3/7

YAY another great day. I woke up and decided to go for a run along the river because it’s a cute place I heard of and it was! Ran around for like 20 minutes because I didn’t like where my car was parked but I thought it was a great dabble in seeing my surroundings! Then i drove around for a bit before I got a call that the movers were on their way! I got home, showered, and put everything away and then the movers came and moved everything in and then I spent the whole rest of the day cleaning and unpacking and “decorating”. I also got Whataburger for lunch it was great! Then I chilled out for a bit and then went back to cleaning and unpacking. Then when I was throwing away my cardboard boxes I found a note on my door and it was my neighbor inviting me to his place for a lil kickback!!!!!! SO SWEEETTTTT. So I’m just chilling on the couch now waiting to head over! What a great day!

3/4

Today was my first full day in San Angelo! I got up really early and ate my leftovers, then I got ready for the day. I did all the inprocessing I was supposed to, got my voucher filed, and then introduced myself at the det. Then I paid my first rent and moved in! Got situated and found out my stuff arrives on Friday (!!!) and hung out for a while then went to Walmart for more things I needed. Came home and then went and picked up kitchenware from a friend and then stopped at the Asian market and they had everything I like!!! Then I went home and made jjapaguri which was fun and I even ventured out to meet the neighbor and borrow salt and pepper from him. Very cool day. Pleased with how things are going, I really like my apartment so far.

5/16

So today I woke up, got ready, went to the gym, went to kerchkoff, went to class with Troy, went to french, went to poli sci, and then swung by Rhodri’s before going home! There i made lunch and vegged for a long time before Vic and I watched another episode of the Handmaid’s Tale, then I went and picked up my friends for yoga, we went and did yoga, then I went to IM WaPo where we lost at the buzzer lmaooooo. Then I went home, made dinner, hung out with vic and went to bed!

5/15

Woke up, went to practice, rode the launch, was told i didn’t have to come to practice anymore, cried on the ride home, cried in my bed, made breakfast, got ready for work, went to work, worked, went home, vegged, napped, went to ergs, ran 2 stadiums, hung out with teammates, went home, vegged, made din and watched youtube, went to bed! A very relaxing day despite the morning

5/14

Woke up, walked to the gym, gymmed for a bit, went to kerckhoff and got a coffee and ate brekkie and went on my computer, went to class, ran into Pippa, went to class, went home, made lunch and went on the comp, did nothing, watched handmaids tale with Vic, rhodri came over, we had din, then hung out, he left then I went to bed!

5/13

Woo pac 12s. Woke up in the hotel, got ready, went to the course, did a practice row, waited, went to starbs, raced, lost, received the points trophy, ate yummy mexican food, got in the car and headed back, got to the bh, rerigged, learned my boat was disbanded, got sad, rhodri was insensitive (surpirse) and made me cry in the bathroom for the first (i think) time this season (which is impressive because that was technically my last race of the season), then i went home, vented to vic and kayla which was nice, got B L A S T E D and passed OUT to mukbang vids lmaooooooooocuzididnteatanythingafterlunchandiwaslowkeyreallyhungrybutimgladididnteatbecausestarvingmyselfmakesmefeelbetterooooooooooooooooalsoitwouldhavebeennickandmy3yearanniversaryoooooooooonotthaticareooooooo

5/12

Woke up still having meat burps which was awful, walked to strathfair and we departed for Sacramento at 5:10, drive was aight, made it there, set up, practice row in the HOT sun, went to the hotel, hung out with rhodri, ate dinner, hung out with rhodri, felt guilty as fuck, got sad, finished my midterm, went to bed sad. Should not have gone to kbbq and idk why I’m beating myself up about it but idk I feel guilty and weak

5/11

Ok so I’m already the worst at doing this! This was a Friday and i woke up, went to prac, derigged, went to the gym, went to kerckhoff, ate brekkie and did work, went to class, went to the lib, went to rhodris, was planning on going home, ended up getting talked into going to kbbq, went home and got ready, went to kbbq, got gelato at 1919, then went home and packed and went to bed. Kinda sucked cuz I was only like three days into following 1200 calories and this blew it but yeah. Now I feel pretty guilty.

5/10

Ok lessee, woke up in Rhodri’s room, went to prac, did two stadiums which was not bad at all, then some ab work, then mi pistol squaas, then I went home and made oats and vegged, then I got ready for my PS appointment, then I drove 2 dat, then i went home and made a salad, then I went to work and worked which was easy and fun wah i don’t want to leave, then I picked up rhodri and we went to brentwood for a bit, then we got in a fight lmaoooo, then we went to mine and hung out, then we walked to meet vic at the dispensary, then went home, made ramen, and went to bed!

5/9

What a day! Woke up at 3:45 to rhodri coming back into bed cuz he had just finished his midterm and then woke up again at mf 5:15 which is a hot 5 mins before we are supposed to be LEAVING for prac but we made it so it was g. Practice was cool, high rate pieces and whatnot then I went to the gym, then to kerchkoff, then to class, class, then I got sad and walked home then I chilled in my house for a hot while then I went to the gym again and talked with Troy rhodri and Jeremy and Adam and Pippa and then I got in a lowkey fight with rhodri hahaaaaaa then I ran home then I had dinner which was really good then I went to the IM wapo game then I took a shower at rhodris now I’m in his bed! Woo!

Purpose

Hiyooooo long time no see! I am back in LA and have been back for almost 5 months now! Last I left off I had just gotten to the states and that was it! Now I’m finishing the last quarter of junior year at UCLA and my main purpose of relaunching this blog is to get the weight I gained upon return off.

So when I came back home, I knew I was dealing with an issue, and I actually think i started having binge eating disorder in which I could ceaselessly consume food and never feel satiated. As of about two or three weeks ago I have kicked that and can now feel full and hungry on natural levels and it’s great. I gained about 15 pounds since my actual lowest low in France and about 10 since coming home leaving me at around 130. I’ve attempted about 4 times to start the weight loss, mostly through extreme depravation that just would lead to binging and having all of my progress slip away. I am recommitted this time and would like to follow a 1200 calorie meal plan each day, with wiggle room, but with the goal of returning to 120 in 50 days.

The 50 days will come whether I stick to my goal or not, so I might as well stick to my goal! I plan on blogging each day as well just to make it that much easier.

12/24

Woke up and packed!!!!!! One of the cats was in the sink in the bathroom So i was straight up washing my face with this cat in the sink and it did not care whatsoever lmao I love them. lots of shifting stuff around and changing shoes and throwing things away then being stupid and deciding I can stuff it in my suitcase. Then i made a last walk out to the little market street right by my house and saw the hustle and bustle of paris on chiristmas eve. Very cute with a band playing christmas songs, people buying buche noel, and all that type of stuff. Stopped into a boulengerie and explained that I had to get rid of 92 cents and she let me have my last croissant for that much which was really sweet. Then I walked back and wrapped it up den. Called an uber instead of taking the metro cuz #fuckthat and my driver was deaf so we had an interesting conversation where I’d do some signing (which was ASL so like kinda lucky that worked???) and hed type things on his phone which was like broski DrIvE the CaRrRrRr. lol anyway made it in one piece and then checked my stuff in and got away with two overweight bags, then waited for the plane and made it on! Loved the seat I picked since nobody was behind me and the mom and son next to me were really nice and we had some good convos and I helped her do her customs form. I finished the 50 shades series, got to the 4096 tile, watched prometheus which SUCKED and listened to a lot of music. Then I landed and went through customs and then was REUNITED WITH MY FAMILY!!! So crazy like I had been waiting for that moment since like before I left lowkey. And its gone and went. They had blenders in the car for me which was amazing and then we made it home and I saw my cat and then I tried to go to bed and could not sleep at all so hopefully tonight is better lol.

12/23

So I woke up in Paris and after having a mild return of the pre-voyage anxiety about going out and about by myself I made it out and started walking. Basically had no agenda other than like seeing everything there is to see so I walked and walked and walked, got a croque monsieur, walked, turned around, walked, sat at the jardin de luxembourg, walked, got some food at the christmas market under the eiffel tower, walked, walked, saw the champs elysees, walked through the jardin des tulleries, and by that time it was dark and I walked home! Then I was invited out for dinner at my friends house with this family which was really nice and a unique experience! Ended up walking 16 miles that day somehow and was p o o p e d by the time I got back. 

12/22

Last day in Bordeaux wtf. Woke up, danielle and I got pastries, ate them at home, laid around doing zero, then got presents for my family, then did nothing, then WRAPPED IT UP. took the sheets off, cleaned the bathroom, took the trash out, and took my 50 ton suitcases out of the house!!! got on the tram, made it to the train station, loaded onto the train, said BYE to DANIELLE until WHO KNOWS and then took a five hour train ride to Pehwee. So weird. like I knew this moment had been coming since technically I was confirmed going to bordeaux so that’s like about 10 months or something. And then a moment that’s so big and “monumental” comes just like that and then its done and onto the next thing. Getting more and more comfortable with the passing of time and the coming and going of events without all the fanfare. Life is just a series of coming and going. 

Made it to Paris and lugged all my shit up and down stairs by myself. Went to a ticket booth to buy tickets since the machine wasn’t working and got my tickets after having to show the attendant my itinerary on my phone and went up the stairs to the platform to wait for a metro. Reach for my phone to figure out what the next move and IT AINT MF THERE. Do the macarena trying to find it and im like fucking shit i have to lug all of my shit back down the stairs but instead, while I’m patting myself down for the 5th time the attendant finds me and asks me what my phone looks like and I say there are stars on it and she gives it to me like holy fuck how lucky is that. Literally saved my ass. So i continue on my journey and people are helping me with my bags every step of the way I am so blessed, one guy even took me from one line to another which was like 5 sets of stairs both up and down. Made it to the surface and lugged my shit to the apartment which i found easily and as I’m walking into the building a woman stops and looks at me and is like “...giselle?” and im like yee boy which is another lucky break cuz she was like headed out or SOMETHING and I would have missed her to get let in. The apartment is nice and there are two cats and she has breakfast for me so its awesome! Then I charged my phone for a bit and then met up with an old friend for drinks and then got home at around midnight, took a shower, and went to bed!

12/21

Wooooo no school! Woke up and made oats, dicked around packing and shee, then went to the meeting with the former consul of Bordeaux and learned actually so much idk how lucky I am. Legit this guy is so cool and is so smart. Afta dat!!! Went walking around with danielle and made lunch and yee, stayed home for a bit more then went out to din to get french food for like the last time in bordeaux, then danielle slept over and we watched love actually

FOUR MONTHS

Iwow. four whole months. It is kind of hard to believe that its already coming to an end / is ended in terms of school, but at the same time thats how life is. Things come and go and I haven no control over it so i might as well just enjoy what I can. Let me take a look at the previous month’s thoughts and I’ll be right back.

Alright! So! a lot has happened to me on a personal level since last month. The most apparent one to me was about being “healthy”. I haven’t written about this in my daily posts but now that I’m at the end of my journey I think I can properly reflect. I was convinced I was being healthy by eating at a deficit in order to slim down and to make sure I walked enough every day. I got a little too into the numbers, and in early december I came to the realization that I had developed an eating disorder. I couldnt sleep, my hair was falling out, and i had gone two months without a period. The admission helped and instead of trying to eat at a deficit I started trying to eat at equilibrium. After about a week or two of that the fires started at my school and in Ventura which gave me extreme anxiety and stress, to the point where my heart palpitations came back and I’d have 10 in a row at certain points. Because of this I had to cancel my solo trip to Venice. As of right now I’m still struggling to eat without feeling guilty or taking my calories into consideration but I’m eating what I want anyway which I think is important.

I’ve become a really responsible person in this last month. I go ahead and do the work that needs to be done even though I dont want to do it, I’m scheduling and planning out my time, my room has been clean this entire time, I tie up all loose ends. I like this about me right now and hope its a trait I continue. 

I am extremely lucky to have the support system I have, Danielle, vic, my parents, PAUL (sleeper pick), jon, graciela, honestly. This has been a really challenging experience and in being so sucky its making me appreciate everything I have back home. I am SO excited to go back to UCLA. What a great school with an efficient system lmfao. 

I’ve relaxed a lot about experiencing things and am truly just going with the flow. Life is so exciting and its so full of opportunities and I am not closed off from anything. What an amazing feeling

I LOVE MY LIFE and i DID get that internship!

12/20

WOOOOOOO last day of finals baybe lets GOOOO. Woke up, oats, starbs, chai tea latte, “””””study”””””, get a gift for danielle, get a tasty treat, go home, make lunch, charge comp and phone, go to school, “””””study””””” in the lib, take final, “””””study”””””, take second final, get TF out of University of Bordeaux BYE FOREVER PROBBALY, get kebab with Danielle, give her her present cuz shes an angel and she works so hard and she deserves every good thing thats ever happened to her and an infinite amount of more good things, then i went home and forgot i had arranged with someone to drop their stuff off here so that was perfectly timed, now im chillin in my room and im probs gonna read or watch a movie or something!!!!