Forgiving & Apologizing

God has taught me to forgive someone for seventy-seven times seven times. Today, I feel really bad to be the one who apologizes to people over and over again. And even though I thought it was not caused by me, but I learned to apologize sincerely because whatever happened, that act by me and my team did disappoint people. For causing such trouble for them, I feel really bad. 

Kemewahan Dari Rasa Familiar

Kemarin malam aku bergegas menuju ke rumah. Naik ojek, KRL Commuter Line, lanjut ojek lagi. Total tiga jam lebih hingga aku sampai ke rumah. Aku datang jauh-jauh dari Tangerang sampai Bekasi karena kupikir tidak ada yang menjaga adikku keesokan harinya. Diam-diam aku senang, karena aku memiliki alasan untuk izin pulang terlebih dahulu. Terutama karena tujuan pulangnya bukan kost.

Tapi, kenapa Aku merasa begitu senang? Apa yang membuat weekend di rumah terasa lebih menyenangkan untuk aku yang menyukai segala kedamaian hidup sendiri?

Baru saja aku menyelesaikan drama Be Melodramatic episode 7. Salah seorang tokoh di drama ini menyinggung tentang suara favoritnya. Ya, dia mengaku mendengar suara favoritnya sepanjang hari. Mulai dari suara dari tubuhnya sendiri yang bangun siang di hari libur, suara mesin cuci, sampai suara orang yang menarik hatinya saat mengajaknya untuk makan bersama di luar. Ah, betapa adegan itu terasa indah dan menyenangkan bagiku.

Menyenangkan karena aku bisa merasakan setiap kebahagiaan yang dirasakannya. Aku pun jadi teringat akan tekstur lembut sprei dan sofa bila kuraba setelah bangun tidur. Rasanya jauh lebih lembut dan begitu pas bersentuhan dengan kulitku. Begitu juga dengan wangi dan kentalnya ramen yang dibuat di rumah. Mengusap-usap bulu anjingku yang sudah lama tidak mandi, memakai daster yang sama seharian, mondar-mandir tanpa benar-benar melakukan apa yang sudah kurencanakan. Semuanya terasa familiar dan itu melegakan.

Percakapan yang baru kulakukan engan kedua sahabatku via Whatsapp lalu menyadarkanku. Betapa lelahnya aku setiap hari. Bukan untuk membuat perbandingan, namun memang jelas bahwa secara fisik dan mental pekerjaanku menuntut begitu banyak energi. Tugasnya pun cenderung dinamis. Hari ini aku menulis Editorial Plan, besok membuat video dengan client, besoknya lagi membuat automasi digital marketing. Begitu banyak hal baru yang mau tidak mau aku pelajari dan terapkan setiap harinya.

Di saat seperti inilah hal-hal yang familiar terasa begitu berharga. Meskipun, perubahan tetap ada. Mama kini tidak memasak sesering dulu, misalnya. Bahkan kadang tidak memasak seharian. Namun berada di rumah tetap membuatku merasa mengenal dan dikenal. Tempat dimana aku tidak perlu berlari dan bisa duduk diam.

Bekasi, 8 September 2019 (lewat beberapa jam)

Gee

"Calm before the the storm". He's the calm one while I'm the storm. . . Not really a perfect time to post our picture since we did some arguments yesterday but... Just like what you see in this picture, my boy is the quiet type who holds things inside, try to please everyone, and that's so sweet of him. But I tend to forget that and choose to believe everything that he said. Maybe it's a very insensitive of me or I just simply...want to believe in him. But my fragile heart can't take any risk of being broken by another unfulfilled promises and I'm so bad in handling this kind of situation. While I tried to minimize the risk and express all of these after I heal, I break another heart. Why is everything gotta be this hard when two people love each other? 😢💔 📷: @felicia.nadia https://www.instagram.com/p/BxVOkh4g8jf/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=i215oa54r76b

Growing up, we're becoming bitter and bitter (?) . . Y'all see how lil kids playing different role everyday, imitate animals around them, act like people they meet, learn new thing everytime. Growing up, we taught ourselves to pick only one or two things that matter and stick with it. To quit playing around, they say. But, you know... If what so called mature by the mainstream means I barely grow at all, I suppose I ain't gotta do it like them. Sometimes I let myself act bitter and give sceptical reaction toward change. Now nah, Imma be a BETTER person instead 😆 Who's with me? 🙋 Cheers!🥂 https://www.instagram.com/p/BxQ8aI-AGUv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=97llocon3fxa

ヤンデレ゜ 📷: @sugabx (at Eventevent)

My prized possession 💕

Guk! 🐶🐕🐾

Fantastic Mr(/s) Fox #wesanderson #fantasticmrfox

Dan sesungguhnya adalah keajaiban pra-paskah yang memungkinkan kita mulai reuni ini dengan misa bareng ♥ #meskipuntelat #meskipun dudukmisah #manusiatersayang (at Bandung)

Had been "Menantu Idaman" since 2013, when all of us were single, LOL 😂. Haven't changed our group name since then. . . Ga ngerti gimana ceritanya bisa jadi akrab dan sayang ♥ (at Giyanti Coffee Roastery)

Some people don't need to meet up regularly to feel they're belong to the circle. Like me and this awkward "TELL-ME!!!" guys ❤ We finally meet again and I feel so happy! Btw, I jist remember how we both fall in performance art but now only one of us last in fighting for it :")

☯ Yin yang coworkers In so many ways 📷: the one nd only @sugabx

My mom never like a smart girl so I try my best not to look like and to act like one. Deep inside, I always admire smart girls. I'm still hoping and trying to be one, yet the kind one 🙈🙉🙊 . . 📷: @elnatanlemuel

Friend: how could Zac Efron fall in love with zendaya when he barely spoke to her, he just met her once and was like-

Me: I’m in love with zendaya and I haven’t even met her, what are you on about

Not everyone is as brave as you are to accept hurt in loving and to be rejected in giving. You'll see that you can give all your heart and still perceived as someone with negative intention. You can be the sun and still a person close their heart with a thick cloud choosing to create their own rain. Don't pity yourself. Pity them who put themselves in a hard time all the time. #selfreminder #2018isthough

I'm not sleepy, my eyes are always be like this 🙈 . . I wore makeup in this picture, but still...you can what's so obviously been there since 2017: cystic acne (baca: jerawat batu). It started after I got ill for a quite long time. First two months I got them, I cried oftenly, it hurts my face and my heart, I felt SO not confidence. I freak out, bought any skincare needed for it. As time goes by, sometimes it gets better sometimes it worse. The only different thing is that I get use to it and learn to love myself more unconditionally.

Be youself, beyoutiful! 🌻