Sometimes so sad sad sad sad. Don't know where it comes from, don't know what it means, don't know where it goes. Just sadness. Pointless sadness. A sadness that dries the heart. Want to cry the heart out. Empty the self from all this grime. But It seems it is stuck, forever to be kept in that box, closed with cold chains and cruel padlocks. A not-meant to heal wound, open but not quite bleeding. Feel this sullen despair, quiet, quiet, oh so still, like a stick of steel sinking in the tender warm flesh, struck piercing, keeps in place or the whole body will ache will burn will tear itself piece by piece. Inside there's a void, the abyss that devours and never gets enough. Starved, famished, ravenous, empty and full of rage of resentment, and else ill-feelings, infects the veins. A darned sickness. Malfuctionating brain; crumbling body.
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Fear the day when it goes down and down. Turbulents water awaits to sink, to drown, desperately, lungs filling with thick fluid: Can't breath. Can't breath. Can feel the ribcage constricting-serpent like. Can feel her, lingering around like a sweet ghost, fingers barely touching skin, like teasing, like comforting, like lovingly scratching the shell of the scales in the chest. Hurts, hurts to the point of joy, of pleasure, of misery. Wanna break and wanna come undone and wanna cry a little harder and crumble all over the floor. Searching for a little sunshine, blind porcelain doll trying to climb up but just spinning down. So comically, so tragically, so pathetic. Pity them. Pity them all and burn them to the core. They whisper a single truth; there's no love worth for you my love.
Smth I did for ig and now Im posting it here cuz I rly like the result...
Poems are both from Alejandra Pizarnik; first one is "Exilio" and I'm the one reading it, second one is a fragment of her documentary film"Alejandra (2013)" and that's her own voice. The last audio is shitty cuz ofc it's an vry old record.