how do i break the cycle

prepare yourself for the absolutely insufferable lack of satisfaction found in forgiveness

3 components of worldbuilding:

1. The author’s kinks

2. The author’s power fantasy

3. The author’s political agenda

Plot and logic optional

I think "Cyth knows she's John's daughter" and "she reminded Cyth of Loveday" are the two strongest theories, but there is a third possibility related to the Gideon Can't Die theory.

Gideon fell asleep before Jeannemary died. She didn't expect it, was surprised she did, and was horrified she hadn't heard anything before waking up. It was very sudden.

Some people theorize that Cytherea did kill her. She just came back afterward.

why did cytherea spare gideon when she killed jeannemary?

ortus nigendad inherited his position as cavalier primary to the ninth. he would have started training with the sword before his adept was even born, and been pledged to her the moment she could speak. reasonably, aiglamene would have been working with him since he was a boy.

do you think he was the only swordsperson aiglamene trained?

do you think he learned what a formal duel was by sparring with someone his age under their teacher’s watch? do you think maybe there was another child or two who showed promise, someone with a future in the cohort? and it frustrated everyone that *he* was the one to be cavalier when he was the worst swordsman in the bunch. do you think he tried to be better back then, to measure up to the other kids, even though he would’ve preferred to be doing anything else?

of course, he’d have needed one on one help from time to time. having classmates makes certain things easier to learn, but he was the future cavalier primary. he was meant to represent his house someday, and he hardly even seemed interested in it. some lessons would be for him alone even if the whole generation went through martial training.

do you think they called him for training one day, when every other child was meant to be in the nursery? do you think the older ones were jealous he was getting out of prayer circle, and the little ones were jealous he was missing naptime? and he told the more athletic ones not to worry and that he’d show off what he learned when he got back, but he didn’t mean it. they were meddlesome and annoying, and he wouldn’t think about swords for a second longer than he had to. everyone called him lucky, and he didn’t much feel like it.

do you think he got back from his lesson to find his home under quarantine?

do you think he was told that some unholy illness had broken out in the nursery and that they’d have to test him in isolation, but he couldn’t be allowed back in his bed out of hope that he was spared? it killed them all so quickly; the fact he was alive at all meant he’d likely gotten lucky. he didn’t feel like it.

do you think that was the day ortus nigenad gave up on the sword for good?

Homestuck/The Locked Tomb Part 2

(Image IDs will be in the reblogs later)

Homestuck/The Locked Tomb Part 1 (Image ID will be in the reblogs later)

You know, one time I read a fanfic and it triggered my psychosis, sent me into a month long episode THEN a whole year later I was on ao3 just mindlessly scrolling, I came across the fanfic title and it gave me a panic attack, but something compelled me to click it, i didn't read it but i did scroll through it, why? mental illness.

So like... ya

This is me responding to your old(?) post about someone else's fiction not being able to hurt you, this is probably just a me thing but mental illness makes you do things and react to things in insane ways that sometimes you cant control. I knew while reading that it was affecting me in some way, but I kept reading because well, I'm mentally ill, and then a month of my life dissapeared lol

I think I'm trying to make a point about something but I'm not sure

I did after the fact comment to the author and just kinda, told them about what happened, but I didn't harrassed them or something, -

-but when something does what this fanfiction did to me then you're basically obligated to let the creator know I think(they are a really good writer), I'm an adult and the fanfic was in the ballpark of something I would read and if like, 59% of it was taken out and it had a happy ending I would be fine but oh well

Oh boy, I'm starting to have a panic attack just typing this out holy hell anyways uh, I'm not disagreeing with you(?) but I am saying, don't be too quick to dismiss someone who says a piece of fiction fucked with them? idk sorry, have a good one

My friend, the fiction didn't harm you.

Your mental illness harmed you.

Random writers on the internet are not responsible for managing your mental illness for you.

You are responsible for managing your mental illness.

I knew while reading that it was affecting me in some way, but I kept reading because well, I'm mentally ill

This is self harm. You were engaging in self-harming behavior by continuing to read a fanfiction that you knew was triggering to you.

👉 You are responsible for managing your mental illness.

👉 Writers are not responsible for managing your mental illness for you.

And I hate to tell you this but messaging the author about it was absolutely harassing the author.

i love gideon the ninth because i think readers will naturally take what a narrator says at face value, because that is what we are conditioned to do. but gideon says so many blatantly incorrect things confidently because she doesn’t know better, or is outright lying, and it makes for SUCH an interesting reading experience.

the version of GTN that exists in fans’ heads is usually better than the text itself

wrong! the diametric opposite of this is true. the version of GTN that exists in the heads of the fandom sucks shit but the actual book is good

also ppl really do not understand fictional characters can be unlikeable lmao

Some of you are so fucking pretentious. Not me tho when i take things too seriously it’s the right way

love a canon (?) coffee shop AU

The devastating difference between how much time it takes to write something vs how fast people read it lol

first time taking a crack at Hotsauce

Tbh? I don't like Paul. I don't want Paul. I understand that Paul serves an important narrative function and that Paul is the best possible ending for Camilla and Palamedes given their situation, personalities, and relationship. However what I really want is for Camilla and Palamedes to attend the ATN wedding as two individual humans and for Pal to be a lightweight who loses his tie in the garden fountain after three drinks and for Camilla to do exactly one shot with the group, keep Gideon from ripping the sleeves off her dress shirt, and absolutely kill it at lawn games during cocktail hour. Since this scenario is a wild tonal mismatch for the series and also Palamedes was already dead, this was unlikely to ever happen. However Paul is the final nail in the coffin for the theoretical existence of this scene and I can't help but resent them for that

One of my favourite tropes is "character who you wouldn't think is good with kids is actually great with kids"