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funnybreadd · 25 days

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IM SCREAMING IM KICKING IM CRYING IM DYING!! THANK YOU FOR BLESSING ME

Okay this is probably the last time this is gonna happen BUT I have a third chapter of Arranged Marriage Funnybunny for you. I have ZERO idea if it's up to snuff, but I tried and I have results. Oh, but fair warning, some dark subject matter is discussed, since the time period the story is based around sucked for everyone. Be careful, okay? Oh and uh @fernstarsblog and @variberii you wanted to be tagged so here you go if I did it wrong I'm sorry uuuuuughghghg T/W: Discussions of abuse (no actual abuse just overpanicking anxiety and discussions of the backwards-ass laws in place), era-appropriate sexism, tobacco use Primum Peccatum Ch. 3: The One Thing We've Got

The mustang skidded to a halt in front of The Shutnyk estate. Pomni shakily dismounted the horse, losing her footing on the stirrups and falling onto the cobblestone of her mother’s garden. She knew she was in for a world-class punishment when she got into the house, but, truth be told, she didn’t much care. Her plan to join the clergy failed. She had sobbed herself dry and ran herself sick. She was too exhausted to be angry anymore. She just wanted to wash up and lay down. Surely tomorrow she would feel a renewed sense of rage at her situation. Tomorrow she would scream herself hoarse at her imbecile parents again, and that repugnant Krolik family and their son. But for now, she just wanted rest.

The mustang shook his harness, snorted, and cantered off into the night. Pomni watched him go until he had reached the main road, turned with a whinny, and galloped westward towards The Gray Church. She then turned and plodded towards the house. Her shoes chafed her heels, rubbing the previously dormant blisters angry red again. Her father would no doubt sit her in his study and reprimand her for hours about how disloyal and ungrateful she was. He might flog her. Perhaps she wouldn’t even be allowed back into the house, and be forced to sleep outside, the mosquitos draining her of all her blood and poisoning her with malaria. It was what she deserved… How could she return home after the way she acted, the things she said..?

She felt the metallic, salty taste of tears hover in her throat before the front door opened, casting a shaft of lamplight across the stone path. Pomni covered her face with one hand and squinted her eyes at the sudden intrusion of light.

“Pomni..!”

She waited for the inevitable shouting to begin. She expected a sharp hand across her face as soon as she lowered her hand.

“Ms. Pomni, are you quite alright?”

The person silhouetted in the doorframe was neither her mother nor her father, it was-

“Zooble!”

The caretaker of the manor walked carefully down the porch steps, reaching Pomni and hovering their hands out as if to catch her in case she fell.

“Goodness sakes, Miss Pomni, you look…”

“Awful.” Pomni finished for them.

“…I was going to say ‘a state,’ but now that you’ve said it, yes, you look awful.”

Pomni managed a weak smile. Zooble’s dry wit managed to somewhat ease the tension.

“Mother and father are going to be so angry with me…” she sighed.

“Indeed. But they’re out looking for you right now. I’m the only one here at the moment.” Zooble replied.

Pomni let out a groan of relief. At last, a tiny sliver of luck…

“I know it’s late, Zooble, but could you draw me a bath…? I’d like to at least not dirty my bedclothes…”

“I agree. I don’t enjoy the idea of you bringing that fetor hovering around you into the house…” Zooble said. “I’ll warm some water for you. You can stay in the foyer to avoid any more bugs… But ONLY the foyer.”

“Thank you… Truly, thank you.” Pomni sighed. She could have hugged them for their kindness, but if they were correct about her stench, then perhaps not. She followed Zooble into the manor, removing her shoes and sitting on the bottommost step as they climbed the staircase up towards the bathroom.

“…Zooble?” Pomni called.

Zooble turned to look at the bedraggled girl halfway up the stairs, their claw still on the banister.

“You said… my parents were out looking for me” she continued.

“I did.”

“…Did they say anything about… a search party? Or any other person or shapeperson helping them look for me?” Pomni inquired.

Zooble thought for a moment. “…To my knowledge, no. They spent a good quarter of an hour bickering before taking off in the carriage.”

“…I see. Thank you.” Pomni said before turning back to the front door. Zooble looked at her a moment longer before heading up the stairs to fill up the washtub.

—

Pomni spent the wait for her bath gazing anxiously at the front door. She expected to hear the hoofbeats of the family horses, Maple and Juniper, and the clattering of the carriage’s wheels at any moment. Her livid parents would burst into the room, see her sitting barefoot and stinking on the bottom step, and then…

That moment never arrived. Zooble had the bath heated and perfumed in a half an hour at most. How they managed to work so quickly was a mystery, but one Pomni hadn’t the energy to ponder.

Getting the chance to immerse her insect bites and the blisters on her heels in warm, frothy water was an experience Pomni might have equated to The Allfather’s embrace in The Hereafter. Absolutely transcendental. She felt herself nodding off while submerged up to her nose in the bath, kneading shampoo into her scalp and thoroughly scrubbing with the loofah to keep herself awake. She picked a few bits of twig and other grime out of her hair and behind her ears. As much as she would have liked to remain soaking a bit longer to ensure her welts would disappear by morning, she didn’t want to be awake for her parents’ return. So she reluctantly dredged herself out of the bath, toweled off and slipped into the nightgown Zooble left hanging on the bathroom door.

She entered her bedroom. It was sparsely decorated, exactly how she liked it. Just the red-orange mahogany wardrobe, her canopy bed with frilly white bedclothes, and her library book perched upon her nightstand, her oil lamp placed beside it. Her window overlooking the garden was thankfully closed. She sometimes forgot to shut it in the warmer months, which inevitably led to hunting down every mosquito and gnat that bumbled into her room with a swatter or a shoe.

She drew the bedclothes aside and climbed into her bed. She truthfully hadn’t expected to sleep in here tonight, given her outburst and escape attempt, but she hadn’t expected any of the events that would transpire when she woke up that morning. It was difficult to fathom that all of this marriage nonsense only happened this evening, it felt like a lifetime ago.

Before she had a chance to muse on the subject any longer, however, her eyelids drooped and exhaustion ushered her effortlessly into slumber.

—

A thunderous knocking at the door roused Pomni from her sleep. Panic briefly flared in her belly, believing it to be her parents, returned from their search, demanding entrance into her room so they could punish her. However, she saw the whitish glow of daylight filtering through her curtains. She slept the entire night.

“Pomni! Buongiorno, Pomni!” her mother called from the opposite side of the door. “Hurry and put on your clothes, dear, the Kroliks will be here any moment!”

She heard footsteps retreat down the hall towards the staircase. Pomni scratched the sand out of her eyes, managing to pry herself off of her mattress and look about her room. A gaudy red dress hung on her bedroom door along with some new red pumps and stockings laid out neatly in front of her wardrobe. She heard her mother and father talking heatedly downstairs, something about whether or not someone had reminded Zooble to polish the silver.

The Kroliks… Oh, blazes. Her father did say something about meeting with them yesterday. Had she slept through to the afternoon? From how exhausted she was, it wouldn’t surprise her.

She slid out of her bed, plodding over to her wardrobe and opening one of the doors, examining herself in the looking glass hanging on the other side. Her hair was sticking up in odd places due to sleeping on it damp, but her mosquito bites were practically unnoticeable. She checked her heels. There were some raised, tender areas where her blisters had been, but they no longer hurt unless prodded.

She found her hairbrush in the wardrobe and combed her hair down until it was no longer protruding in odd places, a reasonable imitation of her usual bob cut. She looked at the outfit her mother had chosen for her and let out a long exhale through her nose. Red and blue were her favorite colors, but they were more suited for paintings or flags, not dresses. That ostentatious red dress, with its puffy sleeves resembling half-deflated balloons, looked like something one might wear to a masquerade party at most. Only it was missing the sweet anonymity that a mask would grant her.

Pomni already felt anger bubbling up inside of her again. So it was time to meet the man she was being pawned off to. As a financial favor for his already wealthy parents. A man that she’d never laid eyes on. She could vomit. In fact, she might, right in front of everyone. Maybe that would make this Jax lose interest.

She thought about putting on one of her usual dresses and going downstairs, but she presumed that she was in enough trouble already after fleeing last night. The only reason she was back here at all was that awful shapeman with the huge teeth. Some ruffian not even Zooble knew about forced her to ride back to this sham. If she ever saw him again, she would take that cane of his and-

She heard the front door open and her father speak.

“Ah, welcome, welcome Sirs and Madames! I’m positively tickled to have you here! Come inside!”

They were already here.

Pomni hurriedly grabbed the dress and pumps and rushed to pull them on. This was so unfair, she didn’t have enough time to stew in her anger! She managed to get into the dress, pausing a moment to see how she looked in the mirror. She looked… like a child, wearing her mother’s clothes. Her head poked out of the dress like a puffball mushroom. Outstanding. Truly, she was the envy of Thumbelina.

There was another knock at her door, quieter this time to keep up appearances in front of the guests.

“I haven’t put my face on, yet.” Pomni grunted.

“Va bene, but be quick. They’re waiting for you~!” Mirella sang.

“I am truly blessed this day, ” Pomni sneered, although her mother took no notice of her sardonics, heading back downstairs to speak to their guests.

Pomni took her time doing her face. Nothing special, some powder, foundation, a thin eyeliner and blush. She never wore lipstick. The texture made her feel nauseous.

Pomni took a deep breath. She briefly thought about leaping out of her window and making a mad dash for the pier. In these shoes, she’d probably snap an ankle as soon as she hit the cobblestone. She spritzed herself with some perfume, bit down hard on her tongue to keep from screaming, and exited her room.

“Ah, here she comes!”

Mirella stood a few paces away from her daughter’s room, no doubt on her way to hurry Pomni along once again. Beside her stood a beastwoman, a tall, dull orange rabbit humanoid in a soft pink sundress. Pomni met her eyes for a moment and immediately glanced away, feeling her scalp begin to itch.

“Pomni, this is going to be your new sister-in-law! Her name is Kaylee!” Mirella explained. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

Pomni kept her tongue between her teeth, waiting for frustration to subside enough for her to follow the insipid social guidelines. She curtsied, glancing up at the beastwoman for as brief a period as she could.

“How do you do..?” she said glumly.

The beastwoman curtsied back. “Charmed to meet you, Miss Shutnyk. Oh, and if you’ll pardon me, Mrs. Shutnyk, my name is Kali. ‘Kah-lee.’ Don’t worry, it happens all the time.”

“Ah, my mistake. Oh, look at you, Pomni, you’re gorgeous! I knew that dress would bring out the blue in your eyes! Turn around, I want to see lolhow it fits your body!”

“Mother…” Pomni pleaded.

“Don’t be so shy, Pomni, just one little spin!”

Pomni bit hard on her tongue again and spun in a quick circle, her arms rigidly at her sides.

“Oh… it looks perfect! My little fashionista! Pomni, come meet the others!”

Mirella led Pomni downstairs into the foyer. Four rabbit beast men stood in a semicircle chatting, before they all glanced up at Pomni. The largest of them had blue fur, a veritable wall of a beastman in a black tailcoat, gray trousers and tall, brown boots. He smoked a briarwood pipe, chewing the end contemplatively as he looked up at Pomni. The three others were much trimmer than the blue one, but were dressed similarly, waistcoats complementing their fur color, tight trousers and tall boots. One rabbit was hot pink, another charcoal gray, the last one forest green.

“Well…” The green fellow in a brown tailcoat suit eyed Pomni with noted interest.

All four pairs of their yellow eyes fixated on Pomni made her want to collapse into vapor. Mirella trotted downstairs with ebullient energy,

“Here she is, gentlemen! Your newest member of the family! Pomni, this is the family patriarch and your soon to be father-in-law, Mr. Drexl Krolik!”

Mirella motioned to the largest rabbit in the room, the one with blue fur. He took his pipe out of his mouth and expelled a short plume of smoke.

“H-How do you do..?” Pomni said, curtsying again. She heard the green rabbit give a rather unsubtle snort.

“How do I do?” Drexl echoed. “I’m doing rather well. It’s splendid to finally put a face to a name.”

He offered a paw. It was about half a size larger than Pomni’s.

“Oh, Pomni, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. Beastfolk usually greet one another with a gesture called a ‘handshake.’ All you nee-”

Pomni held out her hand and shook Drexl’s paw. His grip was unsurprisingly firm, but Pomni squeezed his massive hand with all of her own strength in kind.

“I know what a handshake is, mother. We learned about it when I was six years old.”

The green rabbit let out another snort.

“Ah- Yes, er… anyway, these three gentlemen are Jax’s older brothers.”

The three rabbits behind Drexl all came forward.

“My brood,” Drexl said, motioning to the pink, gray, and green rabbit. “Altonicus, Osvaldo, Boone.”

“Greetings, miss. Everyone calls me Alton.” Altonicus said, shaking Pomni’s hand with both of his paws.

“How do you do..?” Pomni replied.

Osvaldo, the gray rabbit, merely nodded and shook Pomni’s hand.

“How do you do..?” Pomni repeated.

The green rabbit, Boone, put his hand out.

“How do you do?” “How do you do?”

Pomni jolted a bit as Boone parroted her salutation at exactly the same time as she did. He grinned wolfishly and put his hands into his jacket pockets. Pomni felt her face grow hot.

“Now, has anyone seen Jax? I could have sworn he was here just a moment ago…” Mirella asked.

“Ah, he requested that he’d like to meet Ms. Shutnyk alone. For… ceremony’s sake, I believe.” Alton spoke up.

“He always did get cold feet with an audience involved.” Boone said with a chuckle. Drexl sniffed.

“He’s in the library.” Osvaldo said.

Pomni chewed on her tongue. The library. The first thing he decides to do is invade one of her sanctuaries uninvited. She loathed him.

Kali left Mirella’s side and went to join Alton, who linked arms with her fondly. They must have been married. Pomni wondered if their marriage had also been arranged…

“Well don’t be shy, Pomni! Go and say hello!” Mirella prodded.

Pomni looked at her mother and swallowed. Her mouth and throat were drying out.

“Mother, about what I said last night… I’m sorry.” she said abruptly.

“Oh dear, what happened last night?” Boone inquired, tilting his head with curiosity. Osvaldo rolled his eyes.

“Boone, hold your tongue.” Drexl grunted, not even turning around.

Mirella smiled. “Oh, darling, water under the bridge. Zooble told me that you came back right as we left to look for you. But enough about me, go see Jax! Go on, shoo!”

Pomni turned and walked across the foyer to the library. As she passed the entrance to the dining room, she saw her father and Zooble discussing something privately. She met both of their eyes. Her father stared a moment then turned his gaze away. Zooble simply nodded. Pomni nodded back. She was in their debt…

She reached the door to the library, steadied herself, and entered.

The library was a small, sunny room, the East wall lined with windows that looked out onto the back garden. It brought in plenty of natural light, to the point of almost not needing the oil lanterns placed here and there. Oak bookshelves lined the west wall, the door to the dining room right beside them in the Northwest corner.

There was the soft clink of something glass behind her, and Pomni turned. In the Southwest corner, leaning against the wall with a book in one hand and the other in his waistcoat pocket, was another rabbit. Purple, unlike any of his brothers, and a good deal slimmer. He wore a gray waistcoat, slightly lighter gray trousers and black boots, with a crimson ascot tucked under his chin for an extra shock of color.

Jax glanced her up and down. He, like his brothers and father, had yellow eyes and a wide set of teeth. His smile must have been enormous, but at the moment his affect was flat as a board.

“Are you going to say anything?” Pomni asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Jax looked at her for a moment longer. “Do you want me to?” he replied.

“No.” Pomni turned away, staring out the window at the back garden.

The honeybees enjoyed her mother’s azalea bushes. It was always a pleasure to simply sit and watch them work, gathering pollen from the pink-red blossoms, when a book wasn’t maintaining her attention. This could be the last time she ever watched those bees on those flowers… just another tiny moment of hundreds taken from her by her parents’ imbecilic idea…

She spun around to look at Jax again. He looked up from the book he was reading, or pretending to read.

“Just so we’re clear, Mr. Krolik. I didn’t agree to any of this. I don’t know you, I don’t pretend to know you, and I don’t pretend to know your family. If I could find any escape from marrying you, I would in a heartbeat.”

Jax looked her in the eyes, which made her begin to itch all over. She maintained eye contact for as long as she was physically comfortable before looking back out the window at the azaleas. Jax looked back down at his book, licking his finger and turning the page.

“What? Are you dumb? You have no response to any of that?!” she demanded.

“You told me to say nothing. I’ve said nothing.” Jax replied, not taking his eyes off of his book.

“You-” Pomni bit her tongue. It was so tempting to grab that book, HER book, out of this hand This… This ingrate was who she was trapped with for the rest of her days?!

Jax closed the book with a loud clap, sliding it back on the shelf. He then turned to look at Pomni.

“You’ve met my family,” he drawled.

“I shook their hands. I wouldn’t say I met them.” Pomni retorted.

“I was told you dislike being touched. That was brave of you.”

“And who told you that?” Pomni demanded.

“Your mother. She’s quite amiable.”

“Then marry her and leave me in peace.”

Jax chuckled, and Pomni felt a deep need to drive her fist into his stomach.

“I appreciate your wit. I’ve been told that you humans often lie to put up appearances to avoid risking your reputation. Clearly, this doesn’t apply to you.”

He took a few steps closer, Pomni taking an equal number backwards.

“Don’t come any closer.” Pomni hissed.

Jax sighed, tucking his hands into his pockets. “Listen, Miss Shutnyk. I understand that you’re incensed. But a marriage is a marriage. Our families have made the proceedings.”

“I’m well aware. Why do you think I tried fleeing to join The Gray Church? It was to avoid being wed to a stranger!” Pomni retorted.

“That I didn’t know. You continue to impress me.” Jax grinned for the first time. His smile was indeed enormous, stretching almost wide enough to cover half of his face.

“You continue to make me feel ill.” Pomni snapped, but Jax’s smile remained unfettered.

“I assume you’re frightened that you’re going to lose your autonomy completely, yes? That you’ll be treated like a prisoner that cooks and cleans and looks after the children we must inevitably have.”

“Please stop talking.” Pomni replied.

“Is that what you want? I don’t think it is.” Jax shot back, keeping that confident smile.

Pomni felt something inside her burst. Anger rushed through her body. She marched forward, grabbed Jax by his waistcoat and pushed him into the bookshelf, knocking several books onto the floor.

“What does a mooncalf like you know about what I want?! You don’t know the first thing about me! I bet you’ve never thought about anyone else in your entire life!”

Jax, initially taken aback by her sudden burst of fury, regained his smile.

“You don’t know the first thing about me either. I’m hurt that you think I’m some kind of narcissist. Now, would you please let go of my coat? I’m rather fond of it.”

Pomni looked him in the eyes before letting him go, turning back to the window. Jax dusted himself off and picked up the books that fell off the shelf, neatly tucking them back into their places.

“As I was saying… you’re worried about losing your autonomy. Well, let me offer an olive branch by saying I don’t intend on taking it from you.”

He dusted off his paws and slid them into the pockets of his waistcoat again.

“To our families, this is business. Nothing more, nothing less. They don’t care about how we feel. So let me assure you right now, I’m not going to touch you or make you forfeit anything you care about. We don’t even have to share a bedchamber once we get our own house.”

Pomni glared at him. “I don’t want to marry you at all.”

“I don’t want to marry you either. But like I said before. There’s no way for us to get out of this, so we might as well make it painless. Correct?”

Pomni looked down at the floor. Was he being… serious? Or was this another cruel joke life was trying to play on her? “...How do I know you aren’t just feeding me lies? You’re telling me what I want to hear so I’ll be glad to marry you, and then you can mold me into the perfect little housewife.” Jax frowned. His hand fiddled with an object in his jacket pocket. “You really are a presumptuous little thing, aren’t you?”

“What did you just say?!” Pomni snapped.

“Ms. Shutnyk. I’m well aware I can’t make you trust me. But think about this. If I wanted to make you a perfect housewife, I wouldn’t need to hide it.”

Jax walked past Pomni and looked out into the back garden as well.

“If I desired, I could tell you that you were going to have seven children, and if you so much as hesitated to acquiesce, I could hit you. Starve you. Probably worse. And why? Because the law allows it. Did you know that there’s a law in place that makes it just about impossible for a woman to initiate a divorce? It states-”

Pomni interjected.

“It states ‘In order for an appeal for divorce issued by a man’s wife to be legally viable, an officer of the peace must witness the husband engaging in physical or mental abuse of his wife or child.’ Section 3, Subsection 5, Paragraph 2. You’ve forgotten that my father was your father’s magistrate.”

Jax smiled at her. “Of course. So, when I say that I don’t intend to make you perform any wifely duties apart from wearing a ring and living alongside me, I’m being truthful.” Pomni stared ahead for a long time.

“...Prove that you’re being truthful.” she uttered after a time. “How can I prove that, Ms. Shutnyk?” Jax asked with a tilt of his head. His long ears bobbed with the motion.

“Lie with me. You’re going to tell my parents and your father that we’ve had a long, insightful discussion. We’re going to say there was more to one another’s character than we initially thought, and that we can’t wait for the day of our marriage. And then you are going to walk out of my house, and not return until the ceremony. Our parents have everything planned already, so there is little further to discuss.”

Jax Krolik smiled once again. It was uncanny, certainly, but something about it was… interesting, to Pomni. “Then come along, ‘Mrs. Krolik.’ We have a lie to spin.” He offered a hand. Pomni looked at it like a foreign object.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded, quirking an eyebrow. “Well, we have to make it somewhat convincing.” Pomni rolled her eyes and took his hand. The two of them exited the library, motes of dust flickering in the beams of sunlight.

#CAN I MARRY YOUR WRITING??

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