Mother Earth: And to you, Human, I shall give you great Endurance and a thick skin, remarkable mimicry and visual tracking skills, strong inner bones which heal back even stronger when broken, an omnivorous diet with acute palates and resistance to most poisons, a pack organization, skin-stealing skills and the ability to throw things with ease and accuracy using your upper limbs, so you shall reign the hot savannahs and deserts as the greatest pursuit predator ever. Also as primates you shall not be bound to mating seasons and with your strong self-healing instincts and great adaptability, you shall rise and be numerous as ever.

Human: Mkay but what's that nice little red fruit outta there

Mother Earth: ... That's a pepper. Do not eat it, as it contains capsaicin, and you're still a mammal. This is a fruit for the birds.

Human: But it look tasty

Mother Earth: I mean, unless you want to be curling yourself down on utter pain, you should not...

Human: *already biting it* tast y

Mother Earth: HUMAN PLEASE STOP--

Human: *already crying, curling themself up down and shedding tears of pain*

Mother Earth: I told you. Stay away from that fruit

Human: *takes another bite despite the pain*

Mother Earth: What the everloving Big Bang, HUMAN PLEASE STOP IT'S TO YOUR OWN GOOD

Human: *crying* T A S T YYYY

Mother Earth: *concerned motherworld noises*

*human is explaining earth sports*

Human: yeah and we really like to play catch. It’s almost known as a father-son bonding ritual.

Alien: what’s catch?

Human: well basically you have two or three players and you have a ball and you throw it around and then the person you throw it to catches it.

Alien: *loses shit*

Human: ????

Alien: YOU HAVE GAMES DEDICATED TO THROWING STUFF? AS CHILDREN??? IT TOOK US NO LESS THAN 5 MELLENIA TO LEARN THROWING TECHNIQUES AND ONLY A FEW OF THE MOST HIGHLY TRAINED INDIVIDUALS CAN EVEN ATTEMPT TO LEARN HOW TO DO IT, AND THEY STILL ARENT GOOD AT IT! THROWING IS SO IMPRACTICAL! WHY DO YOU TORTURE YOUR YOUNG THIS WAY??

Human: *throws empty bottle into trash bin* KOBE!

Alien: *internally* what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

Based off the fact that humans are the only earthlings that can throw with great speed and accuracy (generally) it’s reasonable to also believe that not that many alien races also would be able to do this :)

As much as I love ‘Earth is space Australia’, I love ‘Earth is Space Australia and the aliens haven’t figured it out yet!’ far more. ‘Cause lets face it, humans have a great ability to go on and on about minor inconveniences while at the same time severely underplaying the big ones. So aliens get the impression that humans are incredibly weak because we spend a day in bed from a headache, or gripe for an hour about a paper cut and then turn around and walk on a broken leg or consider a gushing head wound nothing to worry about. 

so I want aliens to get the impression that earth is a perfectly normal place to live, a couple of dangerous fauna, maybe some troubling weather patterns but nothing too terrifying. Then an earthling makes an offhand comment about earthquakes (and the alien’s think that they are joking because the earth’s crust? moving? Ridiculous!) But another chimes in and they think that it’s just a normal thing? That happens sometimes? and then they start talking about tornadoes and what is this? 

And the weather has nothing on the animals! The aliens are used to some large toothy predators, maybe a couple of little poisonous skittering things. But large orange felines that are capable of blending effortlessly into their environment? Rodents capable of chewing through metal? Small fish that climb into your reproductive organs and cannot be removed?????? That is horrifying. Even the most innocuous of their tiny insects is capable of carrying horrendous diseases. 

Like I just want aliens standing there staring in horror as a group of earthlings casual discuss their near death escapes as though they are completely normal and nothing to worry about and slowly come to the dawning realisation that these people are insane. 

imagine instead of a peaceful and graceful first contact, aliens are pissed at us and the first contact is just them complaining how hard it is to study us.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO STUDY YOU PEOPLE!?!?! OURS BIOLOGISTS HASENT HAS SLEEP IN WEEKS TRYING TO STUDY THE ECOSYSTEM YOU KEEP CHANGING! one generation its on the verge of collapse, with clear intentions of killing it. then the next generation you are hell bent to repair it! dont get me started on how much of a headache it was that you kept reviving extinct species you killed! we look like total idiots having to go back and change reports to the empire! not to mention are engineer also wants a word with the person who keeps changing tech so that they have to start almost from scratch studying it! like you went from not knowing anything about space to ‘oh we know the composition of near by exoplanets, how they formed, and how the universe was created’ and ‘we should colonize and terraform this planet.’ WITH IN FOUR GENERATIONS! YOU EVEN LANDED ON YOUR *(&(*^(^*&^& (translation unknown…likely to be a swear worse then any word we have) MOON WITH IN TWO DECADES OF DISCOVERING THE TECH TO GO INTO SPACE! oh and our scientists studying human culture wants kill you all herself  because you keep changing culture almost on a daily bases!!! and not to mention you somehow DOUBLED YOUR LIFESPANDS SOME HOW. AND OUR GEOLOGIST IS FREAKING OUT BECAUSE YOUR PLANET DIDNT EVEN HAVE OXYGEN ORIGINALLY AND A FREAKEN CORAL MADE ALL OF IT, FROM WHICH OTHER LIFE FORMS ADAPTED TO THE OXYGEN! oh and dont even get me started on your ‘internet’!”

this would then launch a new golden age of human progressiveness and technological advancements greater then anyone has ever dreamed for one goal, and one goal only. to troll the aliens as much as humanly possible. 

it will be the galaxy’s greatest prank.

Someone draw this with like an eight foot alien covers in spike horns and some tiny human guy named Charlie.

Give a bored human a screwdriver and you’ll find a pile of scrap where your ship used to be, with a proud looking human sitting nearby. 

I LOVE THIS EXTRACT SM I SEE IT EVERYWHERE YESSS

Mahmoud Darwish, tr. by Catherine Cobham, from “If I were someone else”, A River Dies of Thirst

requested by just-a-gremlin-named-ozzie

m o o d

This is rlly cool

*Galuna Arc*

Natsu: Ice to meet you.

Lyon: I'm gonna fucking kill you.

One of three sketches but idk how they ended up. This one is called Vieleen.

All Might: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health.

Aizawa: That’s why I also bottle up the positive ones.

Attack on titan incorrect quotes

( Y/n at levi's funeral)

Y/n: Can I have a moment alone with him?

Hange: Yes, of course ( leaves)

Y/n, leaning over Levi's coffin) : Now listen, I know you're not dead.

Levi: Yeah no shit

If ship no canon, why gay official art?