Rereading my posts and am heartbroken for younger me. I hate you for what you did to her. I hate you for what I am still working through. This wasn't love. I don't know what it was, but you ruined me. And for what? Taylor said it best when she said 'even on my worst days, did I deserve babe all the hell you gave me?'. What did I ever do to you to deserve this much pain?

Oh God to be held to be seen

Dear Anon from that bathroom five years ago,

Are you okay? I think of you often.

Sincerely,

Someone who (still) cares.

I'm gonna be 21 in 23 days and I'm so fucking depressed. I'm supposed to be past this point. I'm so fucking tired.

15.02.21

"It's getting bad again and I don't know what to do or who to tell because I'm pretty sure everyone is already tired of hearing the same thing over and over again."

— I'm sorry I'm at this point again but I'm really trying hard not to be.

I eat and dont cut my wrists so my coworkers dont realize how severely fucked up I really am.

Lol ended up burning my hand accidentally anyway kill me

I want to burn myself with matches but I'm scared of fire

I want to burn myself with matches but I'm scared of fire

I’m everything I never wanted to be

I want to write I have so many thoughts but mostly I just want to say them to someone but I'm so tired and so fucking sad

I want to fix this but God knows I don’t know how. I want to be better. I want to be someone worth your love. I want to be someone who isn’t pulling you down with her. I don’t know how. I just. I wish I wasn’t like this. This hurts so much.

Once I’m done with my lit paper I want to kill myself I don’t know when or how but I want to and while I’m here. While I’m here I just want to love you. But It won’t be enough will it? I wish you could see how much I’m hurting. I wish you could know. So many things. I wish you’d understand. It’s not that I don’t want you I just. Can’t. Take this pain. Anymore. I’m so tired.

Because even if you buried yourself in guilt, you can’t go back and change what happened.

Katherine Fleet, The Secret to Letting Go (via tanya-nicole)