friendlyshaped
˗ˏˋscottie´ˎ˗
they/them, 20!writing a book or two :) message me!
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Sex or the Saw??? More like Sex AND the Saw
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anyways i am going to smoke weed at 10 in the morning
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i am not anti taylor swift but also.... yes i am. does this make sense?
#it is mostly because of her carbon emissions#how do u need to use a private jet THAT MUCH#i once saw a news headline that was like TAYLOR SWIFT GIVES UP SECOND PRIVATE JET FOR ECOLOGICAL WELLNES#oh im sorry she got rid of One Of Her Private Jets#idk it makes me blood boil
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Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)
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realizing i forgot about the dragon story masterpost oh god give me like two days i still have finals
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i dont think my fic is linked on my account but i am a seasoned deancas writer and currently am working on the most unusual the walking dead fanfiction if anyone cares
Reblog if you write fic and people can inbox you random-ass questions about your stories, itemized number lists be damned.
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moon snail 🌕
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hi i'm cora !! ☼
elder bisexual | kinda cis idk | barista | struggling writer
i'm new the writeblr but i'd love to make friends. i'm working on a fantasy romance rn (love is blind + legends & lattes) with cozy vibes
super into:
☼ the hobbit/lotr
☼ dragonheart
☼ ren faire energy
☼ the witcher
☼ trashy reality tv
☼ star wars/rebel moon/dune
let's chat writing !!
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🌿 🍬 & 🐠 for the summertime writing asks? :D
🌿fav character you've ever written?
my longest standing main character, mya! she is my slime
🍬a song for your favorite character?
we can build a fire - autoheart!
bonus: without you without them - boygenius
🐠author who inspires you?
there is a long list of books i read as a child that inspire me and i do not remember the author's names, but my current general inspos are lev grossman and niel gaiman! for lev im more focused on the derivatives of his work (the magicians syfy! my sweet love) and with niel i just love bro's endlessly diverse writing style
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summertime writers' asks!
🦋 tell us about your current wip
🌿 who is your favourite character you've ever written?
🌞 favourite character from current wip
🍦 what is your current word count?
🌻 least favourite character / hardest to write
🍉 favourite wip
☁️ wip you want to write but haven't started yet
🌸 wip you've been working on the longest
✨ newest wip
🦩 wip you hate working on but are too far gone to turn back
🍸 character who inspired your mc
🌱 book that inspired your wip
🍃 what is your genre?
🌼 least favourite writing genre
🥥 least favourite reading genre
🐠 author who inspires you
🍯 author you know
🌷 writing achievement you want to brag about
🍄 name a song that represents your mc
🍬 a song for your favourite character
🌤 name the hardest thing you've had to do for writing
🍰 where you like to write
🍧 weirdest place you've written
🕊 mc's MBTI
🍀 character you would kill off if they were not vital to the plot
🍓 worst thing you've done to your characters
👒 nicest thing you've done to your characters
🌾 book you would / have writ(t)e(n) fanfic for
🌨️ book you hate
🐥 here's some writing motivation!
rb for an ask!
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Enemies to "I accidentally came across you while you were vulnerable and scared and I'm not a total asshole so I tried to help you" to "accidental mutual uncovering of softer sides and vulnerabilities" to "I can't be mean to you anymore, not out of pity but because it would feel weird betraying that brief truce we had" to "Fine I'll make an effort to be nice to you now I guess" to "actually now that we're not actively hating each other you're not so bad I guess" to "i think we're friends but I'm not going to say that because I'm afraid you're not gonna feel the same way" to "oh you also think we're friends? Great" to lovers
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Character-voice is I think one of the hardest parts of writing and here's two charts to explain my thoughts on why.
The intention:
The thing I think is maybe happening which I have no idea how to check or prevent:
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while trying to study ive watched like a season and a half of owen hunt being an asshole to his wife i am so tired of this ginger
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“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.
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as the child of a boat mom i dont think i could ever refer to any marine vessel (engine or not, working or not) as anything BUT she. like thats my girl... she is floating... there are fish under her.... she takes us on trips down the river and shows us the city and she is good. and if she can't take us on trips down the river, if she sinks to the bottom, i will don my diving gear and wave hello and see the fish that have made her their new home <3
Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).
When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".
When the boat is still being built, your say "it".
When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".
When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".
When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.
If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").
If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")
If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").
If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.
If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.
I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.
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life update i fucking got ALL OF IT DONE ON TIME and i also vacuumed my whole room with a shitty handheld vacuum and did a bunch of laundry and cleaned my ceiling fan. what
also tumblr LISTEN TO ME i have like seven fucking assignments due tomorrow and now i am literally two hours into staring at this discussison post because i want my replies to be thought out why. why
#academic weapon#and also some vile crazy avoidant adhd#literally got so much done tho so happy abt it
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