Awesome!!!

That was very good Rachael yes it is a very hard thing to deal with I have been committed a time or two myself but I have come to realize how can people say that were not normal but who are they to say what normal is what is normal to us isn't to everyone else and that's fine really hope u continue reaching out and very sorry to hear about ur husband being in prison!

my story

ive lived with these issues and more for as long as i can remember, my earliest memory was asking my mother to fix my head. i use to ask her why i wasnt normal and she’d say to me rachel whos really normal and id say everyone but me. ive always hated who and how i was and am. id give almost anything to just be someone else. ive been in and out of mental wards my whole adult life, and they asked me if i could be any animal what would i like to be, and i said bird. and they said why and i said so i could just fly away. i have two voices in my head. two guys that talk to me all day ones really hateful and the others not so bad sometimes he helps me with the other one. and to be honest real or not ill take the help from anywhere i can get it. i have no one to talk to about any of this. i have to deal with this by myself on a daily basis. and to be completely frank it really freakin sucks!!!!! i just wish i was normal and different then how i am now. i take alot of pills every single night and throughout the day just to be a little better then i am normally. normally is no one anyone wants hanging around. i have no friends and the few that i have had i was actually a pretty damn good friend id do anything in the world for anybody. i try to always be there. and it never mattered cause as soon as my true self got shown there went the friendship. its a very hard thing to live with all these disorders but day after day i manage and i make it. i complain alot but im still here kickin it. against my will. but its not my will be done its gods will be done.  i have tried extremely hard to commit suicide with no luck. and everyone tells me to take that as im suppose to be here and im like but i dont want to be. well that doesnt matter cause god does. and i think its cause hopefully maybe one day i can help others like myself. plus im not ready, if i was to go when i wanted i would be in trouble. cause ive always made the wrong choices and done the wrong things. and im still fighting that. but i want to be better and do better and i just hope and pray that thats good enough for now. i have awesome parents and husband thats always been there for me the best they knew how.  but ive lost my husband to prison. and its so very hard cause he was my rock, my partner, my everything and now hes gone and if it wasnt for my parents i dont know what id do. well thats enough for now. ill have more later. my goal on here is to reach out and let people like me know they aren’t alone!!!!!!!