moved slightly upward, giving you a faint glimpse of the hidden dimple on his cheek.

"I'm not running away, the hospital doors are always open."

"Beomgyu." You tried to sound stern, but the quiver in your voice at the mention of his name was noticeable.

"Don't worry," he murmured, putting his hands over yours to pull them away from his face. "You have enough burden with school, so avoid distractions and study hard, okay?"

"Then don't come back here, please."

"I'm so sorry." Beomgyu, with his eyes closed and a lump in his throat, placed a hand on your head and pulled you close to him to plant a kiss on your forehead. "Get some sleep before you go to school."

A helpless expression appeared on your face as Beomgyu gently stroked your hair before pulling away. You closed your eyes and bit your lower lip to stifle any more pathetic pleas from your mouth, listening to his every footstep taking him away from you.

An impulse made Beomgyu turn on his heels and look at you again. For some reason, when he saw the way you hugged yourself and closed your eyes tightly, a deep urge to die washed over him from head to toe. He thought he owed it to you after all he had put you through, that there was no other way to give you a chance to escape him.

With a sigh, he took one last look at you and turned his feet toward the exit of your room, offering you the only comfort of his absence and his silence.

And as every time you watched him leave, you felt that he took a piece of your soul with him.

"You have to stop for a moment." You heard Hanna say as you both walked to your next class.

Walking across campus carried a weight that felt thicker in that moment. The weight of the morning was reflected in every step you took, shuffling your feet with the characteristic reluctance of one who has crossed an already too long college day.

Your path to your next class is a routine one, but you have never been able to get used to the distance between one classroom and the next. As you made your way along the path of worn bricks and open spaces where the bustle of students mixed with the sound of car engines, you felt overwhelmed and anxious to get home as soon as possible.

"Take a break." Despite the weight of her guitar on her back and the art portfolio occupying her hands, Hanna moved forward beside you with lighter steps, keeping a calm tone in her voice. "You're starting to rub off on me with your negativity, if you're too tired to study then rest."

You sighed and looked at the time on your watch, your class had started five minutes ago and you still had a long way to go to get to the building where the class was.

"You just don't get it, I rest every day even when I shouldn't," you said as you picked up your pace and Hanna mimicked you without any difficulty.

"Procrastination is not rest, you have to really relax."

If your breathing hadn't been so fast due to the intensity of the walk, you would have sighed. From your perspective, the situation was more complicated. Your current emotional state was beginning to affect your academic performance, and you hated it. As a student of letters and a lover of reading, you had never fallen so far behind in your academic reading and homework. You were used to reading for school as much as for yourself, but in the last few weeks, it was impossible to even hold a book without being a matter of time or will. You couldn't find the concentration to be yourself anywhere, and you feared that if you didn't overcome the block and regain some focus, you would have to drop out of your classes before you failed.

The thought of doing poorly in school made you feel absolutely worthless and nervous.

"I'll try to change, just... don't tell Beomgyu. He's been a little intense lately about the idea that I'm doing well here."

"Why, is he pressuring you or something?"

You paused and thought about all the times Beomgyu told you to stay focused in school, to study hard and get the best grades. It always seemed to you that he said it in a sad rather than a demanding way.

"No, but the situation has been difficult since his relapse," you replied.

Hanna looked at you for a moment with her big, thoughtful eyes before she let out a sigh. "Y/n, since I met you your relationship has been difficult."

"As long as he was under observation he would study online, but he became an irregular student. I guess that's thwarted his plans a lot and knowing my current situation will probably make him sensitive..." you tried to explain in a hurry, but stopped yourself when you couldn't ignore the little conviction in your words. Hanna gave you a reassuring smile and maneuvered her hands to free one of her arms for a few seconds and wrap it around yours. Both your legs slowed in unison and your body relaxed as you tilted your head and rested it on her shoulder. "Do you love him?"

Her question didn't surprise you, but you let a few minutes of silence pass between you before answering. For some reason, it was always difficult to talk about your relationship with Beomgyu; either they didn't understand it at all, or they understood it too much that you started to get the pity treatment.

"Of course."

"As a boyfriend? I mean, do you love him romantically, not as a person you've known since puberty?"

You turned your head away from Hanna's shoulder and brought your gaze to an imprecise point in front of you. It wasn't always up and down with Beomgyu, the stability you both once had and kept you both so alive was as tentative as the current instability, the love manifested was as strong as the doubts. What did it matter how you loved him now, there was no way to know that it would make a difference. The two of you were bound together by more than love, you had a history with too many loose ends to tie up, words whispered in silence that needed to be heard and answered, wounds deep enough to choose to bleed without trying to close them. Yes, the distance was frightening, but you weren't defeated, you could take what you needed from each other to survive, and that wasn't necessarily wrong.

Except for the fact that neither of you were alive.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Hanna's voice broke through your thoughts and brought you back to reality. You let out a sigh, each question weighing you down with exhaustion. "I just... I want to understand you."

"Does he seem bad to you?" you replied without a hint of anger or concern.

"No, I like Beomgyu, I just... since I know him, he's kind of scary to me."

"No, gosh... He's... the nicest, most sensitive guy I've ever met."

"Not that type of scary."

When you heard these words, you felt frustrated. You didn't understand, even though you were also scared, you didn't understand what it was that Beomgyu reflected when he was with you that you couldn't see; because you were also absolutely terrified and couldn't identify the cause.

"He's fine, Hanna."

"And I'm so glad, but what about you?

You wished you could answer that question without your heart trembling with hesitation, but you were at a point where you doubted even your own words. What your mouth was saying and what Hanna could surely read in your eyes were contradictory things. If only you could have at least known which was true...

"I'm fine, okay?"

Your eyes glided over each word on the page with an almost exaggerated slowness, you had read the same paragraph over and over again in the last few minutes, your head was throbbing and fatigue irritated your eyes, but they were not the reason for your lack of concentration, at least not the main one.

Beomgyu sat a meter away from your desk, and you could feel his attention on every twitch of your facial muscles, on the movements of your hands, on the restless tapping of your foot on the floor. Those silences were the ones you hated the most to share with him, they made you insecure and any chance to approach him in a way that didn't make you feel suffocated slipped through your fingers.

You closed the book with a sigh and turned in your chair to look at him. The dark circles under his eyes hardly surprised you, they seemed as dull as the last times you saw him, barely a spark to show they were still screaming inside.

"Are you done?" he asked, slurring his words, but you were sure he already knew the answer.

"I'm tired," you replied instead as you stood up and sought a safer position on your bed, away from his eyes.

"Me too..."

You sighed as you saw him shrink back into the chair and averted your eyes to the floor. You couldn't shake the desire to be silent that came over you every time you saw him, even you couldn't describe the feeling, it made you sick, afraid to say the wrong thing, to push down the hopes he could barely hold in his hands. You were so afraid of breaking him. Despite your caution, you admitted that you were one of those guilty of endangering the stability of the thin rope he was walking, because as long as you were together, you would be the person Beomgyu held his hand and led him to discover the worst ways to sabotage him. It was as if he was testing your criminal mind and inviting you to watch from the front row as he murdered his own dreams and hopes for life.

You snapped out of your thoughts as you felt the weight of his body sink into the mattress. You turned your face in his direction, slightly dazed as you watched him kick off his shoes and curl up into a ball under your sheets. You sighed, not resisting the urge to bring a hand up to his face and caress his cheek, the way you knew he liked it.

"Lie down," he asked you in his little whisper.

There he was, like a ghost in the darkness, looking at you with a longing that made your body tremble. Though he was overflowing with an inexhaustible weariness, and his features bore the nostalgia of the stars that once shone, he was heartbreakingly beautiful. His smooth skin had the feel of a misunderstood canvas, his eyes, deep and enigmatic, carried unreadable pleas. It was sadness embodied in the skin of an ethereal being, unable to be torn away.

Your eyes closed unconsciously as Beomgyu leaned towards you after you obeyed his words, hiding his face in the curve between your neck and shoulder. The warmth of his body was always overwhelming, but his words had the power to slip between the trembling crevices of your heart and freeze its beating at will.

"I miss you..." he murmured against your skin, the roughness of his fingers clinging to your hips and his nose sliding along your collarbone, enveloping your skin with his breath and stealing layers of your scent. "I miss you so much."

How many times had he said those words to you? You wanted to scream at him that you were here, that you hadn't gone anywhere, that he had you, that nothing would tear you from his side, but even you weren't sure of that anymore.

"Me too, babe," you replied, lowering your face to his as his eyes sought yours. Damn it, you thought, it will happen again.

Within minutes, Beomgyu's lips left your neck and traced a path down your belly. Silently, you gave his hands permission to roam beneath your clothes, to trace the curves of your breasts and massage your soft flesh. More than one sigh was stolen from your mouth as his fingers slid to the pointy centre of your breasts, sending a stream of emotion through the gentle pressure. You couldn't explain the emotion that was marked by the trace of his touch on your skin, it wasn't lust, it wasn't need, it wasn't passion, but it was soft and comfortable, just enough to seem like love, just enough to reduce the agony and inappetence of longing to something subtle.

You whispered his name and cupped his face in your hands to draw him to you. Despite the suffocating emotion in the air, your bodies met in an anxious embrace, seeking solace and a cure for the raw hopelessness they could only express through gestures and silent caresses. The weight of his lips against your forehead made you close your eyes, almost begging him to never let go. Your lips ached with the need that filled them as the cold enveloped your body and replaced your clothes. But he did not kiss your lips, though they cried out in supplication, nor did you kiss his, knowing you would find the bitter taste of apology in them.

You also helped him get rid of his clothes. You imitated his lack of shame and suppressed any negative emotions that would make you believe that seeing and touching him as you did was wrong. How could it be so wrong when you had Beomgyu in your hands, gentle, vulnerable and intense? Trembling sounds escaped his throat and bound your hands, begging for more. His hands tightened around you, his fingers sliding down each side of your neck and his thumbs pressing against the softest, most vulnerable part of your shoulders. You leaned into his direction, letting his warm breath brush against your ear.

"My sweet Y/n..." Despite your skepticism that such a thing was possible, the sweetness in his voice made you believe that he really could feel the lost, that your body and voice could soothe his pain.

You kissed his hips with your fingertips, touching the roughness of his bones, holding him close as he wriggled against your touch. He responded just as sharply and slid one hand over your belly and the other between your legs where he pressed his fingers to your most sensitive spot, where pain and pleasure intertwined and sent a tightening sensation to your chest. "Beomgyu..."

"Shhh... it's okay." He took hold of your knees and, as if he had forgotten his own frailty, he exposed you and adjusted your position for him. Your eyes sought his, eager to hold on to something, to reassure you that it wasn't a stranger touching you; to remind you that all was well, that you were safe. You wanted to find security and familiarity away from this quiet, reserved, sleepy version of himself, you wanted a smile of encouragement, one that would light up the night but not set the moon on fire.

Beomgyu held your waist, preventing the involuntary, violent jerks of your pelvis. You swallowed saliva, dizzy and anticipating the raw invasion of his being inside you.

"What's wrong?" you asked as you watched him look at you motionlessly.

"You're not wet enough."

"It's okay, just do it."

Beomgyu's lips brushed your cheek, his voice a whisper in your ear as he leaned closer. "I just want you to relax," he said. "Let me take care of everything."

With a gentle tug around your waist, he sank you deeper into the bed, your head back against the softness of the pillow as he parted his body from yours to give him an open path for his hand to the shy, sensitive place between your legs. His fingers traced the inside of your thighs and slid down to the slit of your crotch, where he made circular motions with his fingertips for a few seconds before penetrating you.

You closed your eyes and gasped for air. It was as if he was lulling you and slapping you at the same time. Part of you wanted to take it with or without pain because you didn't think you could take it much longer; another part of you, the more disillusioned part of you, wished it was him who gave up and ran away. You tried, you really hoped it would work. For a while, sex had been the relief for this raw ache, but nothing really cured it. No matter how many nights you devoted your body to Beomgyu's desires, there would always be a night when you would lock yourself in your room and cry for all that he lacked, for all that you couldn't give him, for all that you didn't want to give him. And he would know, he always noticed these things, the tears burning under the flesh of your cheeks. But he would not caress your heart as you cried, nor would his hands wrap around you as your mind and soul had done a thousand times with him. For Beomgyu would still be miserable, and neither you nor he was ready for him not to drag you down with him.

Your body responded to the demands of Beomgyu's fingers and gave him what they were looking for. He clung to you as if he didn't want you to escape. You could feel his muscles tense and tremble, his breath in your ears, his heartbeat and breath on your skin. It was the only thing you could hold on to so that you wouldn't collapse right there.

Beomgyu slid back, his fingers suddenly far away from the spot between your legs. The feeling of his emptiness inside you was such a familiar pain that you almost reached out for him for a moment, but the caress of his lips on your shoulder and that voice you missed so much brought your focus back to him.

"You're not leaving, are you?" he asked as he slid slowly and carefully inside you.

You didn't answer, you both already knew the answer.

The silence in the room was overwhelming. You were lying on the bed, minutes had passed since your breathing had returned to normal, and now the only sound in the room was the pattering of the rain against the glass of your window. The sweat had dried on your skin and the sheets; your muscles, now relaxed, felt a slight sense of fatigue that made you want to stay in bed.

You looked at Beomgyu's back and traced the curve of his posture with the pad of your index finger. The delicate contours of his vertebrae were illuminated under the dim light of your desk lamp, lacking muscular strength, with a fragility palpable in every stroke your finger outlined.

"Don't come back tomorrow."

"Y/n..." he said in a vague form of protest, but you cut him off before he could say anything else. "I have an exam and I really need to study.

I'll visit you on Friday." There was a minute of silence in which you thought he would try to protest, but he just nodded.

"Well, uhm... Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"You're thinner."

"Maybe."

"Have they been feeding you well?" He gave you a sideways glance and raised his shoulders reluctantly. "It's hard, I have no appetite."

"Hospital food is terrible, isn't it?"

"I guess."

You sighed and looked at the back of his head as if you could see through it.

"It's not the kind of food we were made for," you replied, trying to lighten the mood. Beomgyu finally moved, turned around and his head landed right on your chest. You could feel his hands touching your ribs, his lips in your hair, your feet on his. "I could make you some fried rice," you continued. "So you can eat something."

"It's okay, just stay with you. I don't need any-"

Your eyebrows furrowed as he interrupted himself. He had raised his gaze and was now staring at you.

"What's wrong?"

"You look pretty."

Pretty.

The mood in the room changed when he said those words. You held your breath. Everything around you seemed weaker, as if it would fall apart at the wrong sound. You wanted to speak, but you dared not, out of weakness, your absurd cowardice, to show what you were thinking inside. You didn't feel beautiful. You didn't feel loved. Oh, what a relief it would have been to be able to express it to him at that moment, what a different and less complicated way it would have been not to wait for your surroundings to collapse in order to tell him all that you were hiding inside. Maybe if habit did not keep you silent when misery hovers around you, maybe if darkness was not the only stimulus urging you to seek the light, maybe you would have said it.

I feel lonely.

"Let's cook something, you know, like old times, but this time without burning anything. Let's make gimbap, but not just any gimbap. We can look up my grandmother's recipe, remember? I made it once for your birthday, haven't made it since, but I don't think I've lost the touch. The recipe has to be out there somewhere. My mother..."

"Okay," he interrupted, surprising you with a kiss on the cheek. "Forget the gimbap, fried rice is fine."

"Do you... do you want to join me or would you rather stay here and rest?"

"It's okay, your sister could meet me any minute."

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

With an overwhelming hope growing in your chest, you left your room and went to the kitchen. The house was plunged into a terrible silence and you had to fight the urge to return to the room, knowing that you would not find a warmer atmosphere inside. But the silence didn't last long, just as Beomgyu had predicted, Leah, your older sister, closed the front door as you finished descending the last flight of stairs. You were wearing only a plus size t-shirt and your panties, so you weren't surprised by the annoyed look she gave you.

"Looks like the rain caught up with you after work."

"He's here, isn't it?"

You weren't even surprised that she ignored your attempts to start a conversation away from Beomgyu. You rolled your eyes and headed for the kitchen without looking at her. "Oh, not again, Leah."

"That bastard," you heard her curse as she nipped at your heels. "He thinks he can do whatever he wants to you because of his illness?"

"He didn't do anything to me."

"That's the problem, y/n. In your opinion, he never does anything."

"Mind your own business, Leah." You told her as you tried your best to look busy, moving your hands around the closet, but the truth was your hands couldn't even remember what they were looking for. You opened one of the cabinets, then another. By the third, you felt a little discouraged, so you opened the fourth. Your hands began to despair, until finally a small package of rice wrapped in plastic caught your eye. You gently picked it up and placed it in your lap as you pulled a wooden stool closer to the side of the counter and sat down.

"I'm minding my own business." She replied, standing behind you for a few moments, a tense silence settling between the two of you, and you didn't dare look her in the eye. You felt a pang of embarrassment.

"Leave me alone."

Leah took one of your hands and forced you to face her. "You know I don't like to keep quiet when it comes to this, I didn't before, I won't now. Even if my words are in vain, even if I don't have the right to tell you what to do, I won't swallow my disapproval of you continuing this story in which you are clearly not a heroine. You are a fool, just like mom, don't you see? You witnessed her long years of misery for what? To repeat history? What is broken only hurts."

"Stop." You pulled her hand hard. "This is between Beomgyu and me, no one else has any part in this. How many times do I have to explain myself to you?

Leah let out a frustrated sigh, she seemed to be debating your words and your back stiffened as you waited for her next attack, but the tension in your body turned to surprise when you felt her hand tugging at the collar of your shirt.

"Leah!" you screamed, but your attempts to push her away faltered as you became aware of what she was looking at with such displeasure. You didn't even remember the purple marks on your collarbone, they were old and therefore barely noticeable, but her sharp eyes hadn't missed them and her expression made it clear that he knew who the culprit was; which was just one more reason to increase her displeasure.

"I'm going to... God, that idiot..." After a few seconds of silence, you heard her sigh and turn away. You felt your stomach sink. "Is he upstairs?"

"Leah, don't..."

Your reflexes were fast, but not fast enough to catch her before she came out of the kitchen. Less than a meter from the stairs, your fingers clutched at her clothes, perhaps too tightly, perhaps so desperately that it left your sister and you in disbelief.

You thought of Beomgyu waiting for you in your room, vulnerable and feeble with his own thoughts. Maybe he agreed to let you cook for him because he wanted to be alone, maybe he called you pretty because it was easier than saying anything else. Maybe you loved him and it wasn't right. Maybe you hated him and he knew it. Maybe you took his sadness for granted, or maybe you should have understood that he wasn't worth it. But there was more, something darker than all possible answers, something you suspected but were afraid to admit to yourself, afraid to face it.

Beomgyu didn't need you, it was you who needed him.

Your hand loosened its grip on Leah's clothes and you stepped back. A tremor went through your body as you looked down at your hands, suddenly afraid of yourself, your own demons. "I'm sorry, just... leave him alone."

For a few seconds you thought she would say something, argue, scream, or just try to move on as if she didn't hear you. She did none of these things, instead she turned back to the stairs and said those words that hit every sensitive nerve in your body.

"If your disease doesn't kill you soon, you should kill yourself."

At first, her words were like an attack that you couldn't digest for the first few seconds. They hurt, they stole your breath, and you heard the crackling of something weak, something sensitive breaking; but it was only when you saw where the attack was directed that fear and a searing anxiety invaded your body and made your knees fight against a wrenching weakness.

"Leah!" the scream tore at your throat.

Beomgyu was standing on the stairs when he met your sister's gaze. His jaw was clenched, but his tired expression made him look almost expressionless. But he wasn't. He was shaking, more than you. He was suffering, more than you. He had never looked so small, so fragile, so far away. And you had never felt so helpless, so frightened, so unaware of your impulses.

"How... how can you say such a thing?" Your palms slapped Leah's back, once, twice, three times, as if to force her to spit out an answer. You were distraught, desperate, about to burst into tears. "How can you be a human being and say such a thing? How can you be my sister and..."

"'Whoa, whoa, take it easy... Just calm down..." Beomgyu's arms, who seemed to have rushed down the stairs at full speed at the first of your attacks, wrapped around your waist and pulled you back. You tried to pull him away, even though you had no intention of returning to your sister, but he clung to you tightly. "Come on, outside."

You didn't resist as he led you outside your house. His hands released you only when he closed the door behind him and you turned to him with a pleading expression. Beomgyu said nothing but shook his head in a gesture you could not decipher and the fear that shook every part of your body could not have been worse.

Silence.

You parted your lips, desperately wanting to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Beomgyu gave you a dejected smile and shrugged his shoulders, a gesture he always made when he wanted to play things down and cheer you up. You had to look away to keep from collapsing.

The raindrops on the pavement were bright white under the streetlights. The streets were empty, the only sounds being your accelerated breathing, the pattering of the rain, and the rustle of the trees in the wind. The air was tinged with damp bark and earthy moss, a smell that for the first time you found more devastating than comforting.

"I'm going home, back inside."

Your breath caught in your lungs and you made an incredible effort to get the words out of your mouth. 'If your disease doesn't kill you soon, you should kill yourself'. These words kept going over and over and over in your mind. How could your sister tell him that, how could she even think about it? Beomgyu, who had lived in a body full of anxiety, instability, impulsiveness, confusion, and paranoia since he was sixteen. Beomgyu, who had to live with an incurable diagnosis and inexhaustible medication. Beomgyu, in whose confused mind, behind a thick layer of emotions, there was only a genuine desire to be loved, accepted and valued by himself and others. Beomgyu, insecure, bright, dull, happy, depressed, who started a new war against himself every day. If your sister had known all this, would she have said those cruel words? If your sister had seen the sharp, cutting impact that melted into Beomgyu like a heavy anchor that prevented any hope from floating, would she really have stayed at home so calmly?

"She doesn't know what she said," you whispered, lifting your gaze from the floor to look deep into his eyes. "She's... selfish, arrogant, completely irrational. She thinks she knows you. They think they know you. But they don't know anything about you! They don't know you like I do, no one...no one..."

"It's okay."

"Nobody does."

"I know." Beomgyu took your face in his hands, his intense eyes never leaving yours. "You know me better than anyone."

"Stay."

Beomgyu shook his head sadly.

"No, I..."

"I love you."

Your interruption seemed to shake the ground beneath Beomgyu's feet. The boy sighed shakily and leaned his forehead against yours. His eyes, now wet and shiny like the concrete of the long avenue, were hidden under his eyelids and closed with the force of something burning to be seen.

"Do you sometimes... do you sometimes not have the urge to die together? To throw us in a lake and drown? Something like that?"

A sob escaped your throat and your hands cupped his cheeks, almost as if you were holding his heavy soul with the edge of your fingernails to keep him from slipping from your grasp. Nothing was ever more frustrating. "No, God, of course not, how can you say such a thing? I want nothing more than to live by your side, to synchronize your heart with mine, to hear you breathe, to see you smile... I want to calm you down and for you to calm me down. I want to survive with you.

Beomgyu let out a soft snort that resembled an attempt at laughter. "Always giving me the cold shoulder. Go back inside, you'll catch a cold."

Your hands grabbed his clothes. You didn't want to let go, your whole being told you not to, not to let him go, not like that, not with those words still echoing in his head. Beomgyu gently pushed your hands away and you trembled. You were afraid for everything, for him, for yourself, for the future. You feared his departure and that he would become unreachable. For the first time, you feared that you didn't love him.

Beomgyu's breathing was steady now, only the faint, clear outline of his body pressed against your chest told you that he was still there, still present. "I'm scared," you whispered.

"Me too."

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Friday, I'll see you Friday."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Finally, you stepped back, still wanting to say many things, but lacking the right repository of words to get them out. Beomgyu hesitated for a moment, his mouth opened slightly as if he wanted to speak. But he didn't. You took a deep breath and stepped back again, your face blank and your hands hanging limply at your sides. Your lips trembled, but then, almost out of nowhere, you smiled. It wasn't a happy smile, nothing like that, given the situation. It was desperation eating away at your life, the wind hitting your body and telling you how empty your hands were now. It was Beomgyu, tired and in pain, making his way into the distance.

You smiled even more when the sky began to rain.

masterlist - txt

#the playlist bro the playlist

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gyummigon · 11 days

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Omg!! I just finished reading like when we first met, I hate you and love you and I just want to say that was the most beautiful yet tear jerking story I have ever read. I was wondering if you could possibly make a part two where we get to see the outcome of beomgyu and readers lives after that day. Possibly the sisters perspective too (only if you want too).

Hiii. My goodness, thank you so much for your interest and your kind comments, they make me feel great, I swear. About a possible second part, of course! Actually, the story wasn't supposed to end there, but I rushed it a bit for convenience. Anyway, I'll work on it. My writing is pretty slow, so it might take a while, but I'll do my best to get it out as soon as possible ❤️

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gyummigon · 15 days

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like when we first met, i hate you and i love you | beomgyu

beomgyu x fem!reader | playlist

It was easy for Beomgyu to feel trapped in his own mind, to mourn the days that were more than just lost; he swore that he remembered nothing of them, and yet they could bring him down at any moment.

Beomgyu closed his eyes. The yellow color of your walls was too cheerful and always made him feel depressed.

"I'll visit you tomorrow," was his answer. He gently put your head back on the pillow and started to get up.

"If I don't come tomorrow, don't go to the hospital until you've finished your homework, okay?"

"You'll be all right, won't you?" he heard you say in a weak, languid voice.

"I love you."

He hated himself so much.

"I'm trying."

"How long will you keep running away?"

"I'm not running away, the hospital doors are always open."

"Beomgyu." You tried to sound stern, but the quiver in your voice at the mention of his name was noticeable.

"Don't worry," he murmured, putting his hands over yours to pull them away from his face. "You have enough burden with school, so avoid distractions and study hard, okay?"

"Then don't come back here, please."

With a sigh, he took one last look at you and turned his feet toward the exit of your room, offering you the only comfort of his absence and his silence.

And as every time you watched him leave, you felt that he took a piece of your soul with him.

"You have to stop for a moment." You heard Hanna say as you both walked to your next class.

You sighed and looked at the time on your watch, your class had started five minutes ago and you still had a long way to go to get to the building where the class was.

"You just don't get it, I rest every day even when I shouldn't," you said as you picked up your pace and Hanna mimicked you without any difficulty.

"Procrastination is not rest, you have to really relax."

The thought of doing poorly in school made you feel absolutely worthless and nervous.

"I'll try to change, just... don't tell Beomgyu. He's been a little intense lately about the idea that I'm doing well here."

"Why, is he pressuring you or something?"

"No, but the situation has been difficult since his relapse," you replied.

Hanna looked at you for a moment with her big, thoughtful eyes before she let out a sigh. "Y/n, since I met you your relationship has been difficult."

"Of course."

"As a boyfriend? I mean, do you love him romantically, not as a person you've known since puberty?"

Except for the fact that neither of you were alive.

"Does he seem bad to you?" you replied without a hint of anger or concern.

"No, I like Beomgyu, I just... since I know him, he's kind of scary to me."

"No, gosh... He's... the nicest, most sensitive guy I've ever met."

"Not that type of scary."

"He's fine, Hanna."

"And I'm so glad, but what about you?

"I'm fine, okay?"

"Are you done?" he asked, slurring his words, but you were sure he already knew the answer.

"I'm tired," you replied instead as you stood up and sought a safer position on your bed, away from his eyes.

"Me too..."

"Lie down," he asked you in his little whisper.

"Me too, babe," you replied, lowering your face to his as his eyes sought yours. Damn it, you thought, it will happen again.

Beomgyu held your waist, preventing the involuntary, violent jerks of your pelvis. You swallowed saliva, dizzy and anticipating the raw invasion of his being inside you.

"What's wrong?" you asked as you watched him look at you motionlessly.

"You're not wet enough."

"It's okay, just do it."

Beomgyu's lips brushed your cheek, his voice a whisper in your ear as he leaned closer. "I just want you to relax," he said. "Let me take care of everything."

"You're not leaving, are you?" he asked as he slid slowly and carefully inside you.

You didn't answer, you both already knew the answer.

"Don't come back tomorrow."

"Y/n..." he said in a vague form of protest, but you cut him off before he could say anything else. "I have an exam and I really need to study.

I'll visit you on Friday." There was a minute of silence in which you thought he would try to protest, but he just nodded.

"Well, uhm... Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"You're thinner."

"Maybe."

"Have they been feeding you well?" He gave you a sideways glance and raised his shoulders reluctantly. "It's hard, I have no appetite."

"Hospital food is terrible, isn't it?"

"I guess."

You sighed and looked at the back of his head as if you could see through it.

"It's okay, just stay with you. I don't need any-"

Your eyebrows furrowed as he interrupted himself. He had raised his gaze and was now staring at you.

"What's wrong?"

"You look pretty."

Pretty.

I feel lonely.

"Okay," he interrupted, surprising you with a kiss on the cheek. "Forget the gimbap, fried rice is fine."

"Do you... do you want to join me or would you rather stay here and rest?"

"It's okay, your sister could meet me any minute."

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Looks like the rain caught up with you after work."

"He's here, isn't it?"

You weren't even surprised that she ignored your attempts to start a conversation away from Beomgyu. You rolled your eyes and headed for the kitchen without looking at her. "Oh, not again, Leah."

"That bastard," you heard her curse as she nipped at your heels. "He thinks he can do whatever he wants to you because of his illness?"

"He didn't do anything to me."

"That's the problem, y/n. In your opinion, he never does anything."

"Leave me alone."

"Stop." You pulled her hand hard. "This is between Beomgyu and me, no one else has any part in this. How many times do I have to explain myself to you?

"I'm going to... God, that idiot..." After a few seconds of silence, you heard her sigh and turn away. You felt your stomach sink. "Is he upstairs?"

"Leah, don't..."

Beomgyu didn't need you, it was you who needed him.

"If your disease doesn't kill you soon, you should kill yourself."

"Leah!" the scream tore at your throat.

Silence.

"I'm going home, back inside."

"It's okay."

"Nobody does."

"I know." Beomgyu took your face in his hands, his intense eyes never leaving yours. "You know me better than anyone."

"Stay."

Beomgyu shook his head sadly.

"No, I..."

"I love you."

"Do you sometimes... do you sometimes not have the urge to die together? To throw us in a lake and drown? Something like that?"

Beomgyu let out a soft snort that resembled an attempt at laughter. "Always giving me the cold shoulder. Go back inside, you'll catch a cold."

Beomgyu's breathing was steady now, only the faint, clear outline of his body pressed against your chest told you that he was still there, still present. "I'm scared," you whispered.

"Me too."

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Friday, I'll see you Friday."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

You smiled even more when the sky began to rain.

masterlist - txt

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gyummigon · 15 days

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dreamer | jiseok [gaon]

୨୧ word count: 0.4K ୨୧ n/a: i honestly don't know what this is, i just felt i had something to say and really needed to post something for xdh, either way i hope this helps lol. warning. english isn’t my first language.

"Your dream, your life. Don't ruin it."

These words played over and over in Jiseok's head. His footsteps, calm in appearance but too heavy in emotional weight, led him by instinct to the audition room. The corridors had never seemed so short, so prone to make him think, to hesitate, to turn a walk into a struggle between bravely facing the possibility of defeat or avoiding unnecessary disappointment.

It was a reaction as bad as it was unconscious, his mind tended to turn against him in moments where his mental and emotional stability was essential, his friends told him it was a natural reaction, just harmless nerves, but Jiseok perceived it differently. Jiseok was not afraid, Jiseok had limits and sometimes struggled to hide them.

The ringing of his cell phone alerting him to a new message brought him out of his dark hole of thoughts, it was yours. He read it like a child rummaging through the unfamiliar letters on his birth certificate to find out where it came from.

Y/n

Good luck! You'll do well just show them your talent and you'll be acceptet

Talent. That word had always made him nervous. Naturally, Jiseok wasn't talented at any of the things people said he was talented at. He had always had to try harder than others, even in small things, to understand a class topic, to be socially "adept", to hit the right notes for a song that his friends could do without much difficulty, or to play that basic guitar solo that anyone without knowledge of the instrument would call a skill not of the average population. No, there was nothing extraordinary about it. Jiseok could be a student and a talented artist under an ignorant gaze, but the truth is that if Jiseok had to be, truly and objectively, talented in something, that born and natural ability that distinguished between talent and forced success, was effort.

He was good at trying hard, that's all; and if he had to ask himself which carried more weight between talent and effort, he would know that he would not like the answer. So when Jiseok arrived at his destination without a clear plan about himself and what he had to show for it, he thought that he might have to use his talent to the last drop because he didn't want to show the world anything mediocre.

"My dream, my life. They are mine."

masterlist | xdh

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gyummigon · 1 month

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‧✩ txt masterlist ✩‧

here you can find all my works

smut [ s ] ; angst [ a ] ; fluff [ f ] ; suggestive [ sg ]

TOMORROW BY TOGETHER

✩ ot5

txt when you stain the bed because of your period

txt when you are nervous about flying

✩ yeonjun

✩ soobin

✩ beomgyu

‧ a silent morning [f,sg] — 0.6k words

‧ a gentle shower [f,sg] — 0.8k words

‧ your lips + my lips [f,sg] — 0.4k words

‧ yellow love [f] — 0.9k words

‧ moonlight [f] — 2k words

‧ nocturnal fears [f,a] — 1k words

‧ shameless [s,f,sg] —

✩ taehyun

✩ hueningkai

SERIES

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gyummigon · 1 month

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it said to say hi, so hi! Can we be moots?

AHHHH HIII, of course we can! 💚

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gyummigon · 1 month

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our pages | c.beomgyu

summary: In a university literature class, you and Choi Beomgyu, once estranged best friends, are assigned to rewrite the tragic ending of Romeo and Juliet. During your research in the library, you stumble upon an ancient book. Intrigued by its enigmatic aura, you find yourselves mysteriously drawn to it, and as you delve deeper, you inexplicably fall into a shared slumber. In your reverie, you are forced to embark on a journey of reconciliation and reflection. Guided by the ethereal world within the book's pages, you confront long-buried emotions and rediscover the true depth of your connection.

✧ ex bestfriend! beomgyu x ex bestfriend! reader

✧ romance, estranged best friends to ?? lovers kind of? Romeo and Juliet au, slight angst, forced proximity, hurt, and comfort, a hint of drama and fantasy

✧warnings: kissing, Beomgyu cusses here and there, some tonal switches, many dialogues

a/n: I've read through this one shot at least a hundred times so I skipped the proofreading because I was really eager to post it, i hope there aren't any atrocious mistakes (there shouldn't be). Anyway, happy reading!

✧ w/c: 13.7k (oops??)

“For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.”

Mr. Kim’s voice flowed in the silent literature hall, every person letting the tragedy sink in like ink on paper. The professor looked up from his script. “And that concludes the Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet-” He spoke in short sentences, however, suspense hung in the air as he halted in his steps across the room.

“But it can’t end like this, don’t you agree?” The class let out a collective hum as they reflected on his enthusiastic question. Mr.Kim took the slightly undersized glasses off the bridge of his nose and placed them on the desk behind him.

It really can’t end like this,” Your best friend, Mia, sniffed into the paw of her sleeve, agreeing silently. Mentally, you shook your head at her dramatic antics. You knew that deep down, she didn’t really give a flying fuck about Romeo and Juliet, but since her toxic boyfriend was pushing and pulling again, it all hit close to home.

“I want you all to find a remedy to their story. I’ll pair you into groups of two, and together you’ll write the better ending for Romeo and Juliet.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a suggestion, he was dead serious about this project. In all honesty, you found the ancient love story absolutely beautiful, however, couldn’t help but wonder who broke Mr.Kim’s heart enough for him to be so hung up over this fictitious separation.

Mia sneaked her hand into yours, shaking you out of your thoughtful state.

“Don’t you agree?” Her sad deer-like eyes came into your view, begging for your empathy. “It’s so sad, it’s like the worst way to part from someone,” She mumbled through her pouty lips. “ever,” a sniff came from her nose, shoulders slumping as she hit the backrest again.

“The worst way to part with someone?” You thought out loud. If someone were to ask you that question, you would undoubtedly answer with something other than Romeo and Juliet.

Fallouts. You thought. Yeah, those were definitely more painful.

More specifically, the fallout with Choi Beomgyu.

Sure, Romeo and Juliet’s separation hurt, you admitted while watching your best friend sulk about her toxic boyfriend leaving her for the fifth time that month; but have you ever been estranged from the dearest friend you’ve ever had? The question insensitively introduced itself in your head, but you quickly shooed it away. Romeo and Juliet, their love for each other, and the violence that broke them apart ended up becoming one altogether.

But cherishing someone so deeply, only to be cruelly pulled apart from each other, your relationship reduced to nothing but hostility. Leaving you to experience that pain every single time you cross paths with him. Wasn’t that just as painful, if not more? Knowing you’ll never be the way you once were.

Choi Beomgyu was by now a name that shouldn’t be pronounced in your presence, it was a name loaded with so many different feelings that you were better off burying down the deepest holes ever known to man.

You wanted to forget.

But like a cruel joke, the more you pushed it away the more everything would come crashing upon you with double force; The memories your heart cherished despite your efforts to suppress them, every little thing that he had given you, why did it still mean so much to you while all you harbored in your chest was a seething rage at the mere thought of him?

The young man was always smiling whenever you’d walk past each other in the busy hallways of the university. A part of you resented him for that. Whilst you were still stuck in time, he seemed to be completely fine. Like you never were a part of his life.

Has it been that easy for him to forget you?

You didn’t know why you were still hung up over it, even after all the time that had passed. Hence, you could barely recall the last time the two of you had spoken to each other more than two obligatory words. The only reason that you still knew what his voice sounded like was because you shared this literature class. Much to your dismay.

That explained the utter horror, disappointment, and betrayal contorting the features of your face as Mr. Kim’s lips enunciated your and Beomgyu’s name in the same sentence. Silent pleas were sent Mr. Kim’s way as you met his gaze with big eyes, shaking your head slowly and mouthing several desperate no’s. The old man mercilessly slid the information paper on your desk. He knew damn well the two of you weren’t on speaking terms, and yet there you were being paired up for a project where you had to find a better ending for the youthful lovers. The two of you hadn’t been able to find one for yourselves, how in the world were you going to fix Romeo and Juliet’s!?

Picking up your jaw, you whipped around in your seat to send the young man a fiery glare that could hopefully get the message across. But he was looking out the window, painfully obviously avoiding your confrontation. Shoulders dropping, you turned back around, feeling stupid. Don’t act like you care, you reprimanded yourself.

He doesn’t care, so why should you?

To your surprise, he cared enough to wait for you outside of class, and a silly part of your brain thought that maybe this was something you could get done without further problems. But that small hope soon wilted to nothing when Beomgyu opened his foul little mouth.

“I am not doing this with you.” He gritted through his teeth, the hostile tone immediately had your heartbeat quickening in your chest. Squinting your eyes, you pushed the paper Mr. Kim had given you into his chest. Beomgyu’s hands awkwardly fumbled to catch it.

“And I am not doing this on my own.” You hissed, bumping your shoulder into his. “I’ll see you in the library after class.” It was a warning, and Beomgyu should know better than to not show up. Though, deep down you knew that he owed you no such thing.

***

A few people were roaming around the library when you pushed through the glass doors, the wooden pavement creaking underneath the pressure of your feet. The scent of books and pages instantly embraced your senses, and you welcomed it by breathing it in. You found it somehow comforting, how the light of the setting sun laid itself on the walls like the most delicate of paints, and how the dust particles flickered in the sunrays, glistening like tiny stars.

Fingers tracing the long forgotten books on the oldest shelf of the library, dust tickled your nose but your eyes relentlessly kept searching for that title. The kind lady behind the desk had directed you here when you had asked for the Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. She had been doubtful about the university library owning such an old piece of literature, but you tested your luck anyway. There was no better way to start this project than by finding different adaptations to compare and review.

A little frown puckered your brows when your fingertips suddenly sunk into the carved title on the back of a book at the end of the line. The color was faded gold painted into the brown leather cover protecting the ancient-looking book.

“Lovestory.” Your lips mouthed the title curiously. Finding the closest table, you threw your things on the next chair and sat down. Hands eagerly opening it, you noted how the yellowing pages were sewn beautifully into the leather.

Before your eyes could find any text, they fell on the odd illustrations. A fading picture of a princess-like woman adorned by a shimmering tiara around her soft hair. Her position was pensive as she stood by the railing of a balcony, staring into the night. However, what seemed to strike you about the picture was how her face was nonexistent. It wasn’t as if her face had faded with the age of the book, hence more like it had never been painted on purpose.

You felt your eyes droop tiredly as your gaze found the first sentences written in cursive ink. Your lips mumbled the sentences absentmindedly as you read.

We were both young when I first saw you

I close my eyes, and the flashback starts

I'm standing there

On a balcony in summer air…

***

Many internal battles had taken place in the head of the young man. He hated to admit that he lost every single one of them, as he found himself standing in front of the glass doors of the library.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed his way in, nose taking in the woody smell etched onto the walls. His eyes scanned for the familiar face, but to his dismay, you were nowhere to be found. A frown creased his forehead as he started taking hesitant steps inside, figuring he would have to search for you deeper within the library.

The book archive felt like a maze as Beomgyu walked through every aisle and still did not find the slightest sign of you. For a moment he thought that you’d already headed home, successfully fooling him. Eyebrows twitching, he could feel his blood starting to boil.

Was that it? Had he really just lost this battle against you? Beomgyu wasn’t sure what he had expected once he’d convinced himself that he owed you this one since it was for a project, but it certainly hadn’t crossed his mind that you would pull such a petty little trick to get back at him. And he had fallen for it-

Beomgyu’s angry stomping suddenly halted when he found himself in an unrecognizable part of the library. He had been so deep within his inner turmoil that he hadn’t paid any attention to where he had unconsciously brought himself.

It surprised him, though, that out of all the spots he could’ve wandered into, he managed to blindly find you.

For there you were, hunched over the round table by the window, cheek squished against an open book with your parted lips threatening to salivate on its pages. Once Beomgyu had willed himself to step closer, the louder your snores resonated. He couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped his throat at the familiar sight. Sitting himself on the opposite seat, he took a short moment to soak in the situation. It felt odd. He couldn’t remember the last time the two of you had been in each other’s presence like this, basking in the peaceful warmth of the sunset. Well, this was only possible because you were far into dreamland. He knew that if the both of you were to be awake, this would not have been a friendly meeting.

His gaze traveled along your features, following the path that your hair made while scattered over the table, covering the book you had approved as a very comfortable pillow, for you to snore like that, he thought.

But that was when it hit him.

The book. What book were you even reading? Beomgyu felt an unknown sense of curiosity and urge flow within him, sending an itch into his fingers. Ever so gently, he caressed your hair and tucked an amount behind your ear, revealing the old novel you had been reading. A confused frown puckered his brows as he saw the antiquity of it. Carefully, he removed it from the captivity of your head, but not without making sure that your cheek landed back down softly, with his palm gently guiding your face safely to the surface again.

Beomgyu closed the book to admire its build, with the old leather running underneath his fingertips, he pronounced the carved-out title of the book.

Lovestory.

He flipped it open, the first page revealing the suave illustration of a beautiful young woman from a long time ago. It didn’t take him much to know that whatever this book was about, the heroine of this story was her. For some reason, Beomgyu felt a sense of familiarity wash over him by looking at the illustration. Then it dawned on him and a shiver ran down his spine, fingers tightening around the page.

“This girl looks an awful lot like-“ he gasped, looking away from the yellowing pages down to your sleeping figure in front of him, making sure that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. Only to realize that the lady in the book was identical to you.

No, actually,

It was you.

"What the fuck.” The young man shuddered, nothing less than creeped out. For a split second, he considered closing the book. But his curiosity was stronger than him, and before he knew what he was doing, his hand had already flipped over to the following page. The new illustration was only going to perplex the boy further. His lips fell open, completely entranced as his orbs drank in the sight of you in a beautiful dress and a shimmering tiara coronating your head. You were standing on a balcony, hand reaching out to a man climbing his way up to you. Roses and flowers surrounded the two. Nothing short of a fairytale.

In this scene, he had seen it somewhere, but he couldn’t pinpoint it just yet, although the answer was tickling his tongue.

The man climbing your balcony was the most confusing feature to him, for he had no face. Beomgyu couldn’t tell whether the paper was just old enough to be faded, or if it had never been painted. But even then, it made no sense. Because your face, your rosy cheeks, and your sparkling eyes were ever so vivid. Almost as if you’d jumped right into the book. Beomgyu eventually spotted the worn-out text underneath the picture, and read it out.

See the lights, the party, the ball gowns

See you make your way through the crowd

Little did I know…

That you were Ro-

A yawn broke through his lips, his eyelids felt like they weighed tons as he slowly let them fall shut, head coming to rest upon the open book. Beomgyu tried to fight the sudden tiredness in his mind, but the slumber taking over him was like the song of a mermaid luring him in.

Just like that, he had fallen into dreamland as well, missing the way the faceless man climbing the balcony came to life.

Beomgyu felt his body jolt awake, his eyes shot open after what felt like just a few seconds- but the view in front of him was nothing like the one he had fallen asleep to. There was no library, no old books, but most importantly, you weren’t there. However, before he could even start to worry, a strong arm came around his shoulders, an unknown figure pulling him close.

“Romeo! Why did you leave us like that?”

What?

Beomgyu turned his head to find a young man just about his age, his Cheshire-like eyes stared at him with a mischievous smile through a mask that covered just half of his face. The ornament was beautiful, with sparkling gold patterns scattered onto it. His gaze traveled to the man’s clothes, noticing the Renaissance details. Beomgyu winced when he recognized the man.

”Yeonjun?” He asked, baffled. ”What are you doing here?”

The man in question narrowed his eyes helplessly, hesitancy vibrating in his voice as he spoke. ”Yeon…Pardon me?” His confusion was slowly becoming Beomgyu’s very own as well.

”What do you mean pardon?” Beomgyu scratched the back of his head, he was sure that this man was his best friend Yeonjun and not someone he had mistaken.

”Yeonjun, can you be serious for one second, what are we doing here?” He snapped, noticing the way Yeonjun was looking him up and down with uncertainty.

Beomgyu checked his clothing quickly, confirming his suspicion. He was also wearing elegant pieces that resembled the ones of his friend. Only then did he realize the weight of the mask resting upon his nose. His hand reached upwards, fingertips running along its curves.

”And why are you wearing these clothes? Let’s take it off!” He started pulling the first buttons of his shirt open, causing the friend to panic as he grabbed Beomgyu’s hands at the speed of light. Confusion swirled in his dark eyes.

”You must have lost your wits, my friend, I am Mercutio! Don’t tell me you have forgotten. Did someone poison you?” Yeonjun, or should he say Mercutio? Brought him closer to inspect if he had any injuries. Beomgyu had a hard time keeping his jaw up as he watched his friend act like he wouldn’t usually laugh with joy whenever he was in misery. Yeonjun’s brows were scrunched in worry as his hands gently tapped his cheeks.

”You appear unaffected, though…” The older man continued to murmur through his pouting lips to himself, and that itself confirmed Beomgyu’s conclusion that all of this was a dream.

It was the first time that the boy woke up in a dream. There was an odd feeling in his body that he couldn’t quite pinpoint, and the more he pondered on it, the harder it became to put his finger on it. But for some reason, he accepted the circumstances pretty quickly. It wasn’t so out of pocket for a dream to be ridiculous, hence, he’d had crazier dreams than this, so why not go with the flow?

“I apologize?” Beomgyu tried his luck with the words. Although they were studying about the Renaissance at university, he had no clue about how they used to speak at that time.

“I could not fight my eagerness, friend.” Cheeks meeting his eyes, Beomgyu reassured him. Relief replaced immediately Mercutio's previous worry like it had never been there, laughing knowingly and pulling him along to wherever they had been destined.

Music and cheerful chatter from afar danced in the nightly air, the boy could spot a grand castle-like building in the distance. The place emitted a warm light and an inviting aura that called for him.

As they went on, the only thing Beomgyu had discovered was how they were not supposed to enter this masquerade behind the walls facing them. It wasn't a simple, you're not invited. But a pretty serious risk for trouble. And yet, his friend charmed the guards with his convincing acting, successfully fooling them into allowing them to enter. Well, it seemed like Yeonjun still had some of his actual traits despite acting like a madman just a few moments ago.

The main event started just as the two young men had made their way in. Beomgyu’s lips parted in shock at the amount of people roaming the hall. This wasn’t just any party, he realized, it was a whole ball. The women were dressed ever so beautifully, each gently targeting their man of interest with a mere gaze through their masks, hoping that they would come to sweep them off their feet.

“Welcome Gentlemen!” A man whom Beomgyu understood couldn’t be anyone but the lord of the house, warmly saluted his guests, shaking their hands heartily. “Come in! Come in!” He waved Beomgyu and his friends in, not having the tiniest suspicion upon seeing these masked youths enter his party. His mood seemed to have touched the stars as he gladly spoke to everyone.

“Who is that?” Beomgyu carefully whispered to Yeonjun, not knowing what answer he was expecting. His gaze was too busy scanning the hectic crowd to even see the deflated shoulders and exasperated gaze of Mercutio.

“What query is this?” He reprimanded, “Do not feign ignorance of the visage of a Capulet, Romeo."

Capulet.

Wait, Romeo?

His head whipped to look at his friend. Eyes wide, struggling to keep himself up.

“Is my name Romeo?” Beomgyu spoke a little too loud, earning a few looks from around. He couldn’t explain the sudden sense of fear in the revelation. It was just a dream after all. A really stupid one at that. Why the hell would he dream about being Romeo? Had Mr. Kim shoveled this Romeo and Juliet agenda so far down his throat that he ended up dreaming about it?

Mercutio sent daggers through his eyes, warning him to keep quiet.

“Have you taken leave of your senses, my friend?!” He yelled in hushed tones. “Do not reveal yourself like that! Be vigilant for Tybalt and hush.” With a shake of his head, Mercutio averted his gaze back to the Capulet patriarch who was currently inviting every lady to dance without a worry in the world.

“My ladies, it would be a delight to see you dancing! Only those girls with corns at their feet will say no! Do not shy away, may all of you please yourselves with this dance!” Capulet exclaimed, animatedly speaking with his hands, throwing them up in the air. His delighted laughter echoed against the stone walls as he with glistening eyes signaled the musicians to start playing.

Let the party begin.

Beomgyu watched his “friends” adjust their masks, nodding at each other knowingly, not forgetting to acknowledge him as well before they all dispersed themselves into the crowd with the plan of enjoying themselves.

And that was how he found himself leaning against the wall by himself, slightly shivering at its low temperature. His gaze wandered along the surroundings. The warm fairy lights, the extravagant ball gowns. Women wearing shy expressions whilst putting their hands in another man’s palm. While others smiled like they had been waiting their whole life for this occasion and dragged their men to the dance floor. Despite his confusion as to why he was dreaming of such specific happenings, it still was an amusing sight to see how people in the old ages seemed to act just like today’s young people did.

Rather than dreaming so vividly, Beomgyu felt like he was watching a story unfold right in front of him.

Beomgyu’s long train of thought was cut by the jump that his heart made to his throat as a certain someone entered his field of view. There she was, dancing in the arms of a man unknown to him, but at that moment, it didn’t matter who was accompanying her. Beomgyu’s lips fell apart as he drank in her movements that were light as though a floating feather. The white dress hugging her chest fell like the most breathtaking waterfall down to her feet, fluttering behind her as she danced across the floor. The tiara on her head glittered like stars scattered over her hair and at that moment, the young man couldn’t be more sure of this being a dream.

There she was.

He didn’t even have to ask to know who the ethereal woman was.

Juliet.

Little did he know, that wasn’t Juliet.

The same way that he wasn’t Romeo.

That was you.

An unknown force surged within him, a newfound resolution. And before he was even aware of what he was doing, his body was already pushing through the dancing crowd to get to you. His mind was in a haze as he chased you who moved like a fairytale. There was an urge in his movements, almost like you’d disappear if he’d be even a second too late. Beomgyu could barely recognize himself, it was as if a part of Romeo had rooted itself within him. It seemed like he’d be sharing every emotion, every thought of the youth in love tonight.

His heart was drumming relentlessly against his chest, asking to be set free as he extended his arm out, successfully grabbing your soft hand. A gasp came from your lips as Beomgyu spun you into his arms. Chest rising and deflating in heavy breaths, the young man looked almost desperate as he searched for your gaze.

Was I in love before? My eyes convinced me not, since I never realized what true beauty is before tonight. Romeo’s words echoed in Beomgyu’s head as if they were his very own thoughts, but he shook them away whilst taking you to a less crowded space.

“Beomgyu?” He heard your voice for the first time since he saw you, and its sound grounded him in the chaos of this ridiculous dream.

“Why are you in my dream?” The question had the young man halt in his steps, spinning on the balls of his feet to see your genuinely confused frown.

“What do you mean by your dream?” Beomgyu cocked a brow, feeling how Romeo’s overwhelming emotions were finally being suppressed by his usual self.

“This is my dream, I can be here all I want.”

You shook your head, for a short moment drawing his gaze to the sparkling tiara on your head. “I was here first.” You deadpanned, only to see Beomgyu’s face fall in disbelief.

“There is no such thing in a dream, what the hell are you talking about?” The boy felt his frustration rise, but so did you upon hearing his tone.

“Woah,” you breathed out, crossing your arms. “You’re still an asshole despite this being a dream.”

Beomgyu’s lips pressed into a thin line at your statement, he couldn’t find any words to defend himself.

“Look,” you sighed, ending the short silence before it could become heavier.

“I don’t know why I’m having you in my dream but please leave, go your own way, I don’t care.” Your fingers slowly went to hug your body as you averted your gaze away. “I just want to continue this dream for as long as I can, let me be Juliet in peace and we won’t have any more problems.” Although you hadn’t let anything on, Beomgyu could still spot the hurt in your voice as you begged him to leave and it put an unexplainable weight on his chest.

The pain in your voice was an ancient one.

He should have wanted to leave, but inexplicably, he found himself unable to take even a single step away from you. Beomgyu was unsure if it was Romeo once again plaguing him with his emotions or if he was starting to lose his mind. Because what he said next caught him off guard, just as much as the previous thoughts had.

“But I am Romeo.”

You looked at him from underneath your lashes, arms falling limply to your sides.

“No, you’re not.” You said weakly, dejected. The insistence on rejecting him felt all too familiar, flashbacks of the past clouded his head for a second and he felt dread shroud his being.

The young man insisted, "Yes, I am. And you're Juliet," as he nodded at you. What was he trying to prove? He didn't know. Was he attempting to prolong the conversation with you? Perhaps, but the reason behind it eluded him. Despite his confusion, something about this entire experience felt authentic. It couldn't have been a mere coincidence that the two of you met in this dream as the two youths in love.

“It doesn’t matter-“ You were ready to turn around, and seeing your back about to face him made a sense of panic tighten his chest.

“Isn’t it odd though?” He interjected before you could completely face away from him.

You halted your movements with a frown, silently telling him to go on.

“Why are we, out of all people, meeting here, in these specific circumstances?”

“Where are you getting with this, Beomgyu, what is it to you? I don’t get it.” You tried to dismiss his words, although they had already found their way under your skin quicker than you’d liked.

Lips pressed together, his eyes chasing your gaze. It was almost as if he was thinking out loud. "I'm sorry," he murmured with a shaky voice. "I didn't mean to start on the wrong foot. I..." He ran his fingers through his hair, a familiar gesture you've seen him do for years. You could see his frustration growing. Beomgyu seemed to be struggling with something, and it was starting to show. The resolve he had held onto for so long was starting to crumble, and he realized just how exhausted he was to pretend.

To pretend like he hated you.

The longer he took you in, the more he felt himself slip like sand through the cracks of his hands.

He did miss you. And this was just a dream, anyway.

So it wouldn't hurt to act however he- Romeo felt like, right?

He drew in a deep breath before pronouncing the words that were dancing just on the top of his tongue, words that he had been holding back since the very second he'd seen you in the dancing crowd.

"Can we just forget everything between us, and let whatever this is…continue?" His head hung low like the hope in his heart, expecting a harsh rejection. He wouldn't blame you, he was making no sense. One second he was raging against you and the next he was begging you to let him stay with you. Maybe he was out of his mind, but for some reason as he looked at you, nothing mattered. You were the most beautiful creature God created and the reason for his life-

"Okay," your gentle voice cut through, and the boy jolted with joy at the positive response. Your shimmering eyes showed surrender, the twinkle of someone who did not want to fight.

Your gazes locked for a few moments, the silence thick and uncertain. Beomgyu's cheeks dusted an embarrassed shade of pink as he left your eyes to look elsewhere.

"So what now?" A nervous laugh spilled from his lips.

You murmured to him, "You have to say your lines." making him almost bashful underneath your unwavering stare. You knew it was rude to stare, but there was no way you couldn't be savoring this moment.

"Huh?"

"You have to let the Romeo within you speak, only that way, the story can continue." Having been within this dream longer, you had already figured its system out. You had expected the boy to look at you with confusion, but he surprised you when he nodded with determination.

Letting his eyelids fall shut, he took a deep breath and opened the doors of his heart to the youth whose love was like a burning rose- beautiful and passionate.

A gasp left his lips at the sudden wildfire spreading in his chest. Eyes fluttering open, he hastily walked up to you. Romeo's urgency ran through his veins as he desperately took your hands in his. The light in Beomgyu's eyes had changed, his eyebrows bent in pain as he searched for your gaze but only found uncertainty and worry. He quickly withdrew his hands from yours, causing you to miss the comforting warmth of his touch.

“I fear I’ve defiled your hands, which are like a holy shrine to me, by touching them with my own unworthy hands.” From his eyes dropped honey as he took you in, lips tenderly speaking to your heart. Your heart pounded furiously in your chest, its rhythmic thumping echoing in your ears. You couldn't tell if it was your heart or Juliet's that was racing at breakneck speed. The emotions that surged within you were like nothing you had ever felt before, a mixture of fear, excitement, and uncertainty that left your throat feeling tight. You were lost in Beomgyu's captivating gaze, his deep brown eyes like vast oceans that threatened to swallow you whole. For a moment, you forgot where you were and who you were with, lost in a universe of your own. Breaking your long eye contact, you hastily spun around, allowing the young man to only face your back.

As you stared into the starry night, you were slowly understanding the depth of this love, a love you’ve always deemed so unreal. But as you donned the young woman’s clothes, you couldn’t help but hope that this could end in a different way than it was destined to.

Despite you turning your back, the enamored young Romeo was not easily discouraged. You heard him move closer, the sweet scent of his skin caressing your senses as he leaned over your shoulder, lips brushing against your ear as he murmured;

“But I have an agreeable way to make it up to you. My lips are ready to smooth over that rough touch with a tender kiss, like two devoted pilgrims before a holy place.”

It felt as if you’d grown a second heart swelling with excitement behind your ribcage, yearning to let its wings soar. At that point, it was hard to tell if the eager butterflies fluttering their wings and dancing in your belly were your own or Juliet's. But it didn’t matter, you realized. You wanted to savor every moment, you wanted every instant to etch itself into your memory so that you could rewatch it in eternity. With hasty movements, you faced him again, not missing the way his face lit up.

”Good worshiper, you’re too harsh on your own hand,” Beomgyu watched with devotion as you picked his wrist up, and with your other hand ran the tips of your fingers along his own, aligning them until his palm was softly kissing yours.

”as it shows a perfectly polite devotion by holding mine.” You let your gaze meet his.

”After all, pilgrims touch the hands of saints, and the hands kiss when their palms are brought together.” You breathed, in your mind tracing the silver lines of the moon illuminating Beomgyu’s features, adoring the sweet shadow that his long lashes cast down his blushing cheeks.

The male stepped closer, your kissing palms now between your chests pressing against one another, a soft breeze brushed through the long, brown locks caressing his neck.

”Yes, but don’t the saints and the worshipers have lips, too?” He curled a brow, searching for your gaze, but your eyes shied away as you settled for your intertwined hands.

”Yes, pilgrim,” you swallowed, still looking down, ”lips that they should use for prayer.”

Beomgyu’s hand left yours, and for a moment you felt your heart drop. Until his fingers soon eagerly returned to caress your rosy cheek.

”Well then, dear saint, let our lips do what our hands are doing.” His palm finally embraced your face, the pad of his thumb softly rubbing back and forth the surface of your skin. ”They’re praying for something after all, a kiss, so their faith doesn’t turn into despair.” Daringly, he lifted your chin so you could meet his gaze. Your heart raced as you whispered your response.” Saints don’t act first,” Your eyes drifted from his gaze, down the tall bridge of his nose, and onto his plush lips, despite the words that threatened to escape your throat.

"Although they may respond to prayers." It was as if the both of you had been cast under a spell. The most beautiful spell known to man, completely immersed in the addictive sweetness of this love, neither of you wanted to pull away.

Eyes hooding, threatening to fall shut at any moment. It was the effect of the powdery scent deriving from the whole of you. A wish to be wrapped up in it ignited within him. Beomgyu had barely noticed how minimal the distance between you had become. His lips were hovering over yours, breaths mingling into one single source of air.

”Then don’t move while I get my prayers answered.” Beomgyu breathed before his pillows landed between yours, a sweetness spreading on your palate reminding the inner Juliet of the delight of honey and milk. He sighed with relief when your lips responded to his as if this kiss had truly saved your faith from turning into despair. As if your lips had saved him from a lifelong agony.

Your lips detached slowly and hesitantly, only letting go for the sake of your lungs.

”Now all the sin has been purged from my lips thanks to yours.” A sweet smile that he couldn’t hold back spread on his lips as his orbs traced the beauty of your face. What kind of blessed dream was this, to have Beomgyu looking at you like that?

You couldn’t resist the contagiousness of his joy. ”Then that sin has passed from your lips to mine.” You beamed.

”A sin from my lips?” He repeated with feigned shock, a sweet laugh hearable in his timbre. ”Oh what a sweetly suggested trespass! Give it back to me.” His lips crashed once again upon yours, hands cradling your cheeks as his mouth gently parted yours.

”You kiss by the book.” You said through your slightly swollen lips, eyes smiling behind your cheeks. He chuckled breathily. Both of you had forgotten who you truly were.

”Juliet! Juliet!!” A woman’s voice called for you, and it took you a while before you realized that you had to react. Realization seemed to dawn on Beomgyu as well as the smile dissipated from his lips, the honey in his eyes replaced by confusion and you felt your heart break a little.

”What did we just-”

”I have to go,” You didn’t let him finish his sentence, telling yourself that it was because you had to flee the scene for the story to proceed. Deep down knowing that you were protecting your heart from a pain you had sworn you wouldn’t ever feel again because you and Beomgyu were over. But that was in real life, so why was that expression of Beomgyu’s following you even in this seemingly sweet dream?

A bitter laugh rang into the summer night as you started running away from the stunned man. So was this a joke? How could you have thought that being Juliet would have brought you anything less than pain?

What a fool you were.

“Juliet!” You heard once again when rounding the corner of the castle. Your best friend Mia appeared, dressed in clothes less refined than yours, still reflecting the fashion of the ancient century. You could imagine that her rank was significantly lower than yours. “I’ve been searching everywhere for you, Lady Juliet.” She gasped, clearly winded from the marathon she must have run whilst looking for you. You were insecure about how to reply, not quite sure of which character she was supposed to fulfill. If you and Beomgyu were the star crossed-lovers, then perhaps she was…?

“Come with me! Your curfew has long passed, we must hasten!” Mia urged her voice a loud whisper that still managed to echo slightly against the stony walls surrounding you. Gently grabbing your wrist, she propelled you forward with a force unexpected for a tiny girl like her. With brisk steps, the two of you walked down a stone path leading to a hidden passage.

“Who might you be, pardon my question?”

The young woman halted her stride abruptly, long hair flowing down her back as she turned to cast you with an incredulous gaze. “Have you lost your wits entirely to that Romeo?” she exclaimed. “I warned you he was unsuitable for you, my lady!” She surely knew her stuff, you noted, and was pretty opinionated as well. But that was nothing short of Mia. You couldn’t help the tiny smile that was etched onto your face. Her presence brought you an infinite amount of comfort.

“I can sense our dear friendship, but forgive that I cannot quite recall…” You inquired once more, sporting a playful pout on your rosy lips. The young woman’s shoulders visibly sagged with surrender as she took a small step to face you fully.

“I am your faithful Nurse, my lady,” she replied with a slight curtsey, her expression softening with affection. "M'lady, your forgetfulness after meeting with that gentleman truly wounds me." She sniffed and adverted her gaze elsewhere, something she’d usually do when she feigned anger in your regards. The soft moonlight danced on her pretty cheeks and you couldn’t help but note how this era flattered her ancient beauty.

“Please, let us retreat to my chamber, there I’ll tell you all about my encounter with Romeo.” If you knew your best friend, then you were sure that there was no better bait than her favorite topic; love. She was judgemental of Romeo but deep down, you knew that she would devour any details of your faithful encounter with the lad. Not that you were enthusiastic about recalling it, for reasons all too clear.

You watched as Mia’s eyes widened with joy and excitement, her hands coming together into a thankful hold. Cheeks meeting her sparkling irises into the biggest smile you’d ever witnessed. You knew you had won her over.

***

A few hours had gone since your Nurse had left your room. She’d squealed like a tiny hamster and kicked her feet like a high-school girl upon hearing what had happened between you and Beom…Romeo, as if she hadn’t completely regarded him as unsuitable just a few minutes prior. But you weren’t a bit surprised, she was a known sucker for romance. But perhaps, you were a little too.

Now that she was gone though, you found yourself completely unable to unwind.

You had spent the entire night, wide-eyed, watching the moonlight caress the walls of your room, until it slowly gave way to the warm hues of daylight. You had lost track of the countless sunsets and sunrises that had passed since you made your escape from the scene a few days ago. As you sat on the balcony, feeling the sweet breeze on your skin, you couldn't help but ponder over the situation. It occurred to you that nothing significant had happened since you left, leaving you wondering if the story had come to a pause until you and Beomgyu met again. You kicked up the hem of your long dress to let the wind cool your warm skin.

You felt the blood rush to your cheeks as you recalled the insane kiss with Beomgyu. The pressure of the kiss still lingered on top of your lips along with that sweet scent of his that had etched itself onto your memory. His warm fingertips that had caressed your cheeks, his lashes tickling your skin. Were dreams truly so vivid?

"That's a big problem," you muttered to yourself as you walked back into the beautiful room you were slowly growing accustomed to. You’d never even dared to dream of owning such a priceless chamber, filled with even more valuable furniture.

Throwing yourself back onto the soft bed, you rolled onto your stomach, feeling the weight of your worries pressing down on your chest. You hugged the nearest pillow to yourself, hoping it would somehow alleviate the ache in your heart. You couldn't help but let the worst thoughts cloud your mind as time passed, yet seemed so sickeningly still. A muffled scream vibrated against the lavish fabric of the pillow now pressed against your face, a desperate attempt to release the pent-up anxiousness and frustration you felt. Your feet kicked against the mattress. Would Beomgyu think less of you now? Would he even want to see you again after such a…kiss? The questions swirled around in your head, taunting you with their uncertainty.“Romeo…” You sighed slowly, “Beomgyu out of all, why did you have to be Romeo…” You complained only to be met by silence.

“Ngh-” A sudden grunt deriving from the balcony had you scramble up from your past position with haste. Hair disheveled, Beomgyu had one leg over the railing of your balcony. The dagger hanging around his waist crinkled as he landed with a thump. His shirt was slightly scrunched up and you thought you saw a leaf tangled in his soft locks before you got distracted by his voice when he puffed out his next words.

“Why the hell are there so many guards around here?!” He huffed, dusting his pants. He was standing by the big opening of your room, the long curtains by your windows fluttering him welcome along the dancing breeze.

As if your legs had given out, you couldn't find any strength to step off the bed as you incredulously took in the very man who had been keeping you up for consecutive nights.

“Beomgyu?” Your voice faltered. It felt unreal to see Beomgyu standing there. Did his visit mean he wasn't mad or bothered by the kiss? The young man seemed unbothered as he coyly welcomed himself into your chamber, sitting himself down on your bed with a deep sigh and sprawling his tired legs before him. “hmm,” He hummed hoarsely, his arms extended behind him as he leaned his head back. Staring up at the endless details of your painted ceiling made him feel dizzy.

He was avoiding your gaze, you noted. The silence was thick and the slight tensing of his jaw told you that he was also battling an inner turmoil. Perhaps that matter was better off unsolved, you told yourself. It wasn’t your true self acting that night anyway.

Yes, you concluded. It was better this way. The weight lifted itself off your chest.

Just as your lips were about to part with a sigh, breaking the heavy silence, the young man beat you to it. “We’ve been stuck here for days,” Beomgyu remarked, his gaze still fixed on the celestial ceiling. You pressed your lips together, silently concurring as you nodded. Fidgeting with the delicate lace of your dress, you missed the glance Beomgyu stole at you.

“If we don’t do something soon, I fear the story will remain frozen in time,” your voice whispered gently, tip-toeing through the air to reach his ears, “forever.” Finally, your eyes met his, locking in a silent pact of understanding. Something suddenly flickered in his gaze, a dreadful kind of realization that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“What if the fastest way to get out of here is to…” Beomgyu’s voice came out delicate and uneasy, fading into the sentence as he feared his own words. Swallowing thickly, he parted his lips again. “Die, the way Romeo and Juliet did.”

Your breath caught as the implication sank in.

Mouth agape and trembling, unable to say anything for a while.

“We have to die…” You repeated with disbelief, albeit agreeingly as you recalled the tragic ending of the star-crossed lovers.

Beomgyu nodded, his expression solemn. "It's the only way I can think of. Maybe... maybe that's what the dream wants. Closure. An ending."

Your heart plummeted into the pit of your stomach at the thought, but there was a deviant sense of inevitability settling over you. "But... what happens after? What if we can't wake up?"

The boy could only find it in himself to lift his shoulders in a sincere shrug.

“I can’t say,” He confessed thoughtfully. “It’s a scary thought, I understand if you don’t want to try this solution-”

“No,” In opposition to the doubt that had started seeping into his voice, you felt the determination swarm your chest as you suddenly rose to your feet.

“We’ll do it.” You interjected firmly. Beomgyu watched you wide-eyed, skin tingling as you gently took his hand in yours, pulling him up towards you. Having lost Beomgyu that faithful day, you were pretty sure that you’d already lost everything. You had nothing else at risk. It was all just a bittersweet dream after all. None of this was real.

He seemed to have lost his tongue, or perhaps he had lost himself in your gaze, his ears ringing with his very own heartbeat.

“Are you sure?” In his warm irises danced small flickers of concern and admiration. The underlying fear in his deep timbre comforted you. This was the most the two of you had ever talked in years. The lack of hostility felt unfamiliar, but a rare gift. You wished to never forget the soft expression on his features and the concern he was mustering towards you.

Perhaps, somewhere in his heart, he did still care for you.

“I’m sure,” your unwavering determination had the corner of his lips lift, a small, barely noticeable smile. A glimmer of hope twinkled in his eyes. In reality, your head was spinning and the fear was consuming you from the inside. But you wouldn’t back away. "If this is what it takes to break free from this endless cycle, then we have to try," you affirmed.

"Alright," he whispered, his fingers tightening around yours in a silent promise. "Together, then." You nodded, egging him to go on.

The air was thick with anticipation, the echoes of your impending fate whispering through the stillness.

Beomgyu's voice was steady as he spoke. "My dearest Juliet, if this be our destiny, then let us meet it with courage and love."

Your breath caught in your throat as you met his gaze, the depth of his brown eyes reflecting the same fear and determination swimming in yours. "My sweet Romeo, together in life and death, our love shall transcend even the boundaries of this dream." You breathed out.

The youth nodded with a sense of grief etching onto the strings of his heart. Bringing your trembling fingers to his wavering lips, he pressed them against your cool skin and closed his eyes. "Farewell, my love," he murmured against your hand.

A shudder left your mouth as you echoed his broken words, and Juliet’s tears welled up in your eyes.

“Farewell, my dearest,” You spoke barely above a whisper, a gentle hand reached for the apple of his cheek where the dampness of the summer heat lingered. Your thumb left tender strokes on the surface of his skin. Your feet slowly rose onto your toes, noses grazing and eyelashes tickling each other's cheeks. Brushing your lips against his for the last time.

A feather-light pressure on his pillows transcended into something deeper, more beautiful when he parted his lips slowly against yours. Agony and comfort were all you could taste. Your heart ached when you parted. Beomgyu’s eyes remained closed as a pained expression contorted his brows. "Together, my love," he reminded, perhaps to give himself more courage as he reached for the side of your hair, taking out the sharp jewelry that had been holding your locks up. Hair cascading softly onto your shoulders, you reached out for the dagger that had been hanging by his waist. Taking a deep, shaky breath, you nodded once more. Directing it towards your stomach.

Your breath got lost in your lungs as you pushed the dagger further, edges puncturing through your body. With your eyes squeezed shut, you dreaded for the pain to settle. The thick silence only offered the rhythm of your staggering breaths, until the noise of something cracking pierced through the air. Looking down hastily, you witnessed the surreal view of the dagger in your hands shattering into millions of glistening fragments. They faded into thin air. Your eyes hurried to meet Beomgyu’s, only to find him as shaken as you, with his hands void of any sharp object.

At that moment, the inexplicable occurrence bound you both in a shared bewilderment as you both realized something;

It wasn’t over yet.

Not like that.

You parted your lips to say something, but the words got stuck in your throat. What had just occurred? It was almost as if the story was stopping you from undergoing the painful death.

“Did…Did we do it the wrong way?” You wondered out loud, perplexed. “Is it because we didn’t drink poison like in the original script-” Beomgyu cut you off with a shake of his head, arms falling limply by his sides.

“No, I frankly don’t think that’s it. The premise was dying together and that’s what we tried,” The unreadable expression in his eyes told you that he too, was short of solutions and explanations. “But we can’t give up yet,” He declared softly, an ancient determination that you knew all too well flickered in his irises. “there has to be another way.” His stubborn nature reminded you of the past you shared, sending your heart into a frenzy. You recalled blaming him for years, for changing and leaving you behind, but as you stood before each other, you were met by a Beomgyu who continuously nurtured the nostalgia that had been swimming in your chest since the very moment he’d caught your hand in the dancing crowd.

Your gaze softened upon him.

Your heart echoed his sentiments, the flicker of hope igniting within you. "You're right," you replied, your voice steady despite the turmoil swirling inside. "We need to find a better ending, one where we both survive."

A better ending, one where you both would survive…

With a sudden gasp, you grasped his hands, catching him off guard. Beomgyu stumbled slightly, his eyes widening with surprise and curiosity at your sudden fervor.

"Of course!" you exclaimed with a new sense of excitement pulsing through your veins. "Why didn't I think of this before?" Your fingers tightened around his, the connection sparking a newfound determination within you. Disregarding his perplexity, you continued with a rush of energy taking the both of you by storm.

"Maybe the solution isn't to reenact the tragic ending," you presented, your voice gaining strength with each word. "Perhaps it's about forging a new path, creating a different outcome."

You allowed your words to linger shortly, seeking for his gaze, which still seemed hesitant. "Don’t you see, Beomgyu?" you persisted. "The story is telling us to rewrite Romeo and Juliet's fate, just like Mr. Kim's dumb assignment!" There was a hint of laughter in your tone, a flicker of amusement amidst the seriousness of the moment, as the realization slowly dawned on both of you. Beomgyu’s lips gradually fell apart at the revelation, every doubt suddenly falling back into place.

“Let’s split up for now, I’ll talk to Mercutio,” Beomgyu suggested to which you nodded fervently, already knowing what to do. “I’ll see you here at dawn.” You completed his sentence. And just like that, he was out of your field of view, the last image of him being his silhouette skillfully jumping over the balcony.

It was a silent agreement to find out more about the conflict between the two families, each to their own. Only then, could you find a true solution?

Sure, you knew that the Capulet and Montague families had an ancient feud that pulled the youths apart from each other. But…what exactly had happened?

Without wasting another second, you spun on the balls of your feet and hurried out of your room, for the first time in days, facing the hustle of the busy castle. “Mia,” You mumbled to yourself, “I need to find Mia…” The heels of your sandals clicked against the marble steps as you rushed your way through the endless corridors. Rounding a corner, you almost collided with a servant carrying a tray of food.

“I apologize, M’lady.” The servant quickly bowed their head low before scurrying away. You stood still for a moment, taken aback but quickly blinked away the slight shock and resumed your search. Your mind raced with thoughts of finding your best friend.

Weaving through the maze-like castle, you almost feared losing your way. You felt like you’d rounded the same corner at least ten times. But perhaps your determination did not deem itself unfruitful when you caught a glimpse of her bustling about in the servant’s quarters. Relief washed over you and you picked up your pace further, calling for her. “Mia- Nurse!”

The young lady whipped around with startle in her movements. Her eyes were wide with shock but upon seeing you, a familiar warmth shaped itself into her soft smile.

“Lady Juliet!” She exclaimed, “What brings you here?”

Coming to a halt in front of her, you breathlessly said; “I need to talk to you,” ignoring the confusion that swarmed her eyes at your unusual language, the rush in your veins was making you forget all about how Juliet was supposed to act. Nonetheless, the girl nodded understandingly and gave you her attention.

“Do speak your worries, m’lady. I am at your service.” You sighed with relief and took her hand, walking further inside her quarter, and closing the door behind you.

“Nurse…Why can’t I and Romeo be together?” You initiated, struggling to find the right words. The young woman watched you with perplexed eyes. “You know full well the reasons, m’lady.” Mia’s knowing gaze weighed upon you, you noted how her voice was soft and solemn as she spoke, as though not to hurt your fragile feelings.

You shook your head stubbornly. “No! I really do not!” As your voice raised ever so slightly, you noticed the slight panic contorting her features and you immediately calmed down.

“I just…I love him so much,” You felt breathless, as the words slipped past your lips, a strange rush of vulnerability crashed upon you. Mia’s eyes locked with yours but you found yourself relentlessly avoiding her gaze. The feelings falling from your lips were Juliet’s and hers alone. But then why did it feel like your heart had been laid bare for the whole world to see?

You gulped, “I understand the feud of our families, but I need to know what happened!” You urged, hoping that you would be able to find answers. “What could possibly have been the cause of such a lifelong resentment? Why do I have to pay the price of my love because of an ancient conflict that…” the words spilled past your quivering lips, it was almost like you had no control over what left your mouth. These overwhelming emotions were too big for your heart to bear. “That doesn’t involve me!?” You implored.

Mia’s gaze softened, shoulders sinking slightly as she gently took your cold hands into her warm ones. Her touch was so tangible that you almost forgot that all of this wasn’t anything other than a dream.

“Oh sweet Y/n, but it does involve you.” Your throat suddenly felt extremely, a shiver running down your spine. “W-what?” Your voice trembled when you met her unfazed eyes. Had she just called you by your name?

“The day that you have mourned for so long, it was you who left him,” Mia explained calmly, though the words became nothing but a swirling mess in your head. “What are you talking about?” You inquired, pulling your hands out of her grasp. Uneasiness settled within you at the direction that the conversation was taking.

“You and Beomgyu are now strangers because you turned your back on him, that day.” Her sentence pierced through your throbbing heart, a sense of injustice had you shaking your head furiously.

“How…How can you say that I left him when he was the one who denied knowing me in front of others?!” You cried out, throwing your hands in the air. “He was the one who ended our friendship at that very moment.”

You recalled the scene vividly. The pain of that day was ingrained so deeply within your memory, that sometimes the cuts it left still felt fresh. It had been just another exhausting day of classes but nonetheless, you had been eager to meet up with your best friend at your usual spot. But as you had rounded the corner your anticipation had quickly morphed into shock. With your breath caught in your throat, you witnessed Beomgyu surrounded by people unknown to you. Their expressions taunting and relentless as they held up a photograph in front of Beomgyu’s face. His patience was wearing thin and a scowl was etched permanently onto his face. Something about the scene unsettled you deeply but you had been rooted onto your spot, unable to move.

“Shut up,” Beomgyu had hissed, attempting to rip the photo from their grasp, only igniting laughter from the others when they easily pulled it higher up.

“Why so serious? Don’t you love her anyway? But her mommy hates you, how sad!” The taller male waved the photograph teasingly and laughed in his face.

“I don’t fucking love her!” His voice echoed bitterly in the lonely corridor. You still remembered the way his voice reverberated in your ears, each word a cruel stab to your heart. “We’re merely acquaintances so cut this crap and leave me alone.” Beomgyu’s voice was cold and merciless. You had felt a strong sense of betrayal wash over you, wondering why he was denying your friendship so vehemently. You were hurt and confused, the emotions ever so overwhelming and you struggled to comprehend what had happened.

You recalled his hands curled into tight fists, his chest heaving visibly up and down after he’d gotten them to leave. And then, the moment that would haunt you for years to come happened. He had turned to you, eyes filled with a raw emotion you couldn't decipher. Something had flickered in his gaze, perhaps regret, almost as if he’d woken up from a trance. But the wall that his words had put between you was insurmountable.

Although your name had come tumbling from his lips, begging you to let him explain, your back had already been turned, heart had already been broken into irreparable pieces.

You looked at Mia, your desperate eyes silently begging her to understand the turmoil inside of you. “I know it wasn’t easy being my friend, especially with my mother making it clear that she didn’t like him. I don’t know why she was so against him, but I never stopped defending him!” You paused to take a breath. “Not for one moment. I put him over my parents' rules and valued his friendship over my parents’ trust. I always sneaked out to see him although I was grounded for that very same reason…” Your words stumbled upon each other in your haste to defend yourself, “So how could you say that I was the one who left him?”

“Y/n,” Mia coaxed gently, eyes fluttering shut was a deep breath. “It mustn’t have been easy on your heart.” She affirmed, bowing her head slightly. “But believe my words, there is more to this tale than you are aware of.” She paused, letting you feel the gravity of her words although you struggled to make sense of it all.

“What do you mean?” Confusion clouded your thoughts, “What do I not know of? Did Beomgyu hide something from me?” Your mind spiraled, but your friend’s sudden grip on your shoulders brought your focus back on her. “Do not fret!” She scolded, her usually sweet eyes now stern as they pierced through yours. “This story goes beyond the two of thy…Your mother and Beomgyu’s father share a history.” Mia carefully unfolded the truth to you. Your arms fell limp to your sides, eyes wide open as the new information sank in.

“It is so. They used to court each other in their youthful days.” She confirmed your suspicions. “However, they belonged to different realities. Their love was forbidden much like the tale of Romeo and Juliet. Your mother had always been true to her traditions. Attempts to sort the disagreement between her and her family hadn’t given any fruits, they wouldn’t approve of a relationship with the young Mr. Choi.”

Your head was spinning.

Mia’s words painted a picture of a past you never knew, shedding light on the hidden truths that had shaped your relationship with Beomgyu since the very beginning. The two of you had only been children when you’d first met. Your cries resounded in the rain storm, a knee scraped open because of your clumsy feet. Beomgyu, one of the many by-passers had heard your wailing from far.

Not the sweet little bandaid he’d clumsily applied to your injury, not even the umbrella he’d handed you so that you would stop crying could have thawed your mother’s icy resolve. He had walked you home, only to be sent away coldly by your mother. Even so, your friendship continued flowering on the familiar grounds of your school. A part of you had always seen Beomgyu like the knight that helped the princess escape her tower of isolation. He was the sweet breeze under your shirt on a hot summer day. He was the sense of liberation and affection that shrouded you like a warm blanket when in his presence. You’d discovered parts of yourself whilst by his side, that would have forever remained uncovered if you’d listened to your parents' warnings.

“But-” Your voice faltered with disbelief, “Why would my mother put me through her same pain?” A part of you wanted to sympathize with your mother, but the longer you dwelled on it the more you felt yourself lose your mind. The endless fights, the uncountable times they’d punished you for refusing to cut ties with the friend that meant so much to you.

“You see,” Mia hummed, “That is where your mother’s resentment brews, although she points to Beomgyu’s bad influence on you, the truth is another. Beomgyu is a painful reminder of her past. His familiar face reminds her of the one man she truly loved and lost.” Her voice tinged with empathy, “She struggles to cope with her broken heart.” Every utterance was a tiny piece of the vast puzzle that was your life. Each little fragment finding its place but revealing only a frustratingly small detail. Mia's insight kept sinking in but you felt dizzy from the unstoppable rush of thoughts and questions. Your chest brimming with mixed emotions of anger, sadness, and empathy. Running a hand through your hair, you let out the heavy breath that you had been holding in this whole time.

Your mother’s unwavering disapproval, Beomgyu’s struggle to defend himself, and the rift that had formed between you and your childhood friend. Everything was still a mess in your head, but there was only one thing clear that you just couldn’t shake off.

Tears blurred your view as the strong sense of clarity washed over you, sending you over the edge.

Shaking eyes searching for Mia’s, nails digging into your palms. “What have I done?” You whispered brokenly, a hand coming to rest on your face as if to stop the intense swirling of your surroundings.

“I- he surely hates me for it, doesn’t he?” You told yourself, “There is no way I can restore our friendship.” no matter how much you tried to find a way, the damage you had done seemed unfathomable.

Mia’s eyes were solemn when she regarded you, her next phrase with a weight that you couldn’t quite comprehend. “I fear not,” She proved. An ancient sorrow tip toeing in her murmur. Although you had been the one to make the statement, having her confirm it left an unbearable pain tightening your chest.

“For the bonds of your hearts have transcended the mere boundaries of a friendship,” Mia whispered, your forehead creased into a frown.

"What do you mean?" you pleaded, searching her eyes for clarity, but the young woman merely shook her head. “You haven’t realized it yet, have you?”

“Realized what?”

“The words you spoke upon finding me, were no one’s but your own, dear, reflect on that.” Not Juliet’s, but yours. The additions lingered on Mia’s tongue, although she chose not to pronounce them. Your shaken expression weighted her heart.

“I don’t understand.” You let your head fall, the curtain of your hair covering the tears that were now blurring your view.

Your friend placed a tender caress on your cheek, crouching slightly so that you would meet her gaze. “Hey,” She soothed, “Do not despair, dear, there is still time.” her eyebrows raised encouragingly as her hold on your cheeks turned into a light pinch. your cheek, making you wince. “Now go forth, do not waste any more of thy precious time!” Mia exclaimed and stepped behind you, her hands on your back, guiding you onward with a gentle push, sending you off.

Stumbling forward, you couldn’t help but cast one last look back for guidance, only to have her fretting you away with not-so-subtle gestures.

The walk back to your chamber was like stepping into the unknown blindfolded. Your gaze was distant while allowing your feet to guide you back to familiar surroundings. Time was nothing but a blur, you wondered how much time you had spent in Mia’s quarter. The burning sun had bid its farewell to the sky a long time ago. Leaving you solely the moonlight to illuminate your solitary path through the now tranquil castle. The echoes from the daytime’s hustling activity were now replaced by a peaceful quietude. Even the servants had retired for the night.

A gentle timber called your name, and you feared your heart had stopped when you hastily looked up. Your pupils dilated at the view of Beomgyu’s figure walking towards you. A worried expression rested upon his features.

“What took you so long?” He spoke in hushed tones not to wake anyone up, “I was waiting for you but you never came. I thought something happened to you.”

His concern ignited a tender warmth within you, a flood of emotions brimming in your heart as it picked up its pace in your chest. Racing far ahead of you, drumming against your ribs begging to be set free from its hostage.

"I... I lost track of time," you managed to say through your trembling lips. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

His expression of worry melted away with the step he took, gently dismissing your apology with a shake of his head. "I'm just relieved you're okay," he confessed, watching you from underneath his lashes. The silver glow of the moon cast a delicate shade down his cheek, while you marveled at the shimmering specks of amber swirling in his eyes.

A moment of silence followed, unspoken words weighing down on your chest.

Beomgyu’s words lingered in the air like a whispered promise, perhaps one made a long time ago. A glimmer of two youths intertwining their pinkies in a silent vow, sealing the bond with a kiss of their thumbs flickered before your eyes. But just like a sweet dream slipping away at the crack of dawn- it vanished before you could fully grasp it.

With your gaze falling to the ground, you struggled to move your voice past your lips. There was so much you wanted to say.

“Beomgyu I…” You began hesitantly, forcing yourself to meet his gentle ocean eyes despite the dry lump forming in your throat. He kept quiet, silently letting you take your time to express yourself. The knowing look painted on his features told you that he’d understand no matter how much you struggled to explain yourself.

“I am so sorry-” Your voice wavered as a tear traced its way down your cheek. “It’s all my fault.” remorse, a sad melody that had etched itself into your words as tears continued spilling from your eyes, salty and melting into your lips as you continued.

“I don’t understand why– how I could have walked away like I did, without letting you explain yourself, that day.” Your voice a mere whisper, knuckles whitening under the pressure of your trembling fist. “I should have let you tell me the truth but I let my hurt and anger cloud me…” A trembling shiver left your mouth. “Why did I do that?”

“I threw away our friendship, I threw away the most important thing I had, I messed up so bad, I-” Before you could continue, Beomgyu’s hand had reached out. Soft fingertips caressing your skin, catching your precious tears.

“I’m sorry too,” he said softly, his fingers absentmindedly curling around a few strands of your hair. "I should have tried to reach out to you again after that. But I too, let my pride and stubbornness get in the way." his touch was gentle as he slowly guided the stray hairs in his hold behind your ear.

“Do you…” Your hesitation lingered in the air as the question you were afraid to ask danced on your tongue. The fear in your chest fogged your mind. Although this whole journey could have served as an answer, your heart couldn’t find its peace unless he pronounced the words himself.

“Do you hate me for what I did?”

Beomgyu found himself melting before you, fingers slowly coming to cradle your jaw. His eyes searched yours for a moment before speaking, but your gaze shied away from his. He couldn’t help but admire the way your tears were like small crystals twinkling upon your lashes.

"Hate you?" His voice brimmed with disbelief. "No, Y/n, never." he tilted your head ever so slightly so that you could meet his gaze, so that you wouldn’t need to doubt him again. He extended a thumb, brushing away another tear that threatened to fall. "Despite what I've told myself over and over again, for years,” A solemn smile curled his lips.

“I don’t think I ever convinced myself when I tried to believe I hated you.” Beomgyu took a small step closer, lacing one arm around your shoulders. It was like you forgot how to breathe when he guided you into his chest, tucking your head into the crook of his neck. Your hands rested upon his chest out of surprise, feeling his thumping heart against your palms and almost confusing his quick heartbeat with your own.

There was something different about the way his arms tightened around you, you sensed fear in his embrace, as if you were to disappear at any moment. As if he was afraid to wake up in the middle of this moment. The sensation of his long hair tickling your skin when he nuzzled his head into your shoulder, the familiar scent of his cologne, and the warmth of his body engulfing you. His regretful murmur when he uttered the sole words that you needed to heal your heart.

“No one could make me hate you.”

You wished for nothing else than for this to be real.

A sob escaped your lips and you threw your arms around his neck. Beomgyu’s gentle fingertips traced a sweet path down your back, hands finding your waist. Eyes fluttering close and all you could think about was how it felt like his arms were made to embrace you.

You had finally placed the last puzzle piece into its spot, you had found the missing pages of your book.

You had fallen back into place.

“I missed you so much,” you whispered, ignoring the way your words muffled against his chest. Despite feeling as close as ever, Beomgyu’s embrace tightened even more, “I missed you too,” his eyes fell shut to the comfort of your hold.

Nuzzling your face deeper into his chest, the cold air of the castle slowly dissipated, replaced by a warmth that felt oddly familiar against your eyelids– a sensation akin to the gentle embrace of sunlight. Inhaling deeply, you noted the woody and papery scent that danced its way into your senses, wrinkling your nose in response.

You jerked away from Beomgyu with a sharp gasp, startling both him and yourself. The moonlight that had been adorning his soft features was long gone. Hence the beautiful corridor you’d been standing in was by now only a mirage of your dream as you noticed the book-filled shelves surrounding you in the remote corner of the library, illuminated by the soft glow of late sunlight filtering through dusty windows.

Beomgyu’s expression brimmed with confusion as his eyes darted around, searching for you after realizing that you were back in the university’s library. Shocked, the boy felt his arms go limp, and a loud noise reverberated against the ground. Your attention immediately bolted to the book that had slipped out of Beomgyu’s grasp, landing open on the pavement. The illustration of two ancient lovers dancing in the crowd glittered in the sun.

You wasted no time picking the book up, the adrenaline rush had your fingers trembling as you flipped over a few pages, mouth falling agape at the sight of the star-crossed lovers. Their once blank faces were now vivid with your very own features adorning them.

“Oh my God-” You breathed incredulously, flipping page after page. Beomgyu could only stand there, watching you as he tried to reason with what he had just experienced. His trance was short-lived, interrupted by you suddenly slamming the book shut. The beetroot color that had crept upon your cheeks piqued his interest.

“What did you see?” Beomgyu inquired with his brow raised inquisitively. But your response came too quickly for his liking.

“NOTHING!” You pressed a bit too defensively, earning a few distant hushes from other visitors. His suspicions were raised upon your secretive behavior “Let me see-” he tried to grab the book but you swung your arm out of his reach. He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, a displeased pout sporting his lips. You were to be damned for letting your guard down at that moment because the next thing you knew Beomgyu had snatched the book from you. You yelped helplessly and tried to get it back but the long-haired boy was far taller than you.

The sensation of cold sweat coated your body at the thought of Beomgyu finding the pages revealing a portrayal of you and he locked in a tender kiss. A new-found heat rose to your cheeks as your heart went berserk. But the view of him delicately opening the ancient novel to inspect what had made you react in such a way awoke a sense of panic that had you blurting out a sentence you had no idea how to stand for.

“No need to search, I can just show you myself.” The casual tone in your voice baffled you to no end, because your heart was in your throat, threatening to jump out.

Thankfully, the boy looked away from the book, not yet having found the pages you had been trying to conceal. You could spot the astonishment in his expression caused by the illustrations in the book, and you didn’t blame him, why were your faces painted on those of the lovers’?

Despite all, his eyes still showed you his interest. “And what exactly are you going to show me?” he raised a brow. Beomgyu’s casual cockiness only fueled a sudden boldness within you. "Let me see," his persistence rang in your ears and before you even knew what you were doing, you had grabbed the collar of his shirt. Pulling him close with a determination you hadn't known you possessed– shutting your eyes tightly, you crashed your lips on top of his. The boy stumbled forward, eyes wide at your sudden action, though his lips had acted on their own as they had responded to yours right away. His soft pillows eagerly nipped on yours for a mere moment before you parted from him, releasing his now wrinkled shirt from your hold.

“That’s what I saw in the book.” You averted your gaze down to your feet, pressing your lips into a thin line.

A shy pink dusted his cheeks, gaze fastened on you, he could not bring himself to look away. His chest rose with the ragged breaths puffing out of his swollen lips.

“You kiss by the book,” he gasped incredulously, a cheerful laugh bubbling in his throat. Your head whipped in his direction, tummy fluttering at the familiar words he’d used. You watched him throw his head back in delight as his body shook with laughter, finding yourself getting completely absorbed into the joy that sprouted from him, you couldn’t stop the chuckles that escaped your lips.

You couldn't help but admire his smile, the way it lit up his entire face, the way his pretty eyes crinkled into twinkling half-moons. It had been so long since you had seen that smile directed towards you, and it made you feel complete.

You had no idea what kind of magic had danced on Mr. Kim’s fingertips when he slid that assignment paper on your desk, with yours and Beomgyu’s names written next to each other in red ink. But it was almost like he’d taken the red threads of your fates and tied them back together after that the two of you had let it come undone.

Now Beomgyu knew, you knew– that dreams were like magic. They appeared, tickled, and sparked a twinkle in your hearts, only to disappear just as quickly as it had appeared.

You had lost each other for so long, but you had finally found each other again under the same dream, under the same stars that had brought the two youths together through a love that transcended every boundary.

Perhaps your fates had been written by the very same hands.

Perhaps you were them.

You took his hand in yours, feeling its warmth like the sunset glow, painting you in its vivid colors.

"I dreamt a dream today," Beomgyu murmured as he threaded his fingers through yours.

"And so did I." You met his gaze knowingly.

“Well, what was yours?” A sweet smile started to curl his lips.

“That dreamers speak their heart’s truth.”

a/n: ooh my god I finally did it! here it is and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as possible!! I had so much fun writing this and I hope it was just as fun reading! this is probably one of my most dramatic pieces and I had to stop myself while writing and question where all the drama was coming from but duh!! It's literally Romeo and Juliet hello??.

anyway!! I would appreciate your thoughts on it a lot <33 I'm really curious to know how this idea I've had brewing in my head for years came out and is perceived by all of you! do not be shy and pls share your thoughts with me <333

Important disclaimer!

I do not own the story or characters of Romeo and Juliet, full credit to Shakespeare who invented them.

I also used some of the dialogue from the actual script in modern English which I will be linking in this text!

so! if you made it all the way down here, I just want to thank you for sticking with me and for taking the time to read this piece! It means a lot to me. You're amazing<33

much love, p.

taglist: @wave2tyun @binluvsu @shutupheathersorryheatherr @20crowsinahoodie @woncheecks @ur-mother-realnotclickbait @20-cms @endeav0rsb1tch @todosmash @scatterbraincutie @zzhyuu @sweetstraberrybear @deabird @iluvkyo @lunathewritingcat @vivienne2000 @sunny4cast @lun4kazumii @be0mgyusbestie @yjdni @roseyposeylemonsquozey @beomgyuspeach @glossykai

#oh my god this is so beautiful #this was so good #so well written #i love it i love it i love it #fav’sbeom

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gyummigon · 1 month

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#oh my fucking god

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gyummigon · 1 month

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gyummigon · 2 months

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☆ moonlight | beomgyu

beomgyu x fem!reader

୨୧ word count: 2k ୨୧ genre: very very fluff, friends to ? ୨୧ n/a: writing this brought me back to life. maybe i rambled too much, but just letting the words flow made me feel warm and i hope it shows. on the other hand, english isn’t my first language, so i ask for your understanding for possible grammatical errors and such.

Thank you for the music by ABBA was playing on the radio in your father's old, beat-up truck. You were lying in the back of the car with Beomgyu beside you, enjoying the view of the night sky and the cold winter breeze that painted colorful puffs on his cheeks. A tattered blanket, that you had grabbed before leaving home in a hurry, lay under their bodies, which were close enough to give you goosebumps.

The engine of the car made your body vibrate. You sank into your thoughts for a few minutes, admiring Beomgyu's beauty as he stood with his gaze lost in the firmament. The moon cast a soft silvery light on his eyes, evoking a feeling of tenderness and serenity in them.

You were aware that the serenity that radiated from him on this particular night could only be found in similar circumstances, at specific times, in specific places, and with the necessary level of intimacy. Then his mouth would pause slightly, no longer showing his teeth in those flashy smiles that were typical of him, his lips would relax to the rhythm of his mind and a calm line would take its place, leaving his playful and joyful side until the moment he felt ready to awaken it again.

Beomgyu's boisterous personality used to be a constant presence and you were more than accustomed to it, but when it disappeared, you couldn't help but wonder what lay beneath the surface. Who was he when he was alone, with no one to smile at or joke with? Who was he when he was lost in his thoughts, completely vulnerable to his thoughts and his surroundings?

As you stared at him, you felt as if you were sinking into a pool of endless calm and compassion, unable to be anyone without the answers to these questions. This made you feel exposed, as if you had little of yourself and the breeze kissed the innermost part of your mind, taking away everything coherent and leaving only that which involved the boy next to you; your longing to share with him the purest, the most intimate, wanting to belong to each other and to find through touch the most delicate parts of his soul.

You shook your head slightly, trying to dispel the thoughts that were beginning to overwhelm you. It didn't feel right to have this kind of longing for him that went beyond friendship, but your feelings had grown to a point where you couldn't do anything to stop them.

Beomgyu broke the silence with a soft, warm laugh, his voice echoing in your ears and making you shiver. "What are you thinking about?" he asked and his hand brushed over yours in a gentle gesture. Your heart pounded at his touch as you fought to keep your composure.

"I was thinking... about how profoundly calm you become at times," you replied, trying to sound casual. Beomgyu nodded, but his gaze remained fixed on you, as if he could see through your words. "You haven't said much," you muttered and looked up, unable to bear the closeness of his face.

A silence stretched between the two of you for a few seconds, causing you to look at him with furrowed brows. Beomgyu's lips curved into a relaxed smile when you met his eyes again. Now, from the side, you could see the wind ruffling his beautiful face, making the strands of his messy hair dance and expose more of his smooth skin, tempting you to reach out and stroke it.

He looks spectacular, you thought.

"Do you mind if I snuggle with you?" Beomgyu suddenly said, moving closer to you and wrapping his arms around you.

You felt overwhelmed by his presence, by his warmth burning in and out of you; but you said nothing, just gave him a forced smile. Beomgyu didn't seem to notice your discomfort, or maybe he did, but decided not to make a big deal out of it. Instead, he made himself comfortable and invited you to do the same.

"Look at the stars," he said, pointing to the sky. "They are so beautiful."

"They are," you replied, leaning back against his chest and feeling his heart beat against your cheek. You both lay in silence, enjoying each other's warmth and the soft sound of the background music mixed with the sound of the car's engine. From time to time, Beomgyu would move slightly, shifting his position or adjusting the blanket to better cover you. Every time he did that, your heart skipped a beat.

"I'm pretty as well, right? " you heard him ask with a smile.

For some unknown reason, his question made you blush and you looked away, trying to focus on the sky. Too drunk on your own emotions, too unaware of what you were showing to keep this situation casual.

"So annoying," you said lowly, referring to your own reaction and not wanting Beomgyu to hear it, which was illogical considering the short distance between your bodies.

"There, there, don't be mad. Smile," he said as he brought one of his fingers to your cheek and stretched it upwards. "Smile."

The touch of his hand on your skin was warm and soft. You froze for a moment, feeling fragile and disoriented under his touch. It had always been like this, a constant game in which you were the cold one and Beomgyu was the warm one. It was not difficult for him to destroy you bit by bit, he was clueless and naive and had no idea what he was doing with such simple actions. However, sometimes you had the feeling that he knew more than he was showing and did not hesitate to take advantage of it.

You fought not to flinch and smiled a forced smile, not avoiding the bitterness in the gesture. Beomgyu didn't ignore it, he jerked his hand away and gave it a shake.

"Agh, how horrible. Better not do it again," he joked.

"You know, you're cute, but too unbearable," you murmured the last sentence between your teeth, almost whispering. Although he understood you, Beomgyu moved his face closer to yours, as if he wanted to hear you better, and batted his eyelashes.

"Is that a compliment?" He raised his eyebrows as the smile on his face became more pronounced. Before you could answer, he added, "Oww, you're pretty too."

You almost laughed at his nerve to speak in a sly voice when his ears were flushed. You didn't want to get your hopes up. You knew that Beomgyu was a kind and caring boy for everyone, not just for you. Maybe it was just that you were reading too much into his gestures and his words. Maybe you were the one who was in love.

You remained silent for a few seconds, and when you finally found the courage, you stepped back a little and looked at him. "So, how did your date with that girl turn out?"

Beomgyu looked at you for a few seconds, a little surprised by the sudden topic. You didn't want to ruin the moment, and you certainly didn't want to involve your feelings in the confidentiality that his friendship granted you, but you couldn't ignore the question that hovered in your head any longer.

"Um... a bit boring," he answered thoughtfully, "I don't think we're very compatible or whatever".

"I see," you said, feeling a small relief at his words. "Well, I'm sure you'll find someone you can connect with or whatever."

Beomgyu smiled but said nothing more. Silence spread between the two of you again, but this time it felt different, less natural. You felt exposed to his gaze, but you couldn't look away. It was as if he was reading your thoughts, as if he knew everything in your mind: his name throbbing in every nook and cranny.

To say that you were fascinated by his existence would be an understatement. You found in Beomgyu what you sometimes found in art, in the sublime, in the possibility of a new world; what you could only find in one of your alternate mental realities, which, not free of anguish, were exquisite in their own way.

For you saw it, and you were then a foolish romantic, admiring with your intoxicated eyes the features of your beloved, revealing the magical and the beautiful as a piece of heaven made of flesh. And there was no better time than the night, when the moonlight revealed the true beauty of his soul and alluded to the most intimate secrets that lay hidden.

In your trance, then embarrassing but no less inspiring and dreamy, you heard Beomgyu call your name and it was as if every deep part of you was called from the outside and he took possession of it. You looked at him and lost yourself for a second in the small smile on his face.

"When I look at you... do I look like a fool too?"

"No, you always look like a fool," you replied, hiding your embarrassment behind a wry smile and feeling your heart pounding in your chest.

Beomgyu frowned at your words but didn't seem to be bothered. Instead, he moved a little closer, took your hand in his and looked into your eyes. "I feel the same way," he mused in his soft, warm voice.

You didn't have time to think about the meaning of those words because the mood was interrupted when the song on the radio changed to Champagne Supernova by Oasis. Beomgyu's deep, leisurely voice following the lyrics of the song reached your ears and crept up to a place in your chest. You were instantly hit by a feeling of immense bliss, so intense and superior to all others that you thought you would never experience such a sensation again. After a life of remorse and regret, you finally found a sense of belonging in that harmonious voice. And for that brief moment, for those minutes of glory that the song lasted, you belonged to the world, to Beomgyu, to heaven, and to everything that witnessed that great act of love and longing.

After a while, the van stopped and your father leaned out of the window to let you know that you had reached your destination. With a sigh, Beomgyu got up and helped you out of the car. As you walked together towards the lake, you couldn't help but look at him sideways and fill your head with the cheesiest thoughts you probably ever had for a guy.

"Maybe you should watch the road instead of me?" he asked in a mocking tone when he saw you almost tripping over your own feet.

"Shut up," you snorted a little embarrassed as you rolled your eyes. "Just... you have something suspicious on your face."

When he heard you, Beomgyu's eyes went wide. "What? Take it off."

"Let's see..." Beomgyu paused and looked at you with uneasy eyes as you approached him. You looked at his face for a moment before hitting his forehead with your index finger and walking away. "I can't, it's stupid..." you said with a tone of false resignation that made him laugh and kick you gently.

Before you could go any further, he grabbed your arm and gave you a teasing smile. "Want to see who gets to the lake first?" he proposed, pointing to the path that stretched out before you. "Last one there has to dip their feet in the cold water."

"You're still like children..." you heard your father say a few meters away, causing the two of you to separate for a moment. You looked at Beomgyu, whose cheeks were slightly flushed, and you did not hesitate to make fun of him.

"Sir, your daughter is bothering me," he said before starting to run.

"Hey, that's cheating!"

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gyummigon · 2 months

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miedos nocturnos | beomgyu

beomgyu x lector

୨୧ palabras: 984 ୨୧ género: romance, un poco de angustia ୨୧ resumen: prácticamente una conversación con beomgyu sentados en columpios a las dos de la mañana. ajá, no sé cómo resumir esto.

english ver

—¿Cuál es el punto de esto?

El escenario nocturno que los rodeaba no era tan romántico como hubieras esperado de una salida insensata a las dos de la mañana, la coherencia de tus pensamientos era cada vez más consumida por tu necesidad de dormir, te sentías mareada tras balancearte en el columpio por quién sabe cuánto tiempo y, para bien o para mal, Beomgyu estaba en una de esas facetas taciturnas en la que te trasmitía la serenidad y seguridad de poder cerrar los ojos y no desear abrirlos.

Tu voz soñolienta interrumpió los suaves tarareos provenientes de la garganta de Beomgyu. El chico inclinó la cabeza para mirarte y estiró las comisuras de su labios en una sonrisa.

—Dijiste que me necesitabas —explicó con voz apaciguada, como si fuera el razonamiento más lógico y resolviera hasta el ultimo espacio en blanco de tu pregunta. Dejaste escapar un suspiro que terminó convirtiéndose en una risa. En el fondo tampoco era una sorpresa, este era Beomgyu, con su comportamiento espontáneo y generalmente inexplicable.

—Beomgyu, sí, digo cosas así todo el tiempo, lo sabes. ¿Era tan necesario encontrarnos a esta hora de la noche? Tienes que levantarte temprano mañana.

Beomgyu hizo un mohín con sus labios y se encogió de hombros. Su cuerpo era ridículamente grande a comparación del columpio, por lo que solo tuvo que inclinarse un poco para abrazar su piernas.

—Buscar tiempo para dormir no es complicado —susurró.

—¿Y qué sí lo es? ¿Permitirme dormir temprano?”

No se molestó en responder a eso. En cambio, él suspiro con cariño y, tras otro largo silencio, dijo:

—Solo me faltabas tú esta noche.

Mordiste el interior de tu boca al escucharlo, pero no pudiste reprimir la risa nerviosa que escapó de tu boca.

—Beomgyu, eres un tonto —dijiste y golpeaste sin mucha fuerza su hombro. La sonrisa de Beomgyu se agrandó al escucharte y, antes de que alejaras tu mano, la tomó tu mano entre sus dedos y deslizó la calidez de las yemas de sus dedos por tu piel.

—Ya lo sé. —Estiró su mano y tomó la soga de tu columpio para jalara hacia él, por un momento pensaste que te besaría, pero se limitó a contemplar tus ojos de cerca—. Sé que en ningún momento quisiste estar en el columpio a estas horas —dijo, y su voz no podía sonar más sincera—, sólo… estaba un poco asustado y quería un poco de tu protección.

Inclinaste la cabeza hacia la suya y cerraste los ojos cuando el soplo de su aliento golpeó tus labios. En ese momento no quisiste nada más, solo tenerlo cerca.

—¿Asustado de qué?

—Asustado de mí, de ti, de ser tuyo, de no serlo —confesó en un pequeño susurro—. Es demasiado para procesar, todos estos cambios… Estamos creciendo y eso me aterra. Tú, los chicos, incluso mis padres, todos a mi alrededor parecen adaptarse; fácil o no, pero lo logran. Siento que yo sigo en el mismo lugar, a la deriva, nada me complace, nada me hace sentir completo. Me aterra que llegue el momento en el que mi insatisfacción nos separe, que yo me quede atrás mientras tú avanzas e inevitablemente tengamos que decir adiós.

Te tomaste unos segundos para digerir sus palabras, sin evitar sentirte conmovida ante su sinceridad y la ternura de su voz. Nunca consideraste que aquellos sentimientos fueran albergados por Beomgyu, a pesar de ser consiente de su sensibilidad y su apego por las pequeñas cosas, hasta entonces fuiste ignorante de aquellas inquietudes.

—Beomgyu... —fue lo único que pudiste decir, no estabas preparado para esa conversación, mucho menos a esas horas de la noche y en las circunstancias en la que se encontraban: estúpidamente sentados sobre dos columpios que apenas sostenía el peso de sus cuerpos—. Estoy aquí, no me iré a ningún lado sin ti.

Levantando un brazo y rodeando su cuello con él, lo atrajiste a ti y dejaste que su cabeza descansara sobre su hombro.

—Así que vine a ti esta noche. —Sus manos viajaron a tu espalda para abrazarte, tan suave como sus palabras—, porque puedo aguantar todo el día sin dormir, pero no puedo soportar la idea de estar lejos de ti.

—Cariño…

—Estoy hablando demasiado, lo sé —rió torpemente—. Pero eres tan perfecta y yo tan desordenado. Quiero ser bueno para ti, quiero verte caminar con orgullo a mi lado. No quiero decepcionarte.

Suspiraste y tomaste su mentón para hacer que sus ojos te miraran. Ante la cercanía de su rostro y el tuyo, de sus labios y tus labios, no quisiste hacer nada mas que besarlo. Él pareció pensar lo mismo.

—¿Podrías escúchame un segundo?

—¿Podrías besarme?

Reíste y sacudiste la cabeza.

—Escúchame antes.

Beomgyu, sin soltar la soga del columpio, presionó un poco su cabeza contra tu hombro y se estiró para poder besarte en el cuello.

—Te escucho —murmuró y acomodó un poco más contra ti, su mano se posó en tu abdomen, justo en el borde de tu sudadera.

—Deja de distraerme, intento decir algo inteligente, ¿bien? —te quejaste, aunque no pudiste sonar lo suficientemente seria—. Quiero… quisiera hallar la forma más útil para convencerte de que estoy contigo, cada paso que tú das es un paso que yo doy, y si tú retrocedes, yo lo hago contigo. No hay manera de que crecer nos separe porque, si te soy sincera, el paso del tiempo solo me hace estar más segura de que eres el hombre del cual yo quiero caminar a su lado.

Un silencio se extendió entre los dos por unos segundos, hasta que Beomgyu lo interrumpió con un beso, el contacto de sus labios contra los suyos fue breve y te soltó casi al instante, vacilante, como si dudara en hablar o seguirte besando. Su cara se puso seria, pero en el fondo de sus ojos se percibía una sonrisa.

—Joder, cállate o terminaré proponiéndote matrimonio aquí mismo.

#beomgyu x reader #beomgyu #beomgyu imagines #txt x reader #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu fluff #txt fanfic #beomgyu fic #tomorrow x together #choi beomgyu #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu español #txt spanish #beomgyu x lector #beomgyu x reader español #fanfic español #kpop español #Beomgyu spanish

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gyummigon · 3 months

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A Beautiful Memory; Beomgyu

Genre: medieval au, forbidden love, angst, fluff

Word count: 5.8K

Warnings: mentions of a house fire, blood, bruises, death, kisses

Synopsis: in which you are the future queen of the country but happen to fall in love with the stable boy of the palace.

Playlist: Present-Lloyd Vaan, Stay-Ghostly Kisses, Where Do Lovers Go?-Ghostly Kisses, Daylight-David Kushner, butterfly-Heylu, Clay-Ghostly kisses

Long time no see but the longest hiatus I’ve ever had is finally over! I have multiple wips that are almost done and I’ve also rediscovered my love for writing which means no more long hiatuses hopefully :’) I am so excited to share this fic with you guys. I’ve worked hard on it so I hope you will like it as much as I do. Don’t forget to grab some tissues <3

With slow steps, you entered the stables. The air was dry in the wooden building and it smelled like a mix of hay and livestock, but nevertheless the atmosphere was comforting. As usual.

Your hand trailed over the stalls and you kept your gaze on the horses, fighting to not let your eyes wander off to your finger. Your ring finger that felt like it weighted a ton since yesterday.

And still, your heart felt heavier. So heavy, that it took all the energy in your body to make your way to your favorite horse, Night.

"Hey, baby," you cooed, softly patting the back of the black horse. "Can you believe Beomgyu does not want me to ride today? He must think I'm some weakling," you added hoarsely. Saying his name seemed to add another unbearable weight onto your finger.

"I don't think you are a weakling, love, but I don't want your injury to worsen."

The deep, familiar voice behind you made your heartbeat instantly speed up.

Oh, his voice. His warm, comforting voice.

Without noticing, you bit your lower lip to stop a pained smile from growing on your lips.

"It's just a minor injury, Beomgyu, nothing big enough to keep me and Night apart," you forced yourself to reply.

The noise of the doors of the stable falling shut made you look up from Night, but you didn't turn around. You didn't need to because you already knew why he closed them, you already knew what was coming.

The clicking of Beomgyu's boots coming in contact with the floor neared and you closed your eyes the moment you felt his muscular arms sneak around your waist and pull you into his chest.

"Does it still hurt?" he mumbled in your ear before pressing his lips onto the skin just below your ear lobe in a soft kiss.

"No," you replied earnestly, "not anymore.”

You wondered if he knew you were not just talking about your injury from when you fell off the new horse last week. You wondered if he knew nothing hurt anymore the moment you were in his arms, the moment his lips would become one with your own.

Beomgyu replied by tightening his grip on your body, and you craned your neck to face him. His lips were only a few inches from yours and his warm breath fanning your mouth made your insides do summersaults. Your eyes flickered from his plush, rosy lips to his dark eyes and you found them already looking into yours.

"You look beautiful," he whispered as if scared someone would hear him in the empty stable. You knew he was not, but if he really was afraid, his fear wouldn't be misplaced.

Figuratively, the two of you were never alone. Your love was never alone. Threats surrounded it every moment of its existence, like the prying eyes of a lion watching an innocent deer.

Your love was simply not allowed to exist.

Beomgyu leaned in with hooded eyes and you knew when his warm lips touched yours, your love was not allowed to exist. You knew your love wasn't allowed to exist when you slowly turned in his arms and placed your hands on his abdomen before letting them make their way up to his neck and then into his hair. You knew your love wasn't allowed to exist when he pulled away slightly to repeat: "You're so beautiful."

You were so aware it wasn't allowed to exist.

And still, you leaned in again. Again and again and again, capturing his lips with your own, your cheeks red and your heartbeat rapid. Because loving Beomgyu was more than you had ever dreamed of. It was easy, exciting, and comforting. No other feeling compared to being in love with Choi Beomgyu, the stable boy of the palace.

You slowly pulled away and watched the way Beomgyu licked his lips with his eyes still shut, the eyelashes that just tickled your cheeks with every movement his lips made now hovering over the pale skin of his cheekbones.

"You say that every time you see me, Moon Boy," you smiled shyly when his eyes opened and made contact with yours.

"Because you're the prettiest thing I know," he replied as if it was the most logical response to your question.

"What about the moon?" You quipped, your cheeks starting to hurt from the way you were fighting back the smile on your face.

No one loved the moon as much as Beomgyu did, hence the nickname you gave him a while ago.

Beomgyu let out a breathy chuckle. "The moon is a close second. But honestly, she doesn't stand a chance next to you. She doesn't shine half as bright as your smile does when you look at me, love," he murmured and softly nipped at your lower lip before leaving another peck in the corner of your mouth.

With your cheeks now on fire, you felt yourself almost weaken in his hold.

The impact this man had on you.

"Gyu..." you whispered shyly and tightened your grip on his shoulders.

"What is it, love?" he replied, a facade of innocence coloring his perfectly sculpted face before a teasing smile broke through

"Beomgyu!" You repeated embarrassedly before placing your hands on your cheeks to cool them off, suddenly grateful your hands were always cold.

Beomgyu positioned his hands over yours, cupping your face and pecking the tip of your nose. "I love it when you get shy— I love it when I am the reason you get shy."

You closed your eyes and chuckled. "You really know how to fluster me, Choi."

He let out a heartfelt laugh and stepped back before flipping his hair jokingly and giving you a prideful smile. "Look at that, people, the simple stable boy of the palace made the future queen of the country flustered, isn't that just mad?" He uttered as if addressing an entire crowd before turning back to look into your sparkling eyes, and he bit his lower lip, "I think I made it."

You giggled before raising your chin and painting the familiar 'princess face' onto your features.

The face - the facade - you only put on whenever you had to be that part of you, when you had to be the princess of the palace, the future queen of the country.

"I certainly believe you won the lottery, my good sir Choi Beomgyu," you responded, the royalty of your being suddenly evident in the tone of your voice, and Beomgyu bowed for you with a large smile on his face.

"I believe so too, my queen," he replied, and your cheeks heated up.

You indeed were his queen, well, his future queen. You were the future queen of everyone in this country. But when Beomgyu said my queen, you knew the pronoun had a different weight. You knew you were his, more than you were anyone's.

You placed a hand under Beomgy's chin, raising him from his bow. His mouth was shut but his eyes, locked with yours, were saying everything.

"I love you, Beomgyu," you murmured, the words coming straight from your heart. Sometimes it felt like your entire heart was beating just for the boy in front of you.

The boy who was once just the stable boy to you.

Loving him was so familiar to you that sometimes you forgot just how forbidden it was. How shameful and revolting the idea would be to others.

And although you never wanted to let the thought sit in your head for longer than a second, the fear someone would ever find out what was happening inside the stables still clawed at your mind, at your heart. You didn't want Beomgyu to see it, but you knew he was aware of your fear.

But still, even though he did worry for your name and reputation in the palace sometimes, he never, not once, feared for his own life. He never doubted his actions. He would never stop loving you even if that would mean a safer life for him. You were his life. He made that clear to you after you tried to push him away and end what was between you multiple times in fear for his life.

You had tried so hard, were so harsh and degrading to him. All to make him stay away from you, to give him a safe, peaceful life.

But Beomgyu never had anything to lose. He didn't have any family to take care of after he lost them in a fire seven years ago.

He had never cared about anything or anyone after their death.

Until he met you. You had given him a new reason to keep on wanting to live, you were his lifeline.

Beomgyu cupped your face with one hand and stroked your cheek with his fingers, the skin slightly calloused due to his hard work in the stables.

"My princess..." he whispered, his warm breath fanning your lips.

Princess.

Like a sudden burst of thunder, the recollection of why you came to the stables appeared in your mind. A quick wave of nausea rushed through your body and you froze.

Beomgyu and his dreamy eyes had immediately distracted you the second he entered the place, but the harsh, cold reality was now hauling you out of your warm, utopian dreams with full force.

Beomgyu was just going to reconnect his parted lips with your own when he noticed the way the light in your eyes faded, the way your shoulders tensed up and your chin raised.

"Is... is everything, okay, princess?"

Princess.

A princess who would soon have to marry a prince.

A real prince. Not one who had a royal and golden heart.

No, a prince with royal blood.

"Yn?"

Beomgyu's soft voice slowly turned stern and serious as he brushed some strands of hair out of your face with his slender fingers.

"Beomgyu, we need to talk."

Your voice suddenly sounded so distant in your ears and Beomgyu swallowed, the carefree expression slowly falling off his face. As if he knew.

You took a step back, and Beomgyu's eyes flickered up and down, examining the space between you two with a furrow in his thick, dark eyebrows.

You took a deep breath and mentally and physically prepared yourself. Prepared to tell him the feared truth that had been haunting every part of your mind and heart since yesterday.

"Beomgyu, I..."

Your voice died down in your throat.

Because you saw the confused expression on Beomgyu's face fall.

Every emotion that was in his face just a few seconds ago disappeared, and slowly, his shoulders slumped.

And that was when you realized where his eyes were fixated on.

The weight on your finger.

The engagement ring.

The outer ends of Beomgyu's eyebrows drooped and he cocked his head to the side.

"Since when?" His voice was strained and suddenly so unfamiliar to you.

"Yesterday," you replied quietly and tried to control the anxiety rushing through your body.

Beomgyu swallowed and took a step back before running a hand through his hair.

"God, wow, I-" he swallowed again and your entire body ached to hold him, to let him know there would never be another man for you.

"Beomgyu, I want us to run away-"

"Congratulations."

You could almost taste the bitterness in his voice as he interrupted you and returned his stare to you.

"What?"

You took a step in his direction but he instantly stepped back. He might as well punched you in the gut—it probably would have hurt less.

Tears filled your eyes. "Beomgyu, didn't you hear what I said? We need to run away."

Beomgyu shook his head.

"Congratulations, Yn... on your engagement," he murmured, completely disregarding your words as if still in disbelief.

You saw the small shake in his hand as he brought it to his mouth, the back of it against his lips as if wiping away the touch of yours.

Your vision became blurry due to the salty tears pooling in your eyes.

"I know you think running away is a bad idea, but-"

"You should leave," he said, his voice almost monotone.

You snapped.

"Listen to me! If we were to leave tonight, we could make it to the forest by the morning. Beomgyu, we can run away."

Finally, you seemed to grasp his attention. But sadly you did not receive the response you were waiting for.

"And then where to?" He exclaimed, the emotion returning to his voice. An emotion easily to be described as hopelessness.

"Yn, we both know this is impossible. They will find us. They will kill me immediately and take you back to the palace. It will destroy your reputation, the possibility of becoming a queen-"

"I don't want to be a queen!" You cried out. "I don't want to be a queen and I don't want to marry that man. I haven't even properly talked to him ever! I can't marry anyone who is not you… I- I can't do it."

"You have to." His voice was suddenly small, fragile.

Shaking your head hastily, tears fell from your cheeks. "No, I want to stay here with you," you managed to choke out through the tears. "I want you to hold me-"

"I can't do that. Not anymore.”

Though his voice was unsteady, his words hit you with full force and your jaw almost dropped.

"What are you saying?" You breathed, your mind not able to wrap around his words.

"Yn, you-" his lower lip trembled, "you are another man's fiancé now. You... you belong to someone else."

Disbelief dripped off your features. This could not be happening.

"Beomgyu, you know I do not feel anything for him."

"Stop," Beomgyu muttered, his eyes averting from you again.

You shook your head hastily and walked up to the boy. "No! You know I do not love this man-"

"Yn, stop," he repeated, taking small steps back as if trying to hide from the horrible truth.

"The only man I love and will ever love is you!" You exclaimed, your voice now borderline hysterical as tears fell from your eyes.

"Stop it," Beomgyu barked just as you were going to touch him, and you staggered back, shock overtaking your features.

Never had Beomgyu raised his voice at you before. Never had his voice dripped such venom.

And never had he refused your touch.

The seconds you and Beomgyu stared at each other in silence felt like years. His eyes were ablaze and his chest heaved up and down with heavy, angry breaths.

Stop crying.

You straightened your back and raised your chin.

Stop crying, Yn.

You didn't bother wiping your eyes, but you did paint a void expression on your face.

Stop crying and become the princess you are. The princess you're supposed to be.

"Very well." Your voice was incredibly calm all of a sudden. "Then I will go."

"But you..." you raised your hand to point your index finger at him as you held his stare, "... you are a coward, Beomgyu. One I never knew you were."

With that, you exited the stables. And you decided you would not look over your shoulder to give him a last glance.

Sunlight pressed against your eyelids, awakening you from your short sleep.

After dismissing your servant last night, you cried for hours until the exhaustion from your heavy heart pulled you into a slumber full of nightmares.

You sat up on your bed, and the recollection of yesterday's events washed over you.

This wasn't how it could end. You couldn't allow the beautiful love you had with Beomgyu to end this way.

If it was up to you, you weren't planning on ending it at all.

But Beomgyu... Beomgyu had pushed you away. He yelled at you. He ordered you to leave.

Tears pooled in your swollen eyes once again.

You were angry with him. So incredibly angry he let go of you that easily, yelled at you like you meant nothing at all to him.

The Beomgyu you loved would never let things escalate like this, he would never want to hurt you.

Not unless he had a reason so good it was worth the pain that hurting you caused him.

A reason.

Your lips parted and your eyebrows furrowed together. Realization clicked in your mind like a match being lit.

And suddenly everything was clear as day.

You pushed yourself off your bed, your heartbeat speeding up. With quick but shaky hands you dressed yourself, not bothering to wait for your servant. There was no time to lose.

Having to act like nothing was wrong when walking through the large halls of the castle was a bigger struggle than you expected it to be.

There was no one who was able to control her emotions the way you could, on both the inside and the outside. Speaking in front of thousands and thousands of civilians? Nothing. Being scolded by your father, the king? Not a thing.

But when it came to Beomgyu... The moment something involved him, you became completely and utterly undone.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you made your way outside and the moment the chilly air kissed your skin, you finally dared to pick up your pace.

How had you not realized this yesterday? How had you not noticed Beomgyu was trying to make things easier? Easier for you.

Losing someone you were angry with was easier than someone you loved. That was what Beomgyu had once told you many months ago when you were laying in his arms in the hay of the stables. He truly believed in that. And so he was trying to make you hate him now. Beomgyu believed it would make marrying the prince easier for you.

The thought had you almost stumbling over a patch of loose grass.

You could not bear the thought of Beomgyu thinking you hated him. Never in a million lifetimes could you hate Choi Beomgyu. And if you were to lose him, if he were to lose you, you wanted him to know you still loved him with every inch of your being.

Beomgyu wasn't allowed to think you loved him any less, or would ever love him any less.

Every thought entering your mind was scarier and more anxious than the one before and you didn't even notice you had been running until you threw open the doors of the stables.

Silence met your panting figure and your eyes flickered from left to right.

"Choi Beomgyu?"

Your anxious heart picked up its pace some more and you stepped inside.

"Beomgyu?"

Swallowing, you straightened your back. "Choi Beomgyu? I demand you to show your face!"

A rustle sounded from somewhere deeper in the stables and your eyes brightened when footsteps neared.

"Oh, Beomgyu, I need to-"

Your voice died down in your throat when sunlight hit the face of the person and you realized the man nearing was not Beomgyu. He was wearing similar clothes and was about the same height, but that was where the resemblance stopped with your lover.

The face of the boy morphed into one showcasing utter shock when he noticed whose presence he was in and he immediately dropped to one knee, lowering his face. "Oh, Your Majesty, my deepest apologies, I did not realize it was you."

His words did not get to you. A foggy wall of thoughts surrounded your entire mind.

"Who are you?" Your voice sounded far away.

"I-I am the new stable boy of the palace, Your Majesty. I started this morning," the boy rambled with his head still hung low.

A frown pulled your eyebrows down and you took a shaky step back.

It was your fingers that started trembling first, then your hands, and eventually your entire body followed with every step you took until your back hit the wall of the stables.

"I..." A ragged breath fell from your lips before you turned around and your feet seemed to start moving out of their own, back to the palace.

A feeling heavier, scarier, and darker than the worst anxiety you had ever felt penetrated your veins as you ran over the field.

Your servant, Rina, caught your panting figure when you entered the hall, and a worried expression painted her face. "Your Majesty?"

"Where is my father?” You almost barked, not being able to calm down even to your servant whom you were close with.

"What-"

"The king, where is he? Where is my father?" You repeated, now looking Rina in the eyes.

"He is in his office. Yn, what is wrong?" She whispered the last part, so no one else would hear her informal way of addressing you.

"Later," you breathed before making your way to the office of the king of the country.

You were aware you were acting unhinged, and you knew you were supposed to knock and ask for permission before entering any room your father was in, but your care for those formalities was nowhere to be found now.

The doors flew open when you burst through them, but surprisingly, it did not startle your father in the slightest bit.

As if he was expecting you.

"Why did you get the palace a new stable boy? Why replace our old one?" Your breathing was heavy.

"Yn," your father greeted you without looking up from the papers he was skimming through.

"Father, please answer my question."

"You asked two questions."

"Father!"

The six-foot-five man pushed himself off the chair and placed his hands on the desk, finally looking up at you.

"Yn, take a seat."

The stern look in his eyes held you from fighting back, and you sat down opposite of him. Folding your hands over each other, you tried to hide the shaking.

The king held eye contact with you and examined your every feature before slowly shaking his head.

"Oh, Yn, I was so convinced you were an intelligent young woman. So much knowledge about all sorts of things... and then you..." he sighed in disappointment.

“My daughter, did you really believe no one would find out?"

Freezing cold air wrapped itself around your body and squeezed until breathing became the hardest thing to do. You had to grip the edge of the table to not lose your balance.

Pretend, Yn. Pretend you don't know what he is talking about.

You couldn't. You were a canvas of emotions, out in the open, for anyone to see.

"Where is he?" you managed to whisper, your lips and mouth suddenly so dry that even talking became a struggle.

Your father stared at you with a stern expression on his face for what felt like an eternity, examining your every emotion until his eyebrows drew together. As if he found things he wasn't expecting to find in your eyes.

His own eyes softened.

"Oh, Yn... how could you have let it come this far."

"Father, answer me. Is he-"

The king nodded.

"He is in The Hold. The execution will be tomorrow morning."

No.

The words extracted all of the air left in your lungs and a hand flew to your mouth as bile rose in your throat.

No.

Shaking your head you pushed yourself up, the chair tumbling over and hitting the marble floor with a loud thud.

"A lie..." you breathed in disbelief. "You are lying."

With wide eyes you stepped back, feeling more nauseous with every second passing.

Please, no.

"Yn, you know the rules. A guard found out, and so if I do not take action, I will be breaking palace rules. I am the King-"

"I don't care that you're a king!" You squawked, startling even your father.

Your heavy breathing and shaking hands made the king frown in worry.

"You could be the ruler of the entire world and still...." You shook your head once more, "and still, father, I promise, all I will ever see in you is a monster if you proceed with this." The venom in your breaking voice made the king clench his jaw and look away.

"Yn, you know I can't change anything about this. You know it.”

You did.

You knew it.

"Take me to the hold."

Your father looked up at you and watched the tears you hadn't even noticed yourself roll over your cheeks.

"I do not want you to see him. Not... like this." His last words were almost too quiet for you to hear. Almost.

Your stomach churned and your knees turned into jelly, making you stumble on your legs.

"Take me to him. Now."

A long silence fell over the office and your father seemed to consider all his options before finally letting out a sigh.

"Guards. Take the princes to the hold."

With shaky legs, you descended the endless stairs of stone. The clicking of your heels coming in contact with the cold steps sounded like a ticking clock. And maybe that was what all of this was. A ticking time bomb, waiting to explode. Waiting for you to lose him forever.

Nothing felt real. A part of you was convinced that you were still sleeping, that this was a nightmare.

The droplets of water gliding down the stony walls and hitting the ground was the only thing you could hear the minutes you walked down the stairs. It was the only thing you could focus on to not completely lose your mind there and then.

There was no space or time for you to fall apart now. You had to see Beomgyu. You had to speak to him.

After what felt like an eternity, you reached the last step of the stairs and entered the place you had always hated the most in the palace. The Hold.

The guards were about to guide you to the prison cell Beomgyu was in when you halted your steps.

"Let me go alone."

Your voice was stern and cold, and the sentries knew not to disagree. So they nodded and took a step back.

The seconds of walking to the cell at the end of the Hold felt like walking through quicksand, and with every moment passing, fear grew inside of you.

You weren't ready to see him, not in the state he was going to be in.

But what you felt did not matter, because this was Beomgyu. The man you loved most. You needed to see him.

And so you finally took the last step.

Your body froze in place when your eyes fell on the boy, sitting in the corner of the cramped prison cell, knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped around them.

The blood in your veins seemed to solidify and your nostrils flared, tears immediately pooling your eyes.

Ever since the moment you were born, you never had an easy life.

At the age of seven you had to say goodbye to your grandma who had been your best friend since birth. Then, at the age of fifteen, you had lost the person dearest to you, your mother. And through all of this, you had to continue learning how to rule the country in the future, how to be the queen your people needed one day.

There was no option for you but to follow the orders you had been given your entire life, no space for you to decide what you wanted or didn’t want.

Your life was so decided for you, that you never felt any control over any action or decision you had to make—over anything that happened to you.

And so one day, at the age of eighteen, you decided you would take full power over the one thing no other human being was able to take control of: your feelings.

Thus after your mother’s death, you decided nothing and no one would ever be able to break you that bad anymore. You were determined to never let yourself love so much again—never let yourself become so vulnerable again.

You had been so convinced you would succeed in fullfilling those expectations of yourself.

But now, looking at your wounded lover in the dark vault of the palace, you realized that no experience, no determination, no nothing could’ve prepared you for the absolute agony you felt in this exact moment.

This was worse than the most horrifying nightmare you had ever seen. A million times worse.

Never had Beomgyu looked this small—this fragile and broken.

Though you couldn't see his face, his arms were visible due to the ripped long-sleeve shirt. Dark blue bruises and bloody wounds covered the pale skin, making your hands tremble.

With shaky steps, you neared the cell and it was only when you were in front of the cold bars, that Beomgyu noticed there was a new presence in the Hold.

And some selfish part of you wished he had never heard you. Because what came into your view when he looked up made your jaw drop and breathing hitch in your throat. You lost any strength left in your body and fell to your knees, not even feeling the hit on your skin as it came in contact with the hard floor.

"Yn?"

Immediate sobs fell from your mouth at the sound of his hoarse voice.

"God, Beomgyu," you croaked, not being able to believe what the guards had done to him.

Dried blood stuck to the corner of his lips and under his nose, a still open cut grazed his cheekbone and eyebrow. His left eye was almost completely closed due to the blue swelling.

"What have they done? What... What have I done?" You asked, more to yourself than to the boy in front of you.

"Yn, calm down," Beomgyu whispered as he dragged himself across the ground toward the bars where you were leaning against.

His soft voice only made your sobs grow louder, and your head started to pound so badly that you wondered if you were going to pass out here and now.

"My love, please don't cry." With steady hands, he grabbed yours through the bars and folded them over his lap. "It's alright."

Shaking your head hastily, you started repeating the word no like it was a mantra before inhaling sharply. "It's everything but alright. Nothing about this is alright. This cannot be happening, this has to be a nightmare."

Beomgyu looked at you with tears in his eyes and realized none of the bruises on his body or face hurt as much as his heart seeing you in this state. You were hysterical—losing it, almost.

"My love, my sweet girl, please steady your breathing, please," Beomgyu uttered, searching for your eyes. When he noticed he could not get to you, he let go of your hands and grabbed your face, forcing you to look at him.

Your eyes widened and your sobbing halted for a second, giving Beomgyu just enough time to bring you back to earth with his familiar dark eyes.

"My beautiful princess. Breathe in and out with me, alright? Can you do that for me?" He asked with an encouraging smile, and you pressed your lips together to hold back another cry before nodding.

The black-haired boy took a deep breath and raised his eyebrows at you—a sign for you to follow him.

Mirroring Beomgyu, you inhaled and exhaled deeply.

After a minute, the feeling you were about to have a heart attack started to die down, and you regained the ability to think and talk.

In silence, you stared at your lover and another tear rolled down your cheek. Beomgyu leaned forward and took your chin in his hand before bringing you closer to the bars—close enough to be able to kiss the tear away.

You closed your eyes at the feeling of his slightly chapped lips on your skin, savoring every second of it.

"I'm so sorry," you finally managed to whisper.

"What for, my love?" Beomgyu asked, shaking his head slowly as he took your hands in his own once more.

"For..." you shrugged, staring at the bruises on his arms and fighting the urge to start bawling again. "For everything they've done to you. For causing-"

"Stop." This was the sternest Beomgyu had sounded the entire time you were in the Hold, and it made you return your stare to his eyes.

"But this is my-"

"Yn, if you finish your sentence, I will not forgive you for saying that," he stated, not breaking eye contact.

"Never in your entire life will you have to apologize for allowing me to love you, for blessing me with the chance to feel your love," he shook his head, his eyes softening at the remembrance of your love, "I got to experience - feel - it all. Do you think I believed I would get it for free?" The question left an honest smile on his lips but brought the corners of yours down.

"And if death is the price I'm paying, then I can consider myself a lucky man," he finished, rubbing circles - or hearts - on the back of your hands.

The outer ends of your eyebrows drooped. "I don't understand... what could there be worse than death?"

The smile on Beomgyu's face grew and even reached his eyes. "Having to live without you."

You shut your eyes and let your head drop, not being able to look at him anymore as your shoulders started shaking. And in that moment you believed you would never stop crying again in your entire life.

Shuffling noises behind you indicated your time was almost over, and Beomgyu's eyes flickered to the guards behind you before returning to your small frame.

"I love you, my moon. My beautiful, bright, and wonderful moon," Beomgyu uttered, and if a voice could feel like a warm hug, it would be his voice, right there and then.

He brought your hands to his lips and pressed ten, twenty kisses on your knuckles.

"Gyu," you cried softly but Beomgyu only left more kisses on your hands and then on the inside of your wrists.

"Yn, look at me, please."

Slowly, you raised your head and looked at Beomgyu with bloodshot eyes, letting him know you were listening. Your eyelashes were stuck together and your dress was soaked due to the flood of tears, but you were listening.

"Promise me one thing."

"Anything," you rasped.

Beomgyu swallowed and fought to not let his eyebrows droop.

"You will move on."

Shaking your head, you exhaled. "But Beom-"

"No, Yn, you have to promise me. You have to promise me you will not blame yourself, promise me you will remember me with a happy and calm heart, promise me you will never feel guilty." He tightened his grip on your hands. He was begging.

"Yn, promise me you will move on."

Silence engulfed the Hold as your eyes took his face in, and with all your might you tried to paint him on a canvas in your mind, leaving out all the deformations the guards had caused on him. In the past years you had never dared to paint the boy due to the fear someone would find the painting.

But now he was facing the same fate he would've had if someone were to find the painting, and so in that moment, staring at Beomgyu in his prison cell, you regretted it. You regretted never painting him. You regretted it so much that you had no other option but to give Beomgyu the answer he deserved—the answer he needed.

"I promise."

Once the words left your mouth, Beomgyu exhaled and tears started falling from his eyes. But his eyes were not sad.

No, he was crying tears of relief, of happiness.

And so you continued. "I promise I will move on. I promise I will become happy again and I promise I will never forget you. I will remember you as a beautiful part of my existence. I will not remember you by your death."

Your death.

The words seemed to belong to someone else.

It could not be you saying these words, not to Beomgyu.

And still, it was you. And the words were addressed to Choi Beomgyu.

"Thank you so much, my princess," Beomgyu smiled, bringing your hands to his mouth once more to leave a long kiss. "Thank you for everything. I love you so much.”

"Beomgyu, I-"

"Princess, our apologies, but it is time to go. The king has ordered us to come and get you."

Your heart leaped and bile rose to your throat at the voice of the guard.

"No," you quietly breathed before repeating the word, this time louder.

"Princess-"

Your head cocked to the side to give the sentries a deadly glare. "No!" You barked.

But an order was an order. And so the sentries started walking up to you, causing you to hysterically grip the bars.

"Beomgyu!" you cried, pressing your face against the steel to be as close to him as possible for the last time.

Tears rolled down Beomgyu's bruised cheeks but with a calm hand, he softly stroked your wet cheek. "I love you," he whispered again. "I love you forever."

The guards gently placed their hands under your arms and the moment they started lifting you, you started screaming.

You were completely hysteric.

Because you knew.

This was the last time you would ever see your person.

Beomgyu pushed himself off the ground and took a step back, not being able to say anything anymore.

His sad eyes were on you as you kicked and yelled, trying with all your might to yank your body away from the guards and back to Beomgyu.

From that moment on everything seemed to become a blur. A dark, quiet, and foggy blur.

You remembered screaming your lover's name. And you remembered his eyes looking into yours, his hands gripping the bars, tears wetting his lips.

And you remembered the way your head was starting to become too heavy to hold up.

But just a couple of seconds before your body gave up on you and everything turned black in front of your eyes, you realized there was one thing you couldn't remember.

You could not remember telling Beomgyu you loved him back for the last time.

#I love and will love this #no nobody understands me #no no no #I read this in the middle of an epidemiology class bro #hahahaha I am going to cry #Beomgyu #fav’sbeom

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gyummigon · 3 months

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☆ dear moon | o.de [oh seungmin]

o.de x fem!reader

୨୧ word count: 1.8k ୨୧ genre: fluff, friends to lovers ୨୧ summary: your relationship with seungmin has progressed beyond friendship, and after a while you finally find yourselves in a situation where you have to make a decision: do you want to remain friends or become a couple?

You glanced sideways to your left as you felt the touch of Seungmin's hand in yours, it was a subtle and careful touch, his fingers playing absentmindedly with yours for a few seconds, gradually getting tangled between the skin of your hands. You found it amusing the way he tried to disguise his intentions, but you were quietly grateful that his sweet act made this evening walk something more intimate and affectionate.

It had been weeks since you and Seungmin had started behaving in a way that began to blur the lines of your friendship. It started with constant long talks where you could never get enough of each other, then a little more physical contact than usual, acts of service, subtle flirting, and finally interactions where the attraction and tension was more than obvious. But even though you found yourself thinking and feeling differently about him as your relationship progressed, and even though you were both aware that more than one of your actions was not the way friends should treat each other, you had not talked about it and brought it to a point where it had become natural for both of you.

Your feet and Seungmin's slid slowly across the street. Now with your hands intertwined and your bodies closer together, you looked up at the night sky and searched the stars for the moon. You found it peeking out from behind the clouds, a little smaller than the last time you saw it. You let out a sigh and realized how good it was to be there, with him.

"I don't want to go home," you admitted, looking at him with a small smile.

Seungmin tilted his head to look at you more closely, his cheeks and nose were a little flushed from the cold and the pale moonlight reflected off the glass of his glasses. These details made him look more beautiful, even if the tiredness showed on his skin and in his eyes.

"But I had to beg you to get out of bed," he laughed, squeezing your hand. "How are those cramps of yours?"

You looked away in embarrassment and shrugged your shoulders. Your cheeks flushed as you remembered how Seungmin had found you in your room an hour ago, writhing on the bed in agony from the symptoms of your period. He was very alarmed to see you, but after understanding the situation, he suggested that you go for a walk and clear your head.

"I feel better now," you said quietly. Somehow the abdominal tension had eased from the walk, and Seungmin was more than enough to distract you from paying attention to the rest of the pain.

"So... What are we going to do?" said Seungmin. His eyes glowed a little brighter as he turned to look at you, and seeing that the moonlight was illuminating your entire face, he could see the moles on your forehead.

"I don't know..."

As they walked on, he nodded silently and said nothing for quite a while. It was a cold and dark night, the street barely lit by the headlights of the street lamps that seemed to flicker in the midnight sky. The area was deserted and the air was very peaceful, with only a light wind blowing between the two of them.

It was just you and Seungmin in the heart of the silent city, with the lights of the buildings around you reflecting the clarity of the moon on your bodies.

When you looked at him again, you saw that he was smiling. His features looked thinner and softer at the same time, the gentleness of his smile was on his lips, on his mouth, on his face; he seemed to have been taken out of your dreams.

"I want to kiss you."

You stopped dead in your tracks. Your heart was beating so hard your chest was shaking as your breath froze in the cold night air. The two of you stared into each other's eyes, waiting...waiting for a move, a word, an affirmation of what you were feeling. Everything was frozen for what seemed like an eternity. As you watched him pull you closer and lean against you, you felt a sudden fear. The words he had just said formed on your lips, but before you could say them, you let your nerves take over.

"How about a hot drink?" you asked in a low whisper, looking around to avoid his face.

Seungmin laughed, let go of your hand and slipped his arm over your shoulders to pull you closer to him. On this winter night, where the softness of your clothes was not enough to protect you from the cold, the warmth of his body made you feel as if you were immersed in a tub of hot water. You felt the warmth of his skin transfer to yours, and the icy wind that whipped through the street no longer bothered you.

Noticing his silence, you immediately added, "Or... maybe we'd better go home. The night is getting colder, I don't think it's a good idea to stay out here much longer."

"But you said you didn't want to go home," Seungmin said with his head tilted to the side.

"Yeah, you're right. I don't know what... I don't understand... Why are we doing this?"

Seungmin stared at you, the blink of his eyes reflecting the light from the nearest streetlamp. "I know what I'm doing," he said, "but you still don't seem to realize it, do you?"

You looked away even more, confused by everything that was going on and not knowing what to say, but before you could, it was Seungmin who spoke again. "This is... this is beyond any friendship I've ever had in my life. Is this something we want to admit once and for all, or should we just leave it at that and not talk about it anymore?"

I'd like to kiss you too, you thought. You looked around for a moment until your eyes landed on his body, just inches away from you. He was so close that you could smell his skin, his scent permeating the air and spreading everywhere. You could see the shine on his lips. You could hear his breathing. You could touch him with your fingers. You could kiss him with your lips.

It was so simple. It was just one decision, one move, one second of daring.

"Yeah, I think... yeah. I'm not sure if we should continue like this or..." You blushed an unusual amount and although you tried to hide your nervousness, it was quite obvious that you were affected by everything that was going on. Seungmin was obviously in the same boat as you, hoping that the other person would be brave enough to say or do something.

"It is not about ruining or changing what we already have. It's about making it better, getting to the next level in our relationship, taking what we already do and making it better. I wonder, why don't we try naming it and see what happens?" he said with a slight smile on his lips. His voice was soft and calm, even though his heart seemed to be beating just as hard as yours. "But if you're not sure, we can always stop. We don't have to agree now, you know?"

You nodded, a little dizzy and confused by the situation. He seemed to understand your lack of words and just smiled tenderly at you before taking your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours once more.

"I can't hide it anymore," he confessed, and he didn't have to tell you what he was trying to hide, because you felt it too. "You know, don't you?"

"I'm sorry," you said after a few seconds of silence. "I want to be honest with you...but I don't know how to approach what I'm feeling."

Seungmin nodded and looked at you with the kindest expression possible. He seemed to understand you, and there was no hint of impatience or pressure in his tone. "That's fine," he said. "But how about I give you a kiss and then maybe we'll clear your head?" he asked, avoiding your face and looking around with great interest.

You raised an eyebrow and looked at him, unable to suppress a chuckle. "Hey, you better admit that you're doing this because kissing is the only thing that's off-limits to us."

Seungmin reddened more and more as he laughed, and finally he turned to you. "I'm not going to admit anything," he said smiling and leaned in closer. "But if you want to try a kiss... I won't stop you."

"So, are you ready?"

Seungmin's mind started to overheat. He had never been so close to you before. Your body felt so hot and soft that he felt his own body burning with an inner fire. It was an absorbing sensation, so he moved slowly towards you, carefully, squeezing your hand and whispering:

"Do you want to kiss me?"

Your lips parted slightly. You couldn't help but sigh at the embarrassing situation. "Yes."

Seungmin waited a moment longer, giving you some time to process what was going on. Then he leaned a little closer to you, gently, until his lips brushed against yours. At first it was hard to be sure if he was kissing you, but then you felt a longer, softer contact against your mouth.

"Oh, you feel that?" he said with a slight smile.

"Oh yes, we seem to have crossed the line." You whispered before returning to his lips.

The kiss was different this time, wetter and less light. Seungmin stiffened in the middle of the kiss, his body tensing as he felt your hands, which now roamed over his shoulders and moved to his neck and collarbones, delicately caressing his skin. It was a captivating and provocative sensation, as if you were a butterfly caressing the softest flower.

"Oh, my God," he whispered when you pulled away slightly and rested your forehead on his.

"Now I really want to go home."

Seungmin laughed and nodded. "Let's go before someone sees us and charges us for the romantic scene."

The two laughed as they walked through the now deserted streets, illuminated by the street lamps and windows of the houses around them. Suddenly, a gust of cold wind made them stop and adjust their coats. Seungmin hugged you, and the closeness of his body made you feel even warmer than before.

"What now?"

"Exactly, what now?" you repeated with a smile.

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gyummigon · 4 months

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watch him burn, let him die | part I

werewolf!beomgyu x hunter!reader

synopsis: in a world where werewolves and humans coexist in a fragile peace, Beomgyu, a werewolf, is drawn to you, a hunter of supernatural creatures. ୨୧ word account: 2.3k ୨୧ genre: fantasy, romance, strangers to lovers, angust, soulmate. ୨୧ warnings: suggestive thoughts, violence, weapons, threat of death. ୨୧ note: i'll probably open a taglist, if you're interested, leave me a question or comment and I'll add you.

"The way you flirt is embarrassing," you spat from inside your motorcycle helmet, the tinted visor and lack of light making it impossible to see any trace of your identity other than the petite silhouette of your body and the dangerous barrel of your gun.

Beomgyu suppressed a grimace, he had been told the same thing... how many? once? twice? three times? Now he knew that his mother was right when she told him that being so flirtatious would lead to his downfall.

Under normal circumstances, he would speak his mind (not to defend himself, but to reinforce the sabotaging behavior and express his absolute approval and pleasure in badmouthing himself), but with a gun pointed at his head, he could hardly give his voice enough stability to say anything coherent. Oh... his dear mother must be turning in her grave with laughter; even he felt like laughing at himself, but he suppressed any hint of a smile that might further endanger his life and looked at you with a kind of quiet desperation. He was an unlucky guy, no doubt. Rough girls always brought out the worst in him.

"Not so talkative now, are you?" There was no mockery or sarcasm in your voice, and Beomgyu almost wet his pants when you brought the gun close enough to feel the cold of the stainless steel against his skin.

"Why so much abuse, sweetheart?" he muttered, trying to look away with a pout on his lips. "If you didn't want to come here with me, you should have just said no. You're humiliating me and making me uncomfortable for nothing. Maybe if..."

Intending to take away his chance to keep talking, you elbowed him in the ribs and Beomgyu immediately shut up, forcing his lungs to catch their breath. "Ouch... Bitch, that... hurt."

"What am I supposed to do when you talk out of turn?"

Beomgyu closed his eyes and shrugged with his most dying expression. In the dark solitude of the parking lot and the palpable tension, your figure remained unperturbed, sheltered behind the motorcycle helmet and the deadly weapon you held. He had seen you hold a gun many times, but that night was the first time you threatened his life with one. God, how he wanted you.

The encounter had not been a coincidence. It wasn't the first night he'd followed the trail of your motorcycle and the addictive sweetness of your scent. Hell, it was becoming a crazy habit. Something about you appealed to him, which was why he had dared to approach you a few minutes ago, when you had made that stop for fuel at three in the morning, alone and unprepared. The two of you alone, face to face, he would have sworn that you made other parts of his body besides his heart beat with intensity. But when he invited you to join him in a more private place, and you dragged him into a dark alley, it was not exactly the outcome he had been expecting.

"What?" Your voice broke the sudden silence and made Beomgyu sigh.

"Nothing, your razor-sharp gun intimidates me," he smiled weakly. "Could you at least uncover your face and lower the gun to my neck? With the gun at my neck and your beautiful face in my face, I can tell if you're smiling at me or if you're about to shoot."

"Are you making fun of me?" you asked, and with a mixture of fear and sincerity, Beomgyu tried to explain, "Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that you make me nervous."

"I am not here for you to make me laugh at you. Your pack is not around to save your weak hide, I have no problem shooting you" you declared. You had a tough temper, he didn't doubt you or the certainty with which your fingers curled around the grip of your pistol.

"Why did you leave your territory?"

That was the question Beomgyu had been waiting for. A novice hunter might not have even realized that he didn't naturally belong in that place, with the humans, but you weren't just any hunter, you were experienced; despite being mortal, you had an innate knowledge of the supernatural world and survival instincts that, used in an appropriate manner, reached levels similar to those of a non-human creature. He had seen some of that, your body in action, the power of your weapons and the control you had over them... But he had also seen your other side, in the periodic visits the hunters made to his village, always watching you from behind a tree as you negotiated and secured peace treaties with his pack. He saw a woman of character, reasonable and firm, a leader.

"Those were orders."

"From whom?"

"Soobin. With rumors of a clan of vampires running amok on the outskirts of town... we must be on our guard."

He heard you let out a strange laugh, but instead of laughing with you, he did his best to keep a serious expression on his face. The pain of your blow to his ribs was still fresh in his mind, and the fact that your laugh sounded so sexy didn't help.

"He sends you alone, into hunter territory? As if you could do anything if a vampire got in your way," you scoffed, a little incredulous at the situation. "God, I shouldn't even be surprised. Stupid werewolves. Tell Soobin if he ever sends one of his dogs to stick its nose in my stuff again, I'll..."

A roll of his eyes interrupted you, "Sure, I'll be glad to pass on your kind words to him. Can you..." he hesitated for a second. "Can you put your gun away now?"

You fluttered your eyelashes and looked at him wordlessly, as if you were debating whether to put a hole in his skull or just let him go. Beomgyu still couldn't see your face, but he could perfectly imagine you thinking under the helmet, with your full lips between your teeth and that hard stare that almost made his legs tremble. The image itself was enough to disorient him, barely making him aware of the choice you had made. You took two firm steps back and he, expectant and nervous, almost knelt down and kissed your boots when you finally lowered your pistol and lifted your helmet visor to reveal your eyes.

With a dramatic expression, he placed a hand on his chest and leaned back against the wall to keep his balance and catch his breath. "Wow..."

"Usually guys like gun games."

"I don't know, when I was little I just played spin the top."

He caught your eyes glancing sideways at him as you tucked your gun into your belt holster. A silly grin spread across his face at your blank expression and, to his satisfaction, lack of contempt, but it faded the moment you turned your back and began to walk away from him. "I don't want to see you here again."

Beomgyu separated his back from the wall with a jump and licked his lips in anticipation. "About the vampires..."

"Go home."

"There are hatchlings at home," Beomgyu took quick steps to catch up with you and stepped in your way to meet your gaze. "It's the end of the year, so many lycanthropes that have reached sufficient maturity have left the territory and probably won't return if they manage to mate. Most of our other lycans are still puppies and our alpha female is pregnant, so we are in a very vulnerable and dangerous position, even if we are talking about a single vampire."

Your look remained impatient and bored.

"What about your Alpha, is he as weak as you?"

A spark of embarrassment flashed in Beomgyu's eyes, but it didn't last long. "No, smartass, Soobin is skilled and influential, he's very intelligent, patient and... Well, those are the qualities that made him a leader, but..."

"But he got where he is by fighting battles he didn't win. He hides behind a wall of ass-kissing wolves." You crossed your arms with a smug expression. "He's a weakling."

If you hadn't looked so pretty in the light of the street lamps, with that ridiculously large helmet on your petite body and the outline of your breasts marked by the pressure of your arms underneath them, Beomgyu was sure he wouldn't have bothered to sound kind.

"Honey, a good Alpha is not the brute who has the physical strength to kill or win a fight," a snort came from your mouth at the nickname, making him smile, "but the one who has the ability to listen and earn the loyalty and respect of the pack."

"If your Alpha is so capable, what are you worried about?"

Beomgyu hesitated for a moment before answering. "No wolf, especially an Alpha, will hesitate to give priority to his litter."

"And you want...?"

I want to live, he thought, unable to get the words out of the back of his mind. Even if his pack meant everything to him, there was no one with whom he shared a blood bond or a bond other than that of unconditional loyalty. He couldn't shake that feeling of not belonging, that made him feel like he was no one, just a burden, condemned to serve and give his life for belonging. He wanted to be a priority.

"I want the assurance that no group of vampires will invade my home tonight or the next few nights," he replied with a firm slowness.

"It's not like vampires are interested in the lives of useless wolves like you."

"That… that wasn't very nice of you." Beomgyu grimaced and looked at you with growing frustration on his face. "I'm a hunter by nature, if there's one thing I can smell, it's approaching danger."

Your long and sudden silence confirmed Beomgyu's suspicion: something was wrong. He had noticed it during his last visits to your territory, people who exuded fear and anxiety, the smell of fresh blood and gunpowder in the air that could not pass unnoticed, lights that never went out to prevent the darkness from spreading; even at this very moment, you were alert and hunting.

"They're already here, aren't they?" The question sounded more frightened than Beomgyu would have liked to admit, but even with the neutrality of your expression, your lack of response spoke volumes. "And if it was just one, you would have taken care of it by now, how many are there? Look, we don't have weapons, we don't need them, if only..."

"I don't ally with wolves," your answer was so simple and short that he didn't know what to say or how to react.

"But..."

"And wolves don't ally with humans."

"To be more precise, I'm a lycanthrope," he muttered with an irritated expression that made you snort.

"I'm sure your wolf pack doesn't know you're here, do they? What will happen when they find out that you're violating one of the most important rules that keep the peace between the two species? Will your Alpha be willing to pay for your treachery with your life?"

"You're talking about your rules," Beomgyu's answer was dry. Like a scolded dog, his eyes dropped until they were fixed on the ground, but not for long. When he raised his face again, his eyes seemed more angry than concerned. "What I do is for them. There's nothing treacherous about it. Nor in being here. It's my job, my duty."

"Your duty is to die for them" A sneer crossed your face as you spoke and Beomgyu felt you looked at him as if he were an unbearable fly in the middle of the night, like an insect waking you from sleep in the middle of a perfect sleep cycle. "You know the truth of the alliance between our species, which allows us to live apart, to have peace and security. The agreement has the terms it has for a reason. It is not an agreement about power or domination, but about respect and the logic of survival. What you are doing is an act of treason and war."

"It's not treason if you say nothing...," Beomgyu said, speaking more to himself than to you.

"Leave this ground. I must not tell you why. I must have no reason. Just go." Your gaze became hard as you looked at him from head to toe. "Vampires are vampires, it takes more than a pair of claws or fangs to get rid of them. A weak body puts you at a disadvantage, but a foolish mind is guaranteed defeat."

You put your hand on his shoulder and pushed him out of the way with a firm motion. For some reason, when Beomgyu felt your cold touch, the word vampire and his intense hatred for them resonated in his mind. "Want some advice? You help more if you don't get in the way."

Beomgyu stared at your silhouette, helpless at your refusal. Your head was already turned when you took a step out of his reach. He didn't dare to take another step towards you, as if your words still echoing in his head were an obstacle.

He sighed in defeat as he watched you get on your motorcycle. The tension in the alley faded with each roar of the engine as you rode away. He stood for a few minutes, taking in the situation, before making his own way, thinking that if Soobin found out everything that had happened that night, he wouldn't even have the physical ability to move an inch away from your territory.

The only thing he was supposed to do that night and the nights after was to watch you from a distance. But Beomgyu never learned to take the easy way out.

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gyummigon · 4 months

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watch him burn, let him die | masterlist

werewolf!beomgyu x hunter!reader

୨୧ synopsis: in a world where werewolves and humans coexist in a fragile peace, Beomgyu, a werewolf, is drawn to you, a hunter of supernatural creatures. When vampires threaten this peaceful alliance and Beomgyu decides to break the rules and ask for your help, you will find the lines between enemy and ally blurred, leading you to question your own beliefs and forge an uncertain destiny in this delicate balance between love and duty. ୨୧ genre: fantasy, romance, strangers to lovers, angust, soulmate. ୨୧ warnings: suggestive thoughts, violence, death, weapons, threat of death, blood, beomgyu is a bit silly, werewolf hierarchy... (I'll probably add more later) ୨୧ note: i'll probably open a taglist, if you're interested, leave me a question or comment and I'll add you.

⇢≫ PART I

⇢≫ PART II

⇢≫ PART III

⇢≫ PART IV

#beomgyu x reader #beomgyu imagines #txt x reader #beomgyu #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu fluff #tomorrow x together #txt fanfic #beomgyu fic #choi beomgyu #beomgyu suggestive #yeonjun fanfic #yeonjun x reader #kpop fluff #kpop fanfic #txt series #beomgyu series #werewolves #werewolf

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gyummigon · 4 months

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watch him burn, let him die | part I

werewolf!beomgyu x hunter!reader

Intending to take away his chance to keep talking, you elbowed him in the ribs and Beomgyu immediately shut up, forcing his lungs to catch their breath. "Ouch... Bitch, that... hurt."

"What am I supposed to do when you talk out of turn?"

"What?" Your voice broke the sudden silence and made Beomgyu sigh.

"Are you making fun of me?" you asked, and with a mixture of fear and sincerity, Beomgyu tried to explain, "Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that you make me nervous."

"Why did you leave your territory?"

"Those were orders."

"From whom?"

"Soobin. With rumors of a clan of vampires running amok on the outskirts of town... we must be on our guard."

A roll of his eyes interrupted you, "Sure, I'll be glad to pass on your kind words to him. Can you..." he hesitated for a second. "Can you put your gun away now?"

With a dramatic expression, he placed a hand on his chest and leaned back against the wall to keep his balance and catch his breath. "Wow..."

"Usually guys like gun games."

"I don't know, when I was little I just played spin the top."

Beomgyu separated his back from the wall with a jump and licked his lips in anticipation. "About the vampires..."

"Go home."

Your look remained impatient and bored.

"What about your Alpha, is he as weak as you?"

"But he got where he is by fighting battles he didn't win. He hides behind a wall of ass-kissing wolves." You crossed your arms with a smug expression. "He's a weakling."

"If your Alpha is so capable, what are you worried about?"

Beomgyu hesitated for a moment before answering. "No wolf, especially an Alpha, will hesitate to give priority to his litter."

"And you want...?"

"I want the assurance that no group of vampires will invade my home tonight or the next few nights," he replied with a firm slowness.

"It's not like vampires are interested in the lives of useless wolves like you."

"That… that wasn't very nice of you." Beomgyu grimaced and looked at you with growing frustration on his face. "I'm a hunter by nature, if there's one thing I can smell, it's approaching danger."

"I don't ally with wolves," your answer was so simple and short that he didn't know what to say or how to react.

"But..."

"And wolves don't ally with humans."

"To be more precise, I'm a lycanthrope," he muttered with an irritated expression that made you snort.

"It's not treason if you say nothing...," Beomgyu said, speaking more to himself than to you.

The only thing he was supposed to do that night and the nights after was to watch you from a distance. But Beomgyu never learned to take the easy way out.

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gyummigon · 4 months

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𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐲 ♡ choi beomgyu.

He aches to be the one you would have snuck off with; to be the one you would want to share secret kisses with. He aches. And in that moment, he realizes his feelings have gone too far. They have caused him to stop being a true well-wisher to you; he is being selfish. He needs to take a step back. Or, Choi Beomgyu is head over heels in love with his best friend – and she simply doesn’t feel the same.

❧ choi beomgyu x f. reader | 16+ | college!au ♡ best friends!au ♡ unrequited love!au ♡ angst ♡ drama.

❧ 4.7 k words

❧ warnings! profanity, an extreeeeeme amount of pining, one-sided feelings, unrequited love, jealousy, heartbreak, some self-deprication, one (1) mention of drinking and partying, one (1) mention of making out, maybe an innuendo or two! mostly just buckets full of mopey, pining gyu </3 and a hopeful (?) ending (:

❧ note! i wrote this because i was listening to m5’s whiskey and crying and thinking of gyu so take that how u will </3 please note that the lyrics are there just to set the tone, not to be taken too literally. i just love this song, man. please don’t hate me for the ending, i changed it thrice and then settled on this. it just felt perfect to me this way :”) also! pls excuse the lack of dividers, tumblr won't let me add them without hiding the post from the tags for some reason :/

❧ masterlist | inbox ⁘

i never knew that love was blind; till i was hers and she was never mine…

“So, I have a question for you.”

Beomgyu blinks at your words, letting the steel straw escape his lips as you pull his strawberry milkshake away from him.

In fascination, he watches the way your lips wrap around the shiny tube in the exact place where his own had been. You slurp once and pull away, leaving a tint of pink – pinker than the drink, pinker than Beomgyu’s cheeks, pinker than the love-goggles that are permanently on his eyes when he’s with you – on the edge of the straw.

“Gyu?”

He wants to wipe that pink away with his lips, so bad. But your hand comes in with a tissue to clean that precious speck of your lipstick away, before he can even blink a second time.

Now he blinks again and looks up at you. God, you’re so gorgeous with your brows all furrowed and lips all pouty. He is so thoroughly ruined by you. Why does he continue to subject himself to this torture instead of keeping his distance like a sane person?

He doesn’t fucking know.

“Y–yeah? What question?”

“A hypothetical one. Very important, nonetheless.” You stare into space with your eyes squinted, perfect cheekbones reflecting the light from the evening traffic beyond the glass walls of the cafe you’re seated in. “If long time BFFs happen to develop feelings for each other, should they confess?”

Beomgyu chokes on air, freezing like a solid block of ice.

What did you just ask?

“You know… Just imagine! Two people who have been the best of friends for ages. And then one of them realizes they’re in love with the other.” Your rounded eyes turn to him with a hint of worry in them. “Should they confess and live their dream? Or should they take this secret to their grave and protect their friendship?”

Beomgyu is a mess.

Why the actual hell are you asking him that? Him – the one guy in your entire life that doesn’t have to imagine this specific situation because he’s been living it for years, now?

Now, he’s not panicking because he thinks you might have figured him out and are trying to pave a path to confession. No, he's self-aware enough to not be deluded. And his panic kinda stems from this very fact.

He's self-aware enough to know that while he's looking at you and daydreaming of a picket fence and good-morning kisses, your mind is stuck on someone else. Choi Soobin. Older than him, taller than him, cuter than him. Guy checks all boxes of the type of guys you like so well, Beomgyu wonders if Soobin is the reason why you created those boxes in the first place.

So he's scared out of his mind that you're paving a road to confess to Soobin.

“Wow, aren’t you super helpful this evening?”

Your whine of frustration pulls him out of his spiral. He clears his throat and shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, man. That’s a very subjective question.”

“Subjective?” You tilt your head in thought and Beomgyu dreads the next words you would say before you have even formed them: “Okay, let me answer it subjectively first then! Like, imagine if you had feelings for me. I wouldn't want you to confess them to me, like, ever.”

Ouch. Not that he plans to ever confess them to you, but still pretty ouch.

Slightly hurt, he drags his milkshake back to himself and slurps away the rest of it before smacking his lips and shaking his head. “Well then subjectively, it’s the complete opposite for me.”

You look at him with an extremely confused frown. “But what if I lose the friendship because you don't feel the same?”

This hypothesis is making him lose his damn mind.

“I… well, what if we lose the chance to be something much more amazing just because you were scared?”

Moment of introspection: he hopes to all the powers in the universe that he isn’t losing the chance to be something much more amazing with you just because he’s scared. You don’t like him like that, you won’t ever like him like that.

He’s being smart and self-preservative. Not scared.

You're lost in thoughts for a moment, and then you suddenly get up with a jump. Grinning at him, you lean down to peck his cheek and rush out of the cafe before he can even fully absorb the warm brush of your lips against his skin. “You're the best, Gyu, thank you so much!”

In a daze, he brings his fingertips to brush against the apple of his cheek.

Why did you run away like that? Why did you sound so excited? Fuck, are you going to confess right now?

He pulls his fingertips away.

They are pink.

yeah i was reckless, but i let it burn; i let it burn, yeah…

“And if they show up hand-in-hand, then what? Then what, huh, Tyun? It’s easy for you to say I’m overthinking, but you aren’t thinking nearly enough!”

Kang Taehyun, the university’s Student Council member who is in-charge of overseeing the set-up for tomorrow's inter-uni basketball game – and also Beomgyu’s best friend of fifteen years – rolls his eyes so hard, it’s a wonder they don’t fall out of their sockets.

“Why do you keep setting yourself up for more pain, man? Why don't you try to invest these emotions somewhere they will be appreciated?”

“I can't just compel myself to start or stop feeling, dude…”

Shin Ryujin suddenly appears behind the bleachers that the two of them were covering with a banner, both hands planted in the back pockets of her jorts. They should look incredibly lame, but she somehow pulls them off.

Beomgyu looks at her with wide eyes, wondering how much she heard.

“Yo, dumbass! Are you coming to the game tomorrow?” She’s smirking at him but there's a sparkle in her eyes that makes him chuckle at the name.

“The name's Beomgyu.”

“That's what I said. So, are you coming?”

Beomgyu has actually been trying to think of an excuse to get out his regular movie night with you - and this sounds like the perfect one. He shrugs a shoulder. “Don’t really got any plans, so… Maybe I will.”

Taehyun gives him a weird look because he knows Beomgyu always had plans on Fridays.

Ryujin grins wide. “Perfect! Well, just two requests.”

He squints with interest. “What requests?”

“Wear my jersey! And, uh, don’t bring a date, please?”

She looks extremely bashful while saying the second part of the sentence. Which is somewhat jarring. It’s Shin fucking Ryujin, she eats men for breakfast. Why is she almost blushing?

But then Taehyun is cackling, which reminds Beomgyu of the first request she made. He immediately scowls. “Hey! I’m not wearing your jersey like some groupie!

She rolls her eyes, but her lips are quirked up because he didn’t say no to the second request. And he knows he won’t; you're the only one he ever asks to accompany him to places, and he's only going to the game tomorrow to escape you.

“Your loss. Just so you know, boys are lining up to wear my jersey…”

Scoffing, Beomgyu goes back to handing Taehyun more pins. “Yeah right.”

“What? You don’t believe me?” Ryujin scoffs. “Watch this - ayo, Heeseung! Wanna wear my jersey tomorrow?”

A screech from the Students Council’s Vice Prez is followed by a high-pitched: “For real? Yes, please, I—”

“Sike! Haha, gotcha, little bitch!”

Taehyun is doubled over in laughter and even Beomgyu can’t hold in his chuckles at the look of utter devastation on Heeseung’s face and victory on Ryujin’s. She raises an eyebrow when their gazes meet. “See?”

“How much did you pay him for this skit?”

She smacks his shoulder with an irritated whine. “You’re way too fucking cynical for no damn reason, dude. Okay, no jersey - but get a no. 17 placard for me, at least?”

Rolling his eyes, he finally nods.

“Great! See ya tomorrow, loser! Bye, Tyun!”

Taehyun waves at her as she leaves, while Beomgyu cups his hands around his mouth to yell out: “The name’s Beomgyu!”

“That’s what I said!”

“Man, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you actually enjoy talking to a girl.”

Offended to his very bones, Beomgyu gapes at his best friend. “Dude! I enjoy talking to girls! I’m straight! Or did you forget how I threw up that one time when you kissed me during spin-the-bottle in seventh gra—”

“Yes, I remember!” Taehyun smacks him with a scowl on his face. “But that’s not what I meant. Gyu, you only ever talk to Y/N. Or have you not realized that? And look absolutely lovesick and physically pained while doing that.”

“Nahhhh, untrue. It’s just—” He cuts himself off to purse his lips. Taehyun is one-hundred percent correct. “It’s just a little difficult to mask my emotions all the time, but I manage…”

Taehyun just shakes his head in obvious disappointment. Then he tilts his chin up towards the direction where Ryujin is laughing around with some girls from the cheer team. “She obviously likes you a lot. Don’t hurt her.”

“I won’t,” he mumbles, lips forming a pout because this is so confusing. “But isn’t she basically signing up for the hurt if she’s doing this despite knowing where I stand with Y/N?

“Just…” Taehyun sighs. “Yeah, just don’t give her false hope.”

Beomgyu feels like he’s giving himself false hope every single time he talks to you, but what can be done.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

You end up texting him first, that night, to cancel tomorrow’s movie night. You apparently have “plans” with a friend.

Bile rises up Beomgyu’s throat at the thought of you finally going on a date with Soobin.

He can’t get himself to directly ask if that is the case, but fuck, why won’t you tell him? He goes to sleep with a pain in his chest that night.

the feeling it was bittersweet, realizing i was in too deep…

As fate would have it, Beomgyu bumps into you at the very gates of the basketball stadium, the next evening. You look like a dream in your short skirt and varsity jacket.

He feels nauseous at the thought of discovering Soobin trailing behind you with a large drink with two straws, or something.

“Uh… these are your plans?” He says in a way of greeting.

Your eyes widen when you see him, but then you pout. “Yeah! Why didn’t you tell me you were gonna be here? We would’ve come together!”

He immediately thinks of his promise to Ryujin and shakes his head. “Ah, actually… Shin Ryujin invited me.”

Your mouth forms an O, a lost expression crossing your face. He’s never been great at reading people, but with the way his brain gets fuzzy around you, he’s doing an even worse job right now. Because he can absolutely not tell what this look on your face means.

Right then, the girl herself arrives, a wistful smile on her face. “Thought I told you to not bring a date? And she’s wearing Chaewon’s jersey, hmph.”

“Oh! We didn't—”

You cut him off with a chuckle that somehow sounds a little strained. “Ah, I’m actually here with her sister!”

Yunjin? He didn’t know you were friends with her… But that means no Soobin, right? Which might mean that no confession happened yesterday?

“Dude, Chaewon’s our Forward and our captain. No hard feelings!” Ryujin throws up a peace sign at you, and the two girls laugh.

After you leave to look for Yunjin, Ryujin stays back, smirking at him. But there’s a distinct look in her eyes that he can, for a change, recognize. Partly because the fuzz in his brain left along with you. And partly because he sees this look in the mirror everyday.

“I don’t even stand a chance, do I?” She doesn’t sound upset, just… regretful.

Taehyun’s words come back to him. “Ryu, I—”

“Nah, it’s fine. I knew what I was getting into, Choi.” She smiles, this time, pointing at the ‘17’ placard in his hands. “I’m gonna score a basket just for this, though. Cheer loudly, ’kay?”

she was a lesson – i had to learn, i had to learn, yeah…

Beomgyu had gone to the game only for Ryujin, not for you. He literally came here to escape movie night with you.

Yet, he sits in the stadium with his eyes straying from Ryujin’s great moves as Point Guard, reaching across the court, to land on you. It’s so annoying and makes him feel so helpless, he wants to scream. But there’s something magnetic about your presence that just won’t let him exist peacefully.

Is this how love is supposed to feel? Exhausting and painful at all times?

What adds to the exhaustion and pain is the way you are seated with your eyes bright and teeth on display, Yunjin on one side and…Soobin on the other.

Though he saw it coming, Beomgyu still finds it really hard to swallow the pain that pricks at his throat at the sight of you giggling into Soobin’s side and looking at the guy with eyes full of a million stars. He tries to seek comfort in the way Soobin seems to reciprocate your happiness, but it’s really hard.

He isn’t even jealous at this point, he’s just tired. If he could stop himself from feeling so much, all the damn time, he really, really would.

The crowd suddenly cheers, drawing his attention away from you – thankfully – and back to the court. And then his eyes widen in surprise. Ryujin stands with her hands braced on her hips, gaze directly directed at him. Well – she said she would score a basket for him and she did. She lifts a hand to point at him, causing a louder cheer to roar across the stadium, and Beomgyu cannot hold back the loud chuckle that escapes him. He raises both his hands up in a double thumbs-up.

Somewhere from three rows below, Heeseung shouts out an expletive at him, but the game has resumed again so everyone around the guy asks him to shut up.

Like clockwork, Beomgyu’s gaze slowly floats back up at the stands, slowly zeroing in towards your seat – only to stop short. You’re not in your seat. And neither is Soobin.

Oh.

Now again, Beomgyu should be prepared to face this as well. But he’s once again at a loss.

Unwittingly, his brain conjures up images of you and Soobin finding a secluded, dark corner to make out in. He envisions the brightness he just saw in both of your gazes, imagines the tinkling giggles you would release, pictures the darkening of your cheeks.

And in that moment, he can’t find it in himself to be happy for you. He can’t pretend to like Soobin.

He aches to be the one you would have snuck off with; to be the one you would want to share secret kisses with.

He aches.

And in that moment, he realizes his feelings have gone too far. They have caused him to stop being a true well-wisher to you; he is being selfish.

He needs to take a step back.

i used to try to forget her…

“Dude, the one thing I asked of you was to not hurt Ryujin. What the hell do you mean you’re taking her out?”

Beomgyu pinches the bridge of his nose, almost regretting disclosing his plans to his best friend. But he needed Taehyun to be on his side to make sure he doesn’t chicken out. Although given the tone the guy is using with him right now, Beomgyu’s purpose might be failing either way.

He puts his phone on loudspeaker, extracting a jacket from his closet to match the blue t-shirt he’s wearing.

“She was awarded MVP for yesterday’s game for the first time in this season. When I congratulated her on it, she called me her lucky charm—”

“Ugh, it’s as if she wants you to hurt her,” Taehyun murmurs and Beomgyu can hear the grimace in his voice through the phone.

“So I asked her if she wanted to celebrate the win with her lucky charm, and she said yes…”

Taehyun gives a sigh. “You literally flirted with her.”

“I did. Weren’t you the one telling me I should focus my feelings where they will be reciprocated?”

“Yes, you should. But do you even feel anything?”

“I do, yeah…” Immense sadness and despair with a brush of frustration. “I feel like I’m gonna have a good time with her.”

“Yeah, I don’t doubt that.” Taehyun gives another sigh. “Just be smart, okay? Don’t lead her on, Gyu.”

“I won’t, man.”

Settling on a black denim jacket that goes with his jeans and boots of the same color, Beomgyu leaves his dorm in the half a decade old Corvette his parents have permitted him to keep on campus. He’s meeting Ryujin at the cafe, which saves him from spending time in the car with her.

When he enters the cafe, though, Beomgyu begins to wonder if he has somehow offended some higher, superior power by some action of his, for which he is now being punished on the daily.

Because before he can even begin to look around for his date, a giggling Soobin catches his eye. He’s sitting facing the door, feeding spaghetti to his date.

His date.

You.

Your back is to him, but Beomgyu can still see how you’ve styled your hair in a way that is different than usual. You’ve always complained that your hair is too silky to be held up in an updo—a remark Beomgyu can never understand because he, personally, loves the texture of your hair—and so this complicated bun feels so strange on you.

And the off-shoulder dress instead of your beloved full-sleeves. And the dangling earrings instead of your usual studs. And—

Holy fuck, this isn’t you.

This isn’t you.

Beomgyu is fully frozen in his spot now, stunned and panicked at the same time.

Soobin is on a date – with someone else.

Should he be happy or concerned?

The sweat accumulating on his palms indicates the latter.

“Gyu!”

The call snaps his attention to a corner of the cafe, where Shin Ryujin sits with a grin on her face. Pushing his lips up, he waves at her. But his eyes involuntarily swim back to Soobin once more – only this time, both the taller boy and his date, Kim Chaewon, the basketball captain, are looking at Beomgyu with matching smiles.

He doesn’t know how to respond. Or react. His smile is frozen on his lips and his hand is still up in a wave, however, so the couple take that to be his greeting and go back to talking among themselves. And Beomgyu pushes himself to finally walk towards Ryujin’s table.

“I see you already spotted what I was dying to gossip about,” Ryujin grumbles with a scowl when he settles opposite her.

Beomgyu blinks. “Uh… Soobin?”

“Who?” This time Ryujin is the one to give a clueless blink. But then her eyebrows rise. “Oh, the boy. Yeah, in a way, I guess? But Chaewon, obviously. She’s finally on a date with her crush of a whole ass year.”

What? “O–oh?”

The waiter comes over to take their orders, right then. Beomgyu asks for a club sandwich and beer, while Ryujin chooses an extra cheese loaded pizza and a virgin mojito.

“You don’t want me drunk around you, loser.” She winks at him but her smile is forced enough to make guilt unfurl in Beomgyu’s chest. “Anyways! Chaewon! She’s finally winning at life and it’s all thanks to your girl.”

Beomgyu’s heart jumps up to his throat for multiple reasons.

His girl? You? Who else could it even be.

He drily swallows. “My…?”

“She was so hard at work during yesterday’s match! Fuck knows what magical words she said to both of them but they finally stopped their cat and mouse chase for good.” A fond look enters Ryujin’s gaze as she peeks past him to look at the couple. “It was sickening, watching Chaewon pine day in and out. Kinda like it is to watch you.”

Ryujin is laughing at her own joke, but Beomgyu’s mind is stuck on the information she just imparted. “Yesterday’s match?”

“Yeah. She arrived with Yunjin, remember? They both sat with Soobin and talked about Chaewon the entire time. Then she said something to Chae during break, and boom – this scardy ass dude was finally asking Chae out at the end of the match!”

Oh, fuck. This is why you were sitting with Soobin yesterday.

You were setting him up with Chaewon.

This is probably why you have been hanging out with the guy and generally interacting so much with him recently as well.

Wait, was this why you asked him that question about having feelings for a best friend? As far as his general university knowledge goes, Chaewon and Soobin have been best friends since before college.

Oh fuck, indeed.

Beomgyu really blew things out of proportion and let his overthinking mind carry him away.

“Speaking of – when do you plan to confess, Choi?”

Beomgyu scoffs at the question. “Never.”

Ryujin looks genuinely confused at the response. “What? Why?”

“She doesn’t feel the same, Ryu. And she’s my best friend. I can’t risk it.”

“How do you know she doesn’t feel the same?”

That’s – an odd question. One that Beomgyu feels like should be very obvious to answer, but when he opens his mouth to do just that, he has to shut it back again. Because ‘I just know’ is going to sound as stupid out loud as it does in his head.

But then what else does he have? He thought you had feelings for someone else but that was obviously not the case.

“I… I mean isn’t it obvious? She would’ve hinted at it… said anything at all if she felt anything…”

The moment Ryujin narrows her eyes and clicks her tongue, he knows he messed up. “Like you have? You’re sitting on your hands, too, dumbass. Does she even know that you don’t go on dates?”

“I’m on a date right now.”

“Keep talking like that and you’ll leave this date with a black eye.”

The waiter arrives with their food, and as Ryujin dives right in, Beomgyu takes a moment to actually think about what the girl has been saying.

You not having feelings for someone else doesn’t automatically imply that you’ve suddenly stopped viewing Beomgyu platonically. Which is why he doesn’t want to suddenly drop his plans of moving on and go back to pining over you.

He wishes for this to be a smooth transition – getting rid of his romantic feelings for you while also staying friends. But if he pays mind to what Ryujin just said, he will block this way for himself.

Because the moment he confesses, it will be a one-way street. You’ll never talk to him again and he’ll be too embarrassed to even show you his face.

Now, of course, he isn’t even considering what could happen if you actually ended up reciprocating – because he’s done enough of that for years now and he’s honestly… tired.

Loving you, as he has concluded time again, is painful and exhausting. He just wants to be happy again.

“How about you stop giving me love advice and start looking for someone new to crush on?” Beomgyu raises an eyebrow at Ryujin, who picks up an olive from her pizza to throw at his face with a scowl.

But then when she dissolves into giggles, sprinkling her happiness and beauty all over him, Beomgyu has to pause to wonder if she doesn’t actually need to look for someone new to crush on.

He offers to drop her off at the end of the date and Ryujin thanks him for the treat. His hands feel a little clammy when she grins at him with a tilt of her head, short hair flying up with the wind.

“Will… will I see you again?”

“Uh, yeah? You see me everyday, dumbass.” Ryujin gives a chuckle but it doesn’t sound natural.

“No, I mean – like this. On a date.”

Her shoulders deflate and her smile leaves her face. Pursing her lips, she looks at him in what could only be defined as disappointment. “This wasn’t a date, Beomgyu. And I won’t be your rebound.”

He’s not asking her to be – except, maybe he is. He doesn’t know anymore.

She seems to know more than him because she gives him another one of those wry smiles of hers and pats his shoulder. “Tell her how you feel and get out of this stupid limbo. I can be your shoulder to cry on, but not a heart to play with. Good night, loser.”

He truly feels like a loser when she walks away from his car.

but now i smile when i remember.

Beomgyu has heard people talk a great deal about ‘right person, wrong time’ or ‘wrong person, right time’, but he has never felt the gravity of it the way he does now.

You’re sitting on the bleachers with Lee Heeseung and giggling your heart away like he’s the funniest man alive. Heeseung, to his credit, is looking at you with a sparkle in his eyes that rivals the entire galaxy.

And as Beomgyu watches the scene from next to the water dispenser in a discrete corner, the bottom of his stomach feels strangely calm.

It’s been a week since he had that confrontation with Ryujin. He didn’t exactly take her advice and run to confess to you, but he certainly did drop hints. And he certainly did observe your reactions.

At the end, he ruefully finds himself exactly where he always has been – watching you offer your affections to someone else from afar.

“How long has he been keeping this in?” he asks around a scoff when Heeseung shows you some magic trick and gloats in your excited clapping.

Taehyun hums as he screws the lid of the water dispenser tight and dusts his hands off to come stand next to Beomgyu. “Fuck knows. I think he’s always smiled a little too brightly at her whenever—oh my God, did you see that? Butterfingers! I could see that card from here. Making a joke out of the best card trick in the books!”

Beomgyu laughs at his friend’s grumbles. Then he gives a sigh. “She looks happy, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, she does. But I don’t really think she’s on the same page as Lee. Or even you for that matter.” Taehyun settles on the ground and Beomgyu follows his lead. “She’s enjoying her college days like a normal uni student. And maybe you should too, Gyu. Enough of this pining, enough of being in love. Don’t you want to get drunk off your ass and makeout with some ditzy freshman at a party?”

Beomgyu’s horror must show on his face because Taehyun snorts when their eyes meet.

“Okay, maybe not all of it. But… we’re young, buddy. You’ll have plenty of time to fall in love. Hopefully this time with someone who loves you more?”

Beomgyu watches the way you lean closer to Heesung to whisper something in his ear, and as the guy’s cheeks grow red in response, he frowns to himself.

“What about all those times when she seemed jealous? Or upset I wasn’t paying attention to her?”

“Dude, for real?” Taehyun punches his shoulder. “You get like that too when I’m not available at your every beck and call.”

Beomgyu slowly exhales, leaning back on his palms and tilting his head up to let the sunlight wash over his face.

He really is stepping out of his delusions, this time.

You don't like him like that. You don't have feelings for him.

You and him are going to remain just friends.

He's finally ready to face the fact and move forward.

“Yo, loser! Wanna play catch?”

He’s smiling even before he has opened his eyes. Taehyun clears his throat in an exaggerated way with his eyebrows raised. “Never seen you grin that brightly in a while, my man…”

He looks around towards the source of the voice, his grin turning into laughter at the evil gleam in Ryujin’s eyes as she hurtles the basketball towards him.

Somehow managing to catch it with an enraged gasp, Beomgyu wastes no time in chasing the girl with it.

Somewhere in his peripheral vision, he notices the way you have cuddled up with Heesung and how the two of you are laughing at his antics with Ryujin.

When he briefly meets your eye, you give him a thumbs up with your grin.

And for the first time in years, he is able to smile back at you without an ounce of pain in his heart.

and i was so young till she kissed me like a whiskey… like a whiskey.

FIN.

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