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Audio
I’ve seen a lot of people talk about the show where gerard says ‘if you came with your best friend, i want you to grab them by the throat and say i would die for you’ (before frank grabs him and ye) and well i’ve seen pictures and blah, but i’d never been able to find a video. others’ have said they’d also been looking for an audio, and well idk man it might already be up on tumblr somewhere but i found it have fun
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emotions reading a fanfiction are more intense I think that reading just a book cuz you’re already connected to the characters
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emotions reading a fanfiction are more intense I think that reading just a book cuz you’re already connected to the characters
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emotions reading a fanfiction are more intense I think that reading just a book cuz you’re already connected to the characters
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Review
Ok, I’ve had time to collect my thoughts, and now I shall review my opinions on ASOTM. This will obviously have spoilers for the fic, and also, I didn’t take any notes, so this won’t be professional.
First of all I want to say I don’t how well the representation is, and I will never be able to say that because I myself am mentally…sound? Not quite healthy, but good enough. Anyway, I did read through the comments on AO3, and the only mentally ill people to comment that I seen had said it was really good. I also do not want to really discuss this point with anyone who is neurotypical and completely unaffected by the issues of the story. Sorry, but your opinion on the matter is likely based of off your own assumptions, and I don’t want to base my own opinion off of that.
Now that that’s out of the way
I fucking loved it. I also fucking hated it. It fucking destroyed me. Like I said in another post, I wrote depressed poem because of it. So I guess I’m saying it gets a 10/10 on emotional investement. Seriously, it had me fucking bawling for half an hour, and I had it on my mind all day today. I just, I still feel it in my heart. You know how your heart feels heavier for some reason when something is above the normal amount of upsetting? Maybe that’s just a me thing. Anyway, that’s how I felt all day when I would think about it. I think that’s a sign of genius fucking writing.
Honestly the writing was so fucking amazing. I felt so many emotions just from how it was written. Some lines that should have been cheesy weren’t, and the descriptions. Like, I haven’t been afraid of needles for a long time now (an incident from grade 7), but that blood work scene made me squirm (of course because of the ship it was kind of from cuteness too). Or when Bert and Gerard fought. I do have a squeamishness to blood, and I don’t know how or why, but how she wrote made me picture bleeding more vividly than anything else I’ve read.
Also, this was written in first person. That’s fucking hard to do. And, being 100% honest, is usually pretty cringy in fanfiction. But it was executed fan-fucking-tastically. Like, the story would not have been nearly as good written in third person. It was just amazing.
Gerard’s whole inner monologues were usually pretty good too. And I only say usually because I don’t want to say the ones that made me tear up were good (they were, but I refuse to acknowledge that). Also, his illness did feel real. I sympathised so fucking much. And there were times when he was getting better. He’d stop refusing treatement, but then something would happen. Fuck, I feel like if he could have stayed at Bluestone he might have actually healed now. Might have gotten better, but I don’t even know. I don’t even fucking know if they were real or not. Sometimes it seemed like they really were. But he could have gotten better. He was smart, he was good. He just needed someone looking out for him. Someone to convince him.
I’m fucking crying again. Fuck me. Fuck me and this fucking story. I need to move on. Fuck.
Ok, let’s go to Frank. His characterization felt so real to me. Like he was slowly being healed, slowly getting better. It took time, and that was realistic. He went to court at the end. He testifies. I’m so proud. I’m so fucking proud.
Fuck. I’m back to fucking crying. This point on will a fucking mess. My thoughts are scattering because of my pain.
Frank and Gerard. Fuck this will be the death of me. I need to get it out of the fucking way. It was amazing to watch. It grew and bloomed so beautifully. So naturally. It was bumpy at times, but it was real. It was so fucking real. Gerard fixed Frank like he set out to do, and I feel like if they were given the proper time Frank could have helped fix Gerard too. But it was too late. They didn’t even get a real fucking good bye. Fuck me. That hallucination of Frank. Fuck fuck fuck. I can’t. I’m literally writing my thoughts as they come now. But fuck. Why couldn’t Frank have actually said it? Why didn’t he get to? It kills me. It fucking kills me. And how protective Gerard was of him. Everything that was going wrong Gerard would try and fix. And he did. Despite his mental state he saved Frank. Fuck I don’t even like smut that much, but even that was fucking perfect. The struggles. The care. They loved each other. And I can’t fucking deal with this shit.
Let’s move on to Mikey. Fucking Mikey. I’m fucking crying harder now. Poor fucking Mikey. Poor poor Mikey. He didn’t deserve that, and Gerard didn’t mean to. It was all a tragic fucking accident. But their both gone now. Both of them are fucking gone.
The really shitty thing is, since I don’t completely know if they are real or not, I don’t know if Gerard got to go to an afterlife. Usually I believe there is one. I’m not religious, but I believe that. Usually I can comfort myself and say everyone meets there eventually. Except I can’t say that. This really is fucking with my head. If they are real then they wouldn t let move on. Fuck if that epilogue wasn t written how it was then I wouldn t be so unsure. But it was written that way. It fucking was, and it fucked with me real good. Real fucking good.
I did love Markman though. I first I thought I’d hate her. Thought she was bitch, but was really trying. She really fucking tried. She tried. But she couldn’t save him. If only he listened and took his pills. Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. This isn’t going well at all. I promise I fucking loved this story to bits. I really did. Really do. But it tore my fucking heart out and fucking carved it shreds. Fuck.
At least Ray and Bob were pure. They were the only purely happy things about the fic. Everything else makes me want to fucking cry thinking about.
But everything in it makes me want to reread. Why the fuck am I like this? Fuck. I cried harder over this than Endgame. 100%. Fuck me.
Overall I’ll give it 9.5/10. Anything that makes me cry so much deserves a good rating. Only really downside is a fucking open fucking ending. Fuck are they real or not? I need to fucking know.
Also:
This is how much I cried just writing the review. I’m gonna go read something happy now. I need it. Like, I really fucking need it.
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I apologize for asotm references but it’s been over two weeks and I’m still not fully over it.
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I’m rereading ASOTM for like the 5th time, and I’m trying to figure out why I do this to myself. I cry every time, and I KNOW what’s coming, and I KNOW how it ends, yet I STILL insist on rereading it. Like idk maybe my subconcious is thinking, “Hey, if you reread this again, maybe it’ll end differently this time?? You never know!”
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do you ever read a really amazing, clever, brilliant fanfic and then feel really mad for a while because you know no other fic can ever be as good
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ASOTM WAS ALL CUTE AND GEE WAS SASSY AND I THOUGHT FRANK WOULD SAY I LOVE YOU AND THEY SKIP INTO THE SUNSET IN THE END. BUT NOO…THE LAST CHAPTER WAS LIKE A FUCKING REALITY TRUCK STRAIGHT FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL THAT CAME BARRELING IN AND MADE YOU CRY AND SCREAM AND THROW YOUR PHONE AGAINST THE WALL AND CUSS LOUDLY. FUCK. I AM AN EMOTIONAL TRAIN WRECK. PLEASE SEND HELP IMMEDIATELY.
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god i desperately fucking wish that anatomy of a fall, unholyverse and a splitting of the mind were all full length novels dammit if i ever get a genie that’s one of my wishes just watch
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here’s a moodboard about the fic that made me mad as rabbits.
A Splitting of The Mind || dont repost. ok? ok.
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pootrick-stump HAND WROTE A SPLITTING OF THE MIND FOR ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY WOW SHE IS AMAZING WHAT IS LIFE OMFG IM DEAD RIP ME
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Brendon: I brought vodka.
Gerard: I don’t drink vodka.
Brendon: I didn’t bring you vodka. This is my vodka.
Gerard: then why are you telling me?
Brendon: it’s a conversation starter.
Gerard: well, it’s a shitty conversation starter.
Brendon: oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.
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ASOTM (A Splitting Of The Mind) REACTION (Major Spoilers!!!!)
Before reading it
People:
Me:
Beginning chapter 1:
Chapter 1:
Chapter 2:
Chapter 3:
Group session:
Ben falls off chair:
Chapter 4:
Roof falls
Rest of the chapter:
End of the chapter:
Chapter 5-8:
Chapter 9-17:
Chapter 18:
Chapter 19:
MIKEY:
Mikey: “It’s not batman! It’s my brother. It’s Gee-rard”.
Me:
Gerard crying:
Me:
Mikey *hugging Gerad*: “What-What-whatever you did, everyone forgives y-y-you”
Me:
Before starting chapter 20:
Frank visiting Gerard:
Skull and Jasper and Them:
Finishing Chapter 20:
End of Chapter 20:
Epilogue:
The last frank-gerard encounter was a hallucination:
After finishing:
Me Right Now:
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My prediction for my fancy school entrance interview tomorrow
Teacher: so what book have you been reading?
Me: A Splitting Of The Mind...
Teacher: um ok? I haven't heard of that
Me: It's a...fanfiction...
Teacher: a what?
Me: It's, um. It's only on the Internet and uses characters from a band
Teacher: Oh... ok, what's it about...?
Me: the main character, Gerard, is a paranoid schizophrenic who's at a mental institution, then another guy (frank) who's traumatised because he's a rape victim comes, and they fall in love, but Gerard's schizophrenia gets really bad and he hallucinated that an organisation called them are coming to take "the secrets" in his brain, and he has an imaginary "friend" called Jasper who is jealous of Frank and he tries to hurt Gerard, and various things happen that lead to Gerard and Frank running away from the institution and living in various hotels for a couple of weeks (during which they have quite a lot of sex, but Gerard manages to fix franks trauma but Gerard doesn't know this) and eventually they run out of money but Gerard finds out that he is the presidents son and when he was 17, they came for him and he shot his brother, Mikey. He forgot all this because he suffered brain damage and amnesia. He thought he was dead for a long time but then found out he was actually alive, so since he and frank had run out of money they called his doctor and went to see Mikey, except his mind has reverted to that of a 6 year old because of the gunshot. Gerard is then sent to a different institution *holds back tears* for crazier people, where he thinks that they will find him. He is convinced that he will die, and writes down one of the secrets in his brain for his doctor to look at after he's died. Before he dies, he hallucinates Frank coming into his room *practically sobbing* and comforting him and reassuring him that he was fixed. Eventually, Gerard attacks who he thinks is one of their spies, but his head gets knocked on a table and he dies of a stroke, but he hallucinates it as them coming and cutting his brain open. His last words are "I know things, remember?" *crying* reflecting the fact that he somehow knows lots of things that would be impossible to know. As well as the supposed secrets in his brain, he knew the code for a door in the institution, and he knew that his doctor cheated in her senior physics exam, something that she never told anyone. In the epilogue, she and frank (who has been released from therapy and is now happy) meet up and she gives him the sheet of paper with Gerard's secret on it. Frank claims that it's nonsense, but takes the paper anyway, stating that "it was his nonsense" *pause for intense sobbing* then it's revealed that Frank is trying to help another rape victim, and supposedly uses Gerard's secret to fix him.
Teacher: ...
Me: :'(
Teacher: ...
Me: Oh also in the epilogue Frank is lamenting the fact that he never told Gerard that he loved him, and his doctor says that he knew because he knew things.
Teacher: ...
Me: Oh ALSO, at first, Gerard thinks that if he speaks then they will be able to track him down, but he still tells Frank that he thinks he's beautiful, and this is the first time he'd spoken in the 2 and a half years he'd been at the institution.
Teacher: ...
Me: the story also features Ray, who gets messages in his cereal, Bob, who can talk/listen to plants, and Bert, who thinks that godzilla is coming after him
Teacher: right.
Me: and Brendon and Spencer as interns.
Teacher: ...ok?
Me: oh and Jared Leto as a rubbish doctor.
Teacher: ...
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