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Sharing my thoughts 5 things at once
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One Night Stands
As society gets more open minded these days and with the rise of dating apps, One Night Stands or ONS, NSA, FWBs etc gets more common, even in Singapore!
Now i’m not here to talk about what it is and how it goes. But rather what goes through the mind of a man in a FWB or ONS situation.
A sense of achievement or A friendship.
A guy in his teens or 20s would probably feel a great sense of achievement, proving to himself or his friends that he got laid the night earlier. (Provided the sex was mind blowing)
But for a man turning 30 or in his 30s, he would probably feel the same like in the song “Stay with Me” sang by Sam Smith and all in his mind would probably be “Guess it’s true, i’m not good in a ONS.” A man in his 30s would treasure an emotional attachment even if physical intimacy attained. A man probably would text the following morning and to keep the relationship going without the thought of having casual sex, 1 or 2 days passed and no reply from the girl.
But as we all know it, it takes 2 to clap and for someone to have a ONS, it is inevitable that this relationship is only single serving, it only lasts for one night.
Building attachment or connections.
Things are really simpler if conversations are kept to the minimum because once you’ve felt that you could click with the other person and your conversations can’t seem to stop, you’re slowly building an emotional attachment with that person. And after the session ended, you might have the facade that person is gonna stay in contact with me because we had a great conversation and that’s total bullshit.
Either you get ghosted or you get cold replies from the girl doesn’t matter, what you have to know is to be clear and honest with yourself. After all, this is a Casual Hookup and it is only meant to be single serving. Get to know other people, don’t put all your focus into this one girl and wait beside the phone and hope that she will text you. She is probably fucking other guys outside. Note this, you are also that one random guy she met after all.
Your ego is either boosted or beaten down
What happens after a ONS can go either way in this setting. Either you felt used or you felt that you are the kind of the world and it depends on how you handle the situation. There will always be men of both predicaments. Either it is caused by the poor performance in bed or you got emotional thereafter. There is always a common perception that the first to leave emerge victorious and the one left alone always felt being used like a napkin in a restaurant. Sucks isn’t it.
So to people who have or are going into ONS or FWBs
Keep in mind that this is one of those either you love it or hate it arrangements depending on your emotional capacity. No matter you’re a man or a woman it is important to know what you want, its simple as that. Never go into a ONS when you’re emotionally needy or feeling lonely, at the end of the day you might just feel more miserable than before.
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Reservist, again.
Reservist
In Singapore, every once in a year you will be called back for Reservist. Some love it, some dread it. Some face and some AWOL it. But most of us have to face it based on my experience, it's a "this too shall pass" approach towards this once in a year event. So what do you do when you're sian about reservist? Here's 5 things which worked for me to kick away that blues.
Write a diary
Yes, that's right. Write the diary not when you are about to In-Pro but when you Out-Pro because chances are, it will be more positive. Read back on those past entries. I look back at mine and I see myself saying that it's not a big deal. I even mention once that I missed reservist.
You’re just volunteering
Imagine you're part of SAFVC SAFVC is the Volunteer Corp of SAF and its voluntary. So how does this help in building a positive mindset? Well, telling yourself you're a Volunteer puts you in the position that you're not forced to go. But you signed up to experience once again how Army of the current generation is like. (I'm from the Camo Uniform Generation :P)
Set goals that only you can do in camp
Give yourself some goals which only you can attain during reservist. You could set a target such as, "I'm going to meet at least 10 people in camp and at least 5 of them are important networks" etc. You get the idea.
Think of the irony of working in your job
Think of how this can shield you from things you dread in everyday life. Do you dislike your work? Well then when you're in camp you could picture everyone clustering at work while you're safe and sound in camp. You avoid all the drama, complains and bullshit back at the office.
Brush it off
t's no big deal. Yes, you heard it right. It's no big deal at all, we're all adults by now and nothing is worse than working everyday to make ends meet. We survived that, what is reservist. We survived 2yrs of NS, what is ICT? Keke. Gotta In-Pro tomorrow morning. And I hope this list helps those who are serving NS too.
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5 perks of being Single
Is having relationship more draining rather than making you more alive? There ain’t right or wrong for experiencing this and perhaps you might be single at heart. And sometimes there are more perks being single rather than attached. Finding a balance might be hard if your heart is single. So here are 5 perks of being Single;
1) You have Freedom
This is the biggest of them all. As human beings, we have our own right to choose what we want to do but sometimes because of commitment, we’re tied down to do certain things and not thing that we want to do. To go where you want, in whatever time and be with whoever it is. Nobody is there to get angry, to control you and to direction your every move.
2) You get to Be Yourself
This is similar to point No. 1, our freedom to choose who we are. Unless you find a partner which accepts your every little quirks and moves, you will feel a pressure placed on you. Isn’t it great to have nobody telling you to eat the things you don’t like, do the things you don’t like, dress the way you feel like a clown and being someone they expect. You no need to wreck your brains for the little things like what to eat or where to go. Nobody is there to change you.
3) Save Money
You no need to spend money on gifts or dates just to make the other person happy. Especially for men, we all feel a drop in our savings when we have a partner just because we wanna get something for our special someone.
4) Time
You have all the time in the world to do more things, do the things you have always wished to do. Be it sleeping at home more often, playing video games, focusing more on your business or career. You have total control over your time and you do not need to end your meeting early with your friends to squeeze time in between for a date.
5) For the good of everyone
Why choose to be with someone when you know you’re single at heart? One day, you will get tired and eventually the relationship falls apart. Being single at heart means that you will move on faster despite having a fair share of sadness. But there is always another person who is getting hurt along with you. That person is someone you used to hold dearly. Nobody is there to get hurt.
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5 Things to my weight loss
There are so many weight loss journey stories out there, everyone is different but there is something similar. So here’s mine.
From 145kg to 83kg over a period of 12 months, this figure wasn’t something i thought was possible to achieve. But now i could say, i did. Instead of writing a long story of my journey, I am going to share just 5 things that i learned throughout my journey.
1. Why do you want to lose weight?
This is very important because it is the fuel, the drive, the motivation that pushes your through every single day to work on your body. You can have all the “how to” but without a compelling reason, a strong enough “why”, you won’t do anything about it.
Do be like a car with a direction but without any petrol in the tank.
2. Finding the right technique.
I spent the first few months of my weight loss journey going in circles because i wasn’t know what i was doing. I thought that to lose weight, i just have to eat less and exercise more. I was disheartened to look myself in the mirror that nothing had changed even though i was strict on my diet and exercised my ass off for close to 3 months. I refused to give up and so i did tons of research, watching videos after videos, reading pages and pages of forums on weight loss, on muscle building, on how our bodies work and how diets affects us etc.
Don’t waste time doing things which doesn’t work. Do your homework.
3. Make this journey a habit.
I mentioned i wasn’t amazed as much as the people around me not because i feel that i didn’t achieve my goal. But because i know that i am going to achieve it. Right at the beginning, i was struggling and forcing myself to endure that i had planned for myself. This endurance unknowingly, is molding my lifestyle and soon after i didn’t have to push myself. It became a part of my life and i stopped constantly checking myself out at the mirror. Months passed and people started telling me that i am losing a lot of weight, telling me that i look better. That’s the time i took a closer look at myself in the mirror and thought, “wow, i did it.”
Make a healthier lifestyle, a habit. If not, you will go back to your old ways and before your know it, the pounds start to add on.
4. Ignore those trying to drag you down.
Just like any part of life where you start to go for something you want, there will be, and i mean there WILL be people who tries to put you down. Not because you’re not doing fine but because they want to feel good about themselves. No matter if they are overweight themselves or not, they will say something bad to you. People who look good talk bad because they are afraid you will look better than them. People who are overweight talk about because they are lazy to take action and they want you to be in the same situation as them.
Know what you want, move where you want to go. Good if there are people walking with you. If not, walk alone.
5. Never give up.
This may sound cliche but once you hit that 1 or 2 months of “suffering”, you will start trying to talk yourself in to giving up. Telling yourself that you won’t succeed and all of these are nothing but nonsense. Never fall into this trap, most journey to reach a goal takes time. It may be 6 months, 9 months or even 1 year. You will never know unless you push on.
When you’re already in pain, get something out of it.
So this is my story in 5 points. If it help you or at least pushes you to go on, do share with me your story one day, Cheers!
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