there's something about cauterising a wound that fascinates me. it's not like stitches or plastering, where you hold the damaged parts together until they're strong enough to stand on their own again, or even amputation, where you sever the damage completely to allow the rest of the body to heal. instead you burn the wound shut, sacrificing a little flesh to the fire in order to save the rest. you feed the snake its own tail until it forms an unbroken circle. it's like a low-level type of pyromancy to me.

I'm now chilling with a chubby style

adult hood is just

*buys a half gallon of milk* *uses it all within a few days* *decided to buy a gallon of milk to not run out before next shopping trip* *uses a teaspoon of milk that week and it goes bad somehow* *buys a quart of milk instead so it won’t go bad* *uses it in one day* *buys a quart and a half gallon of milk because the gallon was too much but the half gallon was not enough* *only uses the half gallon* *gives up on milk for a few days in general* *buys a gallon of milk again just to tempt fate* *somehow uses all of it without realizing and then has to eat sad cereal with like the 5 drops of remaining milk*

oh my favorite trope? two people who go through something so unique and agonizing and entirely beyond words that they have no choice but to create a bond that transcends all other types of love, thus acting as the sole point of understanding for the other person in a world that cannot fathom what they’ve been through

one of my top contenders for funniest lines in this game

check out literally just sitting outside if u can. the hobby of the summer

i love being up early but i love being up late. and i love getting lots of sleep. what now.

me @ my mutuals

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

Employee: where’s all the scrap we collected?

The nefarious hoarding bug:

reblog this if you want a LONG (or short) anonymous message saying what they think of you.

pleaaase?

Actually that makes for a really funny poll idea

*mafia don* ive got this whole freakin' city under my thumb. i can have any two men kissing each other in under 15 minutes