gl8m
butterflies in my brain
day/22/the unhappiest most unlovable creature on earth“when it rains it pours.” vent blog do NOT interact with my main blogs regarding this one. do NOT reblog posts tagged “ætherspeak” unless stated otherwise. contains untagged suicidal/nsfw posts. 18+ only, at your own discretion DNI: terfs/swerfs/truscum/yandere/ddlg/tc/(no)maps/anti-antis/minors
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Matthew Dickman, from “Grass Moon,” in Wonderland [ID in ALT]
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some people just aren’t meant to succeed
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Dude I love your blog. I'm a big fan of the cries for help
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“We’ll know as children again all that we are destined to know, that the water is cold and deep, and the sun penetrates only so far.”
— Jim Harrison, from “Death Again,” Complete Poems, ed. Joseph Bednarik (Copper Canyon Press, 2021)
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I hate birthdays and mine most of all
Fuck that shit and I hope everyone stops celebrating birthdays forever
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I cried so much these last few days for her
I even cried in front of my friend and my therapist
I think i have something irreparable
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soulmate // last night i dreamt that somebody loved me
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its gotten to the point where every day is the worst day of my fucking life
I feel like ive got water up my nose and nothing can get it out
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im so fucking sad
#i hope you’re happy#you didn’t mean to hurt me but you also don’t care that you did#the only way i can move on is to despise you#and i cant even do that#the truth is that i miss you#at night when im picking on my skin#and in the afternoon when im tired and sleepy#and in the morning when i see what you’ve done while i was asleep#and when i wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night i think of you too as im drying my hands#and i wish there was an action i could take that would take this away from me#but im just stuck like always#loving but never loved#i hope you know we could’ve been good together#that i couldve given you what you needed#and that i don’t think there will come a day that im not in love with you#ætherspeak#deen#youre too gentle but not enough with me#you have no idea the impact you have on me#i wish i could run out of fuel and just lie here dormant
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Robert Desnos
Translated by Paul Auster in Collected Poems (Overlook, 2004)
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hanging out with nonaustistics makes me feel like a fucking idiot
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I want to shove my yarn scissors square intomy chest and watch it bleed while i ignore every survival alarm bell in my head
#ætherspeak#i can’t do it anymore#i can’t live knowing im different and condemned to be alone forever#i would rather die#with a little bit of dignity left
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i can’t do this anymore. I am so alone. I’ll never get rid of this
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liter moments away from k¡lling myself im not even joking lmao
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