the capacity riz has for rage…killing coach daybreak in cold blood, shooting off biz’s fingers, eating Kalvaxus…going to need to see a little more of this ruthlessness to parallel kipperlilly again…

idk guys "photosynthekids" is really growing on me

“omg you’re so creative. how do you get your ideas” i hallucinate a single scene in the taco bell drive thru and then spend 13 months trying to write it

Fuck it we bawl (starts sobbing uncontrollably)

Everyone should follow what's happening at Columbia right now. This is the largest protest there since 1968, and the admin just stripped several students of healthcare and housing.

The NYPD arrested over 108 students camping on the South Lawn yesterday. Now, thousands have joined the demonstration. As Israel prepares to commit genocide, Palestinian and Jewish students are taking the lead in protesting institutional complicity around the world.

the idea that, using CHRONOMANCY, arthur aguefort prerecorded a whole stadium full of illusory arthur agueforts with chest paint for the bad kids AND a congratulatory post-hoc message for being the first students to beat the last stand is so so deeply funny. bad kids break a record from the dawn of time and he’s not even going to put his vacation on hold to be around for it. world’s most principal of all time

"stump hodgepodge" is one of the funniest taz balance segments. "What's the biggest prime number?" "It's up there" invented comedy

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought "why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff," so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It's alright if you can't because apparently I fuckin couldn't either

hey quick question why did no one ever tell me how fucking insane M*A*S*H is?? their commanding officer is a horse girl. the secretary has psychic powers. this guy walks around a 1950s military outpost in drag and everyone’s just like hey nice dress. the protagonist who is supposed to be the best surgeon in the entire korean war spends every episode strutting around drunk in a hawaiian shirt making homoerotic wisecracks and asking the nurses to step on him like some sort of unhinged bisexual jimmy buffet. guys what the hell is going on in this army doctor show

i can’t stop thinking about kristen applebees. like just. imagine you’re 16 years old. you’ve saved the world multiple times. you’ve DIED multiple times. you had a crisis of faith and then finally found a god you truly believe in only for them to be taken from you. you’re 16 fucking years old and you watch a girl in your class slit another boys throat right in front of you while making direct eye contact with you and smiling. helio let you die before and now he’s let this boy die again and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. you’re only 16 years old and you can’t save him.

people love to complain about sex scenes in tv shows and violence in movies when the real danger is scenes that make you feel second hand embarrassment.

happy 420 and day i reserve a spot in hell

(kids rattling)

“maybe helio wouldn’t have let that happen.”