You will never regret getting skinny, but you will regret eating. The choice is yours.

Ana

just saw that the last weight i recorded was 59kg, now it’s 54kg. damn

20/7/19

reblog to lose 15 pounds by may 31st

‘weight’; a despicable word

are used to weigh 10 stone four, a couple of weeks ago I went to the doctors because of my eating habits and she weighed me and the number said 60 kg which resulted to 9 stone four, (I have a preference towards stone idk y) and previously I went and it said 59 kg. ultimately I’m just trying to lose weight I don’t give a fuck how I’m doing it even if it kills me.

goodnight

28/4/19

i want to die

dying

I can’t control the way people feel about me, the way that one may dislike or think or fantasise about me. I know for one that i I am sometimes stuck in the past and I get all worked up about certain people, because I wish that I could determine what happens and the way the situation should go. Unfortunately I fucking can’t and no matter how much I dwell, everything happens for a reason and sooner or later a positive thing may come from the countless, countless hours you have spent feeling negative and awful about yourself. but with that being said, I can control something major something that I can put all my thoughts towards and completely have full Control over, that is my eating disorder, in which I can now focus all my energy towards making the voice in my head satisfied and to fulfil the thoughts that I have , because ultimately I am the one that feels this way and I am the one that can do something about it, no one else, just me. so i will

ugh

i ate more than i should of because my sister was kinda sat there like handing me food, so i purged some of it but noooot enough kms

a constant thought

fucking need to do it again.

fucks sake i feel like i GENUINE FAILURE IN LIFE. just because my family find out I SHOULDNT STOP DAMN IT, LET THEM THINK WHAT THE WANT, KEEP STARVING YOURSLELF CUNT.

fucked it all up

my mum and sister know. they heard and caught on. i tried so hard to be subtle but it’s impossible, i’m trying but i don’t know what to do

i’ve eaten more than i’ve wanted

it’s vomit time and i’m waiting for my mum to go upstairs so i can cough it all up

kill me

today is the first time i’ve eaten in 4 days it was like 5 bites out of a salad and i wanted to die. i had to eat though because my dad was watching me and almost forcing me too, as he was confused to why i wasn’t. but at least now i can tell myself to stfu and not eat a fucking thing for a few more days. and if i have to, then follow it by purging it all up. amen

it’s going well

didn’t eat yesterday at all. just a couple coffees and a lot of crying. billies album has come out and the amazingness of that mixed with the fact i’m so depressed is making me CRY. basically havnt eaten in 4 days because the small amount of meal i’ve been forever to eat i threw up right after. havnt weighed myself though i can’t fucking find the scales so i’m praying i’m losing but who knows.

i’m an emotional reck bye

it’s day like, something idk

i actually didn’t feel hungry at dinner today which was weird like the food repulsed me and i’ve never had that. especially after not really eating over he last 3 days. i asked for the easiest food i could think of to purge and that was soup lol and it was easy to throw up. but sat at the table with my mum and my sister and they’re looking at me weird asking why i’m eating nothing and why i “hardly touched my bread” and its because i know the more i eat, the more i have to throw up and i kinda wanna me vomiting as little as possible. like i would easily be able to avoid this if i just didn’t have to fucking eat in general but i don’t know what to say to my mum that’s gonna stop her from making me dinner. literally like she won’t. i feel bad like i’m wasting her food and it’s not like we have loads of money but i genuinely just can’t eat anymore. which i’m happy about, my mindset is i see potential food to eat and i think i don’t particularly want to throw up unless i have to (eat) so why the fuck would i. any way. i’m happy bcs i have 3 weeks off (school) soon so hopefully the way things go i may start to see some small results in the upcoming month. either that or i kms so wish me luck.

shits starting now

so it’s coming down to eating one meal a day w my mum and then going up stairs, drinking 2 glasses of water and making my self throw it up. i was talking to someone today that was describing a fat person and to his response i said ‘me’ and he said ‘you’re not that fat’. and that’s been playing in my head all day. i don’t want to be ‘fat’ at all. so i will now not consume anything that i don’t have to, and purge the food that i’m forced to eat. wish me luck.

day fucking one

literally no ones gonna read this so idek why i’m writing it but i actually have stopped caring.

i have had MASSIVE problems with my weight but mainly my body image for at least 6 years now. (i’m a 15 year old girl btw) and i have spent so long trying to lose weight and ‘be slim’ but there is hardly EVER a fucking change, and over the years i’ve found my self go from around 8 and a half stone, to fucking 11 stone. and i’m only 5 foot 4 so i’m not even tall. i have always been surrounded by very skinny girls and have never been comfortable in my own skin. i have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety my therapist who often talks to me about my body dysmorphia. does any one else feel more like starving themselves when someone close to you (a crush or something) does something to make you so upset, because for some reason it makes me feel more shit about my body and my confidence go down so much more, that as soon as something fucks me off and makes my depression feel really bad, i feel like not eating for a week. i am CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT DIETS ALL DAY, AND LIKE I THINK ABOIT THE NEXT TIME PEOPLE AROUND ME WILL BE EATING AND IF THEY WILL NOTICE THAT IM NOT HAVING ANYTHING AND IT TAKES OVER MY DAY. i’m always scared that my mum will ask why i’m not eating dinner and i don’t want to explain to people that all i want is to be slim and be confident and to maybe, just maybe be liked by someone because they are attracted to my appearance, i know appearance isn’t everything but FUCK ME, it would be nice. btw i’m below 10 stone now but that’s still nothing to me. i feel fat. and i am fat. i want to kill myself i hate my body and i hate my life. non of my friends will understand what it’s like to feel sick st he sight in the mirror. gonna hardcore starve myself for the next month and see where it gets me, had enoug if feeling so fucking SHIT but doing fuck all about it, complaining like a stupid cunt and not even trying to change a thing. fuck my life