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arsanimarum
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tenaciousflowerwinner
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hello void, it’s good to be back. I always get back on here when I’m super lonely and wanting to pretend that there’s someone out there who cares
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wait I thought I was supposed to be a lesbian????
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I’m getting my first paycheck from my new job tomorrow but I’m going to the mall so there goes all that
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haha so what if I actually do manage to drive through a very large city with insane traffic with only a month’s worth of driving experience and the anxiety that comes with fearing for my life just to see a concert. what if I get there and it rains and the concert is cancelled. uh
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It has only ever been a few times that I’ve truly had anyone, and all of those times were short-lived.
Now, I am tired. Now, I am comfortable. Now, I am satisfied with being alone.
I have my music, and my music is the only company that I really need.
This entire time, no one has ever stayed. Well, music stays. Music never leaves.
Music loves, music comforts, music heals, music is always there.
Humans hate, humans don’t care, humans hurt, humans abandon.
Too many times have I been used. Too many times have I been nothing but a prop.
I am exhausted. I am all used up. I want to be free. I want to be loved, loved by me.
They were bored, they never cared, they misunderstood, well they never tried to understand.
I am composed of all the effort I deserve. The only thing I need is my own love.
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I sort of took the new year new bitch thing a bit too seriously this year… , I’m convinced some people think I have a personality disorder (& maybe I fucking do, that would actually check out)
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today was a good day 😎 I only thought about the girl I used (?) to love twice 😃
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it really is difficult to pass on the idea of completely reinventing myself for 2023, no matter how unrealistic that idea is
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it’s ok it’ll be better in the morning. Ik I’m too young but I need a fucking drink or SOMETHING to get me out of this headspace I’m in. everybody’s looking for something & he’s looking for love while I’m looking for friendship. simple friendship bc I have no fucking friends y’know! but no here comes the ask for the coffee date but he never said it was a date but he also never said it WASN’T a date so it IS a date, right??? isn’t that how this shit works??? I’m so ignorant I don’t know what the actual fuck I’m doing help
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WHY COULDN’T JUST TELL HIM I WAS A FUCKING LESBIAN??!?! I MEAN I SERIOUSLY THINK I AM ANYWAY SO WHAT THE FUCK???? fuuuuuccckk
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goddamn it’s boring in here. but that’s ok. right? why can’t boring be enough for me because at least it’s not too much shit happening all at once. what is enough? sometimes nothing feels like enough, or is that just a side effect of depression. depressed. I am depressed. when am I not depressed? and I wonder: am I narcissist? oh god what if im narcissistic. i probably am. is that genetic? my mom is narcissistic as fuck and so if my aunt and so is my grandmother. it is what it is until it isn’t , so I hope it isn’t. im tired
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